DANE POV

I woke up feeling so weak. I tried to move my head and look around. I saw that it was only 5 in the morning. I looked around more and realized where I was right at this moment.

"How did I get herein my room?" I asked myself. The last thing that I remember is that I'm in the living room crying so hard in my parents' arms then nothing. Did I lose my consciousness again?

I was about to lift my left arm when I noticed someone holding it. Gavin is sleeping. He's resting his head on my bedside, but I know that head. I can never be wrong about who it is, and when I confirmed it, my heart started to beat so loud again. My breathing is getting shallow.

"What is he doing here? I don't want him here! I don't want to see him!" I badly want to yell these words, but nothing is coming out of my mouth! Nothing but tears! My tears are starting to fall from my eyes again! I am crying again! Because of him, I'm hurting again! Haven't I had enough! Haven't I suffered enough! I don't want to be hurt again! I just want to be happy! Can't I be satisfied? Can't I?

So even though I still felt so weak, I tried so hard to stand from bed, but I needed to do it carefully and silently! I don't want him to wake up. I don't want to talk to him not because I'm afraid for myself but my parent! I don't want to imagine their reaction once they know what this despicable man did to me! Everything that he lied and kept to me! They trusted him! They entrusted their only child thinking that this horrible man would always take care of their precious child, but that is not what happened. Every pain that I'm feeling right now is because of him!

Just because I love him! Just because I trusted him! Here I am, dying all over again. Many people would say that I should talk to him first but for what? For him just to think of a way to lie to me again! He had many chances to tell me everything but did he? has he indeed been honest with me? Is there anything about us that is not a lie! Maybe my love for him, yes! It is not a lie because I love him! I love him still! I love him so much but does he? Does he love me?

You make me love you so much that my heart and mind are blind! I gave everything to you. Assuming your love is real! I depend on you for everything that I have. My body! My heart! Even my soul is in your grasp, but I didn't know It would hurt like this. Your heart is lying! How can I ever accept it! Everything is destroyed! Each dreams that you and I have, crumble because of you. How can I get away now? I feel like my love is your slave!

I woke up, but it was all too late! I don't know what to do anymore! I can't think of anything else but to run away! I just want to escape from all of this! I don't want to keep hurting myself! I can't continue to live on a lie! I just can't!

I grabbed my spare phone and some money in my drawer before. I have no idea I will use this today. I guess fate is helping me escape out of here.

I was successful in going outside my parent's house. I maybe endanger myself right now, but I don't want to be here anymore. I tried to look for a cab even though I was struggling. Thankfully, after a minute of waiting here, an empty cab passed before me, so I immediately tried to call it. It stops, so I instantly get inside.

"Sir, Good Morning! Where do you want to go?" The driver asked me

"Anywhere Sir, Anywhere but here? Please take me somewhere else." I'm trying so hard not to show him my weak face.

"Okay, Sir!" Then he started to drive away. I can't help but look back at my parent's house.

I'm sorry, Mom, Dad! But I need this! I need to get away from all of this!

I'm sorry!

Time check

9:00 AM

Hai POV

"Hai! When is your flight back to the US? Auntie called me last time. She said that you canceled it again! God! Hai! When will you stop torturing yourself! Can't you see that you lost already? He already texted you that he doesn't love you, right? f*ck! A f*cking text! The audacity of that man after he told you to go back to him! You left everything in the US just for him, but he..." I didn't let my cousin continue what he said about Dane. Even though Dane and I already broke up, he doesn't have any right to speak badly about him.

I don't deserve to be protected, but instead, I deserve to mock!

"Jess! Stop! Please stop! Stop talking badly about him! Dane didn't do anything wrong. I did! I'm the one who hurt him first! I'm the one who left him here even though I promised him that I would never leave him. I'm the one who made him fall in love with someone else! I'm the one who ended it. First, I texted him to remember?" I can't help but laugh while realizing it. Karma knows his way around people! Jess looked at me confusedly when he heard me laugh

"God! Hai! Why are you laughing? Do you lose your mind already because of Dane? Do I have to call your parent now and make you commit to a psych ward?" Jess worried said me. I laugh at his remarks on me. This cousin of mine sometimes is so excessive!

"Hahaha, crazy! Of course, I'm okay! I just realized something!" I smilingly told him.

"What is it!" He curiously asked me

"That everything that happened because of me! Because of my decisions in life. I'm hurting now that me being so unhappy is my fault. Everything is my fault. I remember how much Dane loved me in the past. He gave everything just to see how important I was to him and how much he loved me. He is the best lover. Any boyfriend wishes to have. I have the best, but I wasted it. I didn't realize how precious he was until he was already gone! I missed it! I missed everything that he was doing for me. I think that's what happens when you become contented with everything. You will see everything as normal instead of appreciating the extraordinary love that Dane and I have! God! Man! I'm so stupid! I'm so f*cking stupid!" I can't help but yell! not to anybody else but myself!

"God! How can I be so stupid not to see his importance! I have him in my arms already! I have his love, attention, and everything, but I looked away! It's all my f*cking fault!" I angrily said to myself. I even ruffled my hair because of so much frustration for myself! Jess tried to stop me

"Hai! Stop that! It's not your fault! You just chose to help your family!" He said to me

"Yes! I made a choice, but I chose to break his heart! I broke the heart of the most precious person in my life! It was already too late when I realized that he was more important than anything else, even my life! I didn't know what I was losing when I chose to go to the USA instead of staying with him. No! When I choose to break up with him. He said he could survive being away with me. He said he could take it even though I chose to stay in the USA for a while. He said he would wait for me, but." Jess didn't let me finish

"Wait! Did he say that? But I thought you two had broken up because you both can't survive the long-distance relationship!" Jess confusedly asked me

"No! He said he can take it. I'm the one who said I couldn't survive it! I'm too weak, man! I'm scared and stupid! God, what did I do! I lost him because of my stupidity! F*ck! This is all my fault! All my f*cking fault!" I stood from my seat and yelled!

I yelled and yelled! This is all my fault! I'm hurting now because of me! This is my fault!

AUTHOR POV

Hai was so angry at himself. His cousin Jess tries to calm him down because he doesn't know what Hai will do to himself again. Jess knows how much Hai is so in love with Dane. He saw how happy Hai was when Dane called him and asked him to come back here to the country to be him but then not a few days after. Every bit of happiness that his cousin has changed into pure devastation.

Hai was so lost when Dane broke up with him again. At first, Jess was so angry at Dane because he thought the man had just broken his cousin's heart again. He thought that Hai was the victim here, but after everything Hai said, he was wrong. Both of them is just a victim of the tragic situation. He can understand why his cousin was so afraid to gamble with their relationship when he migrated to the USA. He witnessed how Hai's previous love ended deplorably, and every single time, those breakups took a piece of Hai's heart. Hai became afraid to gamble himself for love, so every time his relationship with another person is threatened, he will be the first one to end it.

Hai is just afraid. Afraid to be hurt again! Afraid of everything!

Hai is still yelling when, out of nowhere, his phone, which made the man stop what he was doing and immediately check his phone. You can see the shocked look on his face when he sees who it is that is calling him. Quickly, he answered it.

"Hello, Ma'am?"

"No, Ma'am! He is not with me!"

"I promise, ma'am! I don't know where he is? Why? Is there something wrong with Dane?"

"Dane? It's about Dane?" Jess asked himself

"Oh, God! Okay, ma'am! I want to help in finding him!"

"No, Ma'am! Of course, I don't have any bad intentions! I just want to make sure that he is safe!"

"But Please! Ma'am? Hello? Ma'am? Hello!" It seemed that the caller had already dropped the call. Hai turned around and started to get his things, specifically his wallet and car keys. When he found it, he immediately went in the direction of the door to leave the place, but Jess stopped him

"Hai! Who is it? Where are you going?" Jess confusedly asked him

"It's Dane's mom! Dane is gone! They don't know where he is! I need to find him!" Hai frantically said to Jess

"But..." Hai didn't let Jess finish his words

"No buts, man! I need to find him! Dane needs me! He needs me!" and there Hai started to run to the door and leave his apartment, leaving his cousin alone and confused.

It took a few seconds before Jess was able to move when he did, he immediately went to the table on the side of a chair where Hai was sitting earlier to get his keys to follow Hai, but he stopped when he saw a piece of paper and on top of it is a ball pen. It's the paper that Hai is holding earlier while writing something. He got curious, so he decided to get it and check what was written on it.

"I'm just here..."

"I think this is the title? Is this another poem?" Jess said to himself. He knows how Hai is very gifted in writing poems and songs. He started to read the other parts of it.

I'm Just Here

Here I am again
Daydreaming
Thinking of our past yesterday
How happy we are together
But why did it suddenly disappear like a bubble?

I hope you don't forget what we did together
Just in case you love someone else
Force yourself to be happy
And in case you come back
I'm just here just in case

Here you are again
Playing on my mind
How can one run away from this feeling?
I want to see you happy
What if you make others happy?

I hope you don't forget what we did together
Just in case you love someone else
Force yourself to be happy
And in case you come back
I'm just here just in case

I would have listened, still hoping
This heart of mine will not give up

I hope you don't forget what we did together
Just in case you love someone else
Force yourself to be happy
And in case you come back
I'm just here just in case

If ever
I'm just here

"Oh! Hai! I feel so bad for you, man!" Jess can only say these words after reading all of them. He can't help but feel more sorry for his friend.

To be continued

WAANJAIMJORA

A/N

Not proofread, so expect typo. Super busy me 😴😴

What do you think about the poem? I don't know if I did justice on it.