-Jeremy-

I plop down in one of Michael's beanbag chairs, burying my face into the fabric. Tears spill down and down onto the bag, and I grab fistfuls of it and squeezing tightly. "I thought he had changed," I say into the bag.

Michael doesn't want to hear it, "What the hell?" he pulls me off of the beanbag, "you can't just kiss me to make him jealous! What if Rich was here, huh? You'd be grounded into a pulp right now. Just because you're upset it doesn't give you the right to do that!"

I really don't want to deal with yet another angry person right now. I stand up just to fall down onto Michael's bed, throwing my hands up in frustration. "It didn't mean anything! I just wanted to see him get hurt. It's not like you like me or anything."

Michael raises his eyebrows at me and folds his arms. Finally, after a long moment of getting the stink eye from my player-one, he turns around and runs up the stairs.

Wow. Just going to leave me just like that. "Oh my god!" I hear from up the steps.

Groaning, I roll out of Michael's patterned bed and run up the stairs while wiping my eyes. He stands by the window, face smushed against the glass. "Dude," he says, "look."

I scoot him over and join him at the window. I march over to see Al and Squip kissing violently, about to turn away when Al pushes Squip onto the ground, a sneer painted on their pale face. Squip yells so loudly even I can hear him. "Fuck you!"

Laughter.

Then Squip runs, disappearing from view. I turn away, looking for the nearest couch to flop miserably on. Michael grabs my arm however, "Maybe you should have listened to Squip. Maybe he really did do it to protect you."

I don't respond, going to his front door and putting on my shoes a little too slowly. I can't deal with this right now. I can't deal with anything right now. "You know what, I'm sorry for kissing you. I'm sorry if you didn't like me telling off Squip. But I'm not the bad guy here. Squip is. So don't side with that, that... Monster!"

Michael shakes his head, "Maybe it's Al who's the monster..."

"Well maybe it's both of them! It's good they got together, they're both vicious and deceiving little snakes! Perfect fucking fit!"

With that I storm out of his house, flipping Michael off as I do so. Trudging down the street, I look up at the sky. In any other circumstances it may be considered beautiful, but now the world of oranges and pinks mean nothing. Instead I keep my gaze fixed on the dark street, watching the puddles ripple as I step in and out of them. The chill makes my face turn numb. But I don't think the cold makes my heart numb. Everything went numb.

I walk into the local park, hoping it can clear my thoughts better than the sleepy neighborhood. I never liked nature, too icky and alive, but now I'll do anything I take the numbness away.

A lone figure stands against the orange sky, silhouetted by the bridge over the rushing water, staring into the depths below.

They bend down, doing something to their shoes.

I walk pass the memorial of some woman tied rocks to her feet and jumped of this very same bridge. The suicide prevention hotline number is pressed into the bronze for all to see forever more. I read the inscription, finger tracing each word.

In loving memory of Celine Daae, let her death be a signal of light and hope to all those suffering. There is hope.

Call 1-800-273-8255 or visit the online chat if you are struggling.

Don't let your voice go unheard like Celine.

No one remembers the woman. They just remember the story. Yet they have turned her death into a warning, a way to "help" others. I leave the memorial and walk closer to the bridge, watching the dark water churn below. It filters out to a deep pond.

The figure still kneels on the bridge, sliding out past the guard rails, hanging onto the edge of the bridge. I take a step closer to get a better look, a branch snapping beneath my feet. The sound blows through the breeze and the person on the bridge turns, looking straight into my eyes.

Squip. He stares at me for about ten seconds before mouthing something I can't make out. He jumps off the bridge, into the murky water.

"No!" I scream, legs instantly charging toward the water.

All thoughts flew from my brain, all anger and madness. Why would he do something like this? Sure, he's a conceded self absorbed jerk but, why this? The dark waves crash down on me as I plummet into the blackness, swimming as fast I can to where I saw Squip jump. I can barely see through the rocks and tufts if green algae clinging onto life. Then the cloud of dirt and mud and super computer appears. I swim closer, lungs struggling to keep up but it doesn't matter. I have to save him.

In those moments, I don't think about what he has done or how I should be angry. I think of the good times; when he'd put me to bed, kiss me goodnight, walk me to class, take my hand to make me feel better. We'd only been together a couple of weeks, but I had felt so complete with him. I had loved him, and even though he had betrayed that love, I don't want to see him die.

Tingles shoot up my arm as I get closer, electricity crackling through the water. It takes me a minute to figure out what is going on. Because Squip is only half human, his mechanics are electrifying the water. I pause, swimming up to get a lungful of air before diving down again. It doesn't matter if I get stung.

I have to save him.

All thought rushes from my head as I see him, eyes wide and staring at me through the murky darkness. He shakes his head violently as if to say "no."

Jeremy.

His voice calls in my head, I blink at him and dive down to the rocks tied to his ankles.

Jeremy, stop.

No!

Jeremy, I'm so sorry. You'll be electrocuted if you try to touch me.

I don't care. I need him. "I need you!" I mouth into the water, accidentally swallowing some of the murky liquid.

Coughing, I swim to the surface to catch my breath before diving down again. Luckily Squips can probably hold his/her/their breathe for a long time.

So sorry. Don't do it, I love you Jeremy. I'm so sorry that it didn't work, I tried, but I can't live being owned by that monster, his voice echoes through my head once more but I don't listen to him. I have to save him.

No! I want to scream, want to smash something or yell at him. Instead I take hold of one of the ropes binding him to the rocks. Instantly a shock flies through my system, making me dizzy.

You're running out of air, Jeremy. Go home.

I don't want to leave him. I can't leave him. All the hurt and the pain drifts away when I look into his face, I'm angry anymore. I only want him back.

Go!

I don't want to leave you.

Go, Jeremy. This is my decision.

If I wasn't underwater, I would have cried. I can feel my lungs start to contract, longing for air that I can't give it.

Live your life. Be with Michael, go home.

I don't want to live my life if it's not with you.

Go, remember me. But I can't live knowing I hurt you. I can't. I'm so sorry.

I forgive you!

He just bows his head with a final "go."

I don't want to but my lungs struggle, forcing me to swim up for air. I swim down to the bottom and shoot up from my legs, zooming upwards. I swallow hard, gasping for air, filling my lungs with air before diving down again.

I try again to untie the ropes, despite the sting. Another shock travels through my system, but I keep trying. Squip has stopped speaking, probably losing consciousness. The zaps of electricity grow in intensity, but I keep going.

I need him.

I love him.

With a final tug, I pull one foot free. Squip head lulls to one side, hair flowing in his face. I move to the next rope, trying to untie it through the tendrils of lightning shooting up my spine. I want to scream but can't stop. Can't give in. Not until he's free.

Stars dance before my eyes but I keep pulling, despite my lungs begging for air. I finally free his other foot and grab his waist, sending more shocks down my spine. I scream, swallowing more water as I fight to bring Squip to the surface. I throw him over the bank and fall on top of him, spluttering. He doesn't move. "Come on Squip, I can't lose you! I need you!"

I sob and push on his abdomen, trying to get any water out of his system. I try breathing for him, but nothing seems to work.

Finally I collapse on top of him once more, cupping his face with my hand. "Don't leave me Squip, I-I... I love you."

Then an idea pops in my head. I give his lips a small peck and start running. Pushing through the pain of multiple shocks to my spine, I run through Michael's neighborhood until I see his house. I knock on the door frantically, tears and river water running down my face.

One of his moms answers the door and blinks at me. "Jeremy? Why are you soaking wet?"

"I need Mountain Dew now!"

"What's wrong, honey?" she looks into the house and says something to someone I can't see, probably Michael.

"Mountain Dew, green. Now! He's in trouble!"

She hurries off and handed me two cans. "Here, but why do you -"

I'm gone, running as fast as I can (which isn't very fast) to find Squip.

His lifeless body greets me and I fall onto my knees next to him, giving him a quick kiss and open his mouth, pouring the Mountain Dew into it, making him swallow with my fingers the way I learned in that Emergency Situation Seminar my father made me take (before my mom left and he could actually function as a human being).

Chills travel own my spine as the cold seeps through my wet clothes. "C-c-come on, Squip! I can't lose you! I'm sorry I didn't listen to you, okay? Just wake up! I'm sorry! I should've, I should've listened, I should've been there for you! I need you, Squip, I need you, I can't, I-I can't live without you.

"So go ahead and throw me into the lake too, because I don't want to live without you. And if you wake up I will personally kill you for being so damn stupid. So you wake up right now, because I know you don't want to see me die. Just wake up! Come on Squip, I -I don't want to see you go. Not now, not ever..."

Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I scream to no one, shouting for help, not that anyone can help him, he's not quite human. I fall onto his chest, not caring about anything anymore. I should have listened. I should have let him talk instead of throwing him away like a used piece of chewing gum.

The truth is too scary to admit. I expect him to wake up and smile. Give me a hug and tell me to stop masturbating so much. Giving me those tingles of electricity that don't really hurt, just tickled. The way he'd sit through my classes even though he knew everything already, but he came just to be with me.

Because he had cared. He had loved me. And I was too dumb to see it. If only if I listened.

I don't remember much of what happened next, only that Michael found me weeping over Squip's body, with electric burns all over my body. I didn't care, I just told him to fix Squip. Michael had just sighed, dragging me away kicking and screaming.

He's gone, and it's all my fault.

----

That is the actual suicide hotline number.

I hope none of you are suffering, but if you ever feel like you would be better of dead, please contact them. Or someone you trust.

I'm always available to talk if you ever want to pm me, but I'm not a professional so I can only help so much. I'm just someone who knows what it feels like to not feel anything and have a really shitty life (this is based off my own experiences sort of), so don't be afraid to reach out.