Avoidance. Casey grasped onto his bad-tempered behavior for the past three days; other than walking to his boring classes and leaving, he couldn't be bothered to be talking to anyone.

He ditched lunchtimes with his friends and waited until he'd gone home to cook himself easy meals. In between breaks, he snacked on granola bars or Kit Kats. He hid in a less crowded spot around campus ground where he could be alone.

The face of his ex-friend burned brightly in the back of his mind, and seeing Ty, was troubling. Casey didn't want to see him again, and his unexpected appearance made him react. They didn't live in the same town anymore. He moved away, yet that didn't mean the grudge did.

The living room had darkened around him, and its only shed of light that let in was the sliding door with a view of the backyard. Discerning the midafternoon sky that sunk leisurely with its colorless blue and grey.

Casey should pull the curtains open all the way, just as how he should leave this spot and do something, but his adamant strength said otherwise. He slumped more into his beanbag chairs, feeling more like a drop-dead loser of the year.

He was in a rut again; he didn't know what to do with all the pent-up emotions that surfaced like a heating fire. It may be his defensive self-talking, but he was led to put up his walls. He didn't want anyone to see the messy side of him.

Snow blew up his phone with text messages, and he didn't respond to a single one. He wouldn't begin to know what to say.

He couldn't go to Malloy as well, because he knew that he would just tell him to talk to her. They were together like bear cubs.

The sense of being alone with no one to turn to, he hated it. His complication was like onions; he found more and more layers the deeper he went.

Yet he thought to himself: it's better that way, that no one needed to know.

The friends he made in high school were old news. His mom became burnt out from work. His close person was Raquel, but he may think he lost that connection too. The only thing he could rely on was his dark corner and the comforts of his bedsheets when he hits home.

Could he be that terrible that maybe nobody liked having him around?

Text notifications from his phone interrupted in on his contemplation, and when he looked, it was all just Snow.

The longer he could hear the continuous sound, Casey made an impatient sigh and shut off his phone. He didn't need the spamming.

Casey continued to mope while doing nothing for the past fifteen minutes or so. Abruptly, the doorbell rang. At first, he didn't care for it. Two times, he took no notice. But then the doorbell persisted until basically, it sounded like someone was abusing it. He couldn't take that much longer, and it prompted Casey to push himself up to walk heavily to the door.  

Who the hell shows up here? he thought irritably until the other side of the door revealed a face he hadn't thought he would see.

He was flustered to find Raquel, a beautiful face whom he missed terribly and wanted to do anything to speak to her, standing there in front of his eyes. For weeks, he hadn't seen her; possibly, it felt to him like centuries.

She appeared in her one-shoulder white shirt with a huge butterfly print on it and supporting thin black straps over the other shoulder. Though in simple blue jeans, the curve of her legs that he missed was all the same. He missed every part of her body.

He wanted nothing more than to step forward and just put his arms around her, but he held back.

"What are you doing here?" he asked wonderingly.

"I sent a text to you like forty minutes ago if I could come over, but you never responded, so I decide to come here," Raquel said, setting a hand on her hip.

Had she really texted him? Then again, he hadn't checked his phone, and it must have gotten buried under the spam of texts he was receiving. Man, this was inconceivable for him right now.

Had this been another day, he'd love to talk to her and get things sorted out between them. There was a lot he wanted to say.

But he was a mess right now, and he didn't have the right words.

"Could you go away?" Casey said with concerning features that made their way to his countenance, making her taken aback. "Now is not a good time. Can I call you later when it is?"

"What?"

Without knowing what else he could say, he shrugged sadly, muttering a low "sorry" to her. He almost shut the door on her, but Raquel didn't let him as she stopped him, her hand gripping onto the side of the door.

"Hey, I'm sorry I haven't been replying to your text messages and pushing you away. I've been caught up with my own life and myself that I didn't know what to do," she stated.

Why had she said this now? He didn't think he could make it through with her if he said he wanted to touch on the matters between them in his bad shape. "Thanks for that, but maybe another time."

Nevertheless, she carried on, "Casey, don't be stubborn. I know we haven't had proper communication. I know I did this. I know I cause that pain, but this time I want to repair it."

As much as he hated to admit this, she's right. He'd turn away from her because he was scared. While waiting for her, he thought he'd be ready to face her, but the truth was neither of them was. She ran away, and he waited so patiently for this moment.

Casey slipped the door more wide open and allowed her to come to his house. Raquel walked in and looked at the place almost questionably. "Why is the room so dark? It's still daylight out."

She made her way over to the curtains and let the natural light to infiltrate. "Now, that's better," she said with the sense of satisfication.

Haha, he laughed sarcastically in his head. 

Raquel looked at Casey and approached him closely. She leaned into him, taking a whiff of his shirt. "You smell," she noted, sounding disgusted.

Her eyes watched him skeptically, and then she sighed, "Go take a shower."

"But why?" he questioned.

"I can just tell that you need one," she said thoughtfully.

"It's fine. I'll do it later."

"No, now."

He didn't like being bossed around; thus, it took him convincing until he agreed with her. He had been meaning to shower, but he had forgotten. Casey headed to his bedroom and searched for fresh pair of clothes in his drawer. Then he walked to the bathroom and hung his clothes on the towel bar.

Casey emerged from the shower after ten minutes, returning to the living room, and while his hair was damp, he saw Raquel seated on the couch with her phone before she glanced up at him.

She looked at him, contemplated. "Let's go out somewhere. It might be better if you get out and get some fresh air, and we can talk."

❥

They sipped onto their small cup of blue ICEE and sat on the parking block in the parking lot outside of Target. There were some cars parked but mostly from where they could see were all mostly empty spaces.

Some times brought back whenever he and Raquel were together a lot. They hung back in the car or out of it just to talk and do nothing. A sense of calmness waved over because fewer people were around, and they enjoyed that time of privacy.

"It's kind of like old times, huh?" Raquel recalled fondly.

"Yeah, it does," Casey said slowly.

"We had some good times."

He missed those times. The times when all they had was fun and peaceful ones where they could talk for long, like maybe minutes or hours, and they wouldn't even notice. The kind of conversations could go on from the color of the sky to the last time they fell down as a six-year-old.

She turned her gaze into his eyes, her mouth pursed into thought. Taking her time and seconds into it, soon, she began to speak. "I supposed it's finally time to... talk."

To talk.

He wondered for the longest time when they'd get it to happen. It was sooner than he thought it'd be. And now here they were, readying to face out what it was. "Yeah."

"First, how've you been?" she asked.

He shrugged weakly. "Fine, I guess. I don't know."

She nodded. "I agree with you on that."

This was hellish awkward. How did these two become so inseparable to separable? Why was this the choice for them? When did she decide that this was the end? Couldn't she had told him before this was coming so they could've worked it out together? Everything, he had put everything on the line for her.

But did she not feel that enough from him? Was it worth letting it all go?

"I really want to know," Casey began, his voice consciously low. "What happened? What is the reason? Why... why are we... so far away from each other?"

"I really should owe you an explanation. I know," Raquel replied. "It's not going to be easy to say this."

If it's not easy, then I know that. "Please," he whispered to her. 

She looked at him as though she wished it'd be easy to transfer her thoughts to him instead of coming out with the words out loud. "All right. Then I'll tell you. I'm ready to do that."

He couldn't believe what he's hearing.

"I had a hard time too, just so you know. Eventually, my choice was that I had to end it. I had to end us." The expression on her was like she's partly guilty to have to go into details.

"When I said before that I didn't feel the love anymore, that's partly true... I can't for sure identify it, but I don't think that I can't continue if I can't give it all. It's like," she gestured like she was pulling something out from her chest, "...it's like it's gone stagnant."

How did it get like that? He must have been the only one to think their relationship was smooth while she was shouldering her own doubt.

Meanwhile, his feelings for her remained as pure as they did every time he saw her. He asked, "When did it happen and how long did you hold on without telling me?"

Her gaze dropped to the ground between them. She knew she had to answer it but was still hesitant. "It might be a day before February that I started to think about how I felt with me and you. I thought at first; there were just negative thoughts scaring me, and they were, but as it grew bigger, I was starting to think about the possibilities of why it was weighing me down."

"I was weighing you down?" Casey asked, hearing his shaking voice.

"It's more than that. It wasn't you, but more of me. You will always have a special place in my heart somewhere." The saccharine voice of hers told him she would. He believed in it.

She said to him that to explain the reasons was inexplicable. She knew she needed something more and more and couldn't find it in him. What she did try was to maintain the relationship they had between them before any of the doubts and questions rained on her, but the more the days passed, the more she couldn't get it into it like how they were.

At first, it was nothing, and she didn't want him to worry if she wasn't certain.

"And after we had our anniversary? If you were starting to think differently, then what about when it came to that point?" Casey asked curiously.

"I think by then I knew it couldn't be my insecurities but the realization, and at that point, it was harder to keep up a face, but I did anyway."

I wish I could have done something. But it didn't come out.

"Do feelings really vanish like that?" he asked.

"I wish I knew, but it somehow tells me that, and I just couldn't go on," she replied.

This talk was even tougher than he thought it'd be. He was plenty tough with his emotions confined and mind not subject to react, but with shocking him of how love may have a time limit, it had to be one of the worst things ever. For him, he couldn't be picturing this conversation. Casey sighed deeply. Their magic was lost.

"Are you mad at me?"

"I want to be, but no. But I wish that I was the right man for you—we've been through a lot of things together, and I could not forget."

Raquel found that she couldn't make the situation any lighter for them. Aware that she was the bad barrier but just accepted her role as it was. She attempted a smile she was certain was gut-wrenching. "You know how you're the first person I always talk to and go to about most of the things. I think I was giving too much of me, but losing myself in the process," she said, looking back at him in a show of vulnerability.

She described to him that if she thought about putting her time into work, she might not hold up a relationship well at the same time. For that reason, she found herself falling out because she needed a falling in for something else.

Casey wondered something for his own sake. "Am I still important to you?"

"Yeah," Raquel answered, her voice small.

"So... when you asked if I think there's a future for us... you knew you were going to break up with me?"

She cupped a hand to her cheek and blinked slowly. "Yeah..."

He had hope for their future, and she was afraid for her future.

"I'm sorry...please forgive me. I just left you on your own. Knowing that you were hurting, I didn't want to talk to you but only asked if you had ate and what are you doing to rid of my guilt." Inching up to half her face in her hand, she concealed them and closed her eyes. Raquel whispered quietly, "I made everything weird."

She cowered like a little girl. The woman in her was brave and passionate, taking everything by storm and carrying her self-worth by her side. But when she put down her shield and there was no one else around, she was easy to break down.

"Hey, look at me." Casey lightly grabbed hold of her wrist, making it that she had to withdraw her hand from her face and focus on him. "I could never hate you, okay? I told you that I'll like you. I meant that."

It took a brief moment before she accepted his words. "Okay."

After needing to relieve from their chest and feelings they harbored, they decided a break was the most appropriate decision for them. Everything was still hurting with him and how he felt for her.

Reminiscing about memories that they had together, they acknowledged all the great things they shared. Being around Raquel, he liked that she didn't care about most of the things, and at the same time, she was just content being in her own bubble.

She looked like the most beautiful girl to him back then, and she'll always be beautiful.

Raquel stuck her tongue out at him, showing off how blue it was with all the ICEE she drank. Casey laughed along and did the same.

The sky was setting into a less faded blue. Nearly getting ready to go, Raquel was about to drive them back, but he quickly stopped her, seizing hold of her wrist. "Wait."

She glanced up at his eyes, not saying anything. To her brown eyes he missed gazing at so much, with the adoration he held and the way he saw in her. It's chaos in the colorful mess, secrets hidden under layers, and love like no one had ever known.

"Can I fill in this gap with a goodbye kiss?" Casey asked, his stomach flipping on him.

She raised an eyebrow interestedly then fell into an intent gaze at him. He waited to hear what her response would be. After giving a nodded response, Raquel said softly, "All right."

Was it the butterflies building up instantaneously at once? Did the cool air hit their cheeks at this exact moment? Why must this be the most heavy-hearted moment after this part was done with?

Casey leaned his head down for her just as Raquel moved up a hand to his cheek, and he was feeling the warmth of them. The next second she pressed her lips to his cheek lightly.

They looked back at each other for a little while, and slowly he moved in toward hers, putting a hand on the side of her upper back. Then they kissed. With their eyes closed and mouth moving, the anxious knots in his stomach were increasing. He focused on the soft sensation of her lips, the lips he had tasted before and knew soon he couldn't reclaim again. The lips that used to be the warm welcoming to his day.

This kiss he was putting into had a short message of 'I know I will always miss you.' It's the way of his piece; to pour into action. No one would ever understand how much he meant to her. They were both each other's friend and comfort when no one understood just how lonely they were on the inside. 

You'll always stay with me even when you're somewhere else.

It wasn't long until they broke apart, the spell coming to an end.

▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓

Hello, here it is! Hopefully, you can see I tried my best to not make a breakup so painful but more of a nice ending of getting not closure but another beginning when they're ready. Do most breakups usually end in such a painful way that they never wanted to see their exes again? Probably. With these two, I'm just going to say... I'm already going to miss them. 

Sadly since this story doesn't revolve around them, you don't see too many moments of them that are current except moments he talked about in the past. But I'll make a light mention of their losses soon.

This will be the last chapter of the month, and I won't upload another chapter for a while. I need to focus on getting every work in as I possibly can and focus on the ending of the semester. Although I may not attend graduation, I'll just watch the live stream happening. I do want my diploma soon, haha.

Please vote and comment as it means the world to me.