Zale

Fen was avoiding me.

I didn't know when it started, but he definitely was. I was so used to Fen being in my periphery that I felt oddly off-balance without him there. When I realized he wasn't around, I started seeking him out. Not to talk to him or anything. I just wanted to... I didn't know. See him, I guess. But I couldn't get near the man. Every time I tried, he wasn't where he should be. I even tried showing up while he was teaching a class, but he was nowhere to be seen when I peeked into the room and a student had informed me that Mr. Martritz had suddenly run out to make copies. So I went to the vacant copy room, where it was obvious the machine hadn't even been turned on recently since it was cool to the touch.

Then the next day, I tried waiting for him in the lunch room but I ended up sitting in one of those stupid plastic seats, staring at the doorway, for the entire lunch serving window.

I didn't get it. I was supposed to be his soulmate or whatever, wasn't I? Shouldn't that mean he would want to be around me?

I felt bad enough about the lunch thing that I left a sandwich in his classroom (because of course it was empty when I showed up).

I let this go on until the weekend. He didn't answer his door whenever I knocked, and I didn't expect him to come out for me now. Instead, I got Astrea to knock on his door early Saturday morning, and she texted me when she got him talking. He was obviously distressed when I came down his hallway and I saw that Astrea's foot was currently keeping him from shutting his door and she had a hand gripping his wrist. It looked like she was taking way too much enjoyment from keeping the fae from teleporting away without her, and I rolled my eyes at her when she looked back at me.

Then my eyes met Fen's panicked ones, and I sighed. "Fen. Can we talk?"

He visibly swallowed and shook his head a little, but when he spoke, he said, "Okay."

Astrea let his arm go, but she made no move to leave. Instead, she grinned as she glanced back and forth between me and Fen. "Go," I told her.

"Spoilsport," she complained with a pout, but she did as I asked.

When it was just me and Fen, he looked at me for a long moment with something in his eyes I identified as sadness. "Well, come in, then," he finally said, and retreated into his suite with the door left open for me. I followed and locked the door behind me.

"Let's go back to that beach," I suggested. It might help calm the nerves that were starting to buzz through me to be back there.

"The sun hasn't come up yet in California," Fen pointed out, but he held his hand out to me anyway. It still felt weird to reach out to him now that I knew our souls were connected or whatever, but I took his hand and watched the world shift around me.

Fen hadn't taken us to the same beach as before. Wherever we were, it was daylight and the sand was black. I had heard of such places before, but hadn't ever seen one. Before I even realized I was moving, I pulled my hand away from Fen so I could bend down and run my fingers though the sand. I'm not sure what I expected it to feel like, but it was soft and warm and lovely.

I looked out over the horizon, and it was quite possibly one of the most beautiful things I had ever seen.

"Where are we?" I asked, and I knew I sounded dazed.

"Iceland," Fen said in a small voice. He sounded miserable. What had happened? Anger would have been understandable. After all, I hadn't been gracious when he told me I was his soul mate. But when I saw him that night I gave him the mer book, he had seemed normal. I thought we were fine. And besides, this wasn't anger. What I saw in his eyes was closer to dread.

"What's wrong?" I asked, and it wasn't idle curiosity. It made my chest ache to have Fen looking at me like that.

Fen shook his head. "What did you want to talk about?"

I knew body language. It was obvious from the way Fen had his arms wrapped around his chest and the way his shoulders slumped that he was feeling low and insecure. I had no doubt he would tell me whatever I wanted if I pushed him further into his insecurity. All I'd have to do was loom over him and fix him with an unyielding expression, and he would probably fold. But that would only make him feel worse, and I was strangely unwilling to do that. Instead, I sat down so I was lower than him and stared out at the truly stunning view to take the pressure off Fen. And, even though I really wanted him to tell me what was going on with him, I allowed his topic change.

"You read the book I gave you?" I asked, fully expecting him to have only gotten through maybe a chapter or two. It was a thick volume and it was something of a dry read.

"I read it," Fen said, and if anything, his voice was even sadder than before. I sensed him grow near, and the awareness felt like static on my skin when he sat down just a couple of inches away from me.

"All of it?" I asked after clearing my throat.

"Yeah," Fen answered, and the wind almost managed to snatch away his words before they could reach me, he was so quiet.

I couldn't do it. I had to look at him.

Fen was squeezing one of his arms with a clawed, white-knuckled hand. It had to hurt, but he didn't even seem to notice.

"What's wrong?" I asked again. My restraint was in shambles, but I had to know.

"Please just say what you came here to say," he begged.

I was helpless to refuse him. He was lovely despite his wretchedness, and I felt a strange sense of guilt even though I wasn't aware of having done anything wrong.

"You know I'm a prince," I began, and Fen's eyes squeezed shut. His teeth sank into his lip so hard it looked painful.

What's going on with him?

I had to know.

"Tell me what's wrong," I said. The words felt heavy and there was a pull deep in my chest as I tapped into magic I hadn't been able to access for months. I slapped a hand over my mouth, but it was too late. Fen was compelled, and he sat up straighter as the magic gripped him.

"You're going to tell me we can't be together," Fen said. He slumped down once he followed my compulsion, though the glazed look didn't quite leave his eyes.

"Don't put words in my mouth," I snapped, annoyed that he had wasted so much angst on a bad assumption.

"What?" Fen asked, still sounding a little distant. Maybe I should have felt bad for compelling him, but I couldn't regret it. Not when Fen had been getting all worked up over something so stupid.

"Snap out of it," I said, and debated actually slapping him. But that was just a little meaner than I was comfortable with. After all, as my siren magic faded, the misery returned to those strange, golden eyes. Even if he was upsetting himself over nothing, I didn't want to kick him when he was down.

"Huh?"

I groaned and flung myself back onto the sand. This was the worst part of my magic. Its tendrils were tenacious and sometimes it took far too long to fade.

I don't know how long I laid there, but I could tell when Fen regained his senses because he stiffened, then looked down at me with horror-filled eyes.

"I'm sorry!" he said, and I had to laugh. Surely, he had to understand that any apology should come from me.

"Next time, tell me what's bothering you," I said.

"But-"

"You're wrong," I said, cutting him off. "I wasn't going to say that."

For some reason, my lips refused to shape the words, "We can be together." It still felt wrong to consider being with anyone but Harlow, and especially to look at another man with the understanding he would be my husband one day soon. Even thinking about it made me feel a little nauseous. Thankfully, Fen seemed to understand what I was saying. He perked up a little and fixed me with a flabbergasted look.

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"But... I'm fae."

"So?"

He blinked in surprise, then shook his head as if to clear it. "And I'm a man."

"It would have been a problem if you weren't," I said, "since I'm gay."

"But..." Fen seemed to struggle for words, and settled for fixing confused eyes on mine.

I sighed. "Of course it's better when a ruler marries someone who can provide a political advantage, but my mother and I worked out a plan years ago to handle this since we knew it was unlikely there would be a gay royal who held my interest."

I paused to collect my thoughts. This was about to get too personal, and I tried to think of a way to avoid explaining all of this right now. "A plan?" Fen prompted.

This elicited another sigh, but I answered him. "My mother and I are the end of our lineage," I said. "The rest of our family is too distant and if something happened to the two of us, there would be too much bloodshed before another ruler was securely on the throne."

"I know," Fen whispered. "It was in your book."

Good. That was one of the things I wanted him to really understand before I explained this next part. "Right. So, it's important that I establish a clear line of succession."

Fen stared blankly at me and I glared at him for making me have to actually say it.

"Children, Fen. I have to have children."

"Oh." His brow furrowed again and I knew what he was thinking before his next words confirmed my suspicions. "Then how could we be together?"

My stomach clenched again at the wrongness of having this conversation with someone I knew so little. "There's a neighboring kingdom we've been trying to secure an alliance with for decades," I began.

"Fovorra," Fen supplied, surprising me. He really had read the book.

"Yes. You may recall that they don't put much stock in words. They believe in actions and blood. But, they always shut down our efforts to secure an alliance through marriage. A few years ago, my mother made a breakthrough." I paused, collecting myself, because honestly... this still felt overwhelming when I thought about it.

When I felt ready, I continued. "The youngest princess agreed to carry my heirs. It's all the blood relation without any of the marriage obligation. The perfect deal, as far as Fovorra is concerned. And it suits our purposes, as well."

"Oh." Fen turned away and stared out toward the ocean. I was happy to give him processing time, since I needed a moment to calm down, too. I laid back against the warm sand and appreciated how it contrasted with the cold whip of the wind.

Even if I never learned to love Fen, I thought, I could love his teleportation magic. Most monarchs – especially the underwater ones – didn't have much opportunity for travel. It wasn't safe, and it took them away from their work for too long. Fen's magic provided a nice solution.

And it was nice to not have to worry about the treaty with Fovorra anymore. They wouldn't finalize our arrangement until I was married – since my spouse would have to sign off on it as well – and we desperately needed them not to back out. When Harlow died, I really thought I might have to find someone to marry just to get the alliance finalized. Now, it would still feel rushed and arranged... but at least there was a chance for something more, I thought. I might not understand much about soul bonds, but I did know they meant Fen and I should be able to eventually reach a place where we could be happy together. Just having a possibility was more than enough for now.

A while later, I started to get antsy while I waited for Fen's reaction to all this. "Okay?" I demanded.

"Okay." His voice was too soft to give me any idea how he was feeling, so I glanced over at him. His eyes were bright on mine and he gave me a shaky smile. "Okay," he repeated.