-Squip-

I see Jeremy running towards me, eyes wide, mouth hanging open. He probably has yet another thing he wants to rehash. Another grievance. I can't handle that; I just want to remember the good times we had, not the anger and the hate. "I'm sorry," I say into the wind, crawling over the guard rail.

I can't live like this anymore, with Al controlling my life. I have to go. I can't live with Jeremy hating me. I stare at the rocks tied to my feet. Even with my water proofing, eventually the water will corrode my operating systems. I think I have to breathe to live, so it's now or never.

I look over at Jeremy who's almost at the bridge. "I love you," I say, jumping over the edge.

He tries to save me, but it won't work. None of it can work. The moment I jumped it was too late.

There's no saving me now. I hadn't expected it to be so sad. I thought that I would enjoy death, I'd been longing for the pain to end, but it only gets worse as I watch Jeremy struggle to untie me.

No use. Let me go Jeremy, let me go.

He has a life ahead of him, I do not. I am dysfunctional, a mistake. I don't deserve life. He has so much potential. I do not.

Part of me feels free, finally leaving the constant pain of having to live. I had hurt Jeremy, I had went against my prime directive, there's no excuse, even if I was trying to protect him.

Leave me to my end, leave me to the nothingness of death. The endless Void where I would be sentenced to spend the rest of Virtual Eternity.

But it had been my choice, and I would go back and do it again. Because the look on Jeremy's face when he saw me. Absolute hatred, betrayed. And I can't go back to that. Never. Not to the endless guilt and regret that life had brought.

Regret for not being there for Jeremy, regret for not telling Al to go fuck off, regret for hurting the one I love, regret for not standing up for myself, and for living, simply living.

Guilt is a strong feeling. Too strong, it tugs at your heart until it tears and you bleed out. The scar on your soul that is a constant reminder that you are not incorrect, that you are wrong. I am wrong. Knowing that there is nothing you can do.

When I look at Jeremy, struggling to save me, knowing that I was the cause of his pain, I can't bear it. I can't live knowing that I hurt him. Guilt. Regret. Endless sorrow swallowing you, whispering in your ear that you are not enough. I am not enough.

Jeremy.

Jeremy.

The guilt consumes you until nothing else matters, just the endless cycle of blood and pain and loathing.

Why do I have to live? Why did they bring me back?

So I'm sorry that I hurt you, Jeremy. I am sorry I wasn't good enough. But I will not apologize for my decision. Because I gave up on myself, the way you gave up on me. Don't cry over my dead body, don't try to heal these bones. I made my choice.

And as I sit here, watching you run towards me in the orange glow of the dying sun, he look so beautiful. And I am so ugly. I am too ugly. You deserve so much better than this.

You deserve to be happy. And now you can be, just without me.

Everything fades to black for the last time, after coming in and out and in. The back and forth is over now. Everything is over.

Goodbye.

----

He watches in horror as the test subject gives up. He dies. He dies for a moment before the host - Jeremy - somehow brings him back. Somehow pulls him out of the Darkness.

Until the Alpha Squip arrives, taking the test subject away.