Song: Say Goodbye - Skillet

"What?" Leonardo asks, his deep blue eyes wide with shock.

I hate hurting him. It took every bit of strength I possess to tell him I'm leaving New York. It feels like I'm ripping stuffing out of a toy. Only the toy is Leonardo, and the stuffing is his heart.

I don't regret my decision, though, however it makes Leonardo feel. I have good intentions for all of my new friends. It's for their safety.

"I can't stay here," I tell him apologetically. "There's so much happening too quickly. My family is gone. I'm a potential servant to the Shredder, who is probably out hunting me down right this very second. Karai will be searching for me day and night. I just don't belong here anymore."

Leonardo looks like he can't believe what he's hearing. "But Lizzy, the Shredder is hunting us, too. We can fight him together," he insists, his expression lifting with his hopeful words.

"They know my weaknesses, Leo," I sigh. "I'm as dangerous to you as Shredder is. I could be forced to turn on you any minute as long as he can bring my fears to life."

"What if you weren't scared of anything?" Leonardo suggests, a desperate look on his face. "We could help you get over your fears. Then he couldn't hold anything against you."

I shake my head. "You've seen how I react. I can't control my legs. I faint. I scream. I can't just stop doing those things cold-turkey." I feel tears wetting my eyes. "I appreciate what you're trying to do, but it's just not possible."

Leonardo's gaze suddenly latches onto mine, like it will save his life. He stares straight into my soul; it's suddenly very hard to breathe.

"I will do whatever it takes to protect you," he whispers.

I meet his intense gaze with one of determination. I'm not going to watch him get killed trying to save me from an inevitable death.

"And I'm doing what it takes to protect you," I whisper back.

Leonardo frown. "You don't need to protect me," he says in a more normal voice. "I can do that myself. I'm a ninja."

I sigh in frustration. "You're being ridiculous." He opens his mouth to argue, but I interrupt. "With me around, I'm dead weight. I don't know enough Ninjutsu to protect myself when we're all in trouble. I got lucky these past few times, because there were bigger problems for our enemies to worry about. But when they come back, we will be the only thing they want, and you need to focus on your brothers. Think, Leo, think!" I insist as he stubbornly shakes his head. A tear rolls down my cheek. "I need to leave while I still can; while you guys still have shells on your backs!"

"I don't want to lose a team member," he replies firmly.

"I was never a part of the team, Leo," I mumble. "I'm just a friend who is always in the wrong place at the wrong time."

"That's not true," Leonardo protests. "We wouldn't be here without your help."

"You wouldn't be in any of this mess if I wasn't around," I point out. I stand up and begin pacing irritably. "I don't get it. Why can't you just let me leave?"

"Because there's no need."

"I'm putting you all in danger!"

Leonardo jumps to his feet and stands in front of me. His teeth are gritted and he was obviously struggling to stay calm. "I don't care! You're my friend, Lizzy! Friends are always there for each other, no matter the circumstances. Why is that so hard to understand?"

Furious tears roll down my cheeks. My anger melts into guilt. "It's not hard to understand," I reply softly and bow my head. "I just don't want you to die because of me."

Leonardo's eyes glisten, but he doesn't say anything. He's in pain, but his wound isn't visible. It's inside him, right across his heart. No bandage can repair something so severe.

"I don't want to leave on bad terms," I murmur as I brush my tears away. "I want us to be able to smile when we say good-bye."

"I don't want to say good-bye," he answers, his voice hushed.

"Then don't." I give him a weak smile. "Don't say anything at all. You won't have to. I'll understand."

Leonardo blinks the sadness away from his eyes and looks out at the city. "Where will you go?" he asks in a voice that is obviously struggling to stay neutral.

It pierces my heart like a thorn to see him so down. I didn't expect him to take it so hard, but I know I'm doing the right thing. With me out of the way, he will put his brothers first. And that's how it should be all along.

"I have an aunt that lives a few hours away," I explain gently. I can't even look him in the face anymore. "I guess I'll stay with her until I figure out what else I can do."

Leonardo nods slowly, the only indication that he heard me. He continues to watch the people buzzing around below, his shoulders sagging and his head drooping.

"I need to go tell the others," I finally speak up when it's evident that he isn't going to say anything else. "And you're sort of my only way off this building," I add awkwardly.

Leonardo avoids my gaze. "Right," he mumbles as he gets out his grappling hook.

We head back to the sewers; him for the millionth time, and I for the last.

~*~

The minute we got back to the lair, Leonardo disappears. I figure he's going to sulk somewhere more private, but he comes back a little later with Master Splinter by his side.

"Leonardo tells me you're leaving," the mutant rat rumbles. His wise, brown eyes examine me closely.

I bow my head respectfully. "I am," I answer. I still can't shake the feeling that he doesn't like me very much.

Wait, what?" Michelangelo peer over the back of the sofa, a video game controller in his hand. "Who's leaving?"

"Leaving?" Donatello echoes as his head pokes over the couch as well. Raphael and Casey copy them with equally puzzled expressions.

My eyes fall to the floor. I can't find the words to answer them. It feels like my heart is in my throat.

Fortunately, Leonardo steps in. "Lizzy's leaving New York City," he explains, his voice monotone.

Michelangelo is the first one out of his seat. He stands in front of me, his sky-blue eyes wide with shock. "No! Lizzy, you can't!"

Donatello appears beside him. "Why a sudden change of heart?" He searches my face for an explanation.

Again, I don't know what to say. So I stay quiet.

"She's afraid she will be dead weight when the Shredder comes to finish us off," Leonardo butts in again.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa." Raphael takes up a position beside Donatello. "I know I said some rude things about you, but you proved me wrong. That isn't any reason for you to leave."

I smile half-heartedly, knowing that is his way of apologizing. "Thanks," I finally speak. "But it's nothing to do with that."

"Then if you aren't doubting yourself, you should stay." April stands at the kitchen doorway. She must have heard the whole exchange. "These guys protected me from enemies until I learned enough skills. Now, I can take care of myself; and them, if I need to. You could do the same thing."

"Yeah," Casey surprisingly jumps in. "There's plenty of us here to stick up for ya."

I consider changing my mind. I know all of them will do their best to defend me against the Shredder. They have proven that already.

What I'm worried about is them sacrificing themselves for me. I haven't known them that long, but they're vigilantes; they're going to do whatever they can to keep all of their friends alive. Even if it means dying.

Even if they agree not to put my life before theirs, I know they won't stick to it. After all, if I was in the same situation as them, I wouldn't stick with the agreement either. I would want to keep them safe.

Combined with the tragic memories of my family, I can't stay.

"Lizzy?" Michelangelo mumbles. He looks up at me with the most pitiful eyes. They're full of pleading and tears. I feel my heart shatter.

I take a deep breath to stop myself from tearing up as well. Sparing them the personal reason I have for leaving, I just decide to tell them the main point. "I know you all don't think protecting me is a big deal, but it is. Especially from the Shredder. He's big and powerful, not to mention terrifying, which you already know. I have to do what's best for all of you." I stop to recover my shaking voice.

"You're all wonderful," I continue. "You're honestly the best friends I've ever had, and I'm grateful for that. Thank you for being there for me, and saving my life." I swallow hard. "But like I said, I don't want you sacrificing yourselves for me, because I know you'd try if it came down to it."

"It's what we're here for," Donatello tries to interrupt, but Master Splinter silences him with a look.

"I love you all too much to put you in that position," I go on in a softer voice. "Please let me go."

There's a long silence. The air is heavy, like it feels before it starts raining. Just before the storm breaks, Master Splinter speaks up again.

"It is not wise to leave now," he says in his deep, rough voice. "Something is brewing, something very dreadful. I can sense it when I am meditating. Surely, you will think further on this matter before making a commitment?"

His words shake me. Something bad is going to happen? He's only talking on what his gut is telling him, obviously, but the very air about him tells me he is right.

"What's going to happen?" I ask him.

"I do not know," Master Splinter answers with his eyes closed. "But it is there, and it moving towards us quickly."

I bite my lip. I trust the mutant rat, but I also know what will happen if I stay. If I stay, something even worse might happen. Leaving might prevent whatever Master Splinter is talking about. If so, I definitely need to get out of here.

"Bad things are always going to happen. You can't plan your life around them," I tell him softly. "I need to do this," I add when the rat doesn't reply.

"Very well," he bows his head.

"We can give her a T-Phone!" Michelangelo exclaims suddenly, but he sounds more desperate than excited. "That way we can still talk!"

Donatello seems to brighten at the idea. "We don't have to do that, Mikey. We can just give her our numbers. That way we can stay in contact."

My heart lifts a little bit. I fish my phone out of my pocket and hand it to Donatello. In a matter of seconds, he has created contacts of him and his brothers. He returns the device to me and I manage a real smile. At least I can still talk to them now.

The joy from Michelangelo's stroke of genius fades much too quickly, however. Michelangelo's face is somber once again as he gives me a sad smile. "Then I guess this really is good-bye," he mumbles.

Unable to stop myself, I throw my arms around him tightly. Tears start escaping my eyes to moment my hands touched his shell. I squeeze him tightly and bite my lip so hard that I taste blood.

Michelangelo isn't any different. He has part of my shirt knotted in his fists as he returns the hug. I feel cold tears fall onto my neck as he pulls me closer.

I finally fall away from him and give him a weak smile. "Hey," I say suddenly, wanting to lighten the mood. "You should give me your omelet recipe. You know, so I can think of you every time I make it."

Michelangelo returns my smile. "Be right back!" His voice cracks with emotion as he replies, then he speeds off to the kitchen.

April steps forward. She has a sympathetic expression on, and she looks like she might burst into tears as well. But she stays strong as she pulls me into a quick hug.

"I'm going to miss having another girl around here," she jokes softly as she lets go of me.

She steps back and Donatello takes her place. His eyes aren't watering, but the wretched frown on his face is enough. He wraps his arms around me and I get squashed into his plastron. He releases me quickly, looking a bit embarrassed.

"I'm not good at physical contact," he explains with a flustered look.

I giggled a bit. He's intelligent, but every plus certainly has a negative.

Raphael comes forward next. He stands in front of me, uncomfortably shuffling his feet. "I don't do good-byes," he eventually confesses.

The dicey tension between us is heavy. "Neither do I," I say avoiding his gaze.

"You can change your mind, Liz," Raphael tells me after a moment's pause.

My gaze connects with his. He sounds so much like my brother, and his green eyes don't contradict that.

"You know I can't," I reply quietly. I can't back out. Not now, not ever. I need to do this. I can't go home to more painful memories of my deceased family, and I can't spend every waking moment waiting for the Shredder to take my friends away. I need to stop the problems before they become serious.

Raphael visibly swallows. "Well, in that case..." Without warning, he engulfs me into a hug. And it's actually... Enjoyable.

I smile through my newly developed tears and gently squeeze him. I let go quickly, however, so I don't overdo it. I brush the water off of my cheeks, thinking Raphael might judge me for being so emotional. But he simply smiles as he backs away.

Casey is in front of me now. He has a skeptical expression on his face.

I also felt uncomfortable. I've never really been fond of him, but it's sad to leave him.

However, Raphael hugged me, and he doesn't like me either. So, why shouldn't I treat Casey the same?

I hug him without further thought. He returns it awkwardly, and we both release each other very quickly, embarrassed.

"Well, uh," Casey stutters and scratches the back of his head. "Bye, I guess."

"Yeah, bye," I mumble sheepishly, and that is the end of that.

Michelangelo comes running back into the room. He offers me a sheet of paper with scribbles on it- I suddenly hope that I'll be able to read his handwriting.

"That's the recipe," he explains. "Just make sure you don't catch the stove on fire like I did the first several times!"

I laugh softly through my aching heart. "Ok, Mikey. Thank you."

Michelangelo nods and backs away, his smile slowly fading away.

I approach Master Splinter and dip my head. "Thank you for allowing me to stay here," I say sincerely.

He gives me a grim smile, his eyes betraying his disagreement with my decision. "Farewell."

I dip my head again. "Good-bye," I reply.

Last is Leonardo. I told him that he doesn't have to say bye, and I expect just that. But that isn't stopping me from saying it to him.

I looked up at the blue-clad turtle, hoping he can see in my eyes how apologetic I feel. I bite my lip lightly, afraid how he will react if I hug him.

Suddenly, Leonardo slips something into my hand. The familiar texture of it tells me what it was a heartbeat before I look at it. It's a dagger. Old, but not rusted. Scarred, but still sharp. I feel a smile creep onto my lips.

"I know it's old, but I thought you might like it," Leonardo mumbles. "Just for extra protection."

I turn my smile on him. "Thank you," I whisper as I squeeze the dagger's handle.

Leonardo faintly returns the grin. His muscles are ridged with tension, like he isn't sure what to do. I have never seen him so unconfident in himself.

He finally, and surprisingly, pulls me into a gentle hug. I happily wrap my arms around him, relieved that he isn't going to watch me leave without saying goodbye.

It's weird having my head against his plastron. The feeling of his heart tapping against his shell is strange. It's much faster than a normal heartbeat- must be a mutant turtle thing.

I back away from him and quickly wipe my tears away for the hundredth time. I clear my throat and glance around at everyone in the room.

"Good-bye," I say, my voice cracking.

Everyone responds with their own version of farewell as I wrench my gaze away. I turn towards the exit and start to walk, ignoring the way my heart pulls me back to my friends. Now is not the time to be selfish.

I refuse to give any of them a second glance, mostly because I don't want them to see my face streaming again. My walk switches to a jog until I am far enough to where they can't hear my sniffling.

As I emerge from a manhole, I risk a look over my shoulder. No one followed me. Why would they? I had just abandoned them.

Suddenly, through the darkness of the sewer tunnels below, I swear I see blue eyes flash at me. But then they are gone, and I am sure it was my mind playing cruel tricks.

I head on my way, and though I leave them behind, I know one thing:

I will always remember the turtles.