Word "fag" used for a cigarette.

"Wanna go?" he said, after bringing her to an empty corner of the dark, way-too-full room. 1 AM, the party was annoying, everyone was drunk as hell and he could see that Ivy was not having fun or even comfortable anymore.

She let a moment slip, slowly blinking through the epileptic bluish lights. God, that was giving her a headache.

"If it's not bothering you, yeah," she answered, almost screaming in his ear.

"You know even if it's bothering me I would take us back home," he smiled, taking her empty cup from her sparkly nails. She looked into his eyes, glance lingering, then broke the eye-contact.

"I know, but I'm still asking anyway," Ivy giggled back.

"And... It's still useless, after all these years!" He laid the red cup on a table nearby, right next to a couple messily making out. "Well, let's get out of here."

They travelled into the crowd, searching for the entrance – and exit – of this place they definitely didn't know and that smelled like weed. Actually, Ivy was pretty sure it was a kind of frat house – or at least something similar – but that was not relevant. All that mattered was that substance on the floor, that was sticky. Ew.

After a few minutes, the both of them stormed into the outside world, where soothing, fresh air washed over them. Leo brushed Ivy's naked shoulder as soon as goosebumps erupted on her skin. She thanked him for his gesture while he directed them to his car.

"That dress was horrible," she said. "Why did you let me wear that?" she chuckled, finally finding the key of the apartment door.

"You look good in it. We were going to a party. I figured you wanted to look nice," Leo shrugged. "You know, having boys and girls around you, telling you that black looks great on you, that it makes the blue in your eyes pop out, and-"

"That's not what I'm looking for," Ivy protested, nudging him on the ribs. She unlocked the door, letting him in the flat. She entered after him, locking the door.

She walked into her room, closed the door and dashed into the walk-in closet. Ivy slid the straps of the dress and the cloth fell on the floor.

"Besides... The dress itself is reeeeally pretty," she heard Leo say out loud through the walls.

"I know, love it," she answered, getting rid of her bra and replacing it with much more comfortable underwear. "But fuck, that's uncomfortable," then she dug out a black crop top along with black trackies and snatched an oversized hoodie – probably Leo's which was why it was oversized, by the way – that she wore open so that the little daisy on her top could be seen. "Try to wear this, honestly. The metal thing digs under my chest."

"I don't think guy's clothes hurt like that. Kinda unfair. Also, we have actual, useful pockets."

"I know, right?" Ivy said, coming out of the closet and opening the door of her room.

Leo eyed his roommate, "Damn, I swear you can wear anything and still look pretty."

Ivy just smiled back and threw the remark away with a wave of the hand. "Well, you should get comfortable yourself, this shirt looks sweaty and I'm pretty sure this isn't just water."

"Yeah, can confirm," Leo frowned. "I don't wanna know what substance is on my shirt, to be honest." He stepped back and went to his room, situated next to her bedroom.

Considering the incident, Ivy assumed that her friend was going to take a quick shower so she crossed the flat and let herself fall on the couch in the living room, facing their useless fireplace. The back of it was made of red brick, contrasting with the modernity of the whole apartment and the plain, white walls; some fairy lights were attached inside; a soft blanket was contained in a wicker basket next to a house plant named Bobby inside the hearth and a few books in a pile – that both of them knew they were never going to read because they were only there for the aesthetic.

She was proven right when she heard the shower in the bathroom attached to Leo's room so she spent her time waiting for her friend by standing up and entering in the open kitchen on the other side of the room. While not drunk, they'd had alcohol and they had just eaten an omelette before heading to the party. So she started to make them banana pancakes quickly just as Leo was showering. Her stomach was quite happy with the sweet taste of the banana when she ate a piece of the fruit as she was cutting it.

After a little moment, Leo came out of his room in black sweats and a black tee-shirt, hair damp. He met her blue gaze with a soft smile. Then his eyes fell on Ivy's hands.

"You made pancakes- my God, Ivy, you're perfect."

"Duh, I know," she smiled, laying a plate on the bar, then a second one and she came out of the kitchen to sit on a bar tool next to her friend.

She grabbed the hair clip forgotten on the bar and fixed her hair as Leo was nodding after biting one of his pancakes.

"What do you wanna do tonight?" Leo asked.

She giggled, "What do I wanna do tonight? It's, like, two in the morning! I'll just watch a series and then sleep, I think."

"Mm, mm. I'll do the dishes, you can go."

"Thanks!"

They finished their pancakes and Ivy went back to her room. It was the beginning of May and, in their apartment, it wasn't really warm. She unplugged her laptop and threw it on her bed, discarried her hoodie and snuggled into her bed under the soft blanket – quite similar to the one in the living room, in the fireplace. Ivy turned out the light and lit the coloured LEDs on her walls, flooding her room with purple lights.

She was starting to doze off when she heard a knock on her door, "M'yeah?" she said, rubbing her eyes.

Leo entered, "Hi, Ivy. I'm going to Tesco's to buy cigs, you want something?"

"Mm, yeah. Give me a second, I'm coming with you," she said, folding the blanket and standing up. She closed the laptop and grabbed the jacket. "Let's go."

Leo smiled and got out of the bedroom.

Ivy met him by the door, phone and wallet in pocket, Leo snatching the car keys in the bowl. They went into the parking lot, getting in the car. Leo drove to the nearest Tesco open twenty-four hours.

Leo bought cigarettes and some bread while Ivy took an iced coffee to wake up a little. It was way too late to sleep, she figured they would sleep through the morning.

Soon enough, they were back in the car, parked in the parking lot. The silence was both loud and soothing, white noise in their ears. She heard the subtle click of the lighter, then Leo was exhaling smoke out of the car, tilting his head.

Meanwhile, she stabbed her coffee cup with the straw to open it, then sipped the cold liquid.

"I love the vibe," she quietly said to Leo.

"Yeah, same," he answered, then took another drag that he politely exhaled outside once again. "I love the fact that we're here at, like, 4 AM. Reminds me of our teenage years."

"Bless the shops open twenty-four hours."

"Yeah."

Ivy shifted in her seat, sitting cross-legged with her drink resting on her ankle – held by her hand. Leo's own fist was outside the window, with his fag burning. It was dark outside, with the yellow glow of the nearest streetlight.

"How's the coffee?" he asked his friend.

"Decent, I'd say. Wanna taste?" she replied with a cheeky grin, knowing very well the hatred from his friend to this drink. He hated coffee with a certain passion and Ivy always liked to mess with him by drinking a lot of coffee. Needless to say, she already knew his response.

"Actually," he smirked. "Yeah, I'd like to taste."

Ivy raised an eyebrow. That was unexpected. She handed him her coffee, with a hint of suspicion in her eyes. Leo took it with his left hand – the one not out of the car with the cig in his fingers –, accidentally touching Ivy's own hand. He shook every possible thought out of his head and caught the straw between his lips, staring right in her soul while sipping some of the light brown content.

He winced and gave her the cup back, "You guys are aliens to even touch this shit."

"Yeah, I don't know why you tried it," Ivy chuckled. "It's good, though. You know what the French say?"

"No, I don't know what the French say," Leo mimicked her, taking a drag and keeping his arm inside.

"They say 'Tu as un palais de dobermann', which I find is true in your case."

"To be perfectly honest with you, Ivy, it sounded both erotic and offensive," Leo snorted.

"It was- wait, when did it start raining?" Ivy tilted her head, looking through the drenched window.

"You have the attention span of a six-year-old. I swear."

"That's not true."

"It is," Leo protested. "It started raining right before you showed me your French knowledge," he then informed her.

"You make it sound as if it's some kind of black magic," Ivy grinned.

"I mean, it kinda is."

"That's not not true," Ivy agreed. "Anyway. What was I saying about your awful palate... Yeah, so you have really, really bad taste."

Leo swallowed a cheesy remark that he clearly couldn't say out loud. "Maybe," he answered instead, working on finishing his cigarette, still careful to exhale the smoke outside in the air that started to have this familiar scent of wet concrete. "Anyway, um... What are your plans for tomorrow?"

"Actually, I don't have anything to do except sleeping, so... Yeah, I'm free if you wanna hang out."

"I don't have anything to do either, so yeah. What about we do nothing but together?"

"I'm in."

"Perfect then," Leo nodded, opening the glove box. He took out an ashtray and smashed the cigarette inside. He then closed the window.

"Hey, you bought bread, right?" Ivy remembered.

"Yeah, a baguette," he answered with the worst accent possible.

"That's actually a baguette," she corrected. She had studied in France for a semester, for crying out loud.

"It's whatever I want, I bought it," Leo shrugged. "You want a bite?"

"... Yes."

"Apologise, then."

Ivy sighed but complied, "I'm sorry for making fun of your lack of knowledge of French culture. Now can I have the tip of the baguette, please?"

"Only because I like you," Leo broke the bread to give Ivy the piece she wanted.

"When I was there, people would just... Like, bite the tip. Right after exiting the bakery. At first, I thought it was rude but... When I bought my first baguette, I understood the feeling. The bread is warm and crunchy, that's just incredible. This one is good, though," she said, eating the bread in between sentences. "Not as good, but definitely good."

"I'm sorry, Miss I've-Eaten-The-Best-Bread-In-The-World-Because-I've-Studied-In-Paris," Leo didn't even try to suppress his eyeroll.

"Actually, it was Lille, but yeah, got it," Ivy sighed. Then, she gently slapped Leo's thigh, "Let's go. Can we maybe go somewhere not in town? Like, in one of McLaurry's fields. He's always okay with us in his fields. He said we could take the little road in the lavender field. That's where the Harrisons sisters make their photoshoots."

"What would you want to do in a lavender field at the crack of dawn while it's raining?"

"Man, you lack romanticism," Ivy sighed – something she had done a lot this night.

"What?"

"Let's go home, Leo."

"Okay."

The young man silently started the car, safely driving them home under the downpour that was coming down on their little town. They were living in a tiny city circled by fields. There was a school and a high school downtown, and a university was settled a mile away between the fields and a forest, where there was also a student residence with apartments. It was not where they lived, though, now that they had both graduated. But high school was where they had met each other even though they had really started to be friends at the end of their last year.

✧ *:･ﾟ✧

"Can I borrow it?" Ivy asked in the darkness of Leo's room, pulling out a plaid shirt.

"Why?" Leo inquired, sinking lower under his covers. "I mean, yeah, of course, you can, as usual. But why always this one?"

With the shirt tucked under her arm, Ivy went to the door of Leo's room. She stopped in her tracks and turned around, "It's just... First, it's yours and then... I don't know. There's something comforting about it. I don't know. It brings me comfort and peace and I can't find it with any other of my clothes."

"You can keep it, I guess," he said from his bed.

"No, because if I keep it, it's gonna be mine, and I want to wear your clothes."

"I actually like the idea of you wearing my clothes," Leo admitted.

"Then it's perfect," Ivy smiled without her friend being able to see it because of the lack of light in the room, where the curtains were still closed despite the time being almost midday. "Pancakes? Real ones, this time."

"You don't know how to make pancakes, Ivy."

"That's why I need you! Alright, meet me in the kitchen," Ivy exclaimed before rushing to the kitchen to make sure she had all the supplies to make the pancakes.

Unfortunately, Leo was right and Ivy was unable to make normal pancakes without it being an absolute mess, which was why she only made banana ones. She had tried, though, and it had always ended up with a failure. She hoped Leo's help would be great. She smiled. Of course it would be great.

When Leo joined her, dressed and clean, she had put the shirt on. The sight painted a grin on his face, pleased to see her in his clothes. He knew it was not the first time, because his wardrobe was basically Ivy's now, but he just always liked to see her dressed like that.

It was like she claimed herself to be his, and he just loved it.

Don't think too much about that, he told himself.

He settled to think that the shirt suited her.

"So, pancakes. First, you..." he started.

"You're not making it?" Ivy dramatically asked.

"I'm telling you how to make it, babe. You make it: if it's good, it's thanks to you; if it's not then it's my fault."

She paused to think, then nodded, "I like you. I like the idea. It's perfect."

They both chose to ignore the blush spreading on their cheeks while Leo hopped on a bar stool.

"Okay, so. First, you mix the flour, the baking powder, the sugar, and the salt together in a large bowl."

"This bowl?" Ivy asked, showing a big bowl.

"That will do. Okay, next, make a well in the centre and add the milk, the melted butter, and the egg. Is the butter still liquid enough?"

"Yeah, I got it out of the microwave just before you came in. What do I do next?"

"Mix."

"Okay, chef."

Once the dough was smooth enough, Leo helped his friend to flip the pancakes on the pan. They decided to make a more complete brunch, planning on doing avocado toast along with a cup of tea because "We're not aliens, Ivy, I'm not making coffee."

They sat at the bar with their pancakes and their cuppa, waiting for the toast that Leo had carelessly put in the toaster to be toasted.

"So, I've seen this recently. Do you remember Maddie?" Ivy started.

"From the last year of high school? The 'pick me' one?"

"Yeah, her. She's pregnant."

"Which guy would want her as the mother of his kid?" Leo raised his eyebrows.

"None, since the daddy's baby and her boyfriend left her. Well, that's what I was told. I don't wanna be mean but... She kinda deserved it."

"She's always been in love with me anyway," Leo shrugged with pride.

"That's not something you should be proud of!" Ivy nudged him.

"That's why she hated you," he continued, undisturbed.

"And I'm proud that my sole existence pissed her off."

"Of course, you are," Leo mumbled.

Just like a lot of things, they chose to not look into the implications of such words. They knew – they had known each other for years – but neither of them was ready. But neither Ivy nor Leo knew how to restart the conversation, both thinking about how Maddie's hatred toward Ivy had almost changed Ivy and Leo's friendship – for the worse or the best.

Suddenly, the awkward silence that was thickening in the room was interrupted by the toaster, with a light smell of burnt.

"Fuck," Leo cursed, standing up to retreive the burnt toast from the toaster. "I think I messed up the settings. D'you want burnt toast?"

"No thanks," Ivy giggled. "You can throw 'em. Damn, we're twenty-five and unable to make toast."

"My bad, my bad. I must have pressed the wrong button when I grabbed it from the shelf," Leo explained, while placing the bread in the bin.

"I know, I'm just messing with you, love. While you're there, can you grab the maple syrup? For the pancakes."

"Yeah. So, now the settings are acceptable, I can put two slices of bread." Leo carefully double checked the settings of the toaster. He nodded. Leo opened the fridge to collect the maple syrup. "They're really good, by the way," he praised. "I'm proud of you, Ivy."

"Thanks," she beamed and blushed. "It's thanks to you, really."

"You did all the work."

Ivy rolled her eyes, happily taking the sugary syrup to coat her pancake.

"We're twenty-five, having breakfast at noon after burning toast on a Sunday. Some of us are out there having babies. Some of us are still studying. The twenties are weird ages," Leo observed.

"I'm quite happy with my life, actually. I mean, I'm okay with my work, I earn money, I live with someone that I like in a decent apartment, I go to parties, I'm healthy. I'm happy with my life, which isn't the case with everyone."

"Same. I'm glad to be 'someone that you like', by the way," Leo softly confessed.

"You doubted it?"

"No."

"Great, 'cause you really shouldn't."

There was a fine line and none of them was ready to cross it.

✧ *:･ﾟ✧

The afternoon of the very same day, they decided to go to McLaurry's farm to collect some milk. The guy had a bunch of fields around the city and a farm two miles away, with cows and goats. He was making a little bit of cheese and selling the milk. They were selling fruits as well.

They drove through the lovely scent of lavender with the windows open, Ivy's arm outside the window, with the sun in their eyes and good music in their ears. The road to the farm was empty almost all of the time; the only cars were the ones of the inhabitants, just like Ivy and Leo's, with a truck or a tractor from time to time.

At the entrance, they found one of McLaurry's workers, who was also one of their high school friends.

"Good afternoon, welcome to the farm! Oh, Ivy and Leo! Hi, how're ya?" he greeted them, switching from his work voice to his normal one, with his lovely accent.

"We're great, mate! How's the farm?" Leo inquired.

"Doin' good. You still together? It's been a long time."

"Yeah, we have a flat in town," Ivy nodded. "Leo's working in a bakery, he, like, serves. I work in the city hall."

"We should reunite our senior year's class, dang. I live in the hamlet nearby, must admit I don't see anyone from school 'cept when they come to the farm."

"That's a great idea, actually," Leo agreed. "A lot of people went away. Some went to study abroad, like Ivy – but she came back. A lot definitely went to London."

"Yeah, but I think a lot stayed in the county at least, too. Anyway! What d'you want from the farm?"

"Yeah, we were here to buy some milk. And peaches, also, if you still have some."

Of course they had both. The two friends even went home with an extra cheese and a pack of tomatoes because fresh products were always good. They stayed a while, chatting with their old friend about their adulthood, and then with McLaurry when the man appeared. He even asked them if they wanted to stay a bit to pet and feed the goats, which they were happy to do. The farmer also showed them the process of making the cheese; Ivy found it very interesting and felt a pang of something as McLaurry was talking to them as a couple, using lots of "you lovebirds" and "you beautiful pair", even though they had corrected him countless times across the years. The night soon came and the dusk reminded them of their responsibilities.

Which, obviously, were thrown out the window as Ivy successfully convinced Leo to stop in a lavender field to watch the stars.

As the complete silence reigned, a soft breeze was cooling the atmosphere. The orange sunlights soon disappeared. They were surrounded by the lingering scent of the lavender that they couldn't see in the darkness, dancing in the wind. Ivy and Leo were sitting on the car hood, enjoying the star gazing in one another's presence. Here. Peace.

The soft light that the Moon was casting on them reflected the chain on Ivy's neck, a gift from Leo, obviously. He had bought it for her twentieth birthday and she had kept it.

"The stars are out tonight," Ivy whispered. She wasn't feeling well at the idea of breaking the silence with her voice.

"Yeah, we're not in town. Look up," he said. Their shoulders brushed and blush bloomed on their cheeks just as poppies in a wheat field. "The W, right here."

Ivy leaned closer to have a better look at the direction Leo was pointing at. "Yeah, I see it," she practically whispered in his ear.

"That's Cassiopeia. It's the only constellation I know."

"She's pretty," Ivy said, putting her head on Leo's shoulder.

"Just like you," without missing a beat, rubbing his hand on Ivy's knee.

She smiled without answering. They already felt enough.

✧ *:･ﾟ✧

When Ivy closed the door of the city hall after her day of work, she was not expecting to be pulled by two strong arms and engulfed in a hug. She was not expecting either – but welcomed nonetheless – the two lips pressing against her own.

The surprise faded, leaving enough room for panic and anxiety to settle. They could be seen. This entry of the city hall was in a little street, but there was a square not that far away, with a record shop in a corner, but also a bar and a coffee shop – she could hear the chatting of the unaware souls as well as the the chiming of bikes surrounding them and the tyres of cars mindlessly making their way next to them.

Soon enough, she lost herself in the kiss. She knew Leo enough to know where this was going to go – read: absolutely nowhere. She allowed herself to just feel. Feel the pavement under her boots, irregular and dirty. Feel the warm skin of a jaw under her fingertips, the hair tickling her forehead, the leather against her arms. She could hear the birds chirping in the trees she knew were a bright green. She could smell the flowers scenting the air with their delicate and fresh essence. She could smell the stinky odour of the gasoline running the vehicles. But, above everything, she could smell and taste Leo. Leo and his exquisite but opposite taste of cigarettes and pastries.

When they broke the kiss, Ivy first met Leo's joyful gaze, then looked around her. Not to scan the street but simply to realise that everything was normal. They were benches with people sitting and talking, not giving a fuck about these two young friends. There were flowers, pink, white and orange, in their black metal bins. There were planes going North and South above their heads. The Earth was still rotating; everything was normal. They had just kissed on a sidewalk.

"I missed you," Leo said as if he just didn't mess up Ivy's entire world again.

"Missed you too," she told him back, "I wasn't expecting you."

"Yeah, we closed sooner. Let's go home, yeah?"

"Yeah."

Thinking about that event had Ivy tossing and turning in her bed that night. She had tried not to think about that kiss, unsuccessfully, so here she was. It was not the first, it had happened a few times already. Used as a greeting when they had been missing each other. Nothing serious, a simple press of lips against lips, nothing too deep, nothing to think about. It came as naturally as temple kisses they had been exchanging since the end of the last year of high school. It was unsaid and similar to that way Leo had to run his hands in her hair, to tuck loose strands behind her ears.

She knew. Kind of. She didn't want to be aware of it. Acknowledge it. But, she could hear it in their silences. She was... Lost. Not knowing where to go. Not wanting to finish her thoughts. She was afraid of where it could lead her. Them. Maybe there was a world with a "them". A world where they could work?

Fuck, she couldn't sleep.

Sighing, she rolled off of the covers. Getting up, she lit her LEDs, a soft, pastel blue colour flooding the room. She needed to walk a bit, outside, in the cool weather that was exclusive to the night at this time of the year. She needed to talk to the Moon, maybe. Maybe she was turning crazy. Because of freaking feelings. Fuck the feelings.

Without even thinking about it, she withdrew her pyjamas and put on grey sweatpants and a white tank top, not forgetting Leo's plaid shirt for good measure. She took her phone and her wallet, sneaking out of her room. Unfortunately, she wasn't as careful as she thought she was. Leo's door cracked open, letting a beam of yellow light expose her.

Fucking fuck.

"The fuck are you doing?" Leo mumbled.

"Um, walking outside," Ivy cautiously answered.

"It's past midnight."

"... Right. Come with me?" Yeah, maybe she was turning crazy.

Leo nodded and turned off his room's light. He was already dressed to go out, as if he knew.

They walked to the centre of the town, small talking. There was a shop, there, they knew it very well. It was open twenty-four hours. They used to come here at night, as teenagers. To buy over-sweet drinks and wander in the streets. There was also a park. A little square, with trees, squirrels and some drug-addicts. They were usually friendly, though. Just out of this world. Lost even in their own universe.

Ivy and Leo bought alcoholic beverages and sat in the green grass. It was silent at first, but not their usual, relaxing, comforting silence. A more awkward one. One that was thick enough to be hard to swallow. One where Ivy could distinctly hear the sounds made by her own body, heart racing, saliva swallowed.

The young woman built the entire conversation in her head twice before actually breaking the stillness. She pressed her shaking hands against her knees to distract herself.

"You know, I'm afraid, sometimes." She left room for Leo to answer 'Why?' She hoped he'd say it. Her heart was loud, so loud in her ears.

"Why would you?" Bingo. Eight years of friendship.

Eight. Shit shit shit.

"I... I feel things that I don't fully understand, and... Well, I don't want to understand them fully, I think. Because I'm scared. I guess. Um... I don't want to be alone."

"You don't have to be. I've got your back," Leo softly whispered, closing his eyes.

"That's the issue," she breathed back.

"What?" his eyes shot open.

"I don't understand something about you. Not something bad," she reassured him. "I guess- I hope. No, I know it's not something bad. But still. And um... I don't know if you have this thing too, and I think you don't and I don't want to be alone because of that."

Ivy held her breath. There was no coming back. But, at least, she had done it. Had her heart ever been so loud before? Could Leo hear it?

"I don't fully get what you're talking about, but I can assure you one thing. Ivy, look at me," he patiently waited until their eyes met, afraid blue and calm brown. "Listen to me, right?" he waited again for her to nod. "I'll never leave you alone. Write these words in your eyelids if needed. I'll. Never. Leave you. Alone."

She thought for a second. She trusted him, right? She'd always trusted him. And she'd always been right. She could trust him with her life, why wouldn't she trust him with her feelings?

"Ivy?"

"I trust you."

"I appreciate it," he said sincerely. "And I trust you as well. I... I genuinely thank you for, um... Talking about your ghosts with me. I must say, I have to thank you for so, so many other things. I cherish your trust and our friendship as well. I thank you for being... You." He sighed and chuckled, "It's hard to say," he paused, then said "you're my best friend."

She knew what it was. He was in love.

It's you and me until the end.
Together, we're the greatest.

Of course.

She smiled, feeling warmth spreading in her cheeks, thanking the night for its darkness and thanking the Moon for being only barely here.

It was lighter, now, the silence. They were back to normal, because the world knew they couldn't not be normal. Her heart, not as loud as the moment before, was full of joy.

"Some men fight in the name of love," she spoke again. "Never understood why."

"Mm?"

"Now, I do."

Ivy smiled. Leo smiled. There was only them, at that moment. No more drug-addicts, no more sound of the wind in the leaves, no more teenagers wandering in the streets, and no more ghosts and unsaid in their hearts.

They could hear in the silence.
They could feel it on the way home.
They could see it with the lights out.
They were in love.