☾Never Give In☾

Can you do a Remdy where Andy has issues with self harm and one day while Remington is at the studio or with his brothers or something, the urges get really bad and he has a panic attack, and when Remington comes home he finds Andy panicking and holding a knife and he has to help him calm down and it ends with fluff and cuddles?

Title credit: Never Give In- Black Veil Brides
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~Andy's POV~

I wake up at around noon and see that my boyfriend Remington isn't in bed with me. That doesn't surprise me. He always gets up before I do. I get up and go downstairs to find Remington and get something to eat.

I get downstairs and see that Remington isn't anywhere in the house. I start to get a little nervous, but then I see a note on the counter in the kitchen. I pick up the note and read it.

Andy,
I didn't want to wake you up, so I thought I'd just leave a note instead. Sebastian called and said we have to go to the studio today to re-record a song since our dumbass producer accidentally deleted it. It shouldn't take more than a couple hours. I'll see you when I get home. I love you!
Love,
Remington

Okay, that makes me feel a bit better. At least I know he's okay and that he's just with his brothers.

I put the note down and go over to the refrigerator to find something to eat. There's nothing really that good in the fridge, so I decide to have some cereal instead. I take the milk out of the refrigerator and close the door before grabbing a bowl from the cabinet and and the cereal from the pantry.

You know Remington's not really with his brothers. He's not here because he doesn't love you and didn't have the guts to tell you. He's not gonna come back.

Hearing the voice in my head causes me to jump and spill the milk all over the table and the floor. I have no idea where these thoughts are coming from. I felt fine when I woke up, but now I feel like shit and I'm scared that the voice is right.

You know I'm right. I'm always right.

I do my best to ignore the voices and grab a paper towel with some soap on it to clean the milk off the floor and the table.

No wonder Remington doesn't love you anymore. You can't even make a simple bowl of cereal without fucking it up.

These thoughts continue as I'm cleaning, making it hard to focus, but I do my best. Once I'm done getting rid of the spilled milk, I sit down at the table and realize I forgot to get a spoon.

I get up and go over to the silverware drawer and when I open it, my eyes land on the knives.

Do it, Andy. It's the only way. You know you're a fuck up. Remington doesn't love you, so what's the point of keeping your promise to him?

Without thinking, I pick up the knife and slam the drawer shut.

Do it. You're a fucking coward Andy. Just do it already.

Am I really going to do this? After almost a year of being clean? Am I really about to ruin that because of some fucked up voices?

Yes.

No. I can't do this again. Remi would be so disappointed in me.

Remington doesn't love you, remember? He's lying to you.

"SHUT UP!" I scream, realizing that I'm screaming at nothing.

"Remi does love me. He said so in his note." I whisper to myself.

It's easy to lie to a worthless piece of shit like you. Just slit your wrist open and rip your skin apart. You know you want to.

"THATS IT! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!" I scream again and fall to the ground on my knees, unable to hold myself up any longer.

For the hate of Satan, Andy. Just fucking do it already. You know he doesn't love you, no one does, and you know it's better for everyone if you kill yourself right now. Do everyone the favor. You've fucked with their lives enough.

"I DON'T WANT TO DIE" I scream even louder.

Yes you do.

"NO I DON'T! I don't want to die" my voice trails off into a whisper and before I know it, I'm crying on the kitchen floor arguing with myself over wether or not I should kill myself.

I start hyperventilating and the room feels like it's closing in on me. My chest hurts to breathe and I can't see anything through the tears in my eyes. I try to calm myself down and think of something happy, but the voices turn every happy thought I have into something dark and then into another reason I should kill myself. Eventually the only thing I can hear are the voices. There's nothing I can do to drown them out. I have no control over my thoughts and my entire body is numb. I can't see anything and I feel like I'm dying. But that's what the voice wanted, right? I didn't want to die, but the voice wanted me to. I guess the voice is getting It's wish even though I don't want it to die.

~Remington's POV~

I get done with recording at about 2:00, and I go home to my boyfriend Andy. I love him so much. I know he sometimes doesn't believe that, but I'll do whatever I possible can to make him feel loved.

I get home and when I walk in, I hear Andy screaming. I close the front door and lock it before going to look for Andy.

I find him in the kitchen sitting on the floor on his knees. He's hyperventilating and screaming, and as I get closer to him I see that he's holding a knife and that his arms are cut up pretty bad.

I kneel down on the floor in front of him and even though he's squeezing his eyes shut, and it's obvious that he's been crying- his face is red and his cheeks are wet with tears.

I carefully take the knife out of his hand and put it on the counter behind me so he can't grab it. I take his hands in mine and try to help him come out of the panic attack, but I think it's too strong for him to hear me.

"Andy, honey, if you can hear me squeeze my hands." I say calmly.

He lightly squeezes my hand after a few seconds, meaning he can hear me but can't respond with words, not that I'd expect him to in this state.

"You're okay, Andy. You're in the kitchen of our house and you're having a panic attack. You're safe here. Nothing is going to hurt you here." I say, still staying calm.

"R-Remi, h-hold" I hear a weak voice say.

"Do you want me to hold you?" I ask quietly. Andy nods slightly.

"Okay, come here babe." I say as I carefully pick him up and pull him into my lap, holding him tightly to me, but not tight enough to restrict his breathing any more than it already is.

Andy wraps his arms around me and holds onto me as if his life depends on it. He rests his head on my shoulder and buries his face in my neck. I can feel him shaking against me as well as blood from his arms soaking through my shirt, but I couldn't care less about my shirt. I hate this shirt anyways.

He's still hyperventilating, so I calmly tell him to match my breathing. After a while, his breathing starts to slow down and he isn't hyperventilating anymore. I hold him for a few more minutes after he's calm just to make sure he's okay.

"Are you okay now?" I ask as I gently push him off me a little, but still keeping him in my lap.

Andy lets go of me nodding slightly, but when he looks down he sees that his arms are covered in dried blood and cuts. He gasps before looking up at me with tear-filled eyes.

"I-I didn't e-even know I w-was doing t-that. I-I s-swear!" He says shakily while looking into my eyes.

"Shh it's alright. I believe you." I say as I stroke his hair, pushing some of it out of his face so it doesn't irritate his eyes any more than they already are from his tears.

His bottom lip trembles as tears pour down his face and he lets out a quiet whimper. I wrap my arms around his waist and pull him back into my arms. He hugs me tightly and sobs into my shoulder, his body shaking from the force of his cries. I gently rub his back and kiss his head a few times to try to soothe him in some way.

"Shh it's okay, Andy." I whisper as I slowly rock him in my arms.

"N-No it's n-not. I-I b-broke our p-promise." He sobs harder.

"No you didn't, Andy. You said you had no idea you were even doing it, right?" I ask quietly. He nods.

"So that means you couldn't have stopped it from happening. You didn't have control of your body and you didn't know what you were doing. You were in such a panicked state, that you couldn't control your actions. That's not breaking our promise, Andy. The only way to break it is if you know what you're doing and that it's wrong and you continue to do it. You had no idea you were even doing it, therefore, you didn't break it." I say as I hold him tighter.

"R-really?" He whispers.

"Yes, really."

I let him cry in my arms for a while until he eventually calms down. Once he's calm,
I stand up off the floor with Andy still in my arms and I carry him to the bathroom so I can clean his arms and cover them with bandages.

I put Andy on the counter by the sink while I get the first aid kit from under the sink. I also grab two rags from the drawer, making sure they're both pretty soft and won't irritate his skin, and place them beside Andy.

I open the first aid kit and take out the bandages and disinfectant wipes before putting the kit back under the sink. I grab one of the rags from beside Andy and run it under the sink, making sure the water is somewhat cold, but not freezing. I take the wet rag and start wiping the blood off Andy's arms very gently so I don't hurt him anymore that necessary. He flinches each time I accidentally hit one of the cuts, and I kiss him and apologize each time.

Once the blood is gone, I take the disinfectant wipes and carefully dab them on the cuts so they don't get infected. Andy screams and pulls his arms away from me the second the wipe hits his skin.

"I'm sorry baby. I'm not trying to hurt you, but I have to clean them or they'll get infected. And that'll hurt worse than this. I promise that when we're done here, we can go cuddle all you want and we can have a movie marathon, okay?" I say as I kiss him again. He nods hesitantly and lets me continue cleaning his arms.

I try to do it as fast as I can while still being gentle and by the time I'm done, Andy's full on crying again because of the pain. I pull him into a hug and whisper comforting things while rubbing his back until he stops crying.

Once he stops crying, I wrap the bandages around his arms and ask him what happened while I was gone.

"I don't know. I felt fine when I woke up. I got a little nervous when I didn't see you anywhere in the house, but then I saw your note and everything was fine, until it wasn't. I was trying to make myself a bowl of cereal but out of nowhere a voice in my head kept telling me that you're lying when you say you love me and you weren't gonna come back, and then it kept telling me to hurt myself. I tried to ignore it, but when I went to get a spoon, I saw the knives in the drawer and all hell broke lose. I didn't want to cut. I kept telling the voice I don't want to do it, and the next thing I knew was that I was sitting on the floor crying any that I had no idea what was happening around me and I couldn't breathe. I don't know what happened after that." He whispers.

By the time he's done explaining, I'm done wrapping his arms. He starts to cry again, so I give him another hug until he calms down.

"I'm sorry for crying so much today." He sniffles and looks down.

"It's alright, Andy. Don't apologize. You're just having a bad day. It's all gonna be okay." I say as I carefully lift his chin up and kiss him again.

After we pull away, I grab the other rag and run it under the water and use it to gently clean the tears off Andy's face.

"Can you wait here for a second so I can change my shirt?" I ask softly. He nods.

I take my shirt off and throw it in the hamper before walking upstairs to Andy and I's room. I open the drawer that I keep my shirts in and put on a random shirt before going back downstairs to Andy.

"Do you wanna go cuddle on the couch and watch some movies?" I ask as I pick Andy up off the counter and carry him again.

"Can we watch Batman?" He asks innocently while looking at me with his puppy eyes.

"Who could say no to that adorable face?" I say as I kiss his nose before carrying him into the living room.

I set Andy down and turn on Batman before laying down on the couch with Andy laying on top of me. I pull the blanket off the back of the couch and cover Andy and I with it.

"Thank you for taking care of me." Andy whispers as he snuggles into my chest.

"I love you, Andy. I'll always take care of you." I say as I hold Andy tighter and kiss his forehead.

The two of us stay here until we both eventually fall asleep in each others arms.

I'm so happy Andy's okay and in my arms. I don't know what I would do if anything ever happened to him.

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