Trigger Warning: Mentions of homophobia but it's nothing serious 

Remington was in the shower when Andy came into the bathroom, and shouted playfully, "Piss off." 

Andy leant against the glass that separated him from the water. "The funniest thing just came through the letterbox," he said, a piece of paper in his hand. "You remember the new neighbours that moved in last week?" 

Turning the shower off, Remington opened the sliding glass door. "The couple with the little boy? Yeah, why?" 

"Well, I don't think they're gonna be coming round for dinner anytime soon."

"Get me that towel, will you?"

"You really are so polite." Andy grabbed the towel from the heated rail and passed it to Remington. "So, listen to what they wrote. 'We are your new neighbours and have an impressionable son. He has seen you sinning on multiple occasions and we would like a daughter in law at some point. Keep your sinning behind closed doors. John and Julie.'"

"That's the most pathetic thing I've ever heard."

"Do they think two men holding hands is sinning?"

"I think they do." Remington wrapped the towel around himself. "Imagine being that bothered about who your kid brings home."

"I feel like we should send one back."

"Yes, let's. I'm getting dressed first, though. Where's your blue hoodie?"

"Probably where you left it, sweet cheeks. I'll find some paper and a pen."

Remington stepped past him and whined when Andy pulled the corner of the towel so it fell loose. "Hey," he complained. "It's cold." He bent down to pick up the towel and Andy acted at humping him, hands on his hips, pressing his clothed crotch to Remington's naked arse. Remington burst out laughing and through it, said, "You just sinned. How does it feel?" 

"Pretty good, I must admit. Come down when you're dressed and help me write something back to them."

"You got it."

Andy was sitting with a notepad and a pink pen when Remington joined him with damp hair and a smile. The elder smiled back, said, "You look most beautiful."

"Shut up." He sat beside his husband. "What should we write?"

"Something not gay at all, with no bad words or mentions of how not gay we are."

The note they end up posting through the letterbox read: 

John and Julie,
We're so terribly sorry to hear that the way we live our lives makes you uncomfortable, it must be such an inconvenience for you. We're also sorry that your son has seen us sinning, it must be very traumatic for him to witness two adult men holding hands, we can't imagine the nightmares he must experience because of our godless activities. I guess we'll just have to stop doing everything that makes us happy because you are unable to cope with all of our god awful sinning. We will never sin again, ever, because we care so much about you and would hate to ever upset you for the way we choose to live our lives, as grown men with human rights. Next time you catch us sinning, you should report us to the police for suspicious activity and have us locked up. Who are we to think we're allowed to walk the streets after all the sins we've committed, we should he put against a wall a shot.
We hope you can forgive us for all our wrongs and we promise that we won't ever hold hands outside ever again, since clearly your small minds are unable to comprehend that two men could ever possibly love each other. Next time we get any desires to be sinners, we'll just fill a bath with water and throw a toaster in. That'll teach us not to be happy with each other.
Or maybe we should get a divorce and have you as witnesses? You could teach us all about how not to be sinners, only the sight of a man and a woman holding hands makes us physically sick. Last time we saw that abomination, Andy was so ill he required immediate care from Remington's mouth. We're so sorry for the inconvenience caused by our sinful actions and we vow never to touch each other ever again, just for you, because we care so much about what you think.
Lots of love, your completely hetero, just friends, never seen each other's cocks before, neighbours, Andy and Remington.
P.S you shouldn't be parents if you aren't able to accept the fact your kid could be gay and we think you're pathetic cunts who should mind their own fucking business.
No hard feelings babes.
Tar-ra now x