A/N: I wanna preface this by saying a couple things: 1) ive only been to Sarasota Florida like once, and it was very brief so I know virtually nothing. Almost 100% of how i describe Sarasota is probably gonna be wrong so if youre actually from there pls forgive me. 2) this is kinda written the way a good multichapter fic might be, despite the fact that ive never written a good fic in my life. 3) if anyone wants to beta this monstrosity, pls hit me up. If i try to edit this it'll come out worse probably. 4) none of these characters are real and the bands are made up!! If I include any "song lyrics" by any of the bands, theyre made up. If there's a song that's real you'll probably know. 5) I might not post for months then some back with a short chapter or i could post like three chapters in a row. I know no consistency and I fear no god. 6) song recs are always welcome, thank you and goodnight

You keep bringing it back up, the room is spinning
Scars from the knife you twisted
-Medicate, Weigh the Anchor

JoshMelliar was not well known for making good choices. He made choices, at least. He wasn't as indecisive as Collin, which wasn't a very high bar, but still. It's the principle that counts.

He was almost 29 and standing in the middle of a Target aisle at 8 A.M. because god damn, did he wanna make his own DIY lava lamp. He was also possibly mildly hungover, but hey, he was going through a rough period. It was allowed.

He briefly wondered if he should call Collin and check up on him. Collin probably thought everything that happened was his fault. Which was unfair, because the dude was like some sort of angel trapped in human form. New Machina or Saltrocks would probably take Collin in and let him play with them anyway, which soothed some of Josh's unease.

He discarded the idea of calling him though, as he groaned and had to steady himself by putting a hand on one of the Target(™) shelves. The lights were way too bright, and man, his head was actually killing him right now. His brain was literally throbbing, like Ben had slammed his drumsticks down on Josh's noggin.

And okay, maybe it was his decision to go to Target at the crack of dawn anyway, because he wanted his goddamn lava lamp. He was an adult, he could handle it. Even if he wished he knew where the store's light switch was.

He sighed and pried his eyes back open, squinting. Everything was so bright, because the lights reflected off of any white colored object. And he was in a store that hadn't discovered the existence of any colors other than white or red. Adulthood was fun.

Okay, Josh thought. "Alka seltzer tablets," he said out loud, and then winced. Even his own voice sounded too loud to his tender ears. Maybe he was more hungover than he thought.

He scanned the shelf for any of the necessary ingredients, but he couldn't see anything other than like, baking powder and hand soap. At this point he didn't even know if he was in the right aisle.

He'd wonder if he was even in the right store if Target wasn't so obnoxious with its branding.

"Alka seltzer tablets," he said again, as if to trick his brain into actually working. "Christ, where would they even be?"

He'd have to be insane to ask any of the store employees, so he'd just have to brave it and try another aisle. Maybe he'd get lucky.

His mom would probably know, but he didn't think to bring her. He was only passing back into town for a quick visit, anyway. Sarasota was always somewhere between vibrant and quiet, but for him it was familiar. It's where he grew up, where his parents lived. He'd moved away when Rex Gang Kill started to become more well known, and between touring and writing songs in Chicago, he hadn't really come home until now.

"Ugh" he groaned, and closed his eyes again, because ow. He felt like his hangover was progressively getting worse, which didn't even make sense. He was fine a few minutes ago, and now he felt like his skull was being cracked open. Literally all he wanted was to find some goddamn alka seltzer tablets.

Shit. The pounding in his head was only worsening, and Josh kind of wanted to throw up. Something was seriously wrong, because he felt like he was about to pass out. He fumbled around for his back pocket to try and get his phone, to call anyone, but he felt his legs give out. Then his arm hit the floor painfully, and a sweet blanket of darkness covered him and he didn't think anymore.

***

Ow. Was the only thought Josh had since he (reluctantly) regained consciousness.

He sat up and blinked. It was like his hangover had just magically cured itself, which was crazy. His head no longer hurt and he could see the Target aisle just fine, without squinting or anything. Josh wondered what kind of life he was living if the secret to curing a hangover was straight up just passing out. Maybe he didn't want to know.

The second thing he registered was the bitter tang of metal and discomfort in his mouth and-- wait a minute. Holy shit. What the hell?

He had braces. Which he hadn't had since senior year of highschool.

How the hell did he suddenly have braces again?

He shifted to access his back pocket and grab his phone, and it took him a second to notice his jeans were a different color. Oh no. He pulled out his phone and-- oh no. It was an Iphone 8, cracked and (not really) protected by a dumb blue AC/DC phone cover. Oh yeah, this was highschool.

"Josh!" A loud, young voice called out, and hold on, he recognized that voice. It sounded kind of like Lily, but back when she was six instead of seventeen.

The pieces were starting to come together, and Josh didn't know if he liked where this was going.

He was not about to enter some sort of time travel paradox. Most likely, he had actually passed out in Target and he was just having some sort of hyper realistic dream, or maybe everything was just a simulation and this was some sort of massive glitch. Because what the fuck.

"Alka seltzer tabs," he said quietly, before the small form of a child-sized Lily bounded into view.

"Jooosh," She whined, pouting. "Mama says you have to come back with me fast."

"Did she say why?" He asked lightly, looking over at Lily, which was hella weird, because his kid sister was six again.

"No," Lily mumbled, but she flashed him a smile, all tooth (more or less, she had lost a front one from the looks of it). She sat down, crossing her legs and jamming her thumb under the strap of her lilac overalls, and that's when Josh remembered he was still on the floor. He forgot that Lily had a tendency to copy him when she was younger.

He got up off the floor and brushed off his knees before holding out a hand to help her up as well. She giggled and took it and he swung her onto her feet.

"Come on, you rascal," he said affectionately, and ran his fingers through her curly bangs. "Take me to Mom."

He never did get his lava lamp.

***

Being in his Mom's car as an eighteen year old was weird. Mostly because he was doing it again. Just yesterday he had been an ex-guitarist for a broken-up band, and now that band didn't exist in the first place because nothing had happened yet.

God, he hadn't even met Collin or Ben yet. Worse, he probably had to go back to highschool.

"What's wrong, sweetie?" His mom asked from the driver's seat. Josh looked over to see her glancing at him in a concerned manner, her dark eyebrows creased in worry. When they stopped at a red light, she reached over the console to put the back of her hand on his forehead.

He swatted her hand away. "Nothing, I swear," he promised. The light turned green, but she still kept sending him worried looks.

"My baby boy's just being so quiet today!" She proclaimed, taking one hand of the wheel to pat his shoulder. He let her, but more for her sake than his. "I don't want you getting sick!"

"Mooom," he whined, and God, he sounded just like Lily did in the aisle earlier. "I'm-- I'm not little anymore," he said, after catching himself. He didn't actually know if he was eighteen, so it was better to just keep things vague until he could figure out what month and year it was. His birthday was in December, and based on the phone cover in his back pocket he'd definitely say he's in his senior year of highschool, but he doesn't know what month it is, so he could be either seventeen or eighteen right now. You'd think he'd be able to tell what month it is by looking outside, but winter is nonexistent in Florida.

"I just worry," His mom said, gentle as always. Freddie Mercury's voice coming through the car radio was probably the only thing keeping him sane right now. How do you tell your mom you're from the year 2032 without sounding off the rails?

Josh patted his mom's shoulder affectionately. "I'll be okay, I promise."

***

He gets home and silently retreated to his room, phone already in hand as he typed in "What is today's date".

Sunday, October 10th, 2021.

Josh slumped against his bed's headboard. Okay. He knew the date, he knew that he was still seventeen, he knew that he's got school tomorrow.

It was a few minutes before he realized he's shaking. He didn't want this. He didn't want to be seventeen again, didn't want the nightmare of highschool to come back, didn't want to have to exist in a world where he doesn't know Collin. Yeah, the way his life was going may not have been great, but you could always move forwards. Yeah, the band broke up, but there were other bands. Before passing out in a Target aisle, he knew Collin and could call him if anything shitty happened to him. Now Collin didn't even know who he was.

What was his life missing beforehand that fate decided was important enough to make him do it all again?