*Ella*

The thing with Josh is, if he lied, you couldn't tell. All you would think about is everything he said was the truth. He was naturally good at that, lying.

So how do I believe him?

"Don't go chasing things you're not ready for" I rolled my eyes.

"What?" Josh frowned. "Chasing? I'm not chasing anything. I don't know why I always end up here"

Can you please just tell me you love me?
It would make things easier, it would stop me from thinking you're only here for the sex and pleasure.
Tell me you love me, that's all I want to hear.

"Why are you here?" I ask again.

"Stop asking me, I don't know!" Josh sighed.

"Alright" I puffed "Then leave" since you don't want to tell me that you feel me like I feel you.
"Please"

"Tell me your lying" he took a step towards me.

"About what?!" I began to lose my patience.

"That you don't want me or need me"

"I don't" I shook my head. I don't if you don't want to tell me you need me like I do, I don't.
"Don't get confused. If I say I want you, I'm not reaching for you, I'm reaching out to parts of me that I left in you"

Josh took a deep breathe. "So what do you want?"

"I want you to leave"

Josh puffed and rubbed the back of his head.
Maybe I couldn't tell when he spoke the truth, but looking at him, maybe did speak the truth.
Those slight forming eye bags, messy hair, unorganised style...he wasn't the Josh the world knew.
That, told me something.

He was fighting battles, but battles he won't tell me about.

I can't love someone who doesn't love himself. That's why I can only half love him, while the other half searches for him.

"Alright" Josh whispered. He turned around and walked back towards the door. He stopped by the knob and took a deep breathe.
"It's hard to wait around for something you know might not happen" he said, with his back towards me "But it's harder to give up when you know it's everything you want"

I frowned and watched as he left.

Although he slammed the door shut, it wouldn't close, the lock was fucked.

What did he say?
'It's hard to wait around for something you know might not happen, but it's harder to give up when you know it's everything you want'

Wait.

That's it.

I jogged over towards my door and pulled it open.
"JOSH!" I gasped as the elevator doors just opened by him.
That's all I wanted to hear.
He wants me. Might not be the words I want, but it's enough to tell me he feels me.
"Don't go"

Josh turned around with a frown, lost.

I panted in the hallway, watching his dark eyes slowly come back to life.

He walked back towards me, a fast pace with big steps. My heart raced.
As he placed a hand on the side of my face, it happened.

A year later.
It happened.

His lips met mine, passionately moving.
His dry, lips roughly rubbed against my soft ones.

But then I stopped, I leaned back and moved away.
"I'm sorry" I said, knowing I shouldn't have kissed him.

He held his frown. "Ella"

"I want to study you"

"Study me?"

"While you heal yourself too, I want to know everything about you"

"I gave up the playroom, I'm working on my drinking, I'm slowly giving up the dirty work and-"

"No" I stopped him. "Not that"

"What?"

"I want to know everything about why you are the way you are"

"So you want to know everything?"

I nodded.
"I want to know everything about you, little to big"

"Under one condition" Josh whispered "One thing about me, is one night of fucking you"

I took a step back.
"No"

"I have never told anyone everything about me, things I barley think about myself. So why should I open scars, without getting back anything in return?"

Scars.
I wanted to know where he got those from.

"I'll think about it" I said, almost like I was handing my life over, again.
I definitely didn't want this, but I had to come up with a plan to get what I wanted.
"Okay?." I repeated.

Josh smirked.

Jesus, that smirk that made a serious conversation turn into a laugh but a peaceful moment turn into a cheeky, wild moment.

"My mums name was Mariam"

I frowned, so?

He took a step towards me, grabbing the side of my face he whispered by my ear, "I'll go soft"

I gulped, what?
"That's it?"

"One thing about me?" Josh leaned back "We had a deal"

"That's just a name"

"You said, little to big and everything"

I sighed, God he was one smart guy when he wanted things.
"Right"

He let out a hand, "Your penthouse needs a little more security and a fixed door, I have one across the street"

My jaw dropped "Oh my God"

Josh tried to hold his laugh.

"You sick son of a bitch" I folded my arms. "You were stalking me?!"

Josh shrugged "I'll tell you everything...slowly"

"I can't believe you" I shoved him, walking past him towards the elevator.
He fucking stalked me?
Oh my God, what the fuck.

"Oh come on" Josh rushed up beside me as the elevator door opened "You didn't think I was going to leave you alone that easy"

"That's fucking creepy!" I gasped.

As the elevator doors shut, he shoved me up against the wall by the buttons. "You know what else is creepy?"

I gulped, looking up into his eyes as his body positioned with mine and his lips inches away "No" I whispered.

"I've got to control myself, a year of not touching you...does a lot to a fucking man, Ella"

I took a deep breath.

His lips met mine as we pushed up against the elevator wall.

It's maybe 3am. I wanted to rest and wash up, but I guess when the devil comes knocking, you were to sit and listen to its fire crackle.

___________________

Since its my birthday, thought I'd update...a happy chapter HAHAHAHA
GAME ON GUYS!

IMPORTANT:

Read!
Alright, let's set things forward.
Many of you have said "This is like fifty shades"
No.
A dozen times no & I wont explain it a thousand times.
If you've actually read fifty shades
here are the differences and similarities:

Similarities:
Playroom
Mean dominant

Differences:
•Anna crawls back to Chrisitan within days
Ella doesnt for a whole year

•Christian still has the playroom till the end of the series and never gets rid of it.
Josh doesn't have one anymore

•Christian doesnt watch Anna almost die from being whipped
Josh did

•Christian didnt save Anna from several kidnapping
Josh did

•Christian didnt hand Anna over to other people
Josh did

•Christian didn't own nightclubs
Josh did

•Christian didn't deal drugs and guns
Josh did

•Christian was taught to pleasure and use a playroom
Josh wasnt, he just had a playroom because he liked watching people suffer, without love.

•Christian couldnt be touched at all
Josh could, he was touched alot in shelter but he just chose not to be touched

•Christian never used a gun on someone, tortoured anyone let alone killed anyone
Josh did and has

THE LIST CAN GO ON BUT I CANT BE BOTHERED!
So stop comparing this to fifty shades only because it USED to have a playroom.
Relax.
It's just a playroom.

Mia xxx