Childhood

Nicole Pov

"You awake?" I looked at Nikee before I got up from lying down on her couch here in her office. Hindi ko namalayan nakatulog na pala ako kanina.

"Hinayaan na kita kaninag makatulog, mukhang pagod na pagod ka."

"It's just that there's been a lot happening to me lately; that's why." She didn't talk back and just sat in front of me.

"You're guy kept looking at you earlier, but I shoved him away." Napailing nalang ako dahil ayaw na yaw niya talagang may pumapasok sa opisina niya maliban sa akin.

"I really don't understand why they keep on hurting you." Napabuntong hininga nalamang ako dahil kahit ako hindi ko din alam.

"Can you make me some coffee?" pagiiba ko sa usapan, dahil ayaw ko na muna silang isipin pa, ngayon meron akong malaking bagay na kailangang gawin.

"Okay, what do you want?" Tanong niya nang makatayo na siya, "Kagaya nang dati" sagot ko at hinayaan na siya. Hindi din nagtagal nang makabalik na siya habang hawak hawak sa dalawa niyang kamay ang dalawa tasa nang kape.

Inilagay niya yun sa mesa sa gitna naming dalawa at umupo paharap sa akin. "So, you plan?"

"Let's stick to it until we find SP," I said, then I sipped my coffee. "If that's what you want," she was just silent until her phone rang. Mabilis niya itong sinagot at nakaramdam ako nang kaba nang tumingin siya sa akin, at nang mapagtanto ko ang ibig niyang sabihin mabilis akong tumakbo palabas sa opisina niya.

Alam kong nakasunod lang siya sa akin, nang makarating kami sa kwarto ni Kenneth halos mawalan ako nang balanse nang makita ko ang pag flat line sa monitor niya. Nagkakagulo ang lahat.

"MOVE!" dinig kong sigaw ni Nikee at pumasok siya sa loob, kitang kita ko kung how she tried to revive my brother.

"H-e can-t" bulong ko at nang matutumba na ako naramdaman ko ang malaking bisig na umalalay sa akin.

"N-icole," as I heard his voice, mabilis akong lumayo sa kaniya, kitang kita ko ang lungkot sa mata niya habang nakatingin sa akin.

"The patient is fine; we will monitor him," tumalikod na ako nang marinig kong sinabi yun ni Nikee. Hindi ko na alam kung saan ako dinala nang mga paa ko, I just found myself sitting on the sidewalk, halos pinagtitinginan na ako nang mga tao. Nakayuko lamang ako habang wala sa sarili.

Nakaramdam ako nang pagkabasa hanggang sa sunod sunod na butil nang ulan ang tumama sa katawan ko. It's raining; how funny it is; the sky seems pitying me.

Parang butil din nang ulan na sunod sunod na tumulo ang luha ko, gulong gulo na ako, galit ako sa kanila but I always found my self crying because of them, because I'm keep on denying that I don't miss them, na gustong gusto kong umiyak sa bisig nila, gusto kong sabihin sa kanila na pagod na pagod na ako.

Sobrang tanga ko na yata at parang ginago ko ang sarili kong nararamdaman. Napatingala ako nang maramdaman kong meron nakatayo sa tabi ko. I saw Derick holding an umbrella while looking at me.

"You will get sick if you keep doing this." Napayuko nalamang ako dahil hindi ko alam na alam ang dapat kong gawin. Ito na naman, kahit sino yata sa kanilang magkakapatid ang lumapit sa akin nanghihina ako.

All the walls I keep on building and let it surround me unti unti na namang nasisira. "Lets go inside," hindi ko alam kung paano niya ako napapayag na bumalik sa loob nang hospital.

Dinala niya ako sa cafeteria, at pinahiram niya pa sa akin ang suot niyang jacket para hindi ako lamigin. "Here, drink this." I just found myself na sinunod lahat nang sinasabi niya.

"I know you hate us," napatigil ako sa psgsimsim sa mainit na kape nang magsalita siya.

"I understand if you can't forgive us, but can you not distance yourself from us? Can you not leave again?" napahigpit ang kapit ko sa tasa habang nakatingin sa kaniya.

"Can I ask you first?" pagsasalita ko, napansin kong mukhang nagulat siya, but he just nodded his head.

"What did you feel when you found out I was your sister?" gusto ko lamang malaman kong ano naramdaman niya nang mga oras na yun. I know his shock, but I still want to hope that maybe he was happy that I'm his sister.

"At first I'm shocked, halos lahat naman kami nagulat sa nalaman namin, but when I look at you and observe how you react when you heard that Kenneth survived the operation, I know even though we did something that will hurt you, you still worried for us. I know that you really want to distance yourself from us..that's why I'm asking you, Can you not do it?" his asking me, but it's so hard, parang isa akong kandila na unti unting natutunaw kapag malapit sa kanila.

"You see, I know everything. What Blake did to me...it's so hurt. Do you know what I did when I found it? Halos mawalan nang kulay ang buhay ko."

"What Blake did...he has a reason; we had all reason why we did it...but I know it's not enough; that's why I'm asking you this, until we were able to tell you everything." I just nodded. Ang tanga ko a naman, ito na naman, how I wish they would not hurt me again.

"Is T-ita Kye okay? A while ago she cried a lot."

"Mom is fine; kasama niya si Kristene and Dad, umuwi na muna sila para magpahinga." How I wish I could also call her Mom.

"I understand how intrusive this quetion may be, but could you tell me a little bit about your childhood years? " halos magulat ako when he smiled to me, habang tinatanong yun.

"w-hy?"

"I just want to know you."

"My childhood wasn't as happy as you might think. Every day I worried about how I would make it through to tomorrow or the next. I grew up believing that I was an unwanted child, which is why my family threw me out. When I was five years old, I was living in an orphanage, where I was bullied by the other children because I didn't have a family and was only discovered by the orphanage manager inside the forest. That's why I made the decision to move into a forest and live there. As you can see, I had to hunt wild creatures in the forest in order to survive. In the end, someone discovered me there once more, helped me, taught me everything she knew about the world, taught me how to fight and how to hold a gun" napatigil ako nang maramdaman ko paghawak niya sa kamay ko.

"I'm sorry, if we knew sooner, if we found you earlier, you wouldn't experience those things."

"Derick, it's too late. I accept everything. Those struggles taught me the true meaning of suffering, but why couldn't you find me?" gusto kong itanong yun sa kanila, kasi naniniwala akong may rason sila kung bakit nila nagawa yun.

"We already thought you were dead. That's why we stopped searching. Mom keeps on blaming herself. Nang mawala ka sa amin, halos hindi niya kinakausap si Dad. That's why Dad decided to adopt a child. Doon lamang bumalik ang sigla sa mukha ni Mom. We don't know how Dad lost you that day. Nagulat nalamang kami na nawawala ka."

And that's why they lost me. I'm relieved, since I was afraid that they might actually not accept me because of who I am.

"Derick, what are you--Nicole?" napatingin kami sa kakadating lamang, it's Karl and Lance.

"I think I need to go."

"Hey! Are you okay?" mabuti nalamang na salo ka agad ko ni Derick. Naramdaman ko nalamang na hinawakan niya sa noo ko.

"You're burning!" parang bumibigat ang mata ko, naramdaman ko nalamang na inalalayan niya akong makaupo ulit. I just had a fever. Dahil nagpaulan ako, ganon na ba ako kahina ngayon?

Alam kong maykausap si Karl na doctor, but I can't hear what they're talking about. Naramdaman ko nalamang nakatulog na ako.

Derick Pov.

Nakatingin lamang ako sa maamong mukha ni Nicole habang mahimbing siyang natutulog; the doctor already checked her, and she got a slight fever because of the rain.

"As you can see, I had to hunt wild creatures in the forest in order to survive." I remember what she told me earlier: Hindi ko alam kung paano niyang nagawang indain lahat nang magisa yun.

"You grow up strong and brave." I caress her face and stare at her. Ang himbing nang tulog niya.

"Derick" napatingin ako kay Lance nang makapasok siya.

"How is she?" I know his concern. "She's fine. The nurse told me na painumin siya nang gamot when she wake up." I saw how he's relived.

"Do you think she will forgive us?"

"I don't know...but I hope she will not leave us."