-SIN'S POV-

"She's spiralling. I don't know how to help her. I'm really worried about her. Her relapsing on the 28th, the breakdown on the 29th and then yesterday. 15 panic attacks in one day. You can't tell me that's normal. It's New Years Eve, how the fuck are we meant to celebrate a New Year when this one's ending this shit? I'm sorry, I really didn't mean to call you on your honeymoon it's just-"

"Sin, calm down. We are coming back on the second anyway. Just remember, you need to look out for yourself too. It's hard for me to help her at the moment, but I'll try my best. I'll look into therapy. Can you get your Mum to speak to her? She's a social worker, she should know the right professionals, right? She can help her?" Rhiannon replies, the panic rambling in her voice.

I bite my lip. "We aren't exactly on talking terms."

"Well sort whatever it is out, Sin. I love you both loads. Please look after her, but look after yourself too, okay? I'm gonna send you some links over."

"Thanks so much, Rhi. Have a great honeymoon. I didn't think you were coming back so early, though." I respond, whispering down the phone.

She mutters, "Neither did I.", as she ends the phone call.

Pacing the kitchen, a million thoughts are going through my head. Catalina's always been so strong, so brave, but recently she's a shell of the girl she used to be; openly fragile, weak. Everything she's been through, it seems to be catching up on her. I feel useless, like I can't help.

The urge to drink is becoming so overwhelming, but I don't have time for that. I need to look after her.

"Lina, have you seen my inhaler?" I yell up the stairs, waiting desperately for a reply.

My phone pings.

Lina: nah

I sigh. So she isn't getting out of bed yet?

I am seriously worried about her. The past few days fear has penetrated my body. People like me and her, we are genetically coded to be fucked up- I just hoped we could be some sort of gene therapy for each other.

If I could, I'd take every bit of pain she feels away. I'd take all myself, despite my own shit, because at least she would be happy.

I'd do anything to see her happy.

Grabbing the lunch I made her, I carefully carry it upstairs. Knocking gently, I enter her room, to see her curled up in a ball; under the red blanket and on top of her duvet. The television is on, but she isn't watching it. Her eyes are fixated on the wall, blurry as if they were covered in glass, as she rapidly chews on her bottom lip.

"I brought you lunch. Well, breakfast." I tell her, placing it at the end of the bed.

She doesn't even glance my way.

"I'm not hungry."

I sigh. "Lina, you need to eat."

"I said I'm not fucking hungry Sin!" She yells in response, before letting out a deep sigh. "I'm sorry," she tells me, but maintains her eye contact with the wall, "I'm so sorry."

Her glassy eyes seem to well up with tears, as her rapid chewing turns to rapid blinking; a desperate act to hide the tears. But in my eyes, the tears are a good thing. I was starting to fear that she felt nothing.

I place the food carefully on the floor- the tray should protect it from getting hair, dust etc on it. I lay on the bed beside her, pulling her towards me in her little blanketed ball.

"I love you, Catalina. We are going to get through this together, do you understand me?" I whisper, soothingly running my fingers through my favourite curly locks.

She cries into my chest. "I'm so tired of feeling this way, Sin. I want it to be over. I need to feel like myself again."

"How can I help? Anything you want, I'll allow it, I want you to feel happy again. I can't bare to see you like this." I murmur, wrapping my arms tightly around her.

She looks up at me, her eyes wide and full of intent. For what, I'm not sure.

"Anything?"

"Anything." I whisper, planting a kiss on her head.

She bites her lip. "I want to do pills. And don't get mad, don't say no. I'll do them if you say no. You and I both know that. It's New Years Eve, Sin. I want to be happy. I'll take your 5HTP you got me, I'll start the rehab classes. But I'm addicted, and with mdma, you can't just go cold turkey. I'll do it less often. Once a month, then every three months, then hopefully I can stop. Because I want to, okay? Don't look at me like that. All judgy and worrying."

"I'm not going to allow you to fucking give in to your addiction, Catalina!" I yell, pulling away from her, "do you think I'm crazy? It's a fucking stupid idea, that's what it is. It's been like two days, Catalina. Two. And you're already gagging for pills already? Do you know how severe that is? I love you, more than anything. And it's because I love you that I'm not going to fucking let you do that! Look, we'll go to The Arena tonight. Okay? We'll go to the Arena, we'll have a good night and it'll be great."

Catalina sits up. She bites her lip, looking down as she fiddles with the hairband on her wrist, a million thoughts crossing her mind- plastered over her face. She's scared. I yelled at her. I shouldn't have yelled at her.

She takes a deep breath, then turns towards me.

"Don't speak to me like that again. You're not my fucking boyfriend, so stop acting like it. Get out the room, please, I want to get dressed. I'll be out your hair."

You're not my fucking boyfriend, so stop acting like it.

"Fuck off then. I don't care. Go do pills, do whatever the fuck you want. You're right, you're not my girlfriend. Who am I to stop you, hm? Just the guy you shag and say you love?"

"Sin-"

"Nah. Message received loud and clear." I shake my head, slamming her bedroom door behind me as I leave.

Heading to my room, I feel anger coursing through my veins. I fucking love that girl, with every bone in my body, every hair on my skin, I love her. But she drives insane, the way she treats me can become so exhausting.

She's not going to ruin another New Years of mine- not again. I open my wardrobe moodily, searching for an outfit.

Elizabeth changed every aspect of myself. Emotionally, she was excellent support, but I was never a match for her. She noticed that, so she changed me. The house. My fucking hair. The clothes.

I dyed my hair black again a few days ago. I'm growing it out, but it's taking its sweet time.

All these fucking boring clothes.

I grab a red shirt and some black cargos, adding a simple chain to the outfit. I comb my hair slightly.

But all I can think about is her.

You're not my fucking boyfriend, so stop acting like it.

The fucking bitch.

I leave my room, closing the door slightly behind me. I knock twice on Catalina's room, before entering.

"The fuck do you want?" She asks, mid getting ready.

I frown. "Why are you getting all dressed up?"

"Apollo is taking me to some rave. Got a problem?"

"No. I'm going to meet Elizabeth," I lie, my heart pounding as her eyes widen, "happy new year, you single lady."

Fuck, I need a drink.

***
"Sin, are you drunk?" Annabel asks, her face serious.

The poor girl is working until 11pm, thankfully she gets off before so she can spend some time with Taylor. They clearly have a thing going on, they just love to deny it, even though when they are drunk its clear as day.

I shake my head. "I..I've just had a few drinks."

"Sin, what place do you own? Where do I work? Sorry for swearing at you boss, but I'm not fucking stupid. You need water."

"I need another drink." I reply, my head feeling hazy.

She shakes her head. "Water, or you're leaving."

"You can't kick me out my own fucking business. I can fucking fire you." I slur, annoyed. Why won't she give me another fucking drink? I need another drink.

Annabel looks at me sadly, her face plastered with sickening worry.

You're not my fucking boyfriend.
Apollo is taking me to some rave.

"Not without my permission, you can't. You're coming to our office with me. Now." A familiar voice orders, her stupid arms wrapping round mine and guiding me.

Elizabeth sits me down on the office chair, handing me a bottle of water. She crosses my arms, shaking her head at me like some sort of stupid disappointed parent, as she places her ass on the desk.

"I'm not in your life for a few days and you're already back on the drink? Please have some water. What's
happened, Sin?" She asks, looking at me again with the sickening worry.

I cross my arms. "I don't need water. Or your help."

"Sin, don't you think it hurts me to be here? You broke up with me, remember, but I'm still trying to help. At least let me give you a lift home." She whispers, putting a comforting hand on my shoulder.

She cares. Elizabeth was my girlfriend. She was willing to be.

I lean in, placing a kiss on her lips.

She shoves me back.

"We are getting you home to Catalina. You didn't mean that. I don't know what happened with you guys. I don't want to know, okay? But I know that, unfortunately for me, you love her. And she loves you. This isn't gonna help anything, Sin. If it did, we'd all be alcoholics."

"She doesn't love me." I mumble, but accept the offer to be taken home. It's weird, Elizabeth walking me to her car, giving me water, trying to help. Taking me back to her.

Not that she's even there.

She's probably on fucking molly, fucking Apollo in some fucking disgusting toilets in some shitty warehouse. But who am I to stop her? It's not like I'm her fucking boyfriend, is it?

If she gets home, I'll show her what she's missing. If I'm not her boyfriend, then I'm just the guy she has sex with. So I'll give her that, if thats what she wants, then I'll leave.

I mean, she does it all the time so why the fuck can't I?

"What's going on in that drunken head of yours, Sin?  I can see the clocks turning." Elizabeth says as we near my road.

I grin. "N.nothing. Nothing, Lizzie, nothing. I'm just thinking."

"God, we all need to be scared if you're doing that." She teases, smiling at me.

Something tugs at my stomach. Is it guilt, or am I just drunk?

"Sorry for kissing you. I'm sorry about it all. I shouldn't have dragged you into this. I didn't- that's not what I meant to do." I tell her, my words rambled but hopefully meaning some sense.

Elizabeth smiles as she pulls into the driveway. "Don't be sorry for loving someone, Sin. It's the most beautiful thing ever. I'll forever be sad it wasn't me. But we work as friends. Business partners. Just promise me one thing."

"What?"

"Don't let her ruin you. You've came so far." She whispers.

I nod, my words slurred, "Thank you. Bye."

The walk to my front door was extremely difficult. About five trips, fifty doors staring at me - the blurred vision is proving my enemy - and gagging about a million times. But I made it to the sofa.

She's not here.

You're not my fucking boyfriend.

I need another drink. I stumble into the kitchen, where the bottle of vodka from earlier lies and begin downing it. Daisy looks up at me with a worried look.

Even my dogs disappointed in me.

The hot, burning, sickening feeling in the back of my throat from the Vodka is somehow extremely comforting. Familiar. I still feel angry, but happy, but so fucking angry.

I'm so focused on the drink I don't even notice her come in.

"Sin, what the fuck are you doing? Are you stupid?" She yells, causing me to jump.

Her pupils are dilated. Her jaw is loose.

"I could say the same to you."

She rolls her eyes, whether voluntarily or not I'm unsure.

"I had one pill, Sin. 285mg. I told you I can control it. I'm buzzed, I feel so happy, so loving. You however are pissed off your head."

"Well it's your fucking fault!" I yell, slamming my fists on the kitchen side, "it's your fault. I'm not your fucking boyfriend, so don't tell me what the fuck to do! You're such a fucking bitch, Catalina! You come into my life, fuck everything up, but nooo I'm not your boyfriend!"

Her eyes widen more, if that's even humanly possible. It's hard to take her serious with her juttering jaw, but the rage boiling over her face is obvious.

"You're a fucking freak, Sin. How dare you yell at me like that."

"What are you gonna do about, huh? What are you fucking gonna do?" I yell, stepping closer to her.

She bites her lip, staring into my eyes, as her rage turns to fear.

Fuck. Her dad.

"Little red, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to... I didn't mean to yell. Fuck, I am so sorry, beautiful, I am so fucking sorry." I whisper, running my hands through my hair.

Catalina bites her lip again, shaking her head at me. A smile is dancing across her face, but I know that's the drug, not how she really feels. She shakes her head once more, then again, then again.

"Are you okay?" I slur.

She grins. "I love that I hate you and I love that I love you. Give me a kiss."

"You're fucking weird." I murmur, leaning down and connecting my lips with hers.

The kiss begins slow and gentle, her mouth caressing mine, her tongue slowly dancing with mine. Then it quickens, the desperation for each other taking over, as she tugs at the bottom of my shirt, biting and teasing my lip.

"Are you sure you want this? You're d..drunk I don't wanna take advantage." She murmurs into my ear.

I look at her, finally taking in her outfit. I don't know why she came back from a rave so early, but the outfit is fucking sexy. A mesh top, with a red lace bra underneath. Black sunglasses rested on the top of her head, matching the black parachute cargos she's wearing. The straps of her G-string stick out, helping to further accentuate her curves. She's so fucking beautiful.

"I want you all the fucking time, Catalina. Are you sure you're sober enough?"

She giggles. "Neither of us are sober, but we both want this. Molly doesn't warp my judgement, it just makes your touch feel so electric."

"Oh really?" I smirk, running my fingers across her cheek, down her jaw, until I wrap my hand round her sun-kissed neck, squeezing lightly.

She blushes. "Y..yes."

"I wanna fuck you here on the table." I murmur, leaning down and kissing her again.

She grins at me, and I already know what line is coming.

"So do it."

Grinning, I tightly squeeze her waist, lifting her in the air as if she was a feather. Her legs wrap around me, her arms tight around my neck, as she continues to press desperate kisses on my face. I place her on the counter, her legs wrapped tightly against my waist.

She moves her hands to the bottom of my top, causing me to instantly lift my arms up, removing the obstacle.

I rip her mesh top off, feeling my dick twitching at the sight of her red lingerie.

"The fact other people saw you in this today makes me sick. You're mine, Catalina. All mine. Say it, you're mine." I order, planting rough kisses along her neck, marking what's mine.

"I'm.. I'm all yours, Sin."

I pull down her bra, planning on putting it back on as it's so sexy. Her beautiful breasts spill out, staring at me, begging to be sucked.

"Take your cargos off." I order, which she desperately does, as I begin to grope her boobs.

My finger rubs and flicks her left boob, whilst I nibble her other large breast. I swirl my tongue around her piercing, god her fucking piercings, as I slide my other hand into her matching red thong.

"Almost like you planned this, you little slut." I groan onto her breast, as my fingers rub up and down her soaked pussy.

My thumb swirls her clit whilst my ring and middle finger pump her rapidly. She pushes me back, removing my mouth from her delicious breast, as she plants kisses along my neck, her hot breath causing my dick to twitch even more.

"I want you to taste me, Sin."

"I won't object." I smirk, removing my fingers from her throbbing pussy, "but it's your turn first, little red."

I rub my soaked fingers along her lips and she sucks, her eyes widened and staring at me, her breasts pressing against my bare chest, our body warmth mixed together as it should be.

My lips plant kisses along her chin, her neck, her breasts, until I reach her sternum. I lick her from the sternum down, my tongue stroking and teasing her sensitive stomach, until I reach her stomach.

"Please, Sin." She moans, pressing her thighs either side of my face.

I smirk up at her. "So needy, my little red."

I lick from the bottom of her fanny to the top, pausing at the clit. My tongue swirls around her bud, sucking and nibbling. God, the taste of my girl, just the taste of her is orgasmic.

"Sin..Sin..I want you inside me."

"Not yet, precious." I murmur against her lips, sucking and licking her juices, feeling her moans vibrate against my neck.

I come up, rubbing my thumb along her lip. "I love you so fucking much."

My thumb pushes inside her mouth, I know exactly how much she can take but I know how much this move turns my girl on.

She bites gently down on it, grinning at me. "Stop teasing and get inside me."

"Someone's bossy." I whisper, as she widens her legs for me, whilst I remove my lower clothing.

"I can be far worse."

I grin, placing my hands on my waist as I pull her towards my dick, thrusting quickly so it's a pleasant shock for her. She lets out a sharp and instant moan, her eyes rolling back as I hit her sweet spot.

Ring ring

"You've got to be fucking kidding me." I groan, pulling out of her with grave disappointment.

She sighs, grabbing her phone from beside her. "It's probably nobody important, we can continue."

But as she looks at the phone, her face goes white.

"Who is it?" I ask, rubbing her thigh gently.

She bites her lip. "Um, nobody you know. Just my work back in Spain. It must be important if they are calling at this time, I'm gonna take it. Do you mind?"

Not wanted.

Not her boyfriend.

"Yeah, course. Countdown's soon though, we got like 10 minutes or something so don't be long. I wanna go into New Years with you." I tell her, kissing her forehead gently before leaving the room.

Who the fuck is calling her?

A feeling runs through my body, tugging at my throat.

Something tells me the shittiness of today is only the beginning.

Something worse is coming.

But what?

~~~~~

process

hey guys! sorry ab the shitty updating schedule. im exhausted. men are shit. remember that.

love u xxx