Chapter 32 -Determination.

"Never give up so easily. It should not be, that your fear or reluctance to do something becomes a means of regret in the future. You will never know what the outcome will be, if you don't try. Trying might hurt you at times, but it will not kill you. If you fall, make sure you pick yourself up and try even harder the next time. If every attempt fails, do not become sad, do not grieve, for Allah definitely has a better and a more beautiful plan in store for you."

(Jauhariy)

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The Ahmed family were sprawled on the living room couches, chatting and laughing at Muaz's antics.

After reminiscing the sweet moments that they had shared with Zahra, Muaz diverted the conversation to a different topic to lighten the atmosphere.

Zahra was still a sensitive topic in the house and as much as they wanted to forget that she existed, for it created pain in their hearts, they could never forget her, it just was not possible. She was the eldest sibling, she was the light of the house, the glue that kept the family firm together. She was such a sweet and gentle soul, never looking down upon anyone and never ever giving up on anyone nor degrading anyone. She cared way too much about those around her and seeing another person in pain caused her immense pain. She really and truly lived up to her name, she was the flower of their lives and like a flower that emits it's sweet fragrance even after it is crushed, the fragrance of her sweet memories that were indeed tangible, still lingered in their minds, even after her death.

Her inner beauty was like the softest of petals, her gentle and kind nature like a delicate flower, her constant efforts and her earnestness to make a difference, her helpful nature and her caring attitude made her a wonderful teacher, a lovable daughter and an amazing wife.

Indeed the claiming of such good souls is the decree of Allah, yet the heart still grieves, not because the heart is displeased with the decision of Allah, but because of the loss of such a good, kind and unique soul, for Zahra and the likes of her, are seldomly found in the current world.

Luqmaan smiled in contentment as he watched his family seated together, joking and laughing after such a long time.

The death of his most beloved child had taken a toll on all of them and when Suhaib fled after her janaza, it had affected them greatly.It felt like they were all slowly falling apart. No one genuinely smiled or laughed in the house anymore, every smile and laugh seemed forced and feigned.

Zainab had lost that sparkle in her eyes, Taeeba had locked herself in her room for even longer periods of time, only coming out when her mother needed help, or for necessities. Muaz had become awfully quiet, so unlike his normal jolly and bubbly nature, Suhail had been lost amidst all the depressed people, not knowing what to do, he kept himself busy with his play station and whatever else he could find. Tasneem had began nagging more and more, constantly questioning the death of Zahra, and him, he was numb. He didn't know what to say or do to make them feel better, he felt helpless and his helplessness caused him to stress and his stress caused his health to dwindle away, and his dwindling health led him to the hospital.

He was thankful to Allah that he was able to leave the hospital a few days after he was admitted. The doctors had scared his family for no reason, maybe he was very frail and with his severe heart condition, he seemed like he was on the verge of death, but he was much better now and he supplicated that Allah SWT granted him a long life so that he could  live to see each of his kids settling  down and be at ease, but most importantly he just wanted to see his son happily married before he left the world. He just hoped his son realised very soon, what a gem Yusaira was.

He observed her when she came to visit, she was a keen young woman. Keen on making a difference in her life as well as others lives, keen on assisting people in which ever way she could, keen on learning new things. Most importantly she seemed like a decent girl, she was well mannered.

The one time she was at their home and he passed by the living room, he happened to overhear her sharing a lecture regarding the importance of modesty in Islaam to Taeeba, from then onwards  he made sure that he spoke to her once in a while and observed her attitude and manners, and he was impressed.

Obviously she may have flaws, no one is perfect. To him she was a little bit like his Zahra and that is why he had been so adiment on Suhaib going to see her, and the news he heard after he left the hospital disappointed him greatly, but he still had hope that in Sha Allah she would still be the daughter of this house and perhaps rekindle the happiness that had been buried along with his daughter.

Yusaira would never take the place of Zahra, but she would be another daughter to him and perhaps fill a little bit of the missing piece of his heart.

He hadn't spoken to Suhaib, he didn't want to be persistent, for it was his sons choice and his decision. He just wished and prayed that he made the right decision.


Suhaib paced around the room, disputing with his mind. He wasn't sure what to do.

Finally after much contemplation, he ran his hand through his hair, as he tapped on Ameeras number.

He hoped he was making the right decision by asking for her hand in marriage.

He would tell his parents about her, but first he needed to know if she was okay with it, and if she was prepared for a commitment like marriage. If she needed time, he would wait until she was ready.

He knew he didn't have to rush into another marriage, but he wanted to forget about Yusaira and perhaps the only way to do so was to get married, or atleast propose to someone else, as soon as possible.

He held the phone against his ear, as his stomach knotted.

This didn't feel right, but what else could he do?He wasn't even proposing to Ameera with the right intention!

Nevertheless, he waited for the call to go through.


She cuddled with her pillow, as tears streamed down her face.

She didn't know why she did it, why did she make such a hasty decision, when she was not even happy about it? Why was there still a voice at the back of her mind that reprimanded her, that insisted Suhaib would definitely return, that he was not gone forever?

She hastily wiped away her tears.

He was gone for good now, she needed to be strong.

It was wrong to think about him now when tommorow her father was going to visit his friend and give them permission to come and see her.

She just wanted to jump into a deep dark hole and only ever come out when her emotions were under control and she was ready for this.

Why did she make such a stupid decision? She wasn't even forced into this decision, yet she agreed to it.

Perhaps she was using this proposal as an escape from her feelings, little did she know, it would make her more miserable.

No, no Astaghfiruallah, she couldn't think this way , she needed to have faith in the plans of Allah. Allah SWT is definitely the best of planners and His plans are the best and most beautiful ones.

She shouldn't be so negative about this, she needed to put her trust in Allah and leave it all in her Creator's hands. Allah SWT will never dissapoint her, Allah will never let her down, and even if things go against her wishes, Allah SWT knows best why and Allah will give her the strength and ability to accept her fate and move on and to be happy with His decision. She just needed to breathe, let go and have more faith.


Just before the first ring could reach his ear, he hurriedly cut the call, flinging his phone across the room.

His heart throbbed with pain.

He couldn't do it, he couldn't forget her. He tried so hard, he really did, but she refused to leave his mind, she was there to stay and it drove him crazy.

He had to try, he had to apologise and ask for another chance, if she refused to accept him again, only then he would back off, otherwise he would fight till he won over her heart.

In Sha Allah, If Allah wills she will definitely be his wife one day.

With a new found determination, he strode out of his room, speed walking to his parents room, he knocked on the door.

He needed to tell them to phone her parents and arrange a meeting. He just hoped her parents would agree to it.

He kissed his mothers forehead, as she exited the ensuite bathroom and side hugged his father who sat on the bed, his legs stretched out infront of him, a book on the History of Nabi صلى ألله عليه و سلم rested on the pillow, with his glasses perched on the bridge of his nose and his finger moving below the text, he read audibly.

He had a habit of reading audibly when he was alone, or when anyone around him was willing to listen. He would say that he would understand better if he read aloud.

He emphasised the reading of different Islamic books, especially the Seerah of Nabi صلى ألله عليه و سلم. He would always tell his daughters to read the books of Seerah the way they read other fictional ones, and he promised them they would fall more in love with the personality, the habits, the speech and every way of the Nabi of Allah than they did with the fictional characters. He would say the best part about reading Seerah is, Nabi صلى ألله عليه و سلم, such a pure, humble, unique and admirably beautiful person, who was the most eloquent, the best in manners, speech and action was not a fictional character. Our blessed Nabi صلى ألله عليه و سلم once resided upon this earth and in the short time he صلى ألله عليه و سلم was here, he left behind the most beautiful religion, the best way of life, the most obedient followers, many beneficial teachings, amazing lessons and the deepest impressions on the hearts of people. Even when he صلى ألله عليه و سلم is no more amongst us, after his demise, he is still admired and praised by many.

Suhaib sat on the bed, he cleared his throat nervously.

He looked at his parents who turned their attention to him.

Luqmaan closed his book and placed his glasses on the bedside table. He was eager to hear what his son wanted to say, he hoped it was what he wanted to hear.

Zainab sat on the bed, smiling at her son.

"What's the matter my boy?"

"I've decided to ask Uncle Zaheer and Aunty Ruqayya for another chance."

Suhaib blurted out, not wanting to beat around the bush.

Zainab smiled, embracing him in a warm, motherly hug.

Luqmaan chuckled, joining their hug.

"Alhamdulillah. I'm glad you made the right choice. Don't worry, just perform nafl Salaah and make dua that Allah guides you both to the right decision."

That's what he did for a portion of the night before retiring to bed. He supplicated to Allah SWT to guide them to the best decisions, he also asked Allah to never attach his heart to something that was never meant to be his and if she was included in that which was not meant for him, then to grant him the ability to let go.

He snuggled under the covers once he was done, falling into a deep slumber, hoping that tommorow would be a better and brighter day.

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