I feel like an asshole... i messeged him something and it went in wrong. he messaged me back to make a joke about it and I took it the wrong way... I didn't mean to but I did... it turned into this bad thing, leaving him down. I tried so hard to try and cheer him up, but I can't do that. I don't understand boys, I-I put something that feels so right but might feel so wrong to him. I don't know what to say. And when he disapears it's like a knife trailing down my spine, sending every nerve on fire, making me worry so much. He says he is useless when I'm not around and it hurts so so much. I feel bad for everything, i don't want him to feel bad, for his chest to hurt, for him to scream into a pillow until his throat rubs raw. I would so rather me be in his place.
I just want to be there for him hug him, help him fall asleep when his demons pray on him. I just... I love him so much that I would put my life down for him...

I know that you're reading this... it might be as soon as I post it. It might be hours or days after...
Just know that everything I tell you is so much more than what words on a screen can comply with. And anything you do now or in the future, I forgive you and I hope you do the same for me. I love you so much... I don't know how many times I have to say it, but I swear that better be my last words to you in my death bed if we both survive this together...

I'm posting this with out reading though it... I just hope you belive me.