*Trigger Warning: Sexual assault.

Mudan

A year ago

"I challenge you, if I win you give me your tangerines, if I lose, I'll carve you a wooden knife. Deal?"

Dong frowned, raising his eyebrow as he considered the deal. "Why would I want a wooden knife? I don't want to go back to feeling like a Junior. Feels like you're punishing me for both winning and losing."

I hummed playfully, rolling my bo over my hand. "Then you better win. Or else your tangerines belong to me."

Dong strolled around me slowly, dragging his slippers on the courtyard floor. He swung the bo around him, trying to intimidate me. I snorted.

"Mmm, if I win I get to choose what I want. I'm not going down easy..."

"Well, hurry up then!" Shen yelled, feigning a yawn as he watched us from the stone steps of the Sueyin temple. "This fight sucks. Why are you using sticks instead of real weapons?"

"Don't insult our weapons," I said, rolling my eyes.

"Yeah and don't rush us," Dong added, then laughed. "Who invited this guy anyway?"

"Mudan did," Shen said smugly. He even dared to flash me a smile. Dong snorted and I felt my cheeks flush in embarrassment.

"Anyway," I cleared my throat. "Let's get to our fight. You ready, Dong?"

Dong nodded with a grin. "First person who gets a hit to the head wins."

"More like the first person who gets a concussion," Shen said wryly. "Make the stakes higher."

"Sounds good to me," I decided to play dirty and not bow, attacking Dong out of nowhere to see his fast reflexes.

He yelped as I mimicked a strike to his head, only to whip my bo to his legs as he lifted his to block. I swept his feet and he hit the ground, rolling away from me.

"Oh, I see what we're doing!" He huffed. I couldn't hold back my giggle.

Dong thrusted the end of his bo out to my ribs, meeting my block. I struck relentlessly, hoping he would be overwhelmed. He was unsure in his handling, knowing that the bo was my strongest weapon.

When I had him cornered against the temple walls, Dong groaned and tossed his bo to the side, thrusting out a palm of Zen. I was thrown back off my feet, rolling and scraping against the ground. I groaned as I stood up, shaking my head.

"You bastard," I let out both a groan and a laugh. "You suck!"

"Sorry, Mumu," he said, sounding less than apologetic. "To be fair, you did start off dirty. I just ended it that way."

"Who says we're done?" I rose up and quickly wacked him against the head. Dong ducked underneath at the last minute, only to catch a finger flick to the forehead.

"Aaah, you've defeated me," he mock-cried, clutching his chest dramatically as though his heart hurt. "I have to go into a thousand years of isolation because of this shame."

"It looks like neither of you are getting tangerines," I heard a familiar voice say. I turned around and gasped when I saw my mother sharing the fruit with Shen.

"No!" Both Dong and I yelled painfully.

"Why are you sharing with Shen?" I whined. "You're betraying me right now, mother."

My mother laughed, her eyes lighting up as she turned to the long-haired boy for help. I had never seen her smile that hard. "Oh, look at her blaming me now. Did they not both break the rules?"

Shen nodded in agreement. "Oh, most definitely. Neither of them deserve a prize."

"Shen, you have beautiful hair," Dong said, his eyes narrowing. "It's well kept and always shiney. It would be a shame if you happened to wake up bald."

"No, don't!" I cried out. "It's my favourite thing about him!"

"Really?" All three of them chorused. I shrugged sheepishly.

"What about my personality?" Shen raised an eyebrow.

"Your hair makes up for your personality."

"That's it," Shen got up and ran for Dong's bo. I recognized that I was about to be attacked, but it did not stop the maniacally excited laugh from bubbling from my stomach. I ran as Shen started chasing me, with my mother and Dong's cheers motivating me in the background.

I woke up in tears.

"Hey, Yang?" Meilin rubbed my arm as my body curled in. My body wrecked itself with sobs as I slept, my mind torn apart by yet another dream. "Are you alright?"

I sniffled and wiped my face frantically. She had already seen me, but I somehow thought I could convince her nothing was wrong. "Yes. My apologies, I just had a bad dream." I cleared my throat and tried to level my voice.

Meilin frowned and sat down on the edge of my bed. Our beds were separated by a long bookshelf, so I must have been really noisy for her to come all the way over.

"You have a lot of bad dreams," she noted, giving me a sad look.

By now Meilin already had a vague idea that my past was a messy topic that could never be touched. She became more soft-spoken ever since she walked in on me bathing, her eyes unable to leave the many distant scars on my body.

Knife wounds. Sword slashes. Burns and whiplashes. She must have thought I was a slave before I came to Pansa.

"You know you're actually older than me," she said with a smile. "I'd like if you called me Little Sister when we're alone. I've never had a roommate before. I was an only child."

I knew something had happened to Meilin's parents since she was in the permanent care of her grandfather. I passed by their pictures in the quiet hallways of the inn, but they were never spoken of. Probably for a reason.

"I was an only child too," I said and tried to smile. Despite my attempts to dry my face, tears still managed to roll down my cheeks without warning.

"So then I'll call you Elder Sister, and you'll call me Little Sister, yes?" She asked hopefully. I nodded and she signalled for me to move over with her hands.

I moved to the wall my bed stood against and Meilin snuggled up next to me, throwing her arm over me in a hug.

"It hurts when we miss people who aren't there anymore," she murmured. Warmth bloomed in my chest. "It never goes away, does it?"

"Not even with time," I uttered, closing my eyes. I hoped that once I fell asleep, their faces would no longer be there.

"You just find yourself holding onto memories that are no longer yours to keep."

***

I opened my eyes and stared emptily at the window. It was night time, and we were still flying. I frowned deeply, my jaw ticking with irritation. My memories had awfully convenient timing.

The door slid open. I peered over my shoulder and saw a small silhouette in the doorway.

It was a young woman, holding a lantern and carrying a jug and a glass of water. This must have been the Airship staff. You really only got the privilege of being served if you flew with passes. Who would've thought Anselmo would actually be good for something.

"Hello," she said uneasily. "I was told to bring you this and nothing else."

She set it down on the bedside table. "How long until we reach Nephati?" I asked.

She nervously checked over her shoulder. "I'm not supposed to talk to you."

"Please," I pleaded. "I'm not getting out of here anytime soon. I just want to know."

The lady went quiet for a few moments. "Only a few hours. We'll be there by midday tomorrow."

Worry panged in my chest. Crap, time was really running out, wasn't it? "That fast, huh?"

"Miss, we have been flying for four days."

Oh right. I was knocked out. "Okay, thank you." The lady scampered out of the room. I ended up drinking straight from the jug to compensate for my empty stomach. I was sure I'd be skin and bones by the time we made it back to Yuyang.

I put my head back on the pillow and closed my eyes. Nephati was a difficult place to run in. And now I found that Shen would find me no matter where I went, all because his Energy was binded to mine. Either I needed to get across the world. Or I needed to kill Shen.

But that would be too hard. Shen had only gotten stronger since back at the temple. I'd only get myself killed if I made that mistake. I didn't have the heart to do it either.

I suppose I'd have to run forever then.

The door slid open again and I pretended to be asleep. It was probably just another staff member here to fetch something. I didn't want to bother talking to them, they were too afraid to get killed and I was too weak to even threaten them.

A few moments passed and the door closed again. Suddenly a hand pressed over my mouth.

A shadow mounted me, pressing me down into the bed with its weight. My wrists stung as I tried punching the shadow. The shadow gripped both wrists and wrung them violently. Tears trickled down my face as the pain shot through it.

Great. I had no hands and my legs were pinned into the mattress. I tried summoning my Air Breath, but it was useless because I was weak. It was as though the shadow knew. Who was doing this?

My screams were muffled by the hand. A deep voice laughed in the dark. "Oh, this is far too enjoyable. It's just the two of us, Little Bird. No one can bail you out now."

Oh no. I knew that voice. Smooth and serpent-like. Kai.

"Your death might be promised to someone else," he leaned down, his breath tickling my ear. "But that doesn't mean you'll be spared from other forms of punishment."

He already threw me down the stairs, what more did he want!

I felt him undo my robes. Colour drained from my face when his intentions dawned on me.

No. He wouldn't. That was too cruel, even for a traitor. But Kai didn't stop. He undid my robes and tore through any fabric he struggled to get through. He forced himself between my legs and I felt his giant weight press me down even further. My throat burned with how loud I screamed, and yet it fell on deaf ears.

Where the hell was Shen?!

"Kai, are you done?" I heard a female voice whisper. The door slid open and Yura poked her head in. "Kai, what's taking you so long? I thought you just wanted to cut her face?"

"Change of plans," Kai said and threw his top on the floor. I looked desperately to Yura and screamed through Kai's hands. It got slippery with spit and my voice managed to be heard. But before I could get out a word Kai smacked me through the face.

"Shut your mouth, you venomous bitch!"

"Kai, what are you doing?!" Yura hissed. She still couldn't see what he was doing. I sacrificed my wrists once again and started hitting him as hard as I could.

Kai removed his hand from my mouth and wrapped it around my throat, squeezing hard. Nine Hells, he was going to kill me.

"Not so tough, are you? I'm going to break you, Mudan. I will be the last person you think of before you die."

"Kai!" Yura shouted. "Kai, have you lost your mind?!"

He surely had. Yura fell in the room as though she'd been shoved and in the doorway appeared Shen.

His face fell in complete shock as he looked at what Kai was doing, or was about to do.

Shen let out a livid growl before blasting Kai off of me with his Indigo Zen. Kai hurled straight into the wall, hitting the floor with a loud thump. He groaned as the Energy hit him hard, but was up on his feet right after.

"What part of do not touch the prisoner does your sick half-brain not comprehend?!" Shen looked at me, his eyes burning with anger. When he realized I was just barely clothed and my clothes were torn, he put it all together.

"You sick bastard."

Shen unsheathed his spider dagger and launched it at Kai's face. He spun away just in time for it to land in the wall right where his head was.

Electric blue Energy burst out of Kai's hands as he summoned his Craft, The power of the Blue Bear. Shen and Kai leapt forward to annihilate each other, but a golden ray sliced the air between them just before they collided, knocking them both back.

"Stop!"