I'm floating over my bed. I feel light as a feather, weightless. Heather sleeps next to my partial-lifeless body in the hospital bed. I wish I could have told her this was going to happen. Though I want so badly to speak to her, I feel free.

The machine calculating my heart rate starts beeping loudly. Heather jumps up and looks at the machine, then she looks at me. I see her face constrict into panic. She shouts for a nurse, running to the door briefly to make sure someone hears her. A flock of nurses and a doctor enter the room. They hover around me, forcing Heather to leave the room. I want to comfort her, but I know that I can't. I am frozen where I hover near the ceiling.

The room whirls in a blur. From where I float, I can hear Heather's sobs. The sound is heartbreaking. The walls of the room suddenly begin to fade and I can into the hallway. Heather is crouched next to the door, her head hidden in her hands, and her knees tucked close to her chest. I hear my brother's voice and he goes to Heather's side. Relief comes over me as he tries to make sense of what she is saying. He pulls her into a hug, but says nothing. I wish it were I comforting Heather, but I am glad my brother is with her. I can see the friendship that has grown while I have been away.

I turn and look at the chaos in the room. The doctors continue to fumble and fuss of my body. I notice something blue on the floor and recognize it immediately. It's the journal I asked Heather to get me. I remember sending it before the explosion. It must have arrived while I was still MIA. I wonder if Heather read it yet, or if she has just been keeping it near her for comfort.

"Why is this happening?"

I look back to Heather and Jacob. Heather is now pacing back and forth in the hallway. Jacob is standing with his back to the door.

"Only God knows," my brother says, his distress is evident in his voice. "Heather, remember the other day, in Daniel's room? Right before my mom brought you that package?"

"Yeah," Heather whispers, nodding as she stops pacing to look at Jacob.

"I asked you what Daniel would say. What would Daniel say about a situation like this?"

Heather looks at the floor and my chest swells. Jacob knows how to help her look at things differently.

"He would say to pray," Heather says after a few minutes, her voice cracking. "He would say 'God is in control' . . . He would make sure our faith and trust is in Jesus."

I smile sadly. Heather knows me so well now. I like that Jacob knows how to get Heather to turn her thoughts around when they start going downhill. I think back to one of my dreams, a dream I wrote in the journal. I hope Heather reads it soon. She will start to put the puzzle together. Things will begin to make sense . . . I wish I had kissed her.