"Be strong, things will get better. It may be stormy now, but it never rains forever. "

***

* 1 year later*

Her screams reverberated throughout the dark room, the desperation and helplessness evident in her voice. She yelled for help, she cried and she begged, as he dragged her by her hair.

He stood over her with an evil glint in his eye, and an evil intention in his heart.

She sobbed and begged for him to let her go, but he refused.

She thrashed around, flailing her arms infront of her, she called for him again, but he couldn't reach her.

He exerted himself and he tried hard to move forward, but his feet refused to move. It was as if there were invisible ropes holding him back, his feet were rooted to the ground. Before he could comprehend what was happening, he saw him pulling out a shiny metal object and three earpiercing shots along with her shrill cry was heard.

He looked at her lifeless body, the blood seeping through her favourite lilac dress.

"Noooo! Zahraaa!!"

He jolted awake, quickly sitting up.
He wiped the sheen of sweat that had coated his forehead.

One year had already passed since her death, yet her lifeless body still remained imprinted in his mind, even when he was asleep he was not at peace. Very seldomly did he sleep peacefully.

After Zahra's death he had fled to the town that he grew up in. Eversince he stepped foot in Rustenburg, he stayed at his friend Bilaal's house. His friends had sent him to a rehab and had also helped him abandon drugs, uptil now thanks to Allah and his friends he was clean and he hoped it stayed that way. It was difficult to give up, it wasn't easy at all. There were times he slipped up and went back, so he decided to resort to smoking cigarettes instead. Hanzala and Bilaal were not pleased, but they let him be, even though smoking was not the best resort it was better than drugs.

He had forced himself to forget about his life in Johannesburg, that was the past now, his present and future would be here.

He had started working in Bilaal's father's car spares shop and he began saving money for an apartment or flatlet of his own.

One thing he couldn't do was consider marriage. He had tried to see other girls, but all three girls that he had gone to see, he couldn't help but compare them to Yusaira. He wondered if she was still single, would she wait for him? She probably hated him with all her heart. He had fled without saying a word and their Nikaah was supposed to be a week after the tragic incident.

Now that he sat and thought about it, running away was not the best solution.

His mother as well as Taeeba had phoned him countless of times, he had assured him that he was safe and they shouldn't search for him. They spoke on the phone often, but those phone calls also were so agonizing for him, for he heard the sadneess and longing in their voice and he couldn't help but blame himself for what they were going through.

His family knew who murdered her, but they never once blamed him, they never once pointed a finger at him, yet he still could never face them.

He held his head, frustrated with the repetition of the same topic all over again.

He hated it when his mother droned on about the same thing, why was she being so forceful? It's not like he was showing them how unhappy and sad he was, he always concealed his sadness beneath his facade of happiness.

He had accepted taqdeer, but being a human, he still felt grieved and felt down, and why wouldn't he? She was his wife and she had been killed in the most brutal manner!

"Son I'm only saying this for your own good. You cannot stay single your entire life, you're still young, you have your whole life ahead of you."

Taahir shook his head.

"No Mummy! How do you know that I have my entire life ahead of me. Life is short, what if I pass away in my youth just like Zahra did."

She gasped.

"Don't say that Taahir!"

"It's a reality Mummy, it can happen to any one of us at any time. Death is inevitable."

She sighed, she kissed his forehead and held his face.

"I know my dear, but that doesn't mean you must deprive yourself from things that you are allowed to have and is a sunnah."

He stood up, fed up with his mothers nagging.

"Mummy, I can't ! I cannot do it, I will not take another woman in my life when all I think about is Zahra! It won't be fair on her."

She shook her head.

"No Taahir, you cannot control your thoughts. Obviously you won't forget her, she was your wife. But my son that doesn't mean you should never remarry."

"I loved her too much Mummy, I will never be able to replace her, ever."

He whispered, a lone tear escaped his eye.

He quickly turned around, not wanting his mother to see how hurt he was. He always hid his tears, freeing them only in the darkness of the night.

Every day was a battle for him, every single thing reminded him of her, their house, their car, the man who sold roses on the side of the road, outside his work place. He would always buy a rose for her, only to see that tender look, filled with love and that breathtaking smile.

How could he marry another, when he thought of her every second, when he spoke of her every day, when he uttered her name with every breath. It was impossible, just the thought of having another in his life repulsed him.

Zahra was his first and his only and she was his last, he didn't care if he was single his whole life and it would be difficult. He would fast often in order to remain chaste.

How long would he be able to live without a woman though? He thought it was easy, but in the future he would come to know that it's not as easy as it seems.

Sometimes you have to do what you persistently don't want to, only for your own protection.

To remarry is not a sin, it's not forbidden and those who choose to remarry, should not be jeered, mocked at and looked down upon.

It's not easy to live alone, especially if you once tasted the sweetness of marraige, so if one is not able to stay single, by all means one should go ahead and marry once again.

The clear night sky created awe in her heart, as she stood on the balcony, admiring the beauty of the night. The stars winked at her, the crescent moon smiled upon her, her tendrils that had escaped her plait, caressed her cheeks as her hair danced with the breeze. The towering trees swayed to the music of the wind.

She was back at her old house, she was on holiday and her foster siblings missed her dearly and requested her to spend a few days with them.

As much as she wanted to concede to their wishes, she was hesitant to leave her mother alone, but Ruqayya insisted that she would be okay.

Yusaira reluctantly agreed to stay for the weekend and then she would return.

She gazed at the crescent, smiling down upon her. She wondered if Suhaib was also gazing at the moon? Did he love nature, or was he more of an indoor person? Would he go for a cool walk at night like her, or rather chill with a cup of coffee? Most importantly, was he even thinking of her, or did he forget about her? Did he already get married and settle down, or was he coming back for her?

All these unanswered questions swirled in her mind, creating havoc in her heart.

Was he ever going to return?

Her family had told her to move on and accept the countless proposals that she kept on receiving, but she refused.

She had hope that he would return and she hoped that he never shattered her hope this time.

It hurt, it really did. When he fled just before their nikaah, she was depressed and she felt so helpless, she had cried herself to sleep for many nights and pitied herself, but then she put herself in his shoes. If she was so close to her sister and she had to witness the lifeless body of her sister drenched in blood, she would have also fled. She would have wallowed in her own sadness and she would probably never want to return to the dreadful place where a piece of her heart was taken away in the most tragic away.

She just hoped and prayed that he was well and safe and that he was planning to return. She didn't know how long her parents would listen to her and how long she could avoid proposals. She hoped that in Sha Allah he would return soon.

* * *

Sometimes you feel so lost, wandering around,
Searching for a place where your heart will be at ease and sound .

Sometimes you feel so confused...emotinally and break down,
Your face etched with an unfimilair frown.

Dreams dark and twisted,
veils of happiness that do not seem to be lifted .

Regret and remorse fill the heart ,
Wishing for a new start.

Questions upon questions run through the mind,
The response of which you may never find.

Feeling like your heart is about to burst with emotion,
You just want to run away from all the commotion.

-Jauhariy

* * *

6 more chapters...