Shikamaru's squad, the Akatsuki, and the other survivors came to meet us at our base, following tiredly behind Kisame. They looked as shitty as we did, everyone dragging their feet and some people were being carried. Everyone went to greet their friends, though none of us really were in the mood to say anything. We hugged, glad to see one another alive but nobody had a spark of life in their eyes like normal. They were tense, on edge, and looking traumatized all in one.

Dried blood was crusted on everyone, and wrappings done by Ino covered injuries that couldn't be fully healed without more supplies. Shika's head was wrapped thickly in bandages and his chakra was almost nonexistent. Choji was skinnier than I'd ever seen and was dead on his feet. Ino was bruised and slow but relatively fine. Lee had a nasty black eye and he was limping, being held up by Neji who was hunched over with a wound on his stomach. Tenten had her cheek covered in gauze and her left arm was in a sling.

Deidara was covered in ash , his foot was in a bloody cast, and he was barely awake on Sasori's Hiruko shell. Hidan was unhurt of course but his clothes were basically ripped to shreds and the signs of Kakuzu's stitching were obvious. Kakuzu's mask was gone and his skin looked paler than normal.

I cringed when I saw Ino, all I could think of was Shizune. She marched up to me and grabbed my arm. I yanked it back out of reflex. The adrenaline was wearing gone, the numbness was fading and I had been trying to ignore the pain I was in...at least until Ino decided to make it obvious.

At some point I had crushed the knuckles of my third and fourth fingers and my wrist was most definitely broken. I didn't notice the pain and swelling until recently, didn't matter. I deserved the pain and everyone else needed more help than I did. I can travel with my hand hurting. Ino disagreed, she dragged me to one of the cots and forced me to sit down.

"You idiot. What the hell are you doing not setting your bones yet." She gripped my wrist and with a painful snap, pushed the bone that was split into two back into alignment. It hurt, I didn't even flinch. I had to tell her.

"Ino, Shizune-" She cut me off, still talking but her blue eyes shone with acceptance. She already knew, she had to of known. She didn't sense Shizune when she came to camp, she looked around and didn't see her. She already knew and I still had to tell her. She needed to know it was my fault, she could put the blame on me.

"You look like shit Hinata. How did you even do this to yourself? I didn't think I'd have to look after you too." Her hands glowed green and her chakra forced it's away into my wrist, healing the cuts and mending the shell of the bones enough that they would heal properly. Not much else could be done for bones.

"Ino..." She casted my wrist and my fingers, not meeting my eye. My arm was strapped to my chest, my right hand laying just above my heart.

"Don't say it. I...I know already. I just...I can't right now." Her voice cracked and she pulled the straps keeping my hand bound to my body that much tighter.

"But it's my-" Ino stood up and walked away. Choji wrapped and arm around her and she shook slightly as he held her. Everything was packed away finally and all of us ate before beginning the trek back home. Deidara leveled the village as we left, passing out completely after the large array of explosions.

The trek back home was long and quiet. Everyone was dealing with their own demons, their own grief, their own anxieties and it was hard to talk about anything. Even Hidan was quiet, muttering his prayers until we finally passed over the ocean and the threshold of the freezing climate to the better temperament of the area right outside the land of fire.

We slept as a group, everyone still tense and battle ready. Even the slightest ruffle of a plant had at least 10 kunai drawn for attack. Once within the countries borders, we stopped and stripped of the extra clothing. There was a river and I had never been more glad to see water. It finally gave all of us to clean ourselves, to wash away the reminders of the lives we had taken, the lives we had lost.

I struggled, I couldn't get in the water to clean myself. Cleaning my clothes with one hand was just as hard. I couldn't get the blood out of Tsume's jacket, I couldn't get Shizune's blood out of Tsume's jacket. It was there, dark and mocking, a deep stain showing how it was because of me. Blood was skill caked onto my skin, I couldn't get it off. Reminding me of my failure, how it was my fault, how her blood was on my hands.

Neji placed his hands over my own, stopping my movements. He was cleaned, his hair still dripping from the water. He had a bucket of water placed next to me and carefully pried the cloth from my hand.

"Let me do it, I will always be here to help you." Neji submerged the coat in water and placed a stone over it so it couldn't float away. He pulled the sopping towel from the bucket and cleaned my arms, my neck, my face. He was carefully wiping away all the blood and grime layered on my skin. The white towel turned a brownish red. He dipped it back into the bucket and did one more round of scrubbing my skin. When my skin was clear of all the blood, he pulled my hair free of the braid it had been stuck in for who knows how long.

He began to pour the water over my head, the once clear water began to run red with the blood coming from my hair. He filled the bucket and did it once more, his fingers helping to brush through the tangles, making it easier for the blood to come out. He did it until my hair was totally clean, free of any traces of the battle that we had fought in.

He cleaned Tsume's jacket. Using soap and a stone to rid the fabric of the blood. There were holes I'd patch later but at least now I could give her the jacket back. Even cleaned, I could still see Shizune's blood on my hands. Izumo and Kotetsu's blood was there too. Even cleaned, it was still there if I stared too hard at my free hand. When I closed my eyes I could see it. I held the sopping wet jacket in my hands and cried. It was just me and Neji, he said nothing, he didn't need to. His presence was enough. He just continued washing the rest of my gear and weapons as I sobbed.

When we returned to the village, everyone turned in their mission reports and went home. I was the only one left in her office. Tsunade knew already, Shizune wasn't here and she knew why. Tsunade brought out a bottle of Sake and took a large swig straight from the bottle.

"What happened?" She let out a weary sigh, blinking slowly as she prepared herself to hear everything. I slumped to my knees, gripping my fist closed tightly as I spoke.

"I'm sorry. It was my fault...I..I should have been there sooner..." I spilled all I could remember from Shizune's death, Tsunade stayed quiet the entire time. She blamed me as much as I did. "It's my fault..If I...If I wasn't born here..if I didn't change anything...she'd be here. She'd be with Genma...alive...my fault...it's my...my fault."

"Did you know?" She cut in, her fingers rubbing into her temples to relieve the ache in her mind. There was no anger but there should have been.

"No...I thought if I could save everyone who had died...I thought...everything would work out...how could I have been so stupid! I traded their lives for others...First Sakura now them...I...I killed them all." Tsunade cut me off, brought me back to the present with slapping me across the cheek. It burned and brought tears to my eyes from the force.

"Stop, brat. Do not blame yourself for something you have no control over. Sure, you changed things, people died who didn't originally but that also means people lived. People who deserved second chances now can have them, Shizune wouldn't ever want her life to be saved if it meant those who are living now to die. People die all the time, but she gave her life for something she believed in. Do not disrespect her death like that. You didn't know, you can't know everything, it is in no way your fault. Things change and that is not all because of you. How vain do you have to be to think everything revolves around your actions. You are not god, you cannot save everyone. You can grieve, but you cannot blame yourself for what you have no control over."

"But..." She shut me up with a glance. She was angry with me, not at me. I couldn't understand, she should be blaming me.

"If you really are so weak willed and cannot take the repercussions of your actions, the good and the bad that comes from you being here then stop. Stop trying to change anything, let those who are going to die, die and hopefully nobody else does. That's what you want right? This is life, not some kind of movie, things are good but things also end badly, you have to be the one to keep fighting through that, to keep trying or your life here really will be worthless. If you do nothing, if you had done nothing just because you were afraid of what would change and let people die without even trying, then their blood will be on your hands."

I was stunned into silence, left to ponder over her words. She...she was right. This was real life, I was not god, I was not the main character. People died and it was out of my control, I changed things for the better for many people and giving up now, I...I would be shitting on those who died and be the reason for those to die if the future ends up the same. If I never tried, it would be worse than knowing and doing nothing. The future is different, I know nothing of what it to come but I have to fight.

"You...you are right." She scoffed like that was the most obvious thing in the world. I guess, it might have been.

"Of course I'm right brat." Tsunade placed a hand on my shoulder and used her free hand to point right at my heart. "You are Hinata, Hinata is you, this is your life so you damn well are gonna act like it. You didn't kill her, you didn't take something that wasn't yours. You are you, forget the future if you need to, just live. Fight for what you believe in, don't start to make your second chance at life worthless."

"Ok." For so long I had thought of it as fake, then I accepted it as real but still felt like I was taking something that didn't belong to me..but Hinata is me. I don't remember being anyone else, I don't want to be anyone else. I love my family, my family, my friends, my life, everything I have worked for. Finally accepting that I'm Hinata, hearing that someone else believes I am Hinata and she is me, that I wasn't taking someone else's life, that I had so little control over how real life works eased a weight from my shoulders I didn't even know I was holding.

"You need it, you look like shit." Tsunade handed be a cup of Sake, I downed the fiery liquid in a single gulp, lips pursing at the burn.
"Ino said as much." I smiled, it was broken and filled with sorrow but no longer the self loathing guilt that had been pressing on my soul for who knows how long. Tsunade returned the look, and we both took a drink in membrane of Shizune, and another for all the other lives lost.

"Go home." I left, feeling Jiraiya's chakra enter through the window as Tsunade cried. The walk home I was on edge, ready to fight on every corner. Everyone was home getting comfort for what we had just gone through and I wanted nothing more than to go hold Hanabi and have dad sit me in his lap like when I was small.

With or without my guilt, the war changed something in me, in all of us. It was scary, possibly the scariest thing I had ever been through. I could feel every chakra around me and my muscles were coiled to fight even back home. I was fight or flight, I could see the blood and smell the death, something I didn't think was going to change any time soon.

I got home and went to find Hanabi right away. Her chakra was easy to sense, always trying to sense what was around me during the war heightened my skills. I could sense chakra without even trying now, not a far area but far enough. She was doing her nightly training with dad, her movements perfectly graceful and powerful. She was strong, so freaking strong.

The both stopped when I entered the room. My clothes were ripped, I was in a cast, I looked like shit. Hanabi came when I opened my arm, and I pulled her to my chest, burying my face into her hair.

"I was so worried! You were gone for so long." She held onto my waist tightly and I blinked back the tears.

"I know. I know." I mumbled into her hair, forcing myself to forget the kids who killed mercilessly, the ones we slaughtered that were her age. It was Hanabi, I had to focus only on her presence, on her being here. On father, his comforting chakra. Being hime, not frozen, not killing, not watching people die.

"Does that mean Kakuzu-sama is here too?" She was excited, her big eyes hopeful for his return.

"Yep, I'm sure he'd love a visit." She muttered how excited she was to see him. Her fingers traced the cast on my hand, a soft frown on her face. I told her I was ok and it would heal soon enough.

"I am glad you are home safe." Hiashi's voice was a quiet rumble and as poised as always. I looked up at him, feeling small again.

"Papa. It was..." I had no words to describe everything but he understood. He had seen it before. He took a look at my face, the look I was giving him and he adhered to my want. I was training to be clan head, Shinobi didn't show emotions but he didn't reprimand me.

"I understand." He scooped Hanabi and I into his arms and headed to his office. He sat at his desk where he wrote out mission reports and handled the clan duties. I sat in his lap, still much smaller than him. My back pressed against his chest and he placed his chin on my head, looking over his work. Hanabi was in my lap, smiling happily at our family time. He had his arms around us as he worked dutifully.

Rukia came in at one point asking if we needed anything and he had her prepare us dinner. He even had her make pork Gyoza which was one of my favorite's and we rarely had it because my father didn't consider it healthy enough.

Hanabi was the first one to fall asleep and then he asked me about what I could tell him. I told him everything we did and he gave me advice on how to cope. Telling me it was hard but as Hyuga and a shinobi it was my job to endure and grow stronger. I watched him work and asked questions about some of what he was doing. Soon enough, the explanations and comforting rumble of his chest eased me into an exhausted sleep, one where I was finally less on edge.

Hiashi carried Hanabi and I back to our rooms and when he attempted to leave me alone, I clung to him even in my sleep. He stayed with me for a while longer until I released him and he was able to go sleep in his own bed. I didn't like sleeping alone, I was afraid of being alone. That was when the demons came out, all my issues, my fears and having someone there kept them at bay.

My dreams were plagued with blood and no matter how hard I tried I couldn't wake up until a chakra revealed itself. I shot up in a panic, attacking the chakra that appeared. It was too fast and I was crushed under a weight that more than doubled my own. It was only when the wet, slimy tongue licked my face that I stopped thrashing.

Bull was lying right over my stomach...I was in my room, in my bed, not freezing. He was heavy but he avoided putting any weight on my broken hand, the sweet dog he was.

"Nightmare?" I nodded and breathed in deeply as my racing pulse calmed down. "Alpha has those too." He rolled off of me and nuzzled my injured hand softly. Licking the cast as a get well soon. The big scary boy was such a sweetie. He moved behind me so I could use him as a pillow.

"Did Kakashi-sensei send you?" I held my hand out and Bull licked it. He opened his mouth and playfully munched on it.

"Yes, Naruto has Pakkun and Sasuke has Akino. He got home a few hours ago, very unhappy." It was sweet, Kakashi was terrible with emotions and human interaction but him sending us all one of his Ninken to keep us company was heart warming.

"Why?" I hoped nothing happened on his mission to piss him off, a genuinely angry Kakashi was not a fun one to be around.

"You went to war without him. You are all Kakashi's pack and he could not protect you." No wonder, with the way his first war went when Minato wasn't around, it's not a surprise he's pissed. He knows how fucked up it is and is trying to make up for his absence, trying to help us in the most Kakashi way possible.

"So this is his way of comforting us?" I smiled lightly, letting the warmth of Bull and the thought of Kakashi trying to figure out how to help his students without seeming like he cares too much warm my soul. I scratched behind his ears and kissed his black fur, telling him how much I loved him. Bull basked in the praise...I definitely spoil his dogs too much.

"Yes, war is hard. He believed we would be better than him coming himself." I rolled my eyes, leave it to Kakashi to be like that. It was still sweet to send us companions, even that was slightly surprising. It showed he really cared, as much as he probably wished he didn't.

"He's a loser." Bull snickered with me, very much in agreement with my assessment of his emotionally constipated master. It was still early morning but I was too awake to go back to sleep. I got up and stretched, letting out a pleased groan as my bones cracked. "Mmm, are you mine all day?" I slowly got to my feet, wincing at the throb of my broken fingers.

"Yes." Perfect, I was hungry and Bull would eat anything I fed him. I started stripping out of my clothes from the day before, they were gross and I smelled like garbage. The shirt was ruined so I just cut the whole thing off.

"Food?" He was up, his tail wagging excited for breakfast. I got to the bathroom and did my best to clean with a wash cloth, at least now I had better smelling soap. Once I was clean, thanks to Bulls assistance, I dressed in a loose shirt and some shorts, my arm still tucked to my chest. In a few days I can undo the bindings and after a week or so the cast can come off, if only I had super-healing like Naruto. My eyes were red and puffy from mourning but they were better than yesterday.

I wanted comfort food and the first thing that came to mind was pancakes. My getting the ingredients out was loud enough to wake Hanabi, her room was closest to the kitchen and for such a light sleeper, it was enough to wake her. She padded into the kitchen and looked between Bull and I in confusion, still rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

"Wha'ru doing." She questioned, coming to stand beside the dog who dwarfed her in size. He nudged her and she scratched behind his ears.

"Making breakfast. Wanna help?" She nodded and washed her hands. She tied her apron on and I began explaining what to do. We had to create maple syrup from scratch but it was a fun challenge, one I'm very glad she helped me with because Hanabi was way better at cooking than me.

I flung flower in her face and she retorted by cracking an egg on my head. Nobody else was awake so they couldn't tell us how to act, we just got to have fun and bot worry about being good heiress's. Hanabi was giggling as our food fight began and when I flung a spoonful of butter at her, she moved and it hit Bull. He licked it off and then joined in. We covered the kitchen in ingredients, as well as one another. It was a beautiful mess.

"What are you doing?" Neji came in to check on me, he was still on leave to heal like the rest of us. Hanabi and I exchanged glances and charged. With his slow reaction due to his injuries, Bull easily pinned him while Hanabi and I dumped all the flour we had left onto his face. He sneezed and flour went everywhere. "Was that necessary?" He wasn't angry, just confused and slightly annoyed at getting flour in his hair.

"Yes." We all chorused. I pulled him to his feet and he joined us in making breakfast, making enough rice and eggs to feed a village. When we were finished, there were hundreds of small pancakes, a pot of syrup, pounds of eggs, and an entire bag of rice. We scarfed down the food, we even got health nut Neji to eat a pancake and he liked them as much as we did.

With the help of Rukia and Hiashi, we washed up and carried the rest of the food to feed everyone else since they were getting up soon. We fed Lee first, him proclaiming it was the food perfect for re-igniting his flames of youth. Tenten was just as excited for the sweet and savory breakfast, agreeing that it was perfect comfort food. Hidan and Deidara burned through their food in seconds, Kakuzu more refined but he liked it as well. Hanabi was so excited to give him his food, putting extra care into making his look perfect.

Kiba wolfed down his food and almost choked, Shino gratefully ate it, his Kikaichu liking the sweetness of the maple syrup. Ino moaned as she ate, she was no longer on her diet kick and the pancakes were a godsend, perfect food to eat when sad. Choji loved them and I explained how to make them, his mom would love to create their own versions someday and I gladly volunteered to try them.

Shikamaru was somber but when I forced him to eat, he looked a bit less dead to the world. Sasuke being the sweets hater he is, I turned all of his food into a burrito and used a pancake as a shell. It wasn't too sweet and he ate it with little distaste. Naruto ate it, saying ramen is better but ours was still pretty dang good. I even brought Tsunade some, her using the carbs from the pancakes to lessen her hangover. She informed me a funeral for those lost would be held a week from now.

All in all, with the time all of us had for the last month or so, food wasn't much to ease the grief and anxiety of battle but it still was something, a way of showing we were still there for one another.

Piece by piece, day by day, I was slowly healing from the self-loathing, the guilt, the traumatizing memories of war. It was slow and would take time but I wanted to do it.

***

I was riding on Bulls back to the training grounds. Kakashi had called a team meeting, I wasn't cleared to train yet, neither was Sasuke. My hand was still in a cast set to come off in a few days and Sasuke still had a concussion. We all arrived at around the same time, dogs trailing behind both boys of team 7. Both were amused at my arrival.

"Yo." He had an excuse ready but none of us even reacted to his lateness. When Kakashi arrived, he took one look at us and looked ready to bolt. His stormy eye looking around for an exit before his shoulders slumped almost unnoticeably. He instantly regretted being forced to call a team meeting. The festering emotions flowing through all of his students, it was horrible. He didn't handle his own emotions so thinking he could handle ours was out of the question. When he realized that he couldn't leave and we were waiting for his guidance, he sighed and sat down in front of us.

To him we all looked like little puppies again, waiting to be told what to do. He wanted to run. All of his ninken were highly amused at his reaction. He ran his hands through his hair and decided to just get on with it, at least none of us were crying...though all of us had a sharp yet melancholy look that only came with war. He didn't know what was worse.

"Maa, want to talk about why all of my cute students look so gloomy?" We all looked at Kakashi like he was an idiot. He smiled sheepishly and rubbed the back of his head. "Ah, well...tell me... what the hardest thing is." So this was like team therapy...led by Kakashi? Naruto's eyes were far away, he was thinking deeply about something.

"I have nightmares...I can still see Shizune's blood on my hands. I can see everyone I killed each night when I sleep. Sometimes they kill me, sometimes I kill them, sometimes they kill who I love." His slate gray eye flinched slightly, looking away from me before Bull nudged him. Mine hit a little close to home.

"Maa maa, there's not much to fix the nightmares but know that her death, their deaths aren't your fault. You fight and kill for a reason just like they did, there is no better honor in their death than to die for what they were fighting for. As much as you feel guilty, know that they died for what they believed in and try to forgive yourself." He placed a gloved hand on my head and ruffled my hair messily. His eye was curved into a smile, it wasn't real and he still looked flighty but he was here and that's all that mattered to any of us.

"Hn...we leveled an entire village, we murdered families." Sasuke was distraught at killing so many destroying entire families. He was guilty, he felt conflicted at what to feel. Kakashi didn't even look phased at Sasuke's statement, there was no shock only acceptance. He paused for a second, thinking of the best response to give.

"Terrible yes...but what would have happened if they made it to Konoha?" Kakashi asked, easing back to rest on his palms as Sasuke worked through everything.

"They...they would have killed all of our families." Kakashi gave an easy smile, he didn't know much but he at least wanted to help us figure out things before we ended up like he did.

"It's not right but that is the life of a ninja. We protect our families, our village even if it sometimes means doing things we don't want to." Sasuke nodded and it seemed like his shoulders relaxed just slightly.

It was quiet for a minute before Naruto abruptly shot up, Pakkun tumbling from his lap. His cerulean eyes were brighter than they had been in weeks and the blazing fire of determination was back. He clenched his tanned hands into fists and held one out in front of him.

"I can't accept that 'ttebayo. We killed people fighting for the same reason as us. I hated it, we shouldn't be killing one another when all of us strive for the same thing. It's not fair, I can't accept that. I don't want more people to die, not anymore. I, Naruto Uzumaki am going to end war for good. I'm going to break the cycle of hatred. I'm going to end the distrust between the villages and bring peace to the Shinobi world no matter what it takes 'ttebayo."

The sun seemed to emit from his body, surrounding him in a cloak of light. The three of us looked at him and his grin was infectious.

"I'm sure you will Naruto-kun. If anyone can it's you." Kakashi shined with pride of his student, he really was Minato's kid.

"Hn, I'll be right there with you dobe." Sasuke smirked, if Naruto would do it, Sasuke planned on helping. He believed in Naruto's goal, all of us did.

"I believe in you Naru, I'll back you up no matter what." I held my fist out and he pushed his against mine. This was the hero, the one I fought to stand beside and change the world.

A/N: Another chapter done! War arc over, we're going to have more character bonding and some romance next chapter, some funeral stuff, and then some training to lead to the next big arc...i think. Finally, Hinata is getting to the root of her issues with herself. Not sure where to go from here but I have a general idea...coming to a close soon-ish. Thank you for reading, I appreciate it every time. Enjoy your week!

Question: What is something somebody told you that has changed your thinking?

My answer: My bible teacher told me that he thinks peoples deepest desire is to be fully known and fully know somebody else and that is what drives people to do a lot of what they do. He told me that though I am very guarded, i need to let that go a bit to find the people I feel like I want to fully know and that i want to know me fully. That is how relationships work...it has stuck with me since he told me this and it's one of the reasons I ask you guys questions. One day I want to find somebody that I love enough to let them know me and vice versa.