Fen

I wasn't sure what Zale meant when he asked me to stay, and I didn't get a chance to ask for clarification, because there was a feeling building up in my chest, piercing and warm. It lit up the bond between myself and Zale in a way I had honestly given up on ever experiencing.

"Zale?"

He was letting me in. Just a little, but it was enough to strengthen what was between us, and judging from the way he pressed a palm to his chest, he felt it too.

"What's happening?" he asked.

It wasn't an accusation like last time, when I revealed our bond to him. Then, he hadn't had much to say other than "No," over and over as if one utterance hadn't hurt me enough. Now, he just looked surprised and confused.

But how to explain? "I didn't do anything," I told him. And it was the truth. Fae bonds were like living things. They started out as potential, and they grew as our connection grew. "This is normal," I said, though that wasn't really an explanation either.

"You feel it too?"

I wanted to laugh, or maybe cry. I had always felt it. My affinity for bond magic meant that I felt my own bond more strongly. It felt to me like it would if it ever reached its maximum potential. It always had. But Zale was waiting for an answer, and I didn't want to explain all that. I would only seem pathetic. "Yeah, I feel it."

"This is... will it always be like this? It isn't fading," he said.

"What does it feel like to you?" I asked. I had never been sure what it would be like for him, since he was mer and hadn't been able to feel anything at all in the beginning.

Zale's eyes swept the room and even though we were alone, I could see his discomfort and I suddenly felt it too. A big room like this, with doors on so many sides, couldn't feel private. We could be walked in on at any moment, and this was a rather private conversation. "Let's go back to my room... if that's okay?" He took a step toward the doorway and hesitated when I didn't follow.

I felt a little sick at the idea. I didn't want to go out there, back to those crowded halls where I was a spectacle. There had been so many more eyes than I expected, and while many people just looked curious, some had looked really judgmental. It was something I was going to have to get used to, if I was going to have a place in Zale's life. But it had been a long day and I just wanted to be alone with my bond mate.

Zale took my hand, and his thumb moved in soothing circles across my skin. "Could we teleport there?" he asked.

He understood. I hadn't had to say anything at all about my discomfort. Zale just knew what I needed and took care of it. A heady mix of tenderness and giddiness almost made me throw myself against him in thanks, but instead I just took us to his bedroom.

I opened my hand when we arrived, but Zale didn't let me go. Instead, he squeezed and gently led me to his bed, where I gingerly perched on the edge. It could have been awkward, but Zale prevented that. He jumped and threw himself back onto the bed so he was laying down with his hand still holding mine. He hummed happily with his eyes shut and a content little smile played at the edges of his mouth.

"Bed," he sighed happily. "I think this might be my favorite place in the world."

"Really?"

"Definitely." His eyes slitted open and he peered up at me. "What's yours?"

I had to think about it. The field in front of the school where I had first seen Zale? Or maybe the restaurant where we had our first real conversation? The dining hall we had just left where our bond grew for the first time?

Even though all of those memories were important to me, the truth was that my favorite place had nothing to do with Zale at all. "There was a valley back in Alterra. There were big hills on two sides, so it flooded really easily, but in the winter, they were perfect for sledding. Then, in the spring, the whole area was full of purple flowers. It was beautiful, so of course there were usually a lot of people there... but if you went early enough in the morning, it was always peaceful. You could lay down in the field of flowers and lose yourself for a while."

Zale grimaced. "What?" I asked.

"Pollen. Bugs. They're some of my least favorite things about land."

"You don't like flowers?" I asked, baffled.

"Not out in the wild. What's to like? They make my eyes run and give me headaches. And they draw bugs to them." He propped himself up on his elbow, making the muscles in his chest and abdomen more defined. My mouth went dry and I forgot to argue with him.

"See?" Zale said after a minute. "You know I'm right." There was amusement in his eyes, and it was obvious he had caught me checking him out.

My cheeks heated and I looked away, taking in his room. I always thought Zale's room would be as impersonal as he liked to present himself. I expected dignified, heavy furniture, plush bedding, and maybe an ornate rug. Something princely. Instead, his bed had a cheap metal frame and a worn cream-colored quilt. The floors were stone, but were mostly covered by layered rugs in varying colors and states of wear. And his walls were covered in what looked like a random mix of oil paintings, band posters, and pictures. The pictures were stuck directly to the wall without any frames in sight, and most of them featured Zale and a smiley man I couldn't identify.

"I like your room," I said honestly. It was cozy and felt more lived-in than any place I had ever occupied, which was a little funny since I knew Zale mostly lived somewhere else.

"Me too," he said, sounding wistful. Then, he shifted and sat up, suddenly serious. "What is this feeling?"

How had we gotten so off-topic? "It's our bond," I said. "Think of it as an organic thing. It grows. And, if we don't take care of it, it can wither."

"Hm." I glanced at him and was relieved that he didn't look upset; just pensive. "Can you turn it off?" he asked, and I think my heart might have actually stopped beating for a second.

No!

Only, that wasn't the honest answer. "I could," I admitted. Because I refused to lie to him. It hurt that he even asked, but if this was somehow what he wanted... if he would be happier not feeling so connected to me... "Do you want me to do that?"

"No," Zale answered immediately, like he didn't even have to think about it. "It's sort of nice, isn't it? And..." he hesitated and looked down. "I've spent too much of my life feeling alone. It's part of living, but it's also what makes life hardest. I don't feel alone with you."

I knew exactly what he meant. I was okay during my childhood, when my distant parents mostly left me with my loving grandparents and I had my best friend by my side almost every day. Then in the span of a few years, my best friend went to Earth, my grandparents died, and I discovered my bond mate wasn't in Alterra. Deep loneliness had been an almost-constant companion, and having such a vivid bond connecting me to someone I didn't know had almost made it worse.

Knowing Zale, it transformed my bond with him. Being connected to a stranger was daunting. Now that he was starting to feel the bond too, I thought I might never feel truly alone again.

Maybe I should have come here sooner. It seemed like I could have saved myself and Zale a lot of heartache. I had been too much of a coward, though. It was a big leap, and putting myself out there for Zale had so far been exactly as hard as I always feared.

The rewards would be better than I imagined, though. I really believed that.

I looked over at him and found that he was already looking back with a little smile. "I understand," I said.

"I know," he answered, and laid back down on the bed. His hand still held mine, and after a brief hesitation, I laid back too.

"Will it always be like this?" Zale asked. I rolled to face him and he did the same. It was a comfortable sort of intimacy, laying close together on his bed like this.

"Yeah." But that wasn't quite true. "Eventually, it'll be stronger for you." Not to mention the non-magical aspects that would change. I felt like we were starting to be friends, which was already huge progress, and I wanted to know him even better.

It was quiet for a minute and I was happy to lay in the silence and just be with him, but then Zale shocked me out of my peaceful state when he said, "Could you make me feel what you feel? Just for a minute?"

Well, I certainly wasn't going to refuse him. I pushed magic into our bond and watched as Zale's eyes widened. He looked incredulous, like I was something amazing he could hardly believe was before him, and he moved closer so our noses were almost touching and we shared breath.

"Okay, you can turn it off," he said softly.

I obeyed, still not really understanding what Zale was thinking or why he was asking me to do this. I fully expected him to move away, or at least to go back to looking at me with the same flat expression I had grown used to. That's not what happened, though. No, Zale kept sharing a space with me, and he even smiled a little.

"I don't want to skip to the end," he said softly. "I just wanted to understand a little better."

His dim room flared with light that I quickly tried to get under control, but I was too happy and I couldn't help glowing a little.

I always knew Zale was holding himself back. Our souls were bonded, which meant we had the potential to be really good for each other. What I needed from my bond mate wasn't the kind of derision and detachment he treated so much of the world with, and I always wondered what it would take to break through that. It wasn't clear what had done it. Maybe he just finally saw and appreciated how hard I was trying, or maybe having me here in his space had put him enough at ease that he finally felt safe enough to drop his guard a little.

Whatever it was, I was so, so happy. And so relieved.

"Sorry," I said after I finally gave up the battle to get my light under control.

"It's okay," Zale said. "I like it."

Oh wow!

He was smiling and our bond was connecting and he admitted to liking something about me. I could burst. The light flared up and he shielded his eyes, but didn't seem mad once I got it under control again. No, Zale actually laughed.

Later, when I was back in my little suite on campus, I decided I had a new favorite place. It was Zale's room, where he was more himself than I had ever seen before.

--

I thought that maybe Zale would go back to normal at school, or that maybe he would pull himself back from me after having some time to reflect and realize just how much of himself he had let me see.

That isn't what happened. Monday morning, Zale showed up at my door at seven, when I knew he usually went swimming with Adras. I didn't understand how or why the two of them were so close, but it was obvious Zale had taken the boy under his wing and I had seen how Zale would sometimes skip on his other obligations, like staff meetings, to spend time with him. So, I really wasn't expecting to see him when I knew the mornings before school were their time to swim together. It was a real surprise when I felt Zale approach my door and I opened it to find him and Adras both standing on the other side.

"Do you want to get some breakfast?" Zale asked. "There's a place off-campus with good coffee and bagels.

I eyed Adras dubiously. "Are we allowed to take him off-campus?"

Don't get me wrong; I'd do it for Zale if he asked. I just wanted to know the potential ramifications first.

Adras snorted. "Naw. He's supposed to sign me out, so he might get a slap on the wrist, but no one's going to stop my brother from taking me for breakfast."

Brother?

Maybe he meant in a general way. Maybe Mer considered others of their kind family. One big, bloody family.  But a glance at Zale dashed that idea out of my mind. He looked sheepish. "I probably should have mentioned this sooner."

"Probably," I agreed, though he hadn't really been under any obligation to tell me about his life.

"C'mon! I've got class in an hour and I want time for seconds," Adras said, tugging on Zale's arm. "We're barely going to have time to get there and back in time as it is."

Zale's eyes cut to me despite the teenager pulling on him. He looked sort of smug, I thought. "Actually, Fen can teleport us there."

Adras immediately let go of Zale and turned wide, excited eyes on me. "Really? I want to teleport! Let's go!"

"I have to know where I'm going," I reminded Zale.

"That's fine. Just take us to that seafood restaurant. They're close together."

Ah, that was a relief. I reached out a hand to each of them. Adras clamped on eagerly, squeezing as though he thought he'd get left behind if he didn't hold on tightly enough. I didn't mind, though. How could I when the boy was so innocently excited? Or when Zale's hold on my other hand was so gentle? He threaded our fingers together and squeezed softly with a little smile just for me, and I about melted.

This was Zale letting me in again. First, dinner with his mother. Now, breakfast with his brother. I couldn't have asked for more.

"Let's go!" Adras urged. We went.