wishing ya'll a very happy diwali 🪔✨

-• i win •-

Rudra

If marriage is a union of two lovers,
is our damned to suffer,
before it could even commence?

There's something exhilarating about this woman. She makes me feel alive with only a glance. My body and mind become one. I'm no longer distracted. The world doesn't bother me any longer. Without physically doing so, she holds my hand and stops me from going astray.

She's my rescue. And what else a stranded man would yearn for?

After fighting the waves all night, where else would a tired ship come home to if not the dock?

She's my home.

God, she's my home. And I've been wandering homeless long enough. I'm tired. It's time she shelters me.

"I came here in a hurry. Do you think someone noticed?" She asks, an edge to her voice. Is she nervous? She doesn't need to be. I'm the one wearing my heart on the sleeve between us.

Shaking my head, I offer her a glass of water. "Nobody knows I'm in London." I nod as she accepts it with a small thanks. Sitting across from her, I take out my phone and shoot Amir a text to cancel the flight. Then I turn on the DnD feature and put it away.

She guzzles down the water like she had been thirsting after it for years. Then she puts the glass on the table with a thunk. An awkward silence settles in the air. She opens her mouth, hesitates, tries again but falls quite uncharacteristically.

"Take your time. I'm in no hurry." I say softly.

"And the suitcase?"

A smile slips on my face. "I was practicing my airport look."

She rolls her eyes, feigning annoyance, but bites her lower lip to keep the smile from giving her out. Subtly, she hardens her face and regards me with a serious look. "Marriage is not an easy decision to make. And honestly, I don't find us compatible. We're way too different."

I don't retort or try to counter her statement. Her yes was all I wanted to hear. And I've heard it. The rest of it, I'll just pretend to care about it.

"These three days, I could think of nothing but ways to say no to myself. I don't need to indulge myself in this marriage with you to get my father the justice he deserves. That's what I kept trying to tell myself. But your influence is hard to deny. You have the power, and I've to acknowledge it." She sighs. I stop myself from looking too proud. "So, I want to propose something, a way out in the future, for both of us."

I probe with the rise of my left brow.

"We won't make a happy couple. I know that. We have too much of the past between us and we can't start over either." Her eyes come back to rest on me. "Let's do a contract marriage. One year."

The change in my attitude is quick. And I know she notices it from the way she stiffens. I clench my hand into a fist, looking down at the floor to calm myself.

"Three years."

"One year." She presses.

I glare at her. "Two."

"One."

"You can leave." I state.

She picks up the magazine from the side and hurls it at me. I lean to my right, missing it by a mere inch. "One year should be enough for you to escape the political alliance and take down the Chairman. Why are you being so stubborn?"

"Yes, one year is enough. The remaining one year, I want it for us."

Her nose flares angrily, she narrows her eyes at me heatedly. "I've no interest in you."

"Really? Then give me another year." I dare her.

She blinks, stumped.

"If you think your feelings won't change, what difference does another year make?"

"Nothing."

"Good. Two years it is." I decide. "Anything else?"

She clenches her jaw. "It'll be exclusive."

"Of course." I answer. "I've no plans to fondle other women."

"Where are we living?"

"Palace? Apartment? Penthouse? Bungalow? Mansion? Wherever you want. Name it, I'll get it done." I reply.

She licks her lips and smoothens her crinkled dress. "I don't want any secrets between us."

"I've already told you everything."

"That you're Virat Rajawat's son?" She repeats. "That's not all. I need to hear everything. I've so many questions and I want answers to each one of them."

"That'll last a while. Perhaps the whole night."

"I've time." She nods.

"Dinner?" I ask, getting up from the couch and grabbing my suitcase from the doorstep.

"Sure." She accepts hesitantly. "I'll need to call home and make an excuse." She gets up holding her phone in her hands. I nod, glancing towards the attached balcony. "You can make a call there or at the swimming pool. It's quiet."

Muttering a thank you, she walks off towards the floor-to-ceiling glass doors and slides open the left side, stepping out on the open deck before closing the door behind her.

I carry my luggage back inside the bedroom and leave it in the corner. Sitting on the edge of my bed, I fish out my phone and call Amir, scratching my stubbled jaw while I wait for him to answer.

"I've cancelled the flight -"

"The restaurant you got me food from last time?" I cut him off.

"What about it?"

"Pack me some dinner from there again. For two people."

He's quiet for a moment. "Okay, give me an hour." His voice sounds lighter than before.

I pull the phone away and scroll through the contacts, my thumb hovers hesitantly on Niharika's number. She knew why I came here a week before our engagement. And she was also confident I'll come back to put a ring on her finger. We both had hopes. The difference is that, I also had a plan, and I'm not one to lose, ever.

I drop the idea of calling her.

She'll know from Amir that I've cancelled my flight. She likes to keep updates on my whereabouts through him. He's loyal to me to the bone, that's not a question, but I let her entertain the thought that she can have any control over my life. That's how her hope survived so long without any input from my side.

Amusing, isn't it?

I've had two women fall hopelessly in love with me without lifting a finger, but the one I'm hopelessly in love with, can flip the world upside down for, won't give a dime if I'm there or not.

Shoving my phone in the pocket, I exit the room to see Taranya taking a stroll in the suite, like it's some kind of museum, and all the fancy, materialistic, expensive as fuck things are telling her a story no one else bothered to ask them about. That's what pulls me to this woman. She'd look at you like you're the most priceless thing in the world, like the world exists for her only if you exist. I want that look back on her face whenever she gazes into my eyes. The look of infatuation, admiration. The look of wonder.

I stand there, against the wall, staring at her. It's been three years. I've no idea how I went so long without seeing her in flesh before me. Because now that I look at her, even blinking seems like a sin.

Feeling my eyes on her, she looks over her shoulder, and pauses, unblinking, unmoving. Her lips fall apart a little to breathe deeply. I let the nudity of the moment sink in. Chilly air creeps in and we both shiver. Looking back, she hugs her coat tightly, her arms folding across her chest. Tearing my eyes off her lithe frame, I stride over to the deck entrance and slide the door closed.

"I'm sorry. I- I forgot to close it." She mumbles distractedly.

I shake my head, even though she can't see me, words are too heavy on my tongue. "Do you want coffee?" I ask softly.

"Sure." She nods, eyes on the painting of some flowers.

"You've been looking at it for a long time. I'm starting to think you'd be out with it if I even blinked."

She smiles. "It's fake. What would I do with a fake painting?" She shrugs.

"Oh," is my inartistic response. "Where's the original?" I ask as I load the coffee pod of my choice in the coffee machine and let the cup fill slowly.

"In a museum." She replies.

"What's so special about the painting?"

"It was his last piece before he shot himself with a revolver."

"Tragic." I mutter, replacing the cup with an empty one. I add sugar and frothed milk to her coffee and knock on the counter for her attention.

She comes over and picks it up. "Thank you."

"What's it called?"

"Irises."

"And what's special about it?"

"They're unique. The curved silhouettes bounded by twisty, wavy, twisting and curling lines were drawn after intensive observation and study. Whoever created this replica sure knows what he's doing. It's very similar to the original."

"No, I mean, what did the painting mean for the artist?"

That makes her go quiet for a moment. "I don't know." She sounds embarrassed. Given how much she knew about the painting, I had expected her to know what made it special, what it wanted to signify. "The coffee," she points behind me.

"Oh, right," I spin around and pluck my cup out of the holder. "Should we sit at the table?" I suggest. She nods and takes the lead. I follow her behind. We sit down across from each other, the air between us tensed. I steal a glance of her. She keeps herself busy by rotating her finger around the rim of the cup, her face revealing the distress visibly.

My phone rings. The shrill tone flinches her.

"Sorry," I fish out the device and close my eyes in irritation after reading the name. "I need to take this," she nods, focusing on her coffee while I go back to the kitchen, forgetting my cup on the table behind.

"Hello."

"Amir told me you cancelled the flight."

"Yes." I answer.

"Oh," she whispers. "Are- are you still waiting for her? We decided it'll be only three days-"

"She's here." My gaze is drawn back to the woman at the table.

Niharika heaves a breath. "I hate you."

"I'm not sorry."

"I know. You're a bastard." She says. "I'll talk to my dad. Bye." And she hangs up.

I come back to the dining table. Taranya looks at me curiously. "It was her."

"The conversation was short."

I nod, sipping on my coffee. "She knows about you."

Taranya looks surprised. "How do you find women who are willing to give their hundred percent into a relationship that you're not even interested in?"

"I don't." My eyes on her.

"You do. You let them go."

"They're not who I want."

"Then let her go."

"I can't."

She sighs exasperatedly and looks down at her coffee.

How is she so unaware about the intensity of my feelings? And how incandescently happy I'm just to watch her sitting in front of me. The rush, the adrenaline, the risk, she makes me feel all of it. How forbidden she is for me, and the repercussions of my relentless chase, I know them all and yet I still won't give up on her. I can't.

She puts her empty cup on the table. I pick up mine and get up to lean over, picking up hers as well. When I turn to leave, the doorbell rings. Taranya stands up. "Dinner?" She asks me. I nod. "I'll get it." While she goes to open the door, I go to the kitchen to wash the cups.

Taranya returns a few minutes later. Amir follows her rigidly, looking stiff as a robot. He keeps the bags on the dining table and waits for my next order. Taranya unpacks the food and grabs two plates from the kitchen.

"Thanks, Amir. You're done for the day. You can go and rest." I smile at him.

He bows politely and heads out.

Wiping my hands to my handkerchief, I pull myself the previous chair and settle down. "Only soup?" I frown at the bowl in front of her.

"I'm not really hungry." She replies.

"At least have the garlic bread?" I offer.

She shakes her head. "I'm fine. Shall we start?"

Reluctantly, I put the bread down and nod at her.

"Who was the person you blackmailed me to inject with that pale yellow liquid?"

"My half brother." I reply, twisting the fork around the noodles and eating them. "He's alive, by the way. In coma."

She looks relieved. "So, he's real Shourya?"

"No. I am."

She frowns.

"I was registered two years after my birth. The Chairman needed an heir and Virendra had an accident. So he had no choice but to choose me. But then my mother birthed a son and I was disposed of while he was introduced to the world as Shourya."

"Why him? Why not you?" She looks a little furious, as if she could feel the unfairness I went through since my childhood. It makes me want to smile at her. But I hold in the urge.

"It's complicated."

"Yeah, I'm having dinner with you after lying to my family. Not because it's a date. I need answers." She demands.

I sigh and put the fork down. Leaning back on the chair, I pick up the glass of water and take a sip, washing down the invisible block lodged in my throat. It crawls back up. "Whatever I'm telling you has been narrated to me by your father. I don't know how much truth it has but this is what I know.

Abhimanyu Singh Rajawat got married to Geetanjali Tanwar, daughter of a Jaipur based industrialist. After a year of marriage, Virendra Singh Rajawat was born. Abhimanyu had all the normalcy in his life but when did he appreciate it? His salacious ways had let him have an affair with a Christian employee of the Mankind hospital, resulting in the birth of his mistake, the illegitimate child who was then left at the doorsteps of Rajgarh palace one night. In order to save his reputation, he had no option but to keep that child and introduce as his own in the world - Virat Singh Rajawat. The betrayal was unbearable for his wife and she died after a few months with reasons being unknown to anyone.

Even though my father had Rajawat blood running through his veins, he still was a mistake and Abhimanyu Singh Rajawat had the absolute faith in the legitimate royal bloodline. So he made sure that only Virendra, his legitimate son would acquire the Rajawat business empire. He had also made sure that my father would never try to raise his voice for the rights in family and business and much to his relief, my father had no interest in either of them and he became a professor in JUN Medical College where he met your father Vikram Singh Chauhan and became friends with him.

Abhimanyu Singh Rajawat also believed in primogeniture, which is basically the eldest son of a legitimate son who gets to acquire the property and state. He got his son married to the daughter of an affluent family. But Virendra's wife had borne two daughters and died during the child birth of their second daughter - Sara Rajawat. A few months later to his wife's demise, he met with an accident, which resulted in a roadblock for Abhimanyu to get a grandson. A few years after that accident, my father was betrothed to the youngest daughter of the late King, Jaisingh Rawal. Their marriage was arranged and my father wasn't ready for this, maybe my mother wasn't as well but in spite of all, they had accepted their relationship and with time, developed a mutual comrade. Three years later, I was born and given a name by my parents - Shourya . I was the first grandson of Abhimanyu but to his misfortune, born to his illegitimate son, his mistake. My birth was like a tight slap on his face. He was then absolutely desperate and enraged and didn't let my parents even register my name officially.

I was two years old at that time. One night when my father wasn't at home, Abhimanyu in his deranged sickness, had raped my mother. Until the absurdity of the situation had dawned upon him, my mother was pregnant with his child. To cover this up, he had fabricated Virendra's second wife as the one with Virendra's child. Nine months later, to his luck, the child my mother gave birth to was a boy. After that my mother had committed suicide and Virendra's second wife had left the palace in darkness. Abhimanyu now has his own blood, his heir. He then snatched my identity away and gave it to his son, the one who has royal blood running through his veins. This was his way to punish my father for taking birth as his son. I became nameless, equal as dead. I was only two years old when he gave orders to Virendra to get rid of me but Virendra decided to use me for his sick motives. For a decade I had lived a nameless life in darkness until your brother found me and gave me this name - Rudra."

Tara stifles a gasp. And the disappointment and disgust is clear as day on her face. I don't know if it's towards me, my tragic past, or my family. Maybe all of them.

"How did your father die? And what did it have to do with my father?"

"Your father was in London the last time they talked. After that night, he disappeared from the face of the earth. He made a stupid plan of exposing the third floor of Mankind Medicare all by himself. He got caught. And then he just disappeared."

She nods, absorbing the words slowly. "And why did my father die?"

"After the whole Inayat drama, the Chairman was keeping tabs on your family. I didn't know. So when I found an unread text on your father's burner phone, I immediately told him about it. It was an address. Of a golf club they used to play at when they were young. He went there to check. He also told me he found some containers in the locker. I called to alert him about the possible tail. But it was too late." My voice fades to a whisper seeing the sheen layer of years glossing over her eyes. She sniffles softly.

"They kept calling him a coward." She murmurs brokenly.

"He wasn't a coward." I say softly. "He was very brave."

She presses her lips together, head low, eyes clenched shut as she tries to hold her composure. "I'm sorry." Reaching out for a few tissues, she wipes her tears and nose and crumples them in her fist.

"Water?" I offer her a glass of water.

She accepts, thanking me.

We fall quiet again.

"I can't believe one man destroyed so many lives." She whispers in disbelief.

"Midget of a man."

Her lips quirk at the corners. "I'm trying to be serious."

"I'm serious."

She shakes her head softly, amusement sparkling in her blue eyes. "Why did you involve me in all this?"

"Initially? For fun." I reply bluntly. "Then I kept wanting to see you. You were the only good in my life."

She snorts. "I don't think so."

"I do." I state firmly, holding her eyes with mine. "You were the only good in my life. You are the only good in my life."

"Takes so much talent," she gets up, picking her phone from the table, her eyes on me. "To ruin the only good in your life." She steps back and puts the chair in place.

"Tara, I-"

"Save it." She cuts me off. "We'll need to figure out a way to convince my family. I'll call you. For now, I need to leave. Thanks for the dinner. Bye."

She leaves. And I sit alone. As usual, as always.

Perhaps, it is.
Damned to suffer.
But I'd still embrace it just as fiercely.

It was a heavy chapter.

Hope you enjoyed? Don't forget to vote and comment. Makes my day.

the chapter's edited by Miss_Baaghi thank you for helping me out with that whole narration!