~Eren

I looked the kid up and down, relishing in the pathetic way he was cowering into the corner and gasping for air. It was amusing how he had tried his best to escape me but instead wasted his energy running which only resulted in him trapping himself and becoming even more weak and vulnerable to the situation by being out of breath.

How stupid and pitiful. Wasn't it ironic how no matter what lengths somebody went to in order to get the best outcome from a situation, fate was always against them and fate would always win? Sure, anybody can put their fists up to the inevitable, but those of us who have actually gotten a nice helping of reality know that its a waste of time. It's smarter to just submit and pray that it won't hit as hard.

"I'm terribly sorry but how was I supposed to know that-"

I snapped my head to the idiot in front of me and cut him off before he could say it out loud. Of course I knew what he was implying but hearing it out loud stung so much more. "Just shut up already. If you would keep your goddamn mouth shut for once, you wouldn't risk offending people, so maybe next time you want to be a smartass you'll remember what the consequences are. At least then you'll think twice before you speak and this world will have one less brat running their mouth."

I was prepared to teach him a lesson when an obnoxious sound blared through the building, signalling the start of a new, dreadful class. I groaned as I dragged the kid out of the corner amd shoved him against the nearest locker. Because of this stupid kids chase, I was late to yet another class and for that I was even more pissed off at him. "You may think luck was on your side today kid, but don't think that I'll let this slide. Tomorrow it's double just for making me late to class so maybe next time don't waste my time by running." I pulled him back to shove him once more then briskly turned around and walked to my next class.

As much as I wanted to say I was a badass, I really wasn't. The thought of walking into a classroom full of judgmental kids and having all the attention put on me made my anxiety go through the roof, making me pause in the middle of the hallway and reconsider my actions. I considered skipping the class altogether since I would be marked as absent anyway and just thinking about doing classwork had me grimacing. I would rather go read a book in the nice weather or maybe even track down the boy (who's name I never did catch) and attend to our unfinished business anyway. The more time I spent in the hall plotting what to do next meant more trouble I would be in with the teacher so really, what was the point in going?

But like I said, I'm not a badass and I've never skipped, always psyching myself out of it in the end. I didn't care about much, but I did care about my future, hoping that it slightly made up for a bit of my past. So I grudgingly made my way to class and hoped that they were doing something fun or attention grabbing so few of them would acknowledge my entrance. Of course, the teacher was in the middle of a lecture so all of them turned to look at me.

I settled into my seat and tried to ignore their lingering stares as I focused on my thoughts instead. I knew I shouldn't have been so rough with the kid; he had no way of knowing about my mother, but it didn't make the sting any less painful.

It always happens like this. I get reminded of her and then I lose control. I feel horrible about retaliating of course, but the pain is so unbearable I pass it on to make myself feel at least a tiny but better. Thoughts of my mother lingered in my mind as they always did and I paid absolutely no attention through the rest if class. I cared about my grades but today I just wasn't in the mood to try.

~~~~

Everyday when I get home, the same thing happens. I take my shoes off, hang my coat, and go upstairs. From then on there are few interactions and an unhealthy amount of nothing. I rarely do my homework, and I rarely talk to my family. So today, of course it took me by surprise when instead of a quiet, empty living room, I was face to face with my sister Mikasa.

I didn't see my dad which was a normal part of everyday, as he's always at work saving lives and stuff. I wondered if maybe she was just changing things up by spending time here instead of locked up in her room as usual. That theory was shot down, however, as she stood and made it obvious that I was to stay where I was rather than make my way up the stairs like I had meant to do.

"Eren. I would like to have a word with you if that's okay?"

I looked at her with a blank expression, wondering what on earth she wanted from me. I tried to evaluate the situation and finally decided to put it off for as long as possible, just like everything else in my life. "Sorry Mikasa but I've got lots f work to do so maybe later." I shrugged and didn't even try to make the lie believable. She knew as much as I did that I was about to go sit in my room and do a whole lot of nothing. Usually she would let me be on my way but today she had a different way about her. Instead of her usual "I don't really care, whatever" facade, she seemed determined and stern.

"Eren this is important. You were late to your English class. Care to explain?" I huffed in annoyance. I really hated it when she tried to act like she had control of me, like she was my mom or something. A whole spiral of thoughts followed that and I couldn't bring myself to think of a witty comeback. Mikasa took my silence as confirmation to something and started to speak again. "You were in another fight weren't you?" Again, I stayed silent. For some reason I was consumed by sadness as I heard this. Even though I usually didn't care about what Mikasa thought, her dissapointment cut through me like a knife and paired with thoughts of mom, I didn't care to speak. I just wanted to go lay down and lose myself in a book.

"Eren this needs to stop. You can't just get in a fight every time something bad happens. I know you're still hung up on mom but you and I both know she wouldn't want it that way." I clenched my teeth together and prayed that she would just shut up already and let me be. "Eren! Can you say something already? You beat people up when they make you think of her but the minute I say something you just stand there like a mute!" I could feel myself starting to shake as adrenaline ran through my body like it always did in these situations. I try to just deal with it but I start getting pushed and then I crack.

"Because you're my sister, dammit! I at least try to control myself around you but if you keep pushing me I will beat you up! So just shut up and let it go!" I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to ward off the tears I felt building there. Don't show weakness, don't show weakness. Mikasa didn't seem phased by my outburst, in fact, the determination in her eyes seemed to burn brighter as my hands curled into fists.

"Wow. Look at you! You would beat up your own sister, all because you can't control your anger! Look, you're already making fists! Go on then! Hit me!" My shaking reached a peak and it was all I could to not hit her upside the head. When she saw that I wasn't making a move she flew forward and grabbed the neck of my shirt and yelled in my face.

"Well what are you waiting for? You're so useless! You're good for nothing but getting in fights and sitting on your ass! If you can beat up all those innocent people then what's one more, huh?" I felt my nails cut into the skin of my palms and shoved her away from me before I did something I would regret.

I ran up the stairs and nearly fell as my vision was blurred with the tears I had been holding in. I collapsed on my bed and angrily punched my bed, glad that my wrath was being let out on it instead of my sister. "I'm not useless." I said quietly, unclenching my fists and staring at them in regret. All of the terrible things I had done with them... "I'll prove it. I'll prove to everyone, that I am capable."

With thoughts of Mikasa's words I felt myself get drowsy. I wanted to bury my worries in a book but I could hardly keep my eyes open after all of the emotional weight of the day. I lazily pondered whether I should at least kick my jeans off before I inevitably fell asleep but by then my eyes were closed and my thoughts shifted to a certain darkness.

~~~~

"Eren,

Eren?"

"Eren you need to get out right now". I blinked my eyes and was met with my mother's. I instantly saw the concern shining in them and sat up straighter in my bed with worry. She pulled me up and carried me across the room, opening the door and rushing to get to the front door. That's when I noticed the bright light spreading through the living room.

Orange licks of fire crawled up the walls, engulfing our leather couches and worn carpet. I noticed my mother's favorite book being touched by a flame and watched until I could no longer read the familiar title. I was set down on the grass of our lawn and watched as my mom went back into the house. Fire was blowing out of the windows and starting to engulf the exterior of the house and a nasty, deep panic settled into my chest. I started crying and running all at once as I realized my mother was going back into the house.

I looked around and saw neighbors pointing to the house, some of them on their phones. One thing I realized was that Mikasa was also gone. Mom was going back for her. I reached the door step but felt myself get carried away by strong arms and struggled, looking back at my dad and shooting daggers at him. He looked back, silently speaking through his eyes. I need to stay put. He carried me back to the curb and held me tight as he knew I would make a run for it if I could. I got even more panicked as my mother didn't cone out with Mikasa and the fire got stronger.

Finally I saw my mom appear in the doorway and instantly let out a breath of air. She took a step forward and seemed to pause for just a second. I cocked my head to the side and wondered what on earth she was doing before everything shifted. My mom looked up in fright as a piece of the ceiling fell near her and caught the bottom of her night gown on fire. I screamed at her to hurry up and join us on the lawn but it was too late. She looked up at me as she all but threw Mikasa away from her and seemed to say something as everything fell down, including her.

I screamed and bit my father's arm, getting free and running as fast as I could to the house. I stopped where I saw her caught under a bunch of burning rubble and made to pull it all away and off of her. I grabbed for a piece of wood and only succeeded in burning my hand. My vision blurred with tears as my hands grew more burnt. Finally my mother got her hand out and lightly touched my tear stained cheek. I shuddered and stopped what I was doing, giving her my full attention.

"I want you to promise me something. Always stay safe. If you do something wrong, prove yourself worthy of forgiveness. I love you Eren." I choked on my sobs as her hand fell and her eyes closed. I got carried away after that, and sat down by Mikasa, holding her as we cried to each other. I had a feeling of dread and sorrow, but also felt like I was being watched. I couldn't shake the feeling as shivers and sobs wracked my body.

~~~~

I didn't bother opening my eyes because I knew what I would see. The same old darkness that I was always met with. I shivered in the darkness and attempted to rub the sleep from my eyes. As I cleared it away, the feeling from my dream lingered and I shifted uncomfortably. I still felt like I was being watched and I found myself drawing out the moment so I didn't have to see something I might not want to see. Finally I built up my courage and slowly brought my hands down from my eyes. I was met with uncharacteristically piercing silver-grey eyes and went stiff.

"Took you long enough, brat."