*Josh*

I stormed into my office and rushed my way towards my seat as a dozen men sat around the meeting table.
I picked up a few folders and tossed them towards the middle of the table.
"I'm sure many of you know about my...ex...so called girlfriends death a year ago or so"

Chatter occurred with the word "Yes" travelling around.

"Does anybody know about the rumours that went around?"

Everyone nodded.

"Does anybody have any doubts?"

Everyone shook their head.

I sighed and rubbed the back of my head.
"Josh" Nicolas walked in, waving his way.

I walked towards him and left the office, slamming the door. "What?"

"Ella put up a message on the internet on some site called 'Ask and receive' she said If anyone has information about the death of Kate Lope, I'm willing to offer a huge sum of money for it"

"And?" I frowned.

"We paid plenty of people to dig it all up, but we also forgot some paparazzi would do anything for money. A guy named Eric Few sold her the picture for a few thousands"

I sighed "I want his head in a box, on my desk, tomorrow morning"

"Metaphorically...?"

"I want his fucking head in a box on my desk tomorrow or don't come back to work until the job is fucking done, am I clear?"

"Metaphorically or..."

"CUT HIS FUCKING HEAD OFF AND PUT IT IN A FUCKING BOX AND PUT THE FUCKING BOX ON MY DESK, DO YOU NEED A FUCKING DEMONSTRATION TOO?"

Nicolas shook his head "No, I got it"

"Good" I sighed, opening the office door.

"What about Ella?"

"I'll deal with her" I sighed, "Men, I'm sorry for the random call, it has all been a misunderstanding. You can all go home" I waved them off and left the office.

"Do you really want his head-"

"Nicolas" I rolled my eyes as I jogged down the stair case. "Do you want me to kill him myself?"

"No but...don't you think a head...in a box is too extreme, I mean-"

"He could've ruined my life"

"He basically ruined a quarter of it" Nicolas curled his nose.

"Nicolas, you need to get the fuck out of my face before I put your head in a box"

"Right" Nicolas cleared his throat. "Right"

I left the mansion and drove myself to Ella's penthouse.
Before I entered, I had a few drinks and cigarettes at the bottom of the apartment until a few hours passed.
Then, I knocked a few hundred times until the door unlocked and pulled open.

"Jesus, have you heard of ringing the bell?" Ella rubbed her eyes. "It's..." she looked to her side "It's 1am, I have work tomorrow, what are you doing?"

I pushed passed her and walked in.
"I want the photo"

Ella sighed "You can crash on the couch if you want, the spare rooms don't have any made beds. Now if you'd excuse me, I have an important meeting tomorrow" she walked towards her room.

"Ella, I want the fucking picture!"

"Josh, go home"

"Give me the fucking picture!"

"No"

I rushed towards her, wrapping my fingers around her tiny throat and slammed her against the wall by her room.
"Don't make me hurt you!" I squeezed a little tighter.

She wrapped both her hands around my one, trying to shove me away, she gasped "You've already hurt me to the limit"

I let go and sighed, rubbing my jaw as she coughed and rubbed her throat.
"Give me the fucking picture, Ella"

"Why is it so fucking important, are you afraid you'd lose it all to nothing?!"

"BECAUSE I PROMISED HER MOTHER THAT HER SELF SUICIDE WOULD'NT BE KNOWN BY THE WORLD AND THAT SOME MAN JUST TOOK HER LIFE!"

Ella frowned "Suicide?"

I sighed once more, making my way to the kitchen and grabbing a bottle of alcohol before pouring large cup. "If the world sees this picture, I'll be forced to tell them the real story" I sighed.
"Her death was suicide" I said, gulping down half the cup with my back towards Ella.
"She was going through personal shit that I had no idea about because I was too caught up with just fucking her" I added, taking the other half of the cup before pouring another one.
"She fell in love with me that she came up with a ridiculous plan to try and expose me, more like blackmail me to marry her or share my shit with her" Ella remained behind me as I sipped on this tasteless, horrible alcohol. "I rejected her so many times, she became addicted to self harming and threatening to kill herself. I ignored the signs, and told her what she needed to hear. I didn't love her, I don't love. I only fuck. So one night I received a phone call" I gulped the entire, somewhat 500ml cup of alcohol. "I had guards on watch, they said they had seen someone break and enter her apartment, so I dropped everything and made my way to her. I wasn't dumb enough to enter her place unarmed so I grabbed my gun that I always carry around and went in. That's when I found her dead, laying there with the knife pushed into her chest, just where her heart sat" I got turned around to face Ella. "Several days later, I was being blackmailed by several people about that picture you have. Turned out Kate was trying to frame me for her death, in hopes I'd lose everything to feel just what she felt when I said I didn't love her. I paid them a few thousands and thousands each, and paid a man to take responsibility of her death because her mother knew it was suicide, but she didn't want her daughter to die like that, not like that. It was the least I could do"
I took down more alcohol before placing the cup onto the bench.

"You expect me to believe you?" Ella whispered, with tense breathing, indicating she did believe me.

"No, but that's something I've learnt to live with.  Knowing that love can simply drive someone insane to the point they take their own life"

Ella licked her lips "Until I have something else against you, I'm keeping it"

"Stop digging up my past, you'll only hurt yourself and bring me pain all over again"

"Why?"

"Because there's way more then a suicidal lover and clubs, Ella. Something I don't like anybody looking into"

"So tell me then" Ella took a few steps towards me "Tell me so I don't have to find out myself, that way we could both accept it"

"Accept it?" I chuckled "Do you know what it's like to re-open scars?"

"Yes" she nodded "Letting you into my life again is like opening every single scar on my body"

I began smelling the alcohol begin to take over.
"I can't do that"

"Why, why?" she sighed.

"Because I have trust issues, Ella"

"So do I"

"No" I shook my head "You don't understand. Everything I've done and been through, Nicolas knows because we grew up together. But to have someone in the real world know me, no"

"Why?!" she sighed aloud "Jesus"

"Because my past isn't easy. You think being homeless is hard?" I wanted to tell her more but I already said enough.

Ella shook her head. "You've always been a good liar, always. So I don't know when you're telling the truth"

"You don't have to know" I froze "Because I can't tell you about myself"

"You make it so damn hard to trust you or even like you for a bit"

I took a deep breath as images transitioned throughout my mind.
"I love you Josh, I love you Josh, I love you Josh"
The same three words echoed through my ear.
"I need you Josh, I'll kill myself Josh"
Her eyes wide open, blood spreading over the wooden floor and the knife halfway through her soulless body.
"Come to me Josh"

"Josh?" Ella's voice duplicated. "Josh" she placed a hand onto my shoulder. "Hey, are you alright"

I shook my head.
"I'll kill myself, I love you, you love me"

"Josh" Ella's voice remained duplicating.

I shoved her away, so rough that she almost lost balance.
I felt my eyes water but I held it back strongly that they disappeared within seconds.
"This is exactly why I don't want to tell you anything!" I groaned.

Ella came back towards me. "Your-"

"You don't know anything, shut up!" I yelled.

Ella was speaking but I couldn't hear anything but her voice.
"Kiss me Josh" she giggled "I love you"
"I DON'T!" I yelled within the voices "You're not meant to fall in love!" I leaned against the bench top "I don't know anything about love! Shut up!"

Ella's voice was echoing behind me but I couldn't hear anything but her.
"I'll kill myself"

"You shouldn't have loved the devil" I whispered.
Hands wrapped around me, I turned around and looked down at Ella. "I can't tell you anything"

Ella nodded "Why don't you go to sleep for now, talk tomorrow morning?"

I remembered yesterday how she threatened me with the photo, I tried to control myself so I wouldn't harm her for it.
"I can't sleep" I stopped by her room as she stopped beside me. "Do you have sleeping pills?"

"Uh" Ella rubbed the back of her neck "I have something that helps you sleep, calms you down"

"No" I licked my bottom lip, realising my forehead was dripping sweat. "I naturally can't sleep but this alcohol will have me gone in no time" I added, removing my tie and suit jacket as my body began to heat "I need sleeping pills" I turned back towards the kitchen.

"Hey, hey" Ella rushed in front of me, stopping me "I've never seen you like this, but you need some rest"

"No" I shook my head "I can't sleep"

"Why are you so afraid to sleep?" Ella frowned.

"Nightmares" I whispered.

Ella took a deep breath and sighed. "You can spend the night...in my bed..."

I gulped "Won't help"

"Try" she whispered. "Try"

I nodded.

"Jesus Josh" Ella groaned "This doesn't change anything. This is still my game, we will talk when you're more sober and I have enough sleep"

I gulped.
"I love you Josh, I'll kill myself"

I should've never spoken about her.
I can't speak about anything, otherwise I'll die in my nightmares a thousand, million times.

"Your side, my side" Ella pointed.

But all I could think about was these painful flash-backs.

"Got it?"

That night, I watched Ella sleep...while I was afraid to shut my eyes.
No, I was never scared of anything. I barley feared anything in the real world.
But what was within me, scared me.
I was scared of myself.
What I had bottled up inside me, kept me awake several nights.

I didn't want to sleep.
I was afraid that if I died in my nightmares, I wouldn't wake up in the real world.
I wasn't scared of death, if anything I'd rather die then live.
But not like this, not in my nightmares where things I fear most live.

I placed my head against my pillow grabbed hold of Ella's hand gently, placing it against my bare chest, just where my heart sat.

She was my weakness, so maybe she was my healer and peacemaker.

I took a deep breath.
If my eyes shut and I fell, I wanted to make sure Ella knew that I know what hell is like...
because it's inside of me.

I took a deep breath, forcing my eyes opened.

"Let go" Ella whispered. "Let go, let it be"

I gulped, shutting my eyes.

Ella's body was also sweating.
I frowned as my eyes remained shut.

She was smart but not smart enough.

She also had nightmares.

Tonight, tonight we expose our hidden and silent demons.

___________________

the dead submissive doesnt play a massive role, its just to slowly help learn about Josh and his personal issues.
Anyways, just because Ella allowed him over tonight, doesnt change anything. She's still the badass lady whoz gone take Josh's throne.
Watch it happen...

Double update WHOOOHOOO

Mia x