It was about 6 days after I woke up when I allowed the doctor to touch me when I was awake. I was shaking the whole time and bad flashbacks of Kabuto resurfaced but like I promised to my father, I would push through. At least nobody has tortured me yet. I have meetings with Inoichi every day at noon. I never spoke about anything except asking where my dad was int he meetings. He told me he saw everything so I don't have to talk about that, he wants me to talk about how I'm feeling and how my mental state is as he avoids talking about my dad. That's when I figured something was up, maybe he was hurt and in the hospital and can't see me until he's better. I tried not to think the worst, actually I try not to think at all. The worst part of my days was when people would come visit me, I would always start to shake and scream and have to be sedated because of it.

My first break through with people was with Shikamaru. He came into my room after I'd finished my body rehabilitation and silently set up a shoji board with a good bit of distance between us. He made the first move and sat waitng for me to do something. Inoichi said I need to try and distinguish my memories and remember who people really were. That everything after Kabuto wasn't real, it was all illusions. My shaky hand reached out and moved a piece. Shikamaru relaxed some and we continued playing in silence. This continued for a few days and gradually the shaking in my body stopped. I was scared a bit but not of Shikamaru. I would watch him all the time, my eyes blank instead of trembling in fear. I began to be able to notice differences between him and what Sakura showed me, he didn't have the silver glow that the Shikamaru who turned his back on me did. When he realized I had stopped shaking and was just staring, he let out a big sigh and started to talk.

"Listen, I know what you saw was bad but that wasn't me, that was Sakura and you know that. Think about it, pretending to be your friend or spending my time to torture you is too much of a drag. You know me, would I ever purposely make my life more troublesome? I was there the day we rescued you, I helped come up with the plan. You are a ninja, a kunoichi, and my best friend so stop looking at me like that. It wasn't me. This isn't you. It sounds harsh but you have to trust me, I'm never going to hurt you. Damn it Hinata, stop being such a troublesome woman and remember me because I hate this." I stared at him with tears in my eyes. The broken, lifeless look my eyes held flickered slightly, a spark of something shown and Shikamaru didn't miss it.

"Y-you were th-there with Otousan? You really didn't hurt me. I-I don't know it's too much." I whispered out, my voice trembling into a panic. He seems sincere but every time I see him, it brings me back to the cave, the room, Kabuto, being alone. Shikamaru didn't look phased by my reaction. He stood up and sat in front of me, moving the shoji board to the side. He brought my hands into his and stared me in the eyes. I started trembling and flinched back, but he kept his hold. I didn't scream like normal, it was less scary.

"Use your Byakugan. You can see chakra, you've told me about mine. Look at the chakra flowing through me." I nodded slowly catching my breath and activating my Byakugan. I looked to his center, the chakra flowing through his coils and relaxed slightly. His Chakra was the same from when we were kids, it was calm and lazy, dark but warm. His chakra wasn't flowing wildly like he was angry or wanted to attack. "See, it's the same as before. Think about the chakra of the me when Sakura showed you those visions. Feel it, feel the difference?" I nodded my head. Tears flowed out of my eyes and my body was racked with sobs as I remembered the chilling feeling of his chakra, it was evil, wild, and most of all pink. It wasn't him it was her, I knew it but I couldn't find the difference, it was so real but it wasn't Shikamaru, it was Sakura praying on my biggest fears. She may have been right on some of them, but he doesn't hate me.

Shikamaru knew me through and through so he knew that I finally figured it out. He knew exactly how to make me understand, how to figure out the difference between Sakura's illusions and the real people. Shikamaru went forward but I flinched back, I might know who he is but I can't have him touch me, contact still feels like Kabuto breaking my bones, stabbing me, hurting me over and over.

The next few weeks went the same, I had to be individually with each person and re-memorize their chakra and go through all of my memories to figure out the differences. It sucked, I passed out a lot from panicking and would have nightmares about my time in Orochimaru's lair. After a painstakingly long month, I was comfortable enough with everyone again. I still didn't let anyone touch me but it was progress and there were only short flashbacks when I would be afraid of them.

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I found out my father had died from Sasuke. He told me how Orochimaru was going to take him in his weakened state after taking out Sakura but my dad stepped in and saved Sasuke making him promise to protect me and make sure I got out alive. It was hard, the person I fully trusted, the one who saved me was gone. I cried a lot, that same feeling of my mother dying came back again and this time it really was my fault. If I hadn't been kidnapped, none of this would have happened. If I had stopped pretending to be a hero, dad would be with me. At least Sasuke was ok, if Orochimaru had gotten him too I don't know what I'd do.

The one thing that kept me from breaking down fully was how when they ransacked the hideout- Orochimaru had moved to a new undisclosed location- there were all the bodies of everyone who had died except my father which means he is being kept for either reanimation purposes or he's alive and being used for something like Suigetsu is. I'm betting on the latter and it gave me a new drive, I need to track down Orochimaru to find my father and hopefully kill the seemingly immortal snake bastard and his lackey.

———————————————————————————————————————

Zabuza moved into the compound with Hanabi and I as my guardian and he watched over me to make sure I didn't revert back to my original panic state. As much as he wanted to be the 'Demon' Zabuza but he took care of me with real care. He played it off like it was nothing, never failing to remind me I was a brat but every night I fell asleep with him in a futon next to mine and whenever I'd have a nightmare he would wake me up. I was made the head of my clan but I took a momentary pause on that and left Hizashi in charge with Neji second in command until I am prepared to lead. The clan elders were so pissed but said nothing for expense of my fragile mental state. Either way, Hizashi would be a perfect leader for the time being, I don't know if I am even fit to lead anymore anyways.

Tsunade allowed me to start fully training again, I did everything except work with weapons, I get a glimpse of a blade or I'd tremble and break down in terror. It's like the air is sucked out of my lungs and I'm back in the room having Kabuto torture me over and over while I counted back from 1000. Kakashi has been helping me train through this the most, having experience in getting over his own trauma after killing Rin with the Chidori.

Kakashi and I stood in front of one another and after a few days through training, I finally held a kunai in my hand without freaking out.

"Hinata-chan are you ready?" I sucked in a deep breath.

"Lets do this shit." Kakashi whipped out a kunai and held it a meter in front of me. The grip on my kunai faltered and it tumbled to the ground as I took a few steps back. Kakashi taking equal steps forward as I continued to move backward, fighting off the rising panic.

"Kakashi-sensei I-I don't know if I can do t-this anymore." I whimpered out as everything began to fade back into the hideout, Kabuto's sinister smile and glasses reflecting my bloodied body back to me were becoming more and more visible.

"Listen to me, don't focus on the kunai, focus on me. I'm not going to hurt you, this kunai is nothing but steel. It won't hurt you, it is controlled by me and I'm not going to hurt you. Breathe Hinata-chan breathe. You're strong, you've been dodging and deflecting Kunai since you were a cute little baby, nothing has changed now. You are still that girl, you are stronger, faster, and smarter than this scrap metal, don't let your fear of Kabuto continue to manifest itself into a fear of Kunai. What happened will NEVER happen again." Kakashi's bored tone was soothing in his empowering words.

"When you get over this fear Pakkun even promised to let you touch his paws."

After a few more trials, I managed to keep the kunai in my hand and only take a minor step back. With even more time, I was able to start defending from attacks and finally able to deflect a barrage of Kunai with only the slightest of a tremble. Everyone had been really big supporters in my rehabilitation mentally but Kakashi was the one of the ones there for me the most. He brought Hanabi and I dinner 3 times a week and made sure to train extra with me after out usual team training and my training with Tsunade. When Zabuza had to leave and Neji wasn't home, he would allow us to sleep at his house. He also aided me in getting over my Haphephobia (A/N if you didn't know it's the fear of getting touched which is something I have a variant of) by summoning all of his dogs and letting me play with them until I was finally comfortable with them touching me and licking me. That made nights easier because when I had nightmares I could move into bed with Sasuke, Naruto, or someone else and feel a little safer.

Training with Tsunade had also been ramped up a shit ton. I'm wasn't able to heal myself but after the incident, she made me train until I was dry of Chakra so that I'd be able to heal myself fast enough to avoid getting caught in situations like that by healing a poison enough to escape before collapsing. I also had two major training points with her. Tsunade gave me a scroll to read through. It was on how to create, activate, and use the Strength of 100 seal. My eyes trailed over the scroll maybe 5 times before I finally understood the basics. To begin to create the seal, I have to constantly have a steady flow of chakra to a tiny point on my forehead, making up a storage cell of sorts with a massive reserve of chakra. Sounds easy right? Fuck no it's not.

To continuously have chakra flowing to a spot on my forehead while also having chakra running throughout my body to use in training and such takes such precise control and the subconscious thinking of always putting chakra into that tiny spot to be stored up. It not only slowly drains my chakra throughout the day, it also makes me have to put more effort into everything I do because I always have to be aware and not accidentally stop putting chakra to store behind my forehead. I have most likely quadruple -if not more-than the chakra Sakura had when she started learning which will shorten the time it takes to form the seal by half if not more but it also makes it more difficult because I have more chakra to be in control of.

At first, I thought the Strength of 100 seal was just for medical purposes, when releasing the seal fully, it results in creation rebirth which means it regenerates cells as fast as they are destroyed for short term immortality- which is fucking awesome any way you look at it- but it has so many other uses. Just having the seal increases the user's natural strength by about double and when bits of the seal are released, only using it for enhancements, it can increase my strength by tenfold. It is a chakra storage with all the saved up chakra that I put into the seal, so if I'm running low on chakra, I can send some of the stored up chakra into my body to replenish my reserves depending on the level I want. 

Only using pieces of it result in black markings on the face, to full use it to it's full extent the markings will cover my body and speed up my self-healing, my chakra is a massive burst of strength, and can also use it to others benefit. Supposedly I should be able to use the Yin seal release to send some of the markings to whomever I'm touching to increase their chakra, or to speed up the healing I'm doing on them. I have to be touching them though. (A/N I read the manga and did so much research on this to figure out the mechanics of how it really works, some of it is speculation but I'm like 98% sure I'm right)

This seal is such an OP thing now that I know how it works, sadly it will shorten my lifespan but if Tsunade is any measure, I'll be fine until 80 or so which I'm cool with. Learning and accessing this jutsu is no small feat and is the only way I will continue to stand on equal grounds with Naruto and Sasuke. I just have to work on the continuous flow of chakra while holding it in place to form the seal, when it shows up, I'll know by the change in my body internally and externally.

I asked about learning to summon Katsuyu but Tsunade said the only possible way to summon her is to have the seal, Katsuyu only reacts to the seal which is why only Tsunade has been able to summon her thus far which kind of sucks for me because I want a summon. Sasuke is learning snake summoning from Anko and he's going to get a Hawk summoning sometime in life, Naruto can summon freaking badass, monstrous Toads but I can't summon anything because I don't have the seal. I think though, if Sasuke had 2 summonings, I can possibly have 2 too. I remember Jiraiya just did the jutsu without a contract and then Boom! Toad summonings, so maybe if I do it, I'll get my own summoning animal. I don't think I'll die, at least I hope I wont, but to be as strong as I can and to find Orochimaru, I'll need as much power as I can get. Good or bad, right or wrong, I'm going to find my father and take him down.

In Tsunade's office, she was drinking Sake while I train. I returned from the hospital after healing a minor fracture in Izumo's wrist from messing around with Kotetsu.

"Lady Tsunade?"

"What do you want now?"

"What are the hand signs for the Summoning Jutsu?" I asked hoping to not draw suspicion to myself for asking again.

"Bird, Boar, Dog, Dragon, Hare, Horse, Monkey, Ox, Ram, Rat, Serpent, Tiger." She didn't even look up when talking. A smirk crossed my face and I did the hand signs, then bit my thumb to draw blood- this looks so easy but it fucking hurts like a bitch, what the hell Naruto makes it look so easy- and placed my hand on the ground. "Why do you- wait you stupid brat, you don't have a..." Tsunade shouted at me when she saw me put my hand on the ground. As she was finishing her sentence, I felt my body's insides jumble together and I was suddenly free falling straight into the most beautiful rocky area I've ever seen. Everything was made of stone but it was all glowing and ethereal looking. Maybe I really did die this time. (A/n she's still pretty fucked up in the head so suicide like this doesn't affect her like it should. She may not show it much but the whole torture thing is still messing with her mind 6 months later)

"Oh fuck." I was plummeting to the ground, my stomach was doing that flip-flop thing like on a rollercoaster when I hit something hard, but soft. No way in hell was it ground of any sort, especially not those glowing rocks. I was pushed off the landing pad and my eyes trailed up the golden, massive paw and followed it up to meet the head of a beautiful and deadly looking lion with a reddish, golden mane. He was like the god version of Mufasa if Mufasa was a supermodel lion. Did I summon myself into the lion realm or whatever it is called? Lions are my favorite animals besides snakes and to summon one would be so awesome, like I even formed my special jutsu I'm still working on after one. This is perfect if they want to be my summonings.

"What is a brat like you doing here? Speak before I eat you small one." His deep voice reverberated throughout the area. I got on my knees and bowed, wanting to show respect to the king of the animal kingdom.

"My name is Hinata Hyuga, I'm a ninja and I did the summoning jutsu without a contract and ended up here. I would like to prove myself as worthy and gain you as a summoning. I will do whatever it takes to please the lions if it means attaining you as a summoning Lion-sama."

"You look pitiful bowing like that,stand before me and let me see if you are worthy of summoning something as powerful as us Lions." I got off my knees and stared him in his beautiful blue eyes. His mouth was opened, showing his fangs that were bigger than my body, and his claws were out for show, shining in their deadliness. I didn't flinch away from his gaze once and he smiled at some point. It was not all friendly, it was to showcase his fangs even more, it was for intimidation. I still did not budge as his glowing blue eyes continued to bore into mine. He sucked in a deep breath and his eyes stopped glowing. "You truly don't look like much but I sense power from you. You have a light heart, but there is a new and intense darkness plaguing your mind. What makes you think you are worthy to summon me?"

"I have lived through utter hell, nothing you do will scare me off anymore. I am not a hero and am not innately good anymore and I may not be worthy but I want to prove myself to summon something as great as yourself." He opened his mouth and roared. It was loud- painstakingly so to the point my ears were ready to bleed- and the wind coming from his roar was so powerful I had to use a lot of chakra to keep my feet stuck to the gemstone beneath me so I was not blown away. My hands were covering my ears to help block the intense sounds of his roar and I crouched down as the strong tornado-like winds ripped around me. My chakra was wavering and my head was pounding from the roar and I slid back bit by bit as my chakra threatened to lose his hold. Tears ripped through my clothes and there were small painless lacerations on my arms from his wind and when I was finally about to lose my grip on the ground, he stopped.

"You are the first one not to be blown away and eaten little girl. I am impressed at your strength. Now answer me one final question. Why do you want a summon?

"To protect those I care for and to destroy those who threaten that." The gigantic beast smirked and his head dipped lower to mine, jaws open. I prepared to run, hopefully to not get eaten, but instead he licked me. His tongue was rough and left me slimy, but it was also nice and I giggled a bit for the first time. He was like a giant, super scary and intense pup.

"I like you, you're not a goody-goody pansy hero-type, you're willing to get dirty to succeed. Your reasoning is sound and you are an alpha at heart. On behalf of the all us at the Stonehenge of Raion, I Muramasa accept you as our summoning. Do not take this lightly, if you treat my children badly, I will eat you." A smaller lion walked up from over one of the giant glowing blue gemstones, this one was a normal sized female and had sleek black fur with a golden sheen. Her eyes were piercing blue as well and in her mouth she carried a scroll. She introduced herself as Kireina and I signed the contract of summoning the lions of the Stonehenge of Raion. (a/n Raion is lion in japanese so they live in the place of Stone lions basically) I was reverse summoned back to Tsunade's office and I'm positive if I wasn't so mentally fucked, Tsunade would have punched me to the moon for disappearing.

I arrived back in her office, Shizune and Tsunade were both freaking out- Shizune freaking out in a good way and Tsunade was threatening to pound me into the earth- when I poofed into existence, sprawled ungracefully on the floor. Shizune rushed over to me and helped me up, checking every part of my body to make sure I was fine. She started healing my small cuts whispering how much trouble I am in for stressing out Tsunade.

"You little brat! What the hell were you thinking, are you trying to kill yourself? I know things are hard for you right now and I can't begin to understand it but I already have Naruto going off pulling crazy stunts, I don't need you doing it too. You Idiot, I can't bare to lose you again." I blushed in embarrassment at making her so stressed out, she's always so tough so sometimes I forget how she has her own inner demons. Shizune released me after a flick to the forehead sending me into the wall, Tsunade pulled me into a hug. I tensed at first but reminded myself to relax.

"Guess what! I got a summoning contract!" Shizune gasped.

"Hinata-san are you serious?" She questioned. Tsunade just smirked at me, knowing the only reason I'm not dead is that I earned a contract.

"Yeah, it's a lion summoning, I didn't know that it existed but it does. The one I met was named Muramasa and he's a giant wind user with a loud ass roar. He kept threatening to eat me too. It was awesome! Oh shit, it's so late. I need to go find Naru, we're having dinner together. I can't wait to show him my summon, he's gonna be so jealoussss." I opened the window and jumped out Kakashi-style running across the rooftops to make it to Ichiraku's.

Naruto's blonde hair was bright against the warm glow of the setting sun, he looked at me as I jumped down beside him.

"Hina-chan you're late!" I had no time to react before he grabbed my hand and pulled me onto a stool. He ordered the Barbecue pork ramen and I had spicy miso. By the time I finished 2, Naruto had finished 9. "So Hina-chan, I'm learning this super awesome jutsu today with Pervy Sage. I'm gonna show Teme and blow him outta the water with it dattebayo!" Naruto continued on to excitedly tell me about the start of learning a jutsu where the first step involves designing his own seal and being able to create it with his chakra alone. (A/N what jutsu is he learning I wonder?) Every other sentence he would include something about being able to finally destroy Sasuke and catch up to me. The smile on my face was more genuine that it had been in a long time, the brightness of Naruto was infectious and being around him was finally bringing me peace of mind. I was able to push aside the darkness momentarily as we were together. He really is the sun in a world of darkness. I also told him about my new summon while not so subtly bragging about the awesomeness if it.

"WHAT No way! That is so much cooler than most of my toads dattebayo! Ah man, why do I have to be the loser with stupid little toads." I giggled at his ranting but he got over it quickly and perked back up, putting me on his back and wrapping my legs around his waist as he ran up the Hokage mountain saying something along the lines "A real man doesn't let a lady run after dinner" which sounded like something Jiraiya taught him. We made it to the top and sitting on the top of the second's head were Kiba and Akamaru. Naruto disappeared saying he'd walk me home later and I was left alone with Kiba. He hadn't spoken to me since I got home and the air was tense. Kiba had his fists clenched and didn't even look in my direction. Akamaru nudged him before running and jumping into my arms, his body bigger than the last time I'd held him so I stumbled and let out an "oof."

I walked over and sat on Hashirama's head in silence. My mind was reeling in the darkness as I watched the sun set over the horizon. Akamaru stayed beside me, cuddling into my side and licking my hand for reassurance every few minutes. Kiba spared a few glances every once and awhile but the only sounds he made were a few low growls. I got fed up, being in silence brought me to a bad place and I needed it to be over. As fast as I could, I jumped and tackled Kiba, he reacted instantly and gripped my wrists as we rolled around throwing half hearted brawler style attacks at one another. Akamaru jumped in and with the sudden weight on me, I got distracted and Kiba pinned my arms, breathing heavily. 

His coat was unzipped and messily hanging off his body, there were red marks from my weak hits and his hair was messier than normal. His presence always managed to rile me up and vice versa. We fought all the time, it has been that way since the day we met and I kicked his ass. If anyone had been considered my obvious rival it would be Kiba. I'd always wanted to match up with Itachi but that was different, Kiba and I were rivals through and through. We were best friends through our fists and arguments and I'd have it no other way. This was the first time in a long time that we had fought, no jutsu no ninja skills, just pure wrestling and I loved it.

I began to laugh under him and my eyes stopped and widened at his neck. Where his coat was usually covering there was the green mark of a bruise that was on its last stages if healing. It wasn't an ordinary bruise though, I'd lived long enough to know exactly what a hickey was and this was definitely it. There was only one person I could imagine Kiba getting a hickey from and I lost it and laughed until I was wheezing.

"What the hell are you laughing at. Damn it Hinata this isn't a time to be laughing."

"S-sorry -haha-, Shino gave you a -haha- a hickey!" Kiba's face flushed as red as the markings on his cheeks but he did nothing to deny it. After a bit I'd managed to stop my laughing and Kiba let me up. We'd sat side by side, Akamaru laying across out laps.

"I'm sorry. Damn it I'm so sorry Hinata. I'm a coward, I abandoned you and I can't shake the feeling that if I hadn't, if I fought with a level head you wouldn't have been hurt, you wouldn't have been broken and changed. I can smell it on you, Akamaru can too. The change inside of you, there is such a strong darkness within you that wasn't there before and I can't do anything about it."

"You already did. You being here, fighting me like we always did, you being you is enough to keep me sane and happy. None of it's your fault, it just showed me I need to be stronger and to do that I have to be willing to embrace the darkness. I'm not a hero, I never was. I was pretending and I finally realized that. To take out someone like Orochimaru, to finally be able to achieve my dreams I can no longer play the hero, I have to do whatever it takes even if it is in the darkness. The light in me was changed, coated in blood but now I have something stronger. Understanding." Kiba looked at me like I was crazy but said nothing about it, instead changing the subject to complain about how cool Shino is and how he never knows what he's thinking.

Kiba left late in the night and Naruto reappeared making me think he might have been listening. The look on Naruto's usually expressive face was unreadable but when his eyes re-focused onto me, he had a small smile. He reached out his hand using the other to rub the back of his neck sheepishly. I took his warm hand and he walked me back home, telling me stories about more of what he and Sasuke did when I was out.

"Hina-chan don't worry about anything anymore ok. I promise to always protect you from now on dattebayo. I never go back on my word, thats my ninja way." I kissed his cheek and walked inside able to hear him shout "YES SHE KISSED MY CHEEK DATTEBAYO!"

Dear Hinata-chan,

I am sorry I was not there for you and cannot be there when you wake up. I have failed in my duty to protect you but I promise to make it up to you someday. I think I finally understand more of what you were talking about with love, you are one of my loved ones. I realized this when Naruto-kun sent me the letter of your kidnapping. I was angry and what Temari described as worry for you. I am pleased to know you are alive and when you wake up please write me back so I do not have to worry for you anymore. The rose I left is infused with my chakra and will not break unless something happens to me, it also allows me to track it if we ever need to find you again. I was named Kazekage last week, my people were very accepting and there are few who are afraid of me still. I finally gained their respect and trust and that is once again thanks to you. Do not let this keep you down, you are strong Hinata-chan so keep fighting, don't lose what makes you, you.

Love,

Gaara.

A/N: Now you finally get to see the main change in Hinata. She went from having only heuristic ideals like Naruto or something but changed to think that she is not a hero, to succeed she has to do some dark things as well. She is no longer a pure hero but more of the hero in the shadows or an anti-hero figure which is how she can relate to the Akatsuki boys. She also has a new goal of finding Orochimaru, how's that gonna work out? I love you guys so much! Enjoy this chapter.