"It's hard to wait around for something you know might never happen, but it's harder to give up when you know it's everything you want."

***

She sat on the swing, her eyes closed, the breeze flirted with her hair, the sun played hide and seek behind the clouds, the birds sang merrily on the tree tops, while others fluttered around in the bird bath.

Today she had to make an important decision, one and a half years had passed since Suhaib left, yet there was still no news from the Ahmed family. 

Suhaib had still not returned and her family had now insisted that she make her final decision. As much as they liked the Ahmed family, they were tired of waiting for Suhaib to return, because of him they had rejected many good proposals. 

She kicked her legs on the ground, swinging faster. As much as she didn't want to let go, she had to do it. How much longer would she have to wait? Or should she even wait? No, she had waited enough, her patience had now withered away.

Zaheer had said that if Suhaib was still interested, the least he could have done was phone and inform them that he still wanted to marry her. Her father was right, the least he could have done was let them know.

She had made her decision and she would inform her father.

She scrolled through her contact list, clicking on her fathers number, she called him.

"Asslamulaykm Yusi. How are you?"

"I'm  well Alhamdulillah, how  are you Abi? "

He smiled hearing that, she had only started calling him Abi recently and it thrilled him every time.

"I'm  well Alhamdulillah, how are you my dear?"

"Good Alhamdulillah."

She remained silent for a while, unable to utter the words. This was so awkard, how should she tell her father this.

"Um, Abi remember that friend of yours you were talking about?"

"Hmm, which one? I talk about many of them."

"Uh...the one you spoke about recently."

He smiled, he knew exactly who she was talking about, but he was enjoying her awkwardness.

"I don't recall, could  you enlighten me?"

She hit her forehead.

"Abiii, Uncle Adam."

He held back his laugh.

"Yes, what about him?"

"Um, Abi...didn't you say that...uh hmph, nothing!"

She replied, flustered.

He laughed heartily.

"I'm just kidding with you my dear.
What's your answer then, yes or no?"

She sighed, her stomach knotted.

Was she doing the right thing?

"Not a yes or no yet Abi, but you can tell them they can come and see me."

A grin broke out on his face.

"I'm so happy that you finally agreed."

She greeted him, then put the phone down.

Tears began sprouting from her eyes. She sobbed silently, her body shook as she cried. Even though this was solely her decission, why did she feel so sad? Why did it feel like she was betraying him? Why did her thoughts keep straying towards him?

Ruqayya walked into the garden, hurriedly.

She had seen Yusaira breaking down, from the living room window. She sat beside her, the swing now rocking in slow movements.

Yusaira buried her face in her mothers chest.

Ruqayya rubbed her back soothingly as she cried her heart out. She hoped this decision was for the best.

The wind whipped his hair,  perspiration trickled down his forehead and his lungs constricted with the lack of oxygen, as he ran with the soccer ball, passing it on to another player. He had resorted to  outdoor activities and he had also joined a beneficial Islamic organization that saw to the needs of the poor, needy and unfortunate people.

It was imperative to keep his mind occupied with non harmful things, in order to save himself from harmful  things and also so that he didn't think about his family and Yusaira too much.

He didn't deserve his family's love, neither did he deserve her as a wife, and he would punish himself by staying away from all of them.

Once the game was over, the three boys left the astro turf.

Hanzala reisided a few streets away from the astro turf, so they could easily walk to his house.

Even though they were fatigued after the intense game, the extra excercise was good for them. Unlike his friends back home, none of them worked out at the gym.

After Suhaib had showered and changed, he threw himself onto Hanzalas bed, his hands under his neck, he closed his eyes and drifted into a light slumber.

His annoyingly loud ring tone jolted him awake.

He picked up the phone, seeing Taeeba's number flashing on the screen.

He wondered why she was calling again, she had just phoned him in the morning.

He swiped his finger accross the screen, answering the call.

She was probably bored. 

"Assalmaulaykum. Howsit Taeeba?"

"Wa alaykumsalam."

She replied in a barely audible voice.

He already knew something was not right. His heart beat picked up  pace, he hoped everything was okay and she was just having a bad day that's why she sounded down.

"Suhaib...."

She whispered.

"Yes Taeeba, what's wrong? You're worrying me!"

"Puh...please come home. Abba is very sick. He's...he's admitted in hospital, doctors say... "

She burst into tears, unable to complete her sentence.

Suhaib's body went rigid.

Ya Allah! Why did he run away from home?

"Wha...what ? How?...what did the doctors say Taeeba?"

She sobbed, unable to speak. After a good few minutes when he had consoled her and she had calmed down abit, she spoke in a shaky voice. 

"They said he doesn't have long to live."

Her voice broke, as she tried to control her tears once again.

His heart  dropped to his stomach.

His family needed him the most  now, he could not cause them more grief. 

He swallowed the lump in his throat.

"I will be there as soon as possible in Sha Allah."

He cut the call, running  a hand through his hair.

"Some smoothies and snacks!"

Hanzala walked in with  a tray.

He placed it on the bed, unaware of his worry.

Bilaal walked out, fully dressed, his hair dripping with water. He flopped on the bed, grabbing a snack.

Both munched away, unaware of the inner turmoil Suhaib was in.

Finally realising that he was awfully quiet, Bilaal turned to him.

"What's wrong Suhaib?"

Suhaib related to them what had transpired and his intention of returning home, to which they both agreed and  encouraged.

Bilaal was concerned that Suhaib wouldn't be able to drive in the state he was, or he would drive rashly. Being the true friends they were, they stood by his side once again, deciding to go with him. They hoped that his father would live longer in Sha Allah, but if anything had to happen to him, atleast they would be there for their friend. They were fortunate that it was a weekend and none of them had to go to work.

He sat by his fathers side, his face buried in his palms as his father slept peacefully.

The beeping of the machine, the boring white walls, the strong smell of antiseptics made him nostalgic.

One year ago, he was here in this very hospital, hoping and praying that there was a chance to revive Zahra, but Allah had already taken back her soul.

He lifted his head, looking at his fathers pale face, his cheek bones were jutting out, his body looked frail and lean. A small frown replaced the constant small smile he sported.

How could he have done this to his father? He was already hurting because of his daughter's death and he had hurt him even more by walking out of their lives when they needed him to be there the most. He was the worst son ever, he was the reason his father was lying here helpless... he was a disgrace! He was a failiure.

Tears trickled down his cheeks as he rested his head besides his fathers body. He held his fathers frail hand as he sobbed, apologising  for all his wrong doings. He was so busy wallowing in his own giref that he hadn't realised how grieved his family were as well. He was hurting, but  they were hurting even more.

Later that afternoon, the Ahamed family sat around the table, hardly able to eat much.

Suhaib picked on his food, suffocated by the tense silence.

Taeeeba cleared her throat, eyeing Suhaib as she spoke.

Perhaps this was not a good time, but he had a right to know. Maybe he could stop this before it proceeded any further.

"I spoke to Yusaira yesterday..."

Suhaib tensed at the mention of Yusaira. She probably hated him now.

"Another boy is going to see her, she waited for Suhaib for one and a half years and now with all the family pressure, she accepted another proposal."

Suhaib stood up, abruptly.

He excused himself, then pivoted up the stairs speedily, shutting his room door behind him,  hearing his mother's faint scolding.

Zainab shot Taeeba a look of disapproval.

"You didn't have to tell him straight away Taeeba! We all are stressed about your father as it is, and you're bringing up Yusaira."

Taeeba glared at her plate, she was so tired of taking her brothers  feelings into consideration.

Why should she be considerate of his feelings when he was so selfish? He only thought about himself and fled! Didn't he realise how heart broken they all were, didn't he realise his family needed him the most after their most beloved sister's death? Didn't he know how much they were hurting and they still are till now?

Didn't he know how much he had hurt Yusaira? Even though  she  came to the point of  hating  Suhaib, she still cared about Yusaira. She knew Yusaira still had hope he would return, even though she didn't say it, it was obvious she didn't want to go ahead with the other proposal, her heart was still attached to Suhaib, she just didn't realise it.

Despite their other worries, she had to tell Suahib and she hoped that he wouldn't be a coward and back off. He couldn't fight, he had no right to, for he had fled and given the impression that he was not interested anymore, but the least he could do is ask for forgiveness and offer to marry her for real this time.

"I'm sorry Ammi."

She politely apologised.

She didn't want to argue with her mother, as it is her mother always looked like she was on the verge of tears, she was already stressed out and an argument was the  last thing she needed.

Suhaib ran his hand through his hair multiple times, he knew it was all his fault, yet why did it hurt so much.

Perhaps she never really did like him enough to wait for him longer. He never said it aloud, but on their first meeting, he was already so attracted to her, like a moth was to a flame.  His whole life was turning upside down, and it was all his fault! All his fault!

He slid onto the ground, sobbing, whilst his body shook uncontrollably.

He wiped away his tears frantically, it was okay he shouldn't let this affect him so much.

There were other girls, perhaps he should give in to Ameera who now stopped contacting him. Perhaps she would understand him better, perhaps she would forgive him for running  away, perhaps she would accept him more, as she knew his flaws and sins and from what he sensed, she had a liking towards him.

Sometimes we plan, and we accept everything to go as per our  plan, but Allah also plans and Allah's plans will definitely take place.

Perhaps Yusaira was just one phase of his life, perhaps she was only in his past and had no place in his present and future. He would let bygones be bygones. Perhaps Allah had a better and more beautiful plan ahead. He would never chase what was never meant to be his.

* * *

Asslamauaykum beautiful readers.

Is Yusaira making the right  choice?

Do you think Luqmaan will live longer?

Should Suhaib ask Ysuaira's family for forgiveness and patch up. Or is he making the right choice by letting go?

6 chapters left...