to kai, 

i remember. 

you know, i honestly didn't think you would. for most people i seem to fade into the background. to them, i'm just adeline cantrelle. the pretty french girl who's into art, that everyone knows but doesn't care about. 

i understand how you feel, at least a little. the world has been unjust and unfair to you. time and people and love and happiness slip through your grasp like the fast-paced running water of a river. 

even my family behaves as if they can't see me. 

for example, the other day i came in past curfew because my sister's car broke down and we had to wait an hour for the guys to come and take it, and then longer for a ride from a friend back to my house. as we came inside, it was late but my mom and dad were awake, and we passed them in the kitchen, and they didn't even look at me. how strange - i want my parents to yell at me, because it would at least mean they notice me. i heard them reprimanding victoria - my sister - but not me. they simply let me pass.

i think it's been at least five years since they've actually told me they love me. 

i don't know why i'm surprised when they don't anymore. i guess it's just the lingering disappointment that they won't, and i know that they won't... but i still want them to. 

i can't pretend to fully understand what you're going through. so maybe you are damaged. like a butterfly that injured a wing. showing pure, raw pain that is suffocating beneath a shell because you don't want anyone to see that you are weak and in pain and in need of help. 

everyone is hurt or damaged in some way. everyone has something that eats away at them; everyone, at some point, has felt broken, and maybe they also felt unworthy of being fixed. and right at this moment, almost all of the people around you feel broken, and are hurt and damaged. whether or not they look like it is an entirely different story.

that's you; you don't look like it, and yet you are in such terrible, silent pain. 

but you aren't broken.

and trust me, you don't need to be "fixed". i hate that word; it shouldn't ever be used on a human being. 

because that's what you are. human. human beings can break, but they are never broken. you don't need to be fixed - you are far, far stronger than you realize or know, and it'll take a lot more for you to become broken. 

sure, maybe you need to heal. maybe you need to mend. you just need to figure out how. you can keep sending me letters. i don't mind. hell, we're both damaged, kai. and keeping everything inside won't help me heal, and it won't help you. you and i, we need to purge the darkness. the anger, the pain, the sadness - we need to get ride of it before it eats us alive.

just please remember, you aren't broken.

you don't have to be fixed. 

 your friend,

𝓪𝓭𝓮𝓵𝓲𝓷𝓮