No. No no. Noo no no.

That was all I could think while the instructor approached me and Robin. He was a short man with thick graying hair but a clean-shaven face and loveable smile. The white linen outfit he was wearing was composed of shorts and a tee-shirt which wrinkled as he strode toward our way. With arms open wide, the instructor greeted us, friendly light-brown eyes shining in delight at the prospect of having two new students. The closer he got, the older he turned out to be, and I wanted to laugh the moment I realized... He looked just like my grandfather.

"New faces!" He exclaims giddily, and unexpectedly tugs Robin down for a hug.

Robin pats his back awkwardly, still gaping at the banner like it's a spaceship about to abduct him. The instructor gives him a quick kiss on the cheek, which also goes unnoticed, then turns to hug me. He presses the side of his face against mine before pulling back to drop a friendly peck to my cheek as well.

The instructor releases me, taking one of my hands in his and Robin's in the other saying, "My name is John Pineda, but I like to go by Jack. I'm your intimacy instructor today." He squeezes our hands affectionately, looking between us. "What are your names?"

I turn to Robin, who is staring at me with raised eyebrows, and I remember I was the one who changed our names. My eyes meet Jack's and I laugh loudly to cover my uneasiness. It doesn't work. Then I gesture to each of us respectively as I say, too nonchalantly, "I'm Liza and this is Robert. Johnson. Liza and Robert Johnson. He's Robert. I'm Liza... Obviously."

Robin nudges me with his elbow, making a face that screams: Leah. Stop. Talking.

I button my lips together.

Jack, however, doesn't seem to mind my sprawling tongue. In fact, he just nods at a consistent pace while I talk, like a bobble-head. When I'm finished, he shakes our hands, "Wonderful. Just wonderful. Nice to meet you!"

Letting go of our hands, he turns and gestures toward the room, "Please find a mat together and we'll begin shortly. I have a few more faces to greet. Though..."

He leans in looking between us as if we're all in cahoots and grins mischievously, "None so nice as the pair of you. What a beautiful couple, I must say! You two have just such wonderful energy-- But oh, don't tell anyone I said that. Would you listen to me rambling on! Please, sit. Sit!"

As he's saying all of this, Jack has somehow ended up behind us and is pushing Robin and I to the mats. He stops us at a mat off to the side of the room.

Before Jack flies off again, I grab his arm and say quietly, "I am so sorry, but there has been a mistake. This isn't what we thought it was, so I don't think we should stay. Is it alright if we leave since the class hasn't started yet?"

"Oh, Liza," He smiles at me in that same conspiratorial way and pats the hand resting on his arm. "Don't worry about a thing, dear, there are no mistakes."

"Yes," My voice strains and I widen my eyes, "But you see we aren't actually a couple--"

Jack lifts his hand and interrupts by saying, "The universe conspired to bring you two here. Wherever you are is where you are meant to be. Trust the process."

With that he pops my hand off his arm and greets the next couple with the same warmth and vivacity.

I turn to Robin, who is still looking around. Everyone was in coordinated exercise gear and appeared more than ready to begin the class, talking excitedly among one another; Compared to the two of us, who were clad in jeans and tee shirts and examining the room like it was our first time in a building. It made me worry that we might stand out, drawing unneeded attention to Robin who could be recognized at any moment. No doubt he had thought the same thing, taking care to tuck his chin down slightly and not stare too long in one direction. However, upon a calmer second glance, I realized no one seemed to care that the two of us were there, let alone standing like two lost toddlers in Walmart. They were more invested in one another to pass more than a curious glance in our direction.

The only thing out of the ordinary about us at this moment was the fact we weren't gazing at one another like the other anchored us to earth. Even if they saw Robin, it was clear these people couldn't care less about a movie star being in their midst's. He had nothing to worry about... probably.

Sighing, I relaxed my shoulders by shaking my arms out a bit. This catches Robin's attention, and he goes from furrowing his eyebrows at the room to pointing them directly at me. "So, Mrs. Johnson--Care to explain?"

I managed to offer an awkward shrug plus a sheepish smile, " Hah! Um, so, funny story. Turns out we aren't doing an escape room. At least not in the conventional sense."

He quirks up a single eyebrow and I cringe, throwing jazz hands into the mix as a last resort, "Suprise!"

Robin's lips part as he draws a giant breath. Then he raises his hands, flexing his fingers out toward the room as he struggles to say all the thoughts racing through his mind. However, when his mouth fails his mind, Robin exhales a chuckle of acceptance and rubs his hands over his face, "What did I sign up for?"

I was just thinking the same thing. I mentally reply, looking around again. Even if we could get through this unscathed, this was not the plan. If there was any window of talking to Robin about Delynn and the scandal, it was quickly waning.

Turning to him, I figure it's now or never. "Okay, before whatever is about to happen happens, I really need to talk to you."

Robin frowns at me, but before I can explain, Jack is at the front of the room and speaking into a microphone. He welcomes everyone again, and the lights dim slightly as he introduces himself. The people around us clap and the two of us join in uncomfortably. Jack waves everyone off coyly and starts to talk about what we'll being doing. As he does this couples move to sit on their mats. I observe as one person sits behind their partner with their legs open while the other person is seated between their legs. Cuddling them close, the partner behind them wraps their arms around the other person's middle. The partner in front then lays their hands over the top of theirs. After which, every couple began rocking slowly from side to side.

"What the--" Robin starts, having clearly observed the same thing, but when we're the last two standing I quickly drop onto the mat and pull him down by the hand.

"Is this a cult?" He whispers to me, the two of us fumbling to get into position before anyone else notices we're behind. There wasn't time for awkwardness or assessing boundaries, so once Robin was seated with his legs open, I sat back against his chest and wrapped his arms around me tightly. Then I placed my hands over his and checked our form with the other couples next to us.

Completely unaffected by what I'm doing, Robin whispers again more frantically, "Did you lock us in a room with a cult!?"

"Shhh! Just follow along. Nobody will notice if we blend in." I whisper back in panic, trying to listen to the instructions so we aren't lost. If I had accidentally signed us over to a cult, then we really needed to blend in and not because Robin was famous.

"Leah," Robin bites, his voice close to my ear. "We are the least incognito people in this room! The couple with the tie-die mohawks blend in better than us."

He gestures across the room where the couple sit smiling at Jack, their hair styles matching as they sit in all black exercise gear. My heart goes squishy, "Aww, they match. That's so cute--"

There's an immediate burning sensation at the side of my head, and I realize it's Robin with a dead-pan expression, glaring daggers at me. I roll my lips into my mouth and turn away from the couple completely sobered. "Fine. Point taken. I may have accidentally signed us up for a cult. I'm sorry. Now can you let me focus so we aren't lost?"

Robin accepts my apology, albeit a little begrudgingly, and goes quiet. I refocus my attention on Jack as he summarizes the intention behind the exercises for today. He then says to talk amongst each other to decide the personal goals we wanted to work on as couples during the course. 

There was some murmuring and chattering as the couples around us spoke, offering me a window to turn my head to the side so Robin could hear me say, "Right, we have got to get out of here. Any ideas?"

He moves me in his arms so we're looking at each other and whispers tensely, "The door is locked. We are locked in. So, unless one of us starts projectile vomiting or can fake their own death, I think we're stuck."

Okay that's a bit dramatic. I think, but the mention of us faking our own death has me intrigued enough to entertain the idea.

"Could you do that?" I asked, unexpectedly fascinated. "You die in horror movies all the time. You could fake your own death and get us out of here! They'd never know."

"What? No! Leah, that was sarcasm! Of course they'll know." Robin's face crunches in. It looks like he's simultaneously bitten into a lemon, stared directly into the sun, and has smelled a week's worth of rotting garbage all in one expression. The effect it produces is effective, and extremely hilarious.

Just to see how far I could push him over the edge, I make a confused face and say, "How? You're an actor. Can't you just... I don't know...hold really still?"

"I'm an actor, not a vampire." He responds tensely, "Even if I hold still, I happen to have a functioning pulse."

Taking a subtle deep breath, I struggle to compose myself before whispering in false irritation, "Well, that is really inconvenient, Robin. Honestly, how are you even famous?"

Robin is so gob smacked, his head looks like it might pop off. I must fight every fiber of my being to keep from laughing. A giant guffaw balloons in my chest and I bite my inner cheek to keep it from roaring out. But I couldn't resist it for long. Just when I thought he was going to erupt, I snorted, and a giant smile bloomed across my lips. Robin only gets a glimpse of my grin before I cover my mouth to muffle the laughter bubbling out of me. I, however, get to watch every detail of his face shift as he realizes I'm teasing him. When it fully sinks in, Robin runs his tongue over his bottom teeth grudgingly.

"That's Leah 1, and Robin 0." I continue to snicker shamelessly, "Gotcha."

He rolls his eyes up at the ceiling like he's praying for patience. Still, I can see a faint smile fighting to show on his lips and it makes me shake harder with silent laughter.

"Shut up." Robin mutters as a laugh slips out. Our neighboring couples look over at us, and Robin lifts his hand quickly, pressing the center of his palm over his lips before turning away from me. The two of us can't look at one another for a good amount of time without wanting to crack up.

After a minute, I take another deep breath to quiet the amusement still rising in my chest. We turn back around to face each other, and I say, "Okay, plan B. We'll go along with it until a window of opportunity opens to leave. You in?"

I lift my fist up. Robin bumps it with his, before wrapping his arm back around me, saying, "I'm in. But if this gets any weirder, you will owe me so big."

Fair enough. I think and nod my head, "Deal."

Jack's voice floats over the room again, "Let's get started, shall we?" 

-----

My, oh my.... Whatever could happen next? Surely, this leads to something....

The suspense.... I just can't take it!

My shameless plot-device-using-ass:

You guys:

HA! 

Please don't leave.

Anywayyyyy, I should get some sleep. So, me and these Lee Know memes are going to go now. 

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