Sometimes I wish could stay like this. In this little bubbles of mine and write stories for hours on end. I can be like Alice, lost in a world of her own filled with things that make no logical sense unless you were as mad as hatter on the inside yourself.

Sometimes I wish my blanket was a shield, to hide me from mommy's angry yells. I wish she wouldn't say such mean things to me. I'll take the hits, it's ok because I deserve my mommy throwing things at me. The brown spots on my body goes away eventually but the words mommy throws at me...They never leave and the pain always seems fresh when I hear them.

I wish mommy would smile at me. She never smiles at me anymore. I never seem to do anything right to bring that smile back. So I asked her 'mommy, why don't you smile at me anymore?'

"You're annoying that's why." It just got her even more madder at me.

I wish I could eat something without being afraid. My room is so far away from the kitchen and to get there, I have to pass by mommy's new friend. I don't like him, he scares me. I can't stand it when he pets my hair and his hand slides to my back. It doesn't feel right. When he calls me "fat" I feel even more wrong because I'm eating when he calls me that.

Mommy doesn't say anything...so I don't say anything. I don't want to anger her again. I want mommy to smile and the only person who make her smile is her friend. They smile as they laugh at me being fat. They smile when I get hurt. They smile when I'm not around...so I won't cry.

Because then mommy's smile would leave again...and mommy will never forgive me.

"Ms, Yew?" Unwillingly, my eyes opened to the voice that spoke my name. It was spoken in a low yet stern tone. Yet it was not a negative tone...it was a man's deep voice, almost velvety. I didn't respond to the stranger as he poked his head into the doorway. Part of me hoped the man would not see me but it was obvious he did. I was in the center of the room anyways.

He was dressed nice with a side brushed hair and clean shaven but I don't trust him. He's a stranger and strangers are never a good sign. Male strangers especially.

"Hello," I did not return his greeting preferring to ignore his presence by looking at the wall. Plain and dull...I wish my life was like the walls of this hospital. The color of white and the impression of plain; something everybody takes for granted. I want to be like the wall so maybe...my life would be normal and nobody would stare at me like a circus show. Coughing into his hand, the stranger continued to invade my privacy. He came in the room and took the seat in front of my bed. "My name is Hubert Johnson and I would like to have a one on one conversation with you Ms. yew."

I wanted to hiss at the man but I refrained from doing so. Hopefully, he mistakes me as a mute and chooses to leave.

"I am a counselor professionally so anything we talk about will stay in this room. Confidentiality is the main key in this relationship, ok?" My heart sped up and suddenly, I felt like my kid self again. I wanted the cover to be an actual shield that could hide me and protect me. I simply blinked, not wanting to let this man see anything out of me. Bawling my fists, I resisted the urge to flinch when the man stood up and came up to my bed. "Where are your parents?"

Don't speak, don't talk to him.

"Do your mother know you are in the hospital?" Keep your mouth shut Yew! Don't let the emotions get the best of you. "What about your dad? Mr...Bennie was it?" I felt a vain pop.

"He's not my dad..." I wish...I had never opened my mouth at that moment.