Anita Bryson is a bitch. She used to be my girlfriend, but not anymore, so I'm allowed to say that about her. I loved her, you know, I guess she never took me seriously. She was always asking and asking for me to just take the risk, but I always refused. That's why she turned from me and went to Christine Blair, our school's resident lesbian.
I walked into school that morning, ready to start the day fresh and new, you can imagine my shock when I see Anita wearing the same clothes as yesterday and holding hands with Christine. And I thought it was just a myth, I guess Christine really can turn anyone she wants.
Everyone in this school has a gimmick, Christine is the cheerleader lesbian slut, she can turn any straight as a nail girl into a porn star in a day.
My ex Anita Bryson is the blonde hair blue eyed secret nazi spy.
Drake Drows is the creep in the back of the class who is secretly in love with our next subject, Gillian Williams.
Gillian is the textbook definition of nerd. She gets As on every test and homework assignment, but she's also captain of the volleyball team, so I guess she's more than a nerd.
Chandler Giggle is class president. The perfect guy, blindingly white teeth, button up shirts, wavy caramel hair, piercing green eyes and the most perfect laugh anyone has ever heard. No, I'm not gay.
And then there's me, the loner/stoner/outcast/loser. You know, the one every high school based musical is about. I don't do drugs though.
The problem is, there's really nothing special about me, shocking, I know. I'm your basic straight white male. Okay, that was a lie, I tan sometimes, meaning whenever I don't sunburn. I'm a male so I guess that checks out. Now that I think about it everyone is at least a little gay, alright, I'm your standard American... Sorry, Canadian caucasian male that's kinda sorta bisexual? Alright, I do have a playboy crush on Chandler Giggle, sorry I lied to you, but his last name is so damn ridiculous I think I'd laugh everytime we'd reserve a table for a date.
"What was your name?"
"Two for Giggle please." And then I would giggle. The verb, no one is DOing anyone. Unless you count Anita.
The only thing about me that's a bit cool as that I play the violin. I've been playing most of my life, it's how I convinced Anita to go in a first date with me.
Great, now I'm that guy who won't stop mentioning his ex.
I have a younger sister, her name is Denise Martins. Our parents did that weird thing where they name their children with the same first letter. They just had to pick the letter "D" didn't they. That's only funny because my parents got a "D"evorce after my dad discovered he's gayer than Elton John and Freddie Murcury's adopted non binary pansexual alpaca. He ended up with a D in his name after all, but they only call him that at the stripper lounge.
So, I broke up with Anita this morning at sat down at my lunch table, now alone, though it's not like she ever sat with me anyways. I was getting out my pretending book, you know when you don't want people to bother you so you pretend you're reading. You know that book? I was getting it out when this girl I had never seen before walked up and sat at my table, just smiling and twirling her obscenely bleached hair with her finger.
"Can I help you?" I asked, wondering if maybe she was some foreign exchange student from the far away land of Cal-i-forn-narnia-shit.
"Naw," she replied with a sudden southern accent. "Y'all can just sit there lookin' pretty."
I didn't know who this "Y'all" was, considering it was only me sitting there, and I certainly wasn't pretty.
I simply nodded and went back to my book, pretending to read is a lot harder when you have some random girl's eyes boring into your forehead.
"Alright," I slammed my book shut. "What do you want?"
But by the time I opened my eyes again, the girl was gone.