Mature - ( a little) Read at your own RISK !

*Ella*

My heart probably stopped for a minute before I accepted the fact this was real.

Josh was still pushed up against my chest as I remained holding him, yet loosely now.

"What?" I whispered so lightly that I almost couldn't hear myself.

Josh gulped and didn't repeat himself, knowing I heard loud and clear.

I wiggled him away lightly and stood up, walking away.

"Ella" Josh called.

I looked back at him as he sat on his knees, shirtless and in tears.

I looked at him for several minutes, both speechless.

"I don't know what to do" Josh gulped, finally breaking the silence.

"Why, Josh?" I simply asked.

"I don't know" he looked down, twiddling his fingers ahead of him.
"Loving you was never an option. I always end up here on good and bad days. I let you leave for a year but I never really did. I spent nights watching you from across the street and days watching you from far"

I gulped.
Everything was all over the place.
What is going on?

Josh stood up and walked over towards me. He grabbed my hands and placed them by his lips, softly kissing them. "It's killing me. All these feelings and the pain, it hurts. It hurts more then what my father had ever done to me"

I parted my lips to speak but I was speechless.

"It hurts to know you're my weakness, Ella"

"Why now, Josh?"

"Because I wanted to change first into the man you deserve before telling you how I feel. But I'm struggling and every time I tend to fuck shit up I find myself covered in fear...fear that I'm losing you rather then getting you"

I wish he had told me before, way before I had began to slowly ruin him.
It was too late, I had already started.

"Ella" Josh placed his hands on either side of my face "Ella" he repeated, knowing he was just as speechless as me.

My lips curled before I licked them and bit my bottom lip. My eyebrows frowning so deeply, shielding my eyes.
"Please don't" I whispered with blurry eyes and a trembling voice "Please don't love me" I finally said with a knife to my heart.

I wanted to break the heartless man who broke me, not the child who loves me.

Josh shook his head "Don't say that" he said, rubbing beneath my eyes as a tear dropped. "Please don't"

I gulped and sniffed with a little cough, "It's too late now" I honestly admitted as I thought about my plan.

I wish I could stop and just love him now. Yet the anger inside of me and the wild fire hasn't rested yet. Ever since I left his mansion I would oath myself everyday for revenge.
I can't turn down for three words.

Josh grabbed the side of my face and kissed me passionately. His lips rubbed against mine as his hand wrapped the side of my face. "You can't leave" he whispered in-between the kiss "You can't"

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

He wrapped his arms around my waist and held me, allowing my legs to wrap around him.
My arms hugged him tight as I rested my head against his shoulder and he walked towards my room.

He gently placed me onto my bed and placed a kiss at my forehead before undressing.
"I want to make love to you, Ella" he whispered "If you leave me I want to at least know I touched you with every bit of my soul and heart"

I bit my bottom lip harder to hold back tears.

He placed kisses all around my body before parting my legs and placing himself inside of me.

I gasped but he placed a gentle kiss against my lips before softly making...love to me.

He leaned over me, placing a hand beside my head as the other carried his weight.
I wrapped my hands around him and kept my eyes shut.

My heart was here, my mind was elsewhere.

Even the pace of his pounding told me this wasn't Josh, but this is love.

He placed a kiss at my collar bone and by my earlobe.

I gasped and took a deep breath.

If love was this beautiful, then why won't my mind reconsider?

"Josh" I whispered.

He didn't want this to be a long fucking session of pain.

Love he said, simple, peaceful and pleasurable.

"Josh" I whispered with my eyes shut, feeling myself about to reach my limit.

"Open your eyes" he whispered by my ears "Look at me, Ella"

I opened my eyes and a tear was quick to escape.

He moved away from me as I reached my orgasm but he didn't reach his.

He began to fiddle and put his pants on.

I sniffed my feelings and sat up, frowning.

"I'm sorry" he said, zipping his pants.

"What?" I whispered.

He rubbed the side of his jaw and sniffed back his tears, wiping his cheeks with the back of his hands.
"I shouldn't have"

"Josh-"

"How can you love me when there's nothing but pain and hate within your eyes?" he frowned "How, Ella?"

I gulped "I-"

"I always regret speaking from my heart, but not this. At least maybe I can go to bed tonight knowing I went against my demons" he buckled his belt.

"Josh I-"

He shook his head and walked over to the door. Facing me with several tears escaping his eyes and smiled weakly "I'm sorry that I loved you from a distance and when you needed it most I couldn't hug you to reassure you"

I looked at him as we both shared tears, deep within our hearts blood dripped.

"Be brave, be strong, be a man. It all sounds easy and good by word or paper. But as long as a man is in love, he has a weakness. Whenever he's not around to protect her, he fears"

I released a stubborn breath and gulped pain.

"I ran away from love too many times. I didn't fear who it was. I feared who I would become, and I couldn't risk being vulnerable"

I parted my lips to speak but what more could I say to him?

"Thank you" he licked his lips "For placing fear within my eyes and pain within my heart..." he chuckled in pain "Something my enemies couldn't do even if they threatened to kill me"

He left my room and the entrance door slammed shut a minute later.

"I love you" I whispered with pain "I love you, I'm sorry" I sobbed.

Now he was no longer fighting his dark soul...
But my soul had been chained by his long ago.

I'm sorry...but you chained me beside your demons, forgetting to release me before escaping on your own.

Unable to save me, once again.

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im sorry this wasn't a detailed sex scene, even tho I wrote a detailed sex scene like 5 times, it just didn't feel right. I couldn't have two people having sex while one was in pain and the other was in love. So i made it short and simple, hopefully soon they can have DEEPER sex!

No this isn't the end of the 'i love you scene' he didn't just say he loves her and left, the book it just beginning as of now.

In the next chapter or few, there will be the biggest plot twist of your life. Can you guess?

Mia x