*Josh*

I felt every second an hour, every minute a day and every hour a year. Time was slowing down, the world was shrinking and I was losing it all.

The last time I felt this type of pain was when my mother fell to the ground in front of my eyes, dead.
I didn't want this, I wanted it to stop. All these feelings and thoughts, I couldn't handle.
Do I kill her?
Do I kill myself?

I told her everything within my heart and it fucking frightens me that I was drawing my dreams for a blind woman, describing my feelings to a deaf woman and writing my pain to a clueless woman.

She made me weak, she created a weakness that I never had.

"Josh-"

"Nicolas" I cut him off. "I don't have time"

"Sylvester is sealing the deal tonight at 2:30"

"Nicolas-"

"It's at your penthouse" Nicolas walked into my office "Where the homeless kids took over"

I frowned "Why'd he chose my penthouse to drug deal?"

Nicolas shrugged "All I know is that the man we're dealing with is dodgy, he could set anything up"

"Tell Sylvester I want to rearrange"

"I figured you'd say that, so I already told him. He said it's his way or nothing"

I sighed. Fucking dickhead, always having me regret doing business with him.
"Find a way to keep the kids inside their apartments, tell their nannies or something"

"I also figured you'd say that, and already warned them to stay inside for some quick insect sprinkle spray around the building"

"Insect sprinkle spray?"

Nicolas sighed "I'm a dirty businessman, I don't know what you call the insect people"

"Pest control-"

"Yeah, whatever" Nicolas cut me off "I might have to pest control your ass if you keep leaving your mess behind for me to clean"

"All I did was have you talk to Sylvester and you're acting as if I had you ship over 5.5kgs of coke and weapons"

Nicolas sighed once more and rolled him eyes.
I grabbed my coat from by the door and made my way out, towards my penthouse.

***

As the elevator buzzed and the doors opened, a child and a teenager walked in before the elevator continued up to my penthouse.

"Hey, I'm Katie" the little girl turned around and looked at me through her lashes.

I smiled weakly, and looked blankly ahead.

"Hi Katie, I'm Nick, this is Josh" Nicolas bent down to shake her little hand that wrapped maybe two of his fingers.

"Katie" the teenager hissed, pulling Katie away from Nicolas.

"Nick" Nicolas let out a hand.
The teenager ignored and pulled Katie close to him, turning away.
"So much for rudeness" Nicolas added.

"Just shut up" the teenager groaned.

I frowned, grabbed his arm and turned him around. "Respect" I whispered.

He shoved and shrugged, moving away as the elevator was still moving.

"Don't touch me" he sighed.

The elevator buzzed and the doors opened.
I stood there with a frown for a second and chuckled.
"Kids" I shook my head, passing them and walking out.

"Doesn't make you anymore of a man. Mr Hutson" the teenager angrily stated.

I stopped and turned back around, stopping the doors from closing.
"Andy" I smirked, remembering his file within the documents I had signed. "Homeless at the age of 9 after losing his dad to a heart-attack and his mum disowned him for a heroine addict, currently 17-years-old and working at the fish & chips store two blocks away, looks after most of the other kids but only wholeheartedly protects little Katie here because your depressed, broken heart knows no one and nothing but her"

Andy gulped.

"Respect" I said again, "Because you're in my elevator, my building" I nodded. "Enjoy your evening"

"What would you know about respect?" Andy frowned, taking a step out of the elevator as Katie snuggled up behind him. "You can't even respect a female that loves you"

I frowned deeply  "Excuse me?"

"You think I don't know how you hurt Ella repeatedly?"

I took a step towards him and Nicolas grabbed my arm, I shoved him away and took another step towards the kid. "What do you know about Ella and I?"

"Nothing. Except I'm looked upon as incapable and stupid. When she had no one to speak to, she'd come to the shelter and 'tell us a story' not even realising the stories she told was about herself and this mysterious man. After seeing her in the news with you last year, it was quiet obvious who was the one behind her cries for help" Andy went back into the elevator and puffed "Define the word respect, Mr Hutson" he said, before the elevator shut and dropped to another level.

I took a deep breath and pushed the elevator button several times, Nicolas grabbed my arm and shoved me back. "Seal the deal and then wonder the fuck off"

I took a deep breath and sigh of anger before rushing towards my penthouse.
I pushed my entrance door wide open and met Sylvester in my lounge room.
"Josh" Sylvester smiled, drinking whiskey as he sat on my couch.

"Sylvester" I greeted, making my way to the couch opposite of where he sat.

"Nice view" he nodded.

"I know, you've complemented it several times before" I sarcastically replied "What brings you to deal here?" I asked, curious all day.

He shrugged "The view" he laughed.

I pretended to laugh before the dealer walked in.

"Rock" Sylvester greeted the street name.

"Sylvester" the dealer walked in with a suitcase and two men in casual wear.

"Have a seat, please" he invited him as if he were in his own home.

"Josh" the dealer nodded my way.

I nodded back before pouring myself a cup of whiskey.

"Quick and short" the dealer opened the suit case on the coffee table, only to expose several papers.

"5.5kgs of coke and two full carts of automatic weapons"

Sylvester nodded.

"$950,000" the rock listed.

Sylvester smiled. "Deal"

The dealer placed the papers in front of Sylvester and watched him sign before I signed.

"Pleasure dealing within a few minutes" the rock stood up.

"Anytime" Sylvester stood up after him, shaking his hand.

I was physically here, just not mentally.
My mind was with Andy's words and my sight was ahead at Ella's apartment.

That loves you.

These words repeating over and over again.

Did she love me or does she love me?

I asked myself before standing up and excusing myself, rushing out of my penthouse.
I entered the elevator and toured the building, looking for Andy.

Once coming to find him down by the cafeteria, I grabbed him and pulled him aside.
"Did she or does she?" I was quick to ask, my heart and mind demanding to find ease.

Andy chuckled "So much for a man"

"Did she or does she?!" I yelled, watching Andy's smile disappear as he gulped.

"Do me a favour" Andy took a step away from me.

"Look-" I angrily groaned.

"Do me a favour" Andy interrupted.

I sighed, rubbing my jaw "What?!"

"Look around you"

I looked around and he insisted I look around me completely, left, right and behind.

"I don't have time for fucking games!" I groaned in anger, about to hit the kid.

"Look around you, Mr Hutson"

"I did fucking look around me!" I hissed.

"Does she, or did she?" Andy asked, nodding once. 

I frowned, sighing before realising what he meant.
She did. She did love me but she doesn't anymore.
She isn't here, she isn't with me.

"Did she or does she?, Mr Hutson"

I gulped "She did"

Andy licked his bottom lip and began to walk away. "Define the word respect, Mr hutson. It's probably why it never stayed as she does"

I watched Andy walk away before leaving the building. I gulped back a burn in my throat and took several deep breaths.

Just what kind of stories did she tell kids when she had no one to talk to, making Andy the only one to notice she was the main character within her stories?

So many people are stuck on who I was, that who I am, never had a chance.
I created disasters from what was supposed to be a blessing. And I'll damage the good in me through the unnecessary bad habits.

________________________

Love ya'll wattapoonies,
Mia x