Song: Nothing and Everything - Red

The ride back to New York is much less eventful than the trip to my hometown. Everyone is lost in their thoughts about the pending confrontation with the Kraang. Donatello is researching who knows what on his computer, while Raphael keeps making much more angry expressions than usual. Edmund is sitting down quietly, probably still trying to process what happened. Even Michelangelo isn't cracking many jokes.

No one is acting as strangely as Leonardo, however. He has fallen into a cold, dark silence. His face shows nothing but concentration. It's obvious a plan is unfolding itself in his mind.

The intense atmosphere doesn't fade when we arrive at the lair. We all get out of the vehicle in a lingering silence. None of us speaks until we're in the main room. But even then, we just give each other short goodnights before heading off to bed.

I don't go to sleep, however. I take a seat on the couch and stare into space. I see all of my thoughts spread out before me. I flip  through them one by one, slowly becoming overwhelmed by them.

Then, I start crying.

I bury my face in my hands to muffle my sobs. I don't want to wake the others up, but I can't cry silently. It's like my vocal chords are enhanced and demanding to be heard.

I am like this for a while, until footsteps make me jump out of my skin. Quickly wiping my tears away, I glance over my shoulder to see who's awake. It's Michelangelo.

His eye catches mine. "Why are you still awake?" he questions sleepily as he makes his way over.

I turn my face away, embarrassed at my breakdown. "I just couldn't sleep," I reply, and I silently scold myself when my voice quivers.

Michelangelo hears the break in my tone. He puts a finger to my chin and forces me to face him. His sky-blue eyes fill with worry when he sees my tear-stricken cheeks. "What's wrong?" he asks in shock.

I swallow hard as I feel hot tears fill my eyes once again. "I..." I don't know where to begin. My life is falling apart. I probably won't live through the fight against the Kraang and my father. If I don't, I'll never get to see Penelope again, or my beautiful small town. I won't get to be a waitress anymore. I won't live long enough to see the first snowfall of winter. But the worst part of it all, is that some of my best friends might die as well.

Now, how am I supposed to tell him all of that?

Michelangelo gives me big, round, sympathetic eyes. "Lizzy, you can tell me anything. I know I'm just a goof, but you're my best friend and I'm here for you," he says softly.

I take a shaky deep breath. Tears still stream down my cheeks as I answer him. "I just... I don't want to lose you, Mikey," I say hoarsely. "I don't want to lose any of you."

Michelangelo wraps an arm around me and rubs my shoulders. "You won't lose us, dudette! We're always gonna be here, even if we're not."

As confusing as it sounds, it comforts me a bit. But I'm not convinced, because the fear that made me leave them in the first place is haunting me once again. I don't want them to sacrifice themselves for me.

I look straight at Michelangelo, my vision blurry with emotion. "Mikey, you have to promise me you won't put my life before yours," I whisper.

Michelangelo blinks. He pauses for a long time before he finally speaks again. "I can't do that."

"No, Mikey." I struggle to keep my voice steady. "You have to. I'll protect myself while you protect your brothers." I can't hold back my tears, and I'm crying again. "You have to look out for your brothers, and only your brothers," I insist desperately. "I can't watch any of you give your lives for me."

"And I can't watch you die," Michelangelo whispers back, his eyes digging into mine. "How could you expect me to?"

Choked up, I look away. He grips my shoulders tightly, however, and makes me face him again.

"Don't do this to me, Lizzy." Michelangelo's gaze is so serious that it unnerves me. He sounds a lot like Leonardo as he speaks. "Don't block me out. Don't make me stand on the sidelines just because you think I'll get hurt. We're a team, and teammates are supposed to count on each other, whatever happens. Ok?"

Still speechless, I don't plan on replying. But he isn't giving up.

"Ok, Lizzy?" he presses. "Please don't let me be in this alone."

The selfishness of my words come to light. I'm not just trying to protect them; I am also telling them that I won't fight for them. Of course, that's not what I intend. I would fight to the death if it means they'll live.

That's not how it sounds, though. It sounds like I'm pushing them away. Like I don't want them in my life. And that is far from the truth.

Guilt fills my body from head to toe. I throw my arms around Michelangelo and hug him tightly. "You're never alone," I say quietly as my own tears drip onto his shoulder. "I understand now. I'm sorry."

Michelangelo takes over the hug by tugging me to his body. He strokes my hair and says, "I gotcha. Everything's going to be alright."

My sadness spewing at the brim, I continue to sob into his shoulder for a long time. But he doesn't mind. Michelangelo keeps murmuring soothing things, giving no sign of annoyance at my moment of weakness. He just accepts it. Like a true friend would.

After a while, all my estrogen has been let out and I can't cry more if I try. Michelangelo doesn't let go of me, however; so I relax into his arms and close my eyes. He hums a soft tune and his fingers never once stop running through my hair.

It isn't long before sleep locks its dark claws around me.

~*~

"Meeting in the main room!"

I sit bolt upright and rub the sleep from my eyes. Leonardo is standing a few feet away, his blue eyes full of confidence. It's a nice change from his stiffness the day before.

I glance down to see Michelangelo sitting up as well. At the previous position he was in, I can immediately tell that I slept on his plastron. That couldn't have been comfortable for him.

"Sorry," I mumble with a guilty smile.

Michelangelo gave me a genuine smile, however. "It's ok, dudette!" he says cheerfully; nothing like the seriousness I witnessed last night.

Raphael, Donatello, and Edmund lazily file into the room. They all drag their feet, still not fully awake and alert. I can't help feeling the same way.

Leonardo is the complete opposite. His brisk and energetic voice proves that.

"I know you all are aware we're going to have to stop a huge massacre," he begins. "We've picked up enough evidence to show us that the Kraang are involved, and possibly the Shredder as well. We need to be ready to confront them, because we only just escaped with our lives the past times we've faced them."

After a respectful moment of thoughtful silence, Leonardo continues. "Right now, we don't stand a chance against a whole army of Kraang, Footbots, Shredder, his henchmen, and Lizzy's father," he says. "Mikey needs to strengthen his arm. Donnie needs practice most of all, since he has been skipping sessions." He shoots the purple-clad turtle a stern glance, who ducks his head in response.

"And I haven't learned near enough to fight properly," I put in.

Leonardo's gaze tells me exactly what he's thinking: that he doesn't want me to go to battle with them. Well, too bad- I'm going, whether he likes it or not. My father is involved and my mother is being held hostage as a mutant. Not to mention, I have a score to settle with the Shredder. I won't sit back and do nothing.

"I don't know," Leonardo hesitates.

I stand up, narrowing my eyes with determination. "I am going to fight, and you aren't going to stop me," I say warningly. "This is my problem as much as it is yours. I want in."

Leonardo blinks thoughtfully. He gives me simple nod of acceptance. "Fine. But that means you'll be training day and night with the rest of us," he responds.

"And what about me?" Raphael interjects irritably, his sadness replaced with anger. "Why do I have to wear myself out with training? I'm ready to go just like I've always been."

"You need to learn to do more fighting than talking," Leonardo answers calmly, though I can tell he's starting to get a bit ruffled.

Raphael opens his mouth to let out a stinging retort, but then he thinks better of it. He tightens his lips together and settles on glaring at the blue-clad turtle instead.

Leonardo takes a deep breath. "Now, I don't want any idle behavior these next few days. You will eat, sleep, and breath Ninjutsu. You will push yourselves to the limit, and then do the same the next day. No more than six hours of sleep. Your meals will be fifteen minutes long, and you will go right back to training. I will be watching over all of you to be sure you're doing what you're told. Understood?"

"Yes, Mr. Slave Driver, sir," Raphael sneers mockingly, to which Michelangelo and Donatello laugh at.

"Wait, Leo," I speak up quickly, before he gets the chance to chew his brothers' heads off. "Raphael agreed to help me get over my fear of heights. I thought it would help in the long run, especially if we make a rooftop-getaway after a fight."

Leonardo studies me for a minute. At first, I think he'll say no, but then he nods again. "Ok. But no more than two hours a day," he orders.

Michelangelo gets to his feet beside me and addresses his leader. "So, dude, can I like, eat breakfast before we start training? Because I'm pretty sure my stomach isn't supposed to be eating itself. Right, Donnie?" he asks, glancing at the techy-turtle.

Donatello rolls his eyes. "We've been over this. Your stomach won't decompose after not eating for half a day," he sighs with exasperation.

"Well, it hurts!" Michelangelo complains, rubbing his stomach. "Leo, can I please, please, please go eat?!" he begs, giving the turtle his puppy-dog eyes.

"You can earn a meal by doing a hundred push-ups in the dojo," Leonardo says.

Michelangelo lets out a puff of frustration, but doesn't argue. "Fine," he grumbles, stomping away like a little kid.

Leonardo looks at the rest of us. "Well? What are you waiting for? Go join him," he commands sharply.

I flinch at his tone and head after Michelangelo. He's just trying to do his job as the leader, of course, but it's strange to see him in such a bossy state. Normally, he's more gentle; guess that isn't the case when doom is hanging over our heads.

As we all get in line to do push-ups with Michelangelo, my brother walks in. "Do you think I could join in?" Edmund asks Leonardo. "I mean, not on the ninja stuff, but maybe I could work out too? I'd like to at least be able to defend myself against the Kraang."

Leonardo narrows his eyes. "You're going into the battle with us?" he asks.

Edmund stands eye-level with the turtle. "If my sister is, there's no way I'm staying behind. I've lost her before; I won't let it happen again."

They stare at each other for a long time. Raphael, Donatello, Michelangelo and I sit there and wait, holding our breath. My brother is pretty brave to confront Leonardo when he's in such a strange mood.

"Well," Leonardo finally breaks the tense silence. "Let's get started, then."

I don't know how long we train, but the puddles of sweat on the floor tell me it's at least three hours of brutality. We swap from crunches, to pull-ups, to lunges, and circle all the way back around crunches again. It's monotone and strenuous.

Though Leonardo pushes himself just as hard as he pushes us, he never gives us a break. I guess he figures that if he can keep going, so can we.

Several times, I feel like I might black out. But I never do. By some miracle, I make it the whole session without complaining, however much I want to beg Leonardo to let me stop.

My thighs burn as I do yet another round of lunges. We haven't even gotten to the Ninjutsu training yet, and my muscles are screaming for mercy.

A familiar red-head walks into the room, stopping us all in the middle of our barbaric work-out.

"Wow," April comments. "Working hard, are we?"

"April!" Donatello exclaims gleefully. His excitement causes him to collapse in the middle of his push-up and fall flat on his face. He blushes as April giggles.

"Where's that hockey dork at?" Raphael referrs to Casey as he stops doing his lunges. The look in his eyes tells me that he's relieved Casey isn't there.

April shrugs. "I told him I was coming to visit you guys, and he said he had some chores to do," she explains.

"Chores?" Raphael scoffs in disbelief. "Since when does Casey do chores?"

"That's what I wanna know," April agrees, obviously just as disconcerted.

I stop exercising and collapse on my back. I pant and wipe the sweat off my face as I listen to the rest of the conversation.

"Jones has really been acting strange lately," Donatello points out thoughtfully. "Much stranger than normal, I mean."

"Yeah!" Michelangelo pipes up as he wanders over to the group. "I wish he would start coming around again like he used to. I mean with him, I don't get to see any Capril-isms! I only get to see Apriltello!"

April cocks an eyebrow at him. "Apriltello?" she asks in a puzzled manner.

"Capril?" Donatello asks, looking more horrified than confused.

"Yeah!" Michelangelo replies with a happy smile. "Apriltello is a mix of yours and Donnie's name! And Capril is the same, but with Casey and April!"

All of us stare at him.

"What? No me gusta?" Michelangelo tilts his head.

Leonardo's voice snaps our attention back to him. "Did I say you all could stop training?" His eyes pick on every single one of us, bringing shame to our faces.

"Come on, Leo!" Raphael complains. "Give us a break."

"Yeah, bro! We've been at this for hours!" Michelangelo whines. "My sweat is starting to sweat!" He pauses. "No, my sweat's sweat is starting to sweat!"

"I agree," Donatello protests as well. "We just got back home. We deserve some time to relax."

Leonardo frowns at them. "Do you think you've prepared enough to fight the Kraang if they invaded right now?"

"If we say yes, will you get off our shells?" Raphael snaps. He's getting tired, so it's making him edgy. I don't want to be around to see him pop.

I decide to step in before a real fight breaks out. "Leo, just give us a little time to ourselves," I say slowly, as if I'm walking on eggshells. "We haven't eaten and we have no energy. And I don't know about you guys, but I'm so sore I don't think I can even stand up," I add, unable to get out of my seated position on the floor.

Donatello picks up where I leave off. "We respect what you're doing, Leo, but we need time to recuperate," he feeds off of my speech.

Leonardo caves in. "Ok, you all can take a break. But we start back in an hour," he decides.

Michelangelo scrambles for the main room. "Yes! Finally! I get to beat the next level of my game!"

"Not without my help, you won't!" Edmund calls after him, disappearing into the main room as well. Donatello leads April out of the dojo a few seconds later.

After an awkward pause, and an exchange of glances between Leonardo and Raphael, the red-clad turtle decides to depart as well.

"I'm going to go... Uh, steal some of... Mikey's pizza," the short turtle announces uncertainly, like he can't make up his mind, and then he's gone.

I looked up at Leonardo, who's standing only a few inches away. The sweat on his green skin makes his whole body shine in an attractive kind of way. I can't help admiring his perfect posture and the lean curves of his muscles. He's so fit, so level-headed, and so-

"Lizzy?" Leonardo startles me out of my thoughts, a questioning look in his blue eyes. "You ok?"

I shake my head. I'm not sure what came over me, but it fizzles out within seconds. "Yeah, just thinking," I mumble.

"About what?"

His question comes as a shock, and I look down at the floor to hide my embarrassment. "You," I admit, fiddling uncomfortably with my shirt.

Leonardo raises his blue bandana like eyebrows. A small smirk appears on his face. "Oh, really? What about me?" His voice suddenly very deep.

I know what he's doing, and I'm not about to satisfy him. I give him an innocent smile and simply say, "You'll never know."

Leonardo's smirk turns into a smile. He sits down in front of me and crosses his legs. "No, really. Tell me," he insists.

"Why did you push us so hard?" I ask, shying away from the topic. "You were acting like some kind of military leader or something."

It's meant to be teasing, but Leonardo's gaze suddenly becomes serious. "I have to go rough on my brothers, or they won't listen," he confesses softly. "They'll start goofing off if I don't stay on top of them. Normally, I don't mind. But with such a huge problem coming to light, I need them to keep going."

"And you have to treat all of us the same, or they'll call it unfair," I finish his explanation, finally understanding.

"Right." Leonardo tilts his head to the side guiltily. "Sorry if I upset you."

I smile. "You didn't," I reassure him.

"Hey," Leonardo says suddenly, his tone shifting to a gentle one. "Wanna learn a great way to relax after a long workout?"

Eager, I sit up a little straighter. "Yeah! What is it?" I question.

"Meditation."