I sat there.

Just like I usually did.

But not really.

The excitement,

Relaxation,

Love,

And the feeling that someone needed me.

That I too, was important.

That usually came with it...

Replaced with things I dreaded...

Hurt,

Guilt,

Nervousness,

The tiniest bit of hope,

And acceptance...

I wanted you-...

No.

I needed you...

Like some sort of,

Medicine,

Remedy,

Ailment,

I needed you to press yourself against me.

In an embrace,

Hug,

Or even better,

A cuddle.

I needed to feel those soft strands of taffy hair, brush against my nose as you told me how your day went.

I needed to see those soft wrinkles that came at the ends of your eyes each time I made you laugh.

I needed to hear how tender and delicate your voice becomes as soon as you think I'm hurt or in trouble.

I needed to hear that stern voice that always scolded me to be good and do what's right.

I needed to see those vibrant violet eyes.

The way they shimmered each time you nerded out over science,
Baking,

Or about whatever else you loved.

The love that you no longer had for me...

The amount of care they held for others.

The care I no longer received.

The way they shone with kindness.

The kindness that pulled me out of the dark.

I needed those hands that always caressed my hair,

Saying how soft it was and that you only did this because of that.

Lies.

I knew that,

You did it so you could watch me fall asleep in your lap.

I needed to taste those soft lips that gave me a reason to see tomorrow.

Those lips that I would do anything.

Those lips that always got what they wanted if they turned into a pout.

Those lips that told me those three special words that sent me to heaven.

No,

Even better.

Put me with you.

Made me yours.

Only yours.

I belonged to you.

I belonged.

To someone.

To you.

You.

You.

I just needed you.

Only you.

No one else.

With me.

Just me.

Only me.

No one other than me.

And...

And...

And not with her...

Her...

Her.

Why...?

I told you I wasn't perfect...

But you said you didn't want that.

I told you I was a monster...

You told me you didn't see it like that.

I told you I was broken...

You promised you'd fix that...

But

No matter how hard I try.

Even if the midnight moon burns up into the sun,

Along with it, me.

Even if your kingdom collapsed,

Even if the world was destroyed and only you and I remained...

You'd never want to see me...

Never want to look at what disgusted you the most...

Like many nights ago.

When you couldn't even look up at me...

You just continued to give me your back.

No matter how hard I tried.

I told you I would change.

I told you I would become a new person if you just gave me one more chance.

To hold you.

To love you.

To care for you like no one else in this pathetic universe ever can.

That only you were the reason I actually looked forward to living a thousand more years...

You told me you'd had enough.

You didn't want me.

You didn't let me speak another word before you called the guards.

Destroying any chance of me even entering the kingdom...

But then again...

You gave me loads of chances...

Loads of retries...

I took them all...

I guess I should have focused on you...

And not changing myself...

It's too late...

To late...

But

But than

I saw you!

You finally entered your room.

I saw you!

But...

You looked awful..!

Bags under your eyes.

Hair jostled about.

The way you held yourself,

Like a noble,

A royal,

A prince.

Was now nothing more than a lazy stride.

I wanted to go touch you.

Hold you.

Tell you that it would be okay.

That you did a perfect job with your kingdom.

Tell you I'd always be there...

No matter what you were going through...

But alas,

The weeping remain weeping without their love.

Where's that bitch anyways?

She's supposed be everything I wasn't!

Take care of you the way I couldn't!

They were so...

Happy...

With each other in the beginning...

Until you two got engaged.

Than...

She got too busy...

Often coming to me and saying she needed to go and adventure out as much as she could before she would get 'trapped' and wanted to know if I wanted to come...

Trapped...?

Trapped????

How could anyone EVER feel trapped,

With a person as perfect as you?!

If I have the chance...

Glob knows,

I'd rip the head off the only best friend I had...

Only because she mocked your perfection...

Only because she wasn't satisfied with the greatest being ever made.

She knew I loved him.

Oh,

How well she knew that.

Each time I'd deny something,

Like a party,

A chance to go outside,

To go to one of your balls...

She'd force your engagement down my throat.

Saying I was being an emo, jerk,

Inconsiderate.

An unfaithful friend.

That I couldn't move on and let her,

Or you,

be happy.

...

I'd kill myself if I could,

Only to see you smile.

I'll go through far more pain then I am right now...

I'll even let you look at someone else the way I did to you...

Only so you could live everyday with much joy.

And let myself rot.

Knowing it wasn't me that made you happy.

I told you...

I told you,

I told you I wasn't perfect...

So many times...

And with each, you told me it was okay.

That you'd love me unconditionally,

Like I did to you...

Now.

Now you're barely making yourself out of your bathroom,

Changed in to some cute briefs.

And,

And,

The shirt you told me you threw out...

The rock shirt...

My rock shirt...

I've watched you for over a year now...

But never had you worn that shirt...

Where..?

What...?

Why...?

Why now...

Why today..?

Do you miss me...?

Does it ache your heart like it does mines?

Do you want to be with me...?

Like I do?

Do you want to forget the past and be with me again?

Or...

You just didn't have anything else to wear...

Sounds reasonable...

Today is Wednesday...

The day you loved to do your laundry...

The day where you'd force me to get up and clean up.

The day I always waited for, only to see those thick, Jelly bean-like eyebrows furrow up.

Scrunch up your nose.

And then chase me with a pillow in hand until I was in the bathroom.
Or where ever you needed me to clean...

You stood at the foot of your bed,

Thinking.

Your deep frown folded in to a smile.

A small smile

A weak one...

Barely visible, but there...

It made my heart flutter.

And then you let out a small giggle-like laugh,

Something in between.

It had a hint of sadness but the joy overpowered it.

And my heart exploded.

I couldn't help the blush that grew on my cheeks...

Even after years,

Your smallest actions can turn me into putty...

But,

What were you thinking?

Was it...

About what I was thinking...?

About all the great time you had with me...?

Probably not.

Most likely not.

That would be impossible.

And then.

You turned.

And faced me.

Not away from me.

Not behind me.

But directly at me.

My heart thumped.

It pulsated.

For you.

And only ever you.

You looked in to my eyes.

Not with disgust...

But rather,

With a really pained expression...

You came closer to me...

Though,

Not in rage.

But with weary,

And careful steps.

I braced myself.

Your eyes beckoned me.

Hypnotized me.

'Hold me, please'

They cried.

No.

'I need you!'

They screamed.

No.

No.

I-I can't...

I won't...

You're happier without me...

You came closer,

And closer,

With streams of tears flowing down your cheeks now.

The same ones that were there when we parted ways.

The same ones that yelled at me.

Tell me how pathetic and useless I am.

That mocked me.

Scolded me.

'You're useless'

I know.

'Who lets some one that they love,

Love oh, so dearly,

Slip out of their hands like that.'

The so called idiot named,

Marshall Lee Abadeer

'Why won't you hug me!'

They continued to speak

'Why won't you stop these tears!

Why won't you comfort me!?'

They told me,

Over and over again.

I couldn't

I wanted to.

Needed to.

But...

But...

I just stepped aside,

Like the night before.

And the one before that.

And all those other nights.

And let you walk to the edge of your balcony

Where you cried.

Knowing I wasn't there for you.

Knowing that all these months I've watched you...

Not a single time have you seen me there...

I can't...

I won't...

I can't bear to see how disgusted you look...

Like you'll puke any second...

Each time you see me...

Or even...

Hear my name...

You don't.

You cut the person off and forbid anyone else to mention my name.

I hate those tears.

I hate the fact that I'm the one who caused this,

To someone as sweet as you...

Literal and figurative...

I guess...

It's time...

It's time I leave you alone...

Once and for all...

"I love you..."