Me: (finally checking on that one internet person I think is cool but I've never had the guts to talk to) Hello!

Internet Person: Hello.

Me: How are you?

Internet Person: Good.

Me: That's good.

Internet Person: That is good.

Me: ...

(internally) how do you socialize again

---

Me: (while walking home)  I just realized something

If there are infinite versions of the universe with infinite possibilities, that means somewhere out there, the Percy Jackson movies are canon.

Friend 1: That is the most terrifying application of the multiverse theory I've ever heard.

Me: and all fanfictions

Friend 1: ... never mind then.

---

Me while watching The Winter Soldier: *chews popcorn silently*

My friends while watching The Winter Soldier: *sobbing silently into popcorn*

Me while watching The Lego Movie: *sniffs* HIS DAD LOVES HIS CREATIONS AND THEY'RE PLAYING TOGETHER *sobs silently* IT'S S-SO BEAUTIFUL... AN ARTIST WHOSE PARENTS APPRECIATE THEIR WORK... *basically bawling at this point*

My friends while watching The Lego Movie: Chrona calm down there are children here

Chrona stop

---

My mom: So, sweetie, how's your homework coming?
Me: It's coming.

My mom: You've been working on it for a few hours. You almost done?

Me: *closes out tab where I've been critiquing fanfictions* Yeah totally I'm so getting there

---

Me: Okay. So I'm trying to think of new species for Dreamland and I ended up making a bunch of really derpy joke ideas, but I think I might legit doodle a few of them.

Friend 1: Go on.

Me: On a scale of yes to no, do you think bicorns have been done before?

Friend 1: what

Chrona where would the horns go

Me: their eyes

Friend 1: Chrona no

Me: I'm going to draw it

---

Me: you know that friend of yours was really bothering today

Friend 1: I know you don't like her, but seriously, you need to let it go

Me: she talked about planning a movie night with you right in front of me 

Friend 1: Yeah she does that

Me: then she dropped a pencil while I was talking and continued to look for it for a straight minute so she could disrupt my contribution to the group

Friend 1: I didn't notice that.

Me:  Then she stared me down for a straight minute

Friend 1: You were glaring at her.

Me: Then she proceeded to talk quite loudly about what a great friend you were, making sure to stress every syllable. The whole class could hear her.

Friend 1: *sighs*

Me: ... and THEN SHE STROKED HER FINGERS THROUGH YOUR HAIR 

Friend 1: You do that to me all the time.

Me: yeah but I thought what we had was special