// Castiel

"Dean?" He called, running the sponge over his plate, washing the suds of soap off.

"Yeah?" Dean was cleaning up the table, putting things away and fixing the table cloth.

"What mistakes did you want to fix?" His scrubbing slowed, trying to see what reaction Dean would make. The question had been picking at him ever since he found out who Dean was.

"What do you mean?" Dean asked, suddenly looking a little nervous.

"Well...when I finally decided to look you up, there was an article, you know about when I had the accident, and there was a part in particular that caught my attention. According to the article, you said you needed to fix your mistakes." Dean had stopped moving all together.

"Ah, those articles, always making things up." Dean chuckled, desperately trying to find something to do.

"But I can't help but think it's why you didn't want anyone interfering with you writing my memories. Dean..this is just another step in starting over. You already semi-told me how the accident happened. But I'm just curious what you meant by that." He pressed. "Please."

"Cas I really don't think this is going to help us start over." Dean laughed again.

"Dean come on I just want to know wh-- "

"Cas, drop it." Dean starting fumbling around with the table cloth, trying to fix it but always ending up with more cloth on one side.

"No, Dean. This has been eating away at me for some time. I genuinely want to know what mistakes you were talking about. If you really want to fix things and start over with me, I need to know. What if your mistakes affect me in some w-- "

"I cheated on you."

There was a moment of silence before Castiel dropped the plate he was holding back into the sink. Dean wasn't looking at him, but his shoulders were tense from his own shock. Castiel's eyes were wide and his heart thumped loudly in his chest.

"W-What?"

Dean sighed and finally turned around. He rubbed the back of his neck and kept his gaze on the ground, too scared to look Castiel in the eyes.

"I... I cheated on you." He said again, quieter this time. "It was only once and it was when we first started dating, which was years ago! I didn't think we would get into anything serious but we did and I never had the balls to tell you. When you had the accident, I thought- I knew it was God punishing me. I could only make things right by telling you."

Castiel's hand formed into a fist around the sponge, soap and water spilling out. "You could only make it right by telling me? Then why forbid anyone from interacting with me? If you wanted to tell me so bad after the accident why hide yourself from me?!" His blood was boiling. "Why weren't you at the hospital when I woke up?! Why didn't you explain everything to me right away, instead of writing those stupid books?!"

"I wanted to fix things slowly! I wanted to start over...without bringing it up until we were okay again."

Castiel slammed the sponge into the sink. He walked up do Dean and the sound of skin contact was heard as he punched him. Dean didn't look at him at all, his cheekbone blossoming a red color.

"Bullshit. What would you have accomplished then, huh? Did you just expect me to forgive you right away? Were you planning on telling me on our wedding day or something?!" His nose flared as he stared Dean down, regardless of their height difference. "Did you want to wait until I was too old and tired to do anything about it?!"

"Cas.. I-- "

"No. Don't you fucking dare try to speak. You're just a fucking liar! A coward who hid his shame behind his writing."

Dean wanted to fold in on himself. He wanted the floor to open up and swallow him alive. He felt like crying, but he couldn't. Castiel's eyes were boring into his soul.

"Is there anything else I should know about?" Castiel whispered, the anger still in his voice.

Dean's throat was dry and all he could do was shake his head no.

"Okay. Finish cleaning the table then." Castiel walked away from him and went to continue washing the dishes. Dean stood there for a moment before complying to Castiel's order. Every few minutes, Castiel rubbed tears away from his eyes and took deep breathes.

Dean wanted nothing more to comfort him, but he knew this was his fault and he would only make it worse.

When Castiel was done, he locked himself in the bathroom and cried his eyes out, letting ragged and choked sobs escape his lips.

+

When he left the bathroom, Dean wasn't in the house. Silence filled every room and he regretted locking himself in the bathroom for so long. How pathetic of him.

Castiel sat himself on the couch. He grabbed the tv remote and tried to find something to distract him.

However as fate would have it, all the channels currently available where about betrayal and romances that end up in the garbage. Castiel frantically flipped through the channels, looking for the one channel that never failed him.

His favorite cooking show.

He watched the old woman on the screen stir the already blended ingredients in a bowl. She poured the batter into a deep, heart-shaped pan.

"Now, this is the perfect cake you can make for your husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, or anyone you love. As you'll see later, the chocolate we add and the decorations express your love for them."

Castiel groaned. Mrs. Jones had failed him. He turned the volume down and repositioned himself so he was laying down on the couch. He rested his head on the arm rest and sighed.

He never expected Dean cheating on him. With how he described their love in the books, he never thought Dean would cheat on him. Or maybe he suspected it the entire time. Maybe Castiel just wished it wasn't true. It was just this feeling in his gut that said it was something along those lines.

Castiel felt his eyelids getting heavy and he yawned. Cotton pounced onto the couch and curled up next to him, purring. Castiel smiled and scratched behind his ear until sleep took over his body.

+

He woke up to the sound of knocking. It took a while for him to open his eyes and put together what was happening. The cooking show had ended and there was now a news broadcast. It was darker now and someone was knocking on his door. Castiel wanted nothing more than the person to leave but the noise continued; so he reluctantly got up and walked over to the door.

He looked through the window blinds and saw it was Dean. He sighed, not wanting to deal with him or the conversation he could see themselves having. Castiel slowly opened the door and glared at the man. His eyes were still heavy and he was sure there were bags under them. After an awkward silence, Dean spoke up.

"I um... I don't have keys." He mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck. Castiel didn't say anything; only opened the door wider and walked away. He laid back down on the couch and heard Dean step inside and close the door.

As Dean stood awkwardly at the doorway, Castiel's mind was ticking; trying it's best to choose the right thing to say.

"Sit." He found himself saying. He brought his knees to his chest to give Dean room on the couch. After a few seconds, the man sat down and wiped his probably-sweaty-palms on his jeans.

"Why?" Castiel asked, not looking at him.

"Hm?" Dean replied quickly, surprised and confused at the question.

"Why did you do it?" He asked again. "Cheat on me."

Dean sighed and looked down at the floor.

"I don't know really. We had only been dating for a few weeks and I was stressed and drunk and you were busy. I don't know exactly what happened. I remember going to a bar and meeting someone and then I woke up in their bed in their apartment." He explained. "I never saw him again. When I saw you again I realized I really wanted us to work out, but I was too much of a coward to confess. I was scared..."

"Of what?" Castiel asked.

"Of losing you." Dean replied. Castiel's eyes darted towards him and he slowly sat up on the couch.

"Of losing me?"

Dean glanced at him and nodded. "I know it had only been a few weeks since we started dating but I could imagine sharing my life with you."

Castiel sighed and looked down at the floor. His face felt hot and he wanted to cry.

"Cas.. I'm so sorry I hurt you." Dean moved his head down to catch his eye. Castiel felt his eyes water as he practically pounced on Dean to embrace him.

"It's okay..." he whispered into Dean's neck. "It's okay. I forgive you."

Dean made a choking noise and he wrapped his arms tightly around Castiel's waist, pulling him closer.

"I'm so sorry..." Dean sobbed into the other's hair.

"Shh it's okay Dean." Castiel repeated. "It's okay and I forgive you."

Dean arranged them so Cas was sitting in his lap and kissed his cheek.

"I love you so much." He said, closing his eyes, trying to stop the tears. Castiel smiled softly and relaxed in Dean's arms.

"I love you too." He whispered.

That only made Dean hug him tighter.

___________________________________

*lmao I'm sorry if this sucked.

+ please give me feedback

+ I don't think it's okay to just forgive someone for cheating on their partner. But for the sake of this book & ship I had to

+ sorry for any hiccups

Ana