*First Draft

Roman's hand stills in my hair when the alarm sounds and a red light blinks overhead.

"Engine Malfunction. Engine Malfunction," a woman's robotic voice repeats over and over through the loudspeakers.

It feels like my world is falling apart. Dread plants my feet, and I look toward the powerful man in front of me.

"Roman?" I whisper in terror. "What's happening?"

An unidentifiable emotion crosses his face and he looks like he's in a daze. When he composes himself, he leans down, kisses my forehead, and says blankly, "I'll check it out."

The motions were sweet but they felt hollow. I feel little comfort as Roman goes to the engine room. All I'm left with is terror and a heavy sense of foreboding.

My lips still tingling from our make-out session, I don't know what to do with myself while I wait anxiously for his return. What did he mean that he was a disease? I didn't have a chance to counter his proclamation before the alarms went off. Now we are probably going to die and he won't know how I feel.

He feels like sunshine to me too.

Damn it, I feel so useless right now. Groaning, I pull at my hair while pacing back and forth.

That damn alarm is making my nerves flare. I'm pretty sure I'm going to throw up or pass out.

We are going to crash or suffocate. How long can we stay out here without an engine?

My vision starts to blur.

"Jade?"

Sighing with relief, I turn to face him. His features still look blank, and I can't decide what that means. Are we going to die or what?

"Tell me before I pass out," I plead.

Cursing, Roman strides toward me. Hesitantly, he brings his arm around me for support.

"Take a deep breath. We have time," he soothes.

Glancing up at him, he doesn't look quite as distant as before. His deep black eyes look grim. Oh shit. Shit. Shit.

"You can fix it?" I ask wishfully, but in my heart, I already know the answer.

"No." He takes his hand and gently strokes my hair. "I can't. I don't have the parts."

Nodding, I try to absorb our situation.

He continues stoically, "We have time. That planet you asked about is in landing distance. I think we can make it."

I nod again. My mind is muddled. None of this seems real.

Roman sucks in a breath and leans his head to mine. "I'm sorry, Jade."

I gulp. Why is he sorry? "What…what planet?"

"Xylo," he answers darkly.

"That sounds…familiar. It's bad?"

"It's hostile." Hostile. That means they are not a part of the alliance. Humans and other visitors are not welcome there.

"Oh."

"There are several species that are extremely aggressive and vicious. There are no human outposts or facilities. It is completely undeveloped land, it will be a difficult landing, but I'll do my best to get us there safely."

Leaning into Roman, I try to control my panic. "Have you been there?" I say into his shoulder.

"Jade, no one ever goes there."

"No one? Then how do you know so much about it?"

"Through the database," he replies like it is obvious.

Pulling away from him, I study his face. He looks emotionless again.

"So someone must have gone there," I press. How else would we have all this information about it?

"Mostly robots. There was…there was one exploratory team," Roman explains hesitantly.

My body starts to shake, and my palms sweat. "What happened to them?" I ask the question, but by Roman's face I already know the answer

"They didn't make it. But Jade, they didn't have me. My presence will scare away most beings, and the fact that you are comfortable with me will only make it better.

"I'm going to call and get someone to get us. We just have to survive a few days."

I start to relax a little.

"A friend of yours will rescue us?" I ask hopefully.

"I don't have friends."

"So…some not friend is going to come and risk their life to save you?"

"I'm valuable. They'll come." He says the words with such confidence, I decide to believe him.

"Okay. How long do we have before we…?"

"Probably six to ten hours. You should get some sleep," he answers swiftly. Sleep? Is he for real?

"Are you insane? How can I sleep?" I practically yell at him.

Unfazed by my outburst, he says calmly, "You should try. Once we land…"

Before he could finish, a realization comes to me. Placing my hands on his biceps, I exclaim with urgency, "You're going to tell them about me, right?"

His not friends might think he is valuable but they won't give two shits about me.

"Jade. I'll tell them what they need to know."

Still panicked, I shake my head. "They might just leave me behind."

"I won't let that happen." Examining him, he looks intensely sincere. Almost murderous. He means it. He truly means it. I sigh in relief.

"Alright," I relent, as I remove my hands from him. "Umm. Listen, earlier, before all hell broke loose, you said…you said you were a disease. Why would you say something like that?"

Sighing, he mumbles, "This isn't the time."

"Just…this is important. You're not a disease. I just wanted you to know I don't think that in case we die soon. You make me feel good too."

His jaw tightens. "You don't know me."

"No. I don't know all the things you've done. But I know you're not a disease. I'm sorry people have made you feel that way."

Without acknowledging my words, he dismisses me. "Get some rest. I'll wake you when it's time."

"Roman…"

He grazes his hand slowly down my cheek, and his voice softens. "Go sleep. We aren't dying anytime soon."

"I want to help. It's not fair to leave it all on you."

He is carrying all the burden of our survival on his shoulders, and I wish I could take some of it away.

Something flashes across his eyes and his lips twist into a smile that looks far too forced. "There isn't anything to do right now, but wait. I'll call for help and then I'll try and get some rest too. I'll wake you when we are within an hour of landing."

I nod and feel tears of trepidation start to emerge. Roman's ridged smile vanishes and he awkwardly pats me softly on the back. A giggle escapes from my lips along with a tortured sob. He is completely out of his element and has no idea how to comfort me, but his effort sends light into my heart.

Roman's features twist with confusion. Without thinking, I lift myself on my toes and brush my lips with his.

Fervently, he returns the kiss and grasps me tighter into his arms. He kisses like I'm the air he needs to breathe. There is no skill or finesse but pure need. When he pulls away from me he settles his head against mine, cups my face with both of his calloused hands, and tries to catch his breath.

Trembling, he plants a sweet kiss on my forehead and says,  "I won't let anything hurt you. I promise."

"I know. I trust you," I whisper.

Stepping away from me, he squeezes his eyes shut and takes in a deep breath. When he releases it, he says with slight exasperation, "Then trust me enough to get some sleep."

"Alright. Wake me if anything happens." I turn away and head toward my pod. While moving to my bed, the door to the cockpit slams shut and I hear a loud thud coming from inside, like Roman hit something.

It's going to be okay, I tell myself. Everything seems bad right now, but Roman is right, most creatures will avoid his energy. We are going to be okay.

Why is he hitting things though? Maybe he doesn't truly think we will survive. I told him that I trusted him, and I do, but he's holding back from telling me everything.

How am I going to sleep? The alarm is still blaring and my mind is racing. We are about to face vicious creatures that will aim to tear us apart.

Lying down in my covers I clutch my pillow and pretend it is Roman holding me. My eyes burn and I shut them. I haven't felt a connection to another person in so long, his touch and kisses temporarily filled a hole inside my soul. Sometimes, when I look at him I think he feels the same way.

He hates himself too much. A disease. I don't have to know about everything he has done. Hell, I watched him murder a man without remorse, but there is no way he can be as horrible as he thinks he is. Not with how gentle he is with me.

We are going to be okay.

If I think it enough it will make it true.

****

"Jade, Goddamn you! Do you have shit for brains?  I've told you and told you that these are cruel times."

Sighing, I take in the room of our humble adobe home. Red glass is shattered on the floor by the water basin, and the fresh desert grass with deep purple blooms that I had picked that morning lay scattered around it.

Magna's anger is volcanic. When it explodes it thankfully comes out violently on objects, rather than on me.

Magna's frail frame is slumped in his chair, physically exerted from throwing the vase. His emerald eyes, however, are still filled with rage.

Placating, I softly say, "I know, I just…I can't keep living like this. Cooped up in this house."

"You have me." His volcanic expression cracks, and he looks more like shattered glass on the floor.

"I love you, you know that but…I want to live." My voice comes out like a squeak. That shattered look on his face destroys me.

"You hurt me, girl. I've done so much for you and this is the thanks I get? You want those bastards from the GSA to find you? You wanna know what not living is? Let them find you. It's not like I just spent years of my life on this godforsaken planet protecting you! Fine by me then. You better not lead them to my door. There'll be hell to pay."

Guilt sinks into every crevice of my heart. He is right, he has done so much. Given up so much.

His dismissal is worse than his anger. Why can't I just be happy? I try to be, I really do but my soul needs more. I want more.

Resigned, I whisper, "I'm sorry, Magna. I won't do anything stupid."

"You won't do anything stupid? Girl, you are stupid! Stupid incarnate," he spews scornfully.

My arms come protectively in on myself. "That was mean. You don't have to be mean."

Magna looks intently at my face, and he softens. "Damnit. Jade. That was my temper speaking. You aren't stupid, just trusting. The only one you should be trusting is me."

"Okay."

I move to start picking up the mess on the floor. Magna is silent while he watches me.  When I throw the shards away, I turn and see his weathered face lost in thought. This isn't the first time we have had an argument like this, and I truly doubt it will be our last.

I move over to him and place my hand with his. His expression is solemn and his voice regretful.

"Listen now, one day you might look back on me and hate me. Or at least hate in only the way you could hate. But, I want you to know that you have wormed your way inside my heart. I didn't think it was possible, but you have. So on that day, just remember this. Okay?"

I give him a sad smile. "Okay. I promise I'll remember."

He exhales a deep breath. "Okay. You're too good. You know that?" He pats my hand and smiles warmly.

I swallow and nod.

I don't want to be good. I want to be free.

****
Eyes closed and on the bridge between wakefulness and sleep, an awareness creeps into my skin as my breathing quickens and my shoulders quake.

"Jade?" A deep voice calls. I know that voice and warmth fills me as I turn my body toward it

"Hmm," I murmur as I reach out my hand, and graze solid muscle.

My eyes slowly open and I take in the handsome face in front of me. He looks so hard and serious, I want to kiss it until it gentles.

I move my hand to touch his cheek and he grabs hold of it. An alarm is blaring in the background and a voice repeats the same phrase over and over. Immediately, I'm thrown into consciousness. I bolt up, remembering our dire situation.

My heart hammers in my chest, and I look toward Roman pleadingly.

"Don't panic," he says calmly. "It's time."