*Josh*

I got out of bed from sounds of fiddling and slamming cupboards. I sighed, rubbing the side of my head as my arm ached in light pain.
Still dressed in my pants, I left the bed shirtless and made my way out.

"Morning" I smiled, watching Ella fiddle in the kitchen in a knee high, white shirt that had me curious if it was hers or Jacks.

"Hi" Ella tried to ignore me, continuing to fiddle around the kitchen.

"You know, you can look around without banging so much" I rubbed the back of my head, taking a seat at one of the stools behind the bench top.

"Thanks, I'll take the advice" she slammed one more cupboard shut.

Well, so much for attitude and a fucked up morning.

"Eggs?"

"Sure" I'm glad she's still concerned about me, at least what I thought.

She cracked three eggs and scrambled them, before toasting bread and bringing chopped tomatoes, cucumbers and some olives.

"Did Jack teach you..." I sarcastically said, beginning to eat some tomatoes.

"How about we have a nice, silent and quick breakfast. Then you could call one of your men to take you home" she faked a large smile before looking away.

"How about we have a good morning without any attitude or sarcasm?" I watched as she grabbed milk from the fridge.

"Just eat and leave" she climbed up onto the bench, opened the milk carton and just gulped out of it.

"You like milk?"

"I love milk" she looked down at the carton "I mean it's nice with cereal but I love just drinking it plainly"

I smiled weakly, watching her bare legs swing against the bench.

"I get it" Ella chuckled "Trying to have a 'good morning'"

I laughed, throwing an olive or two in my mouth "If my mornings are good, the rest of my day doesn't tend to go too bad"

"Wait, you're like that too?" Ella pointed "If you wake up all cranky and shit, the rest of your day is like that too?"

"Generally, my life is always black" I continued to eat.

"Yeah" Ella giggled "I figured that out"

I wanted to bring up the fact I could hear her cry all night, but I didn't want to ruin her morning.
I guess the strongest of us are those who go to sleep crying but wake up with a smile.
She was stronger than I could ever be.

"Ella"

"Mm" she hummed as she sipped milk.

"I'm sorry about your head"

"It's fine" she ran her fingers through her loosely tied hair. "Well it's not fine that you hit me, but it's fine now"

I rolled my eyes. I do really hope she understands she put me in that position.

I continued eating while she remained seated on the bench, silent for several minutes.

My phone rings and I reach for my side pocket, licking a finger or two, I slide it open and put it on speaker.

"JOSH!" Emily yelled through the phone "You're so damn lucky Nicolas wasn't the one SHOT!"

I scratched the side of my jaw and listened to her mother like lecture.

"Anyways, where are you? Hellooooo!"

"Yeah"

"Cat get your tongue?"

"Uh...no"

"Come home, Lana is going wild, she thinks you're in hospital half dead, where are you?"

"I'm at-"

"Shh" Ella hissed.

"I'm at one of my apartments"

"Who is with you?" Emily asked.

"N-"

"Ella" Nicolas voice arrived in the background with Emily "It's probably Ella"

"Oh" Emily gulped "Hey Ella"

Ella sighed "Hey" she said from a few feet away.

"How are you going girl?"

"Fine"

"That's...good" Emily was feeling awkward. "Anyways, get home soon Josh"

"Will do"

she hang up and I looked up at Ella.
"She probably thinks I'm screwing you again"

"Well I did screw you a few times"

"Please don't talk about it" she hopped off the bench, leaving the milk carton behind.

As she walked passed me, I leaned off my stool and grabbed her arm.
"What's the shame?"

"Shame?"

"Why can't I talk about it?"

"It's disgusting thinking of it" she walked away, towards the outside area.

"Disgusting?" I walked behind her "What's disgusting about us having sex?"

"We aren't...well...I'm sleeping with you for business"

"What?"

"Well you said one night of sleeping with you, is one thing about you. I'm not sleeping with you out of love or something"

"Who else are you doing business with, Jack?"

Ella frowned "Hey, my sex life, is none of your business"

"Really now" I stood by her as she grabbed the railings and looked over New York.

"That's personal"

"No it's not personal. If I'm fucking you, I want to know who else is fucking you"

"Oh really" Ella looked up at me "Let's see, Mr Hutson. Why don't you tell me who you've been fucking other then me" she crossed her arms against her chest.

"Nobody"

"See, that's another lie"

"I'm not lying"

Ella chuckled and walked back inside her apartment. She squatted down by the tv cabinet and pulled out a blue with plastic sleeves folder, tossing it at me as I stood by her.

"The first lady Suzi, she was with you a few days ago. The others have been short comings"

She fucking stalked me.
"You stalked me?" I frowned.

"No, Josh. It's business"

"Business, sticking your nose way far down my life?" I flicked through the folder, shocked at the fact she had every right female in here.

"Josh" Ella walked over to me "Why are you always here?"

I looked down at her and licked my bottom lip, holding the folder by my side "What else do you know about me Ella?"

Ella looked up through her naturally long lashes and gulped "I want you to tell me that, Josh"

"Please stop looking into me" My voice low and serious. "You're digging too far and too deep, you'll get yourself hurt"

"So tell me, Josh. Tell me so curious me won't keep going"

"No"

Ella shook her head "You're so confusing Josh. One day you tell me to leave the next you're at my door asking what the fuck I want when you know exactly what I want"

"What is it?"
I hoped she said she wanted me, love, me.

"I want to know why you are the way you are"

"Here we go again" I sighed, rolling my eyes.

"Josh, normal people don't do this!" she pulled up the oversized shirt, exposing her black panties and her light scars against her entire body.

"Those would've never happened if you told me who Greg was"

"You promised to protect me, even when I was dying right in front of your eyes, you couldn't do anything but watch"

The memories were painful to remember.

"Show me" I gulped, taking a step closer. "Show me all your scars"

"What for?" she frowned.

"Show me"

Ella removed the shirt and stood there in a black bikini.
I placed a hand against her arm and gestured she turn around.
As her back faced me, my eyes scanned her body.
Almost everywhere was covered in light, greyish and white scars that sort of healed.

I ran a finger against her back, just in-between both straps of her bra. It felt so deep, yet so light.

I moved her hair out of her way, placing it over her shoulder.
My fingers toured her body, before I leaned in and placed a gentle kiss against one scar against her back.
"I'm sorry" I whispered by her ear.

Her body released, no longer stiff to my touch as she lightly fell back against my bare chest.

She shook her head lightly, but then turned around and pushed herself off me.

"Sorry isn't enough" she whispered. "But telling me why, would be"

"I can't tell you about me, Ella"

"Why Josh, why?" she looked up in slight anger.

"Because I could dig up something that would have you hurt or..."

"or?" she frowned.

"Or the same thing could happen like when you dug up the suicide chick"

"You're anxiety and nightmares"

"Nightmares while being awake isn't as easy as you think"

"I will do anything Josh, just tell me!" she no longer had patience.

You see, a part of me wants to tell her. Though a part of me knows she'll get hurt somewhere along the way and I couldn't bare the thought of it.

"I can't"

Ella grabbed either side of my face and stood on her toes, looking deep into my eyes "There's more to you then this beast, Josh"

I moved her hands away from me and took a step back.

"I'm going to continue digging into you" she said.

I turned away and took a few steps towards the room I had crashed in "If you do that, protecting you becomes one hell of a mission, Ella"

"Either way, I'm going to find out why you are the way you are"

"You'll hurt yourself"

"Whatever it takes" Ella sighed. "At least tell me why and how you got your scars"

I turned around "Gun shot wounds"

"No" Ella licked her bottom lip "The light ones, that look similar to mine"

I cleared my throat. The ones my father caused.
"What scars?" I asked, acting stupid.

"Like the one just above your hip"

I looked down, that was difficult to spot but she could, she could because it was similar to hers.

"Josh, give me something, please"

I sighed, I walked back towards her. "We stick to our deal"

"Which deal?" Ella frowned.

"One thing, one night"

"Okay" she whispered "But I want more than just a name like 'mariam'"

My mothers name was haunting but peaceful.
I smirked "That's just a trick of mine, slight cheating. Where I can have you with one word"

Ella rolled her eyes. "Tell me"

"My scars were caused by a man" I looked down at her.

I figured today was going to be a long one with just me and the girl I love, telling her about Josh beneath the scars.

"A man I called my dad"

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okay, yall ready for Josh to speak about a abusing father and then SOME STEAMY SEX LOL

Mia x