A Resolution Quandary

Sat watching the last few grains of sand trickle through the hourglass and sighed; another year gone. Time was zipping by and yet nothing really seemed to change. Oh sure events took place all over the world every minute but sitting here by myself it was hard to rationalize time fleeting with nothing changing for me.

With all those many years behind me, what would I have done differently? What could I have done? I tried thinking of particular moments that might be edited and updated for a different outcome but then the question became how far back should I go? What kind of moment in time would benefit the most? I selected early childhood and reran what memories I retained of that era. Some penalties paid for mischief like breaking windows or stealing fruit off street stands; hardly worthy examples for changing.

Adolescence. Same thing; mischief might have been a little more serious but what the heck they were life lessons that needed learning. Nothing there. Responsible years (that's what I label them). Let's see, met and married beyond my wildest, had a family. Nope, that's carved in stone. Business- hmmm yeah. Lots I could have done differently there. Let's see. What about that time . . . nah, not that big a deal. Oh, I know! That son-of-a-gun that ripped off my designs and went on to steal my client as well. Yeah . . . I could rewrite that with glee.

Trouble with that is what followed, which was actually pretty good and wouldn't happen if I changed things. I wandered out to the kitchen for a handful of cookies and thought about loss. The timings weren't wonderful but the events were inevitable. Could changing anything there improve my life today? Rewriting the means would sure have made things easier for everybody . . . something to consider there.

Still, it was the evolution of those occurrences that led to the paths my life took. Let's see again where I might have gone instead. Kids lives would definitely have been different as would ours, but not as focused. They are all doing just fine today so maybe let well enough alone. Maybe one more cruise to see the glaciers and train across the Territories; could I add time to the past? Doubt it, something else would need to change. Drat.

I would have to change the lives of some friends as well to make that work; doubt they would approve. How about something that was really annoying? Had to stop myself here. While annoying, everything was necessary and done with the greatest sense of responsibility and love. Again, changing the reasons meant changing too many other things so, moving on.

What else would have made a difference? I had happiness and tragedy, joy and sadness, love unimaginable with that amazing life partner; what could improve on that life experience?

Cookie crumbs all over the keyboard and my lap, I sat staring at the screen and the blinking cursor and still could think of nothing definite that I would change

. . . well, not nothing . . .

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