Chapter 6. Pain

The clouds are dark and the sky is angry. There is a storm coming and the wind is already on its maximum speed making the trees fall on the ground. I calmly watch the rain pouring down the beautiful landscape of our safe house. Sa lamig, nag moist ang full glass wall na parte ng mansion.

I smiled as I felt safe and comfortable while holding a mug of coffee on my left hand. I feel like I'm invincible!

"Are you even listening?!" oh, that's Boe nagging. Don't mind him, he's a bit loud but ignore him.

Mas mapayapa kung panonoorin mo lang ang malakas na buhos ng ulan. Sana, ganito na lang ang buhay ko habang buhay.

"I already expressed my apology, Boe. What more should I say? It's already been done." that's Nik, trying to calm Boe.

They're both loud and annoying. Wala akong choice but to be with them but I couldn't just stand their noises-I wish I could leave them the fuck here.

They're fighting over something that's already done. Boe is angry for what we did but, as if that would change what happened.

"You're overstepping, Nikolai." Boe said, as if he's not to be taken lightly anymore.

It's the first time I heard this voice kaya hindi ko napigilan ang sarili na bumaling sa kanilang dalawa. They're just a few meters away from me.

"You know how this system works. He has to get in jail, not the other way around." Boe

"Don't be naive, Boe. We both know that's gonna be fucking useless. Putting him in jail would never stop him from doing his evilness. One year or so and he is already out. You call that justice?"

"That's not the point! Your task is to capture him and not kill him! You just risked your freedom, Nik! Kung sumunod ka lang sana sa kung ano lang ang inutos sa'yo, hindi sana tayo magkaka-problema!"

"Anong ibig mong sabihin, Boe?" I asked,

"M pulled us out already. I told you, one mistake and you are back to wherever hell you belong."

"What?" napatayo si Nik, "Why is she pulling us? Ang dami namin napagtagumpayan, isang pagkakamali lang ganito agad?!" Nik started to raise his voice.

"Don't act as if you didn't know the rules. I warned you! Kung ano lang ang inutos, iyon lang ang susundin natin." Boe,

"Don't you think the decision were decided harshly? It was just a single compromise, Boe." I butt in.

Kung pagbabasihan lang din ang mga accomplishments namin, hindi sapat ang pagkakamali na ito para alisin kami. We have done more than what they expect from us. Yes, we fail sometime but after that mas maayos namin na a-accomplish ang mga misyon.

For me, this was unacceptable.

"I was just taking orders and you do exactly the same. Why can't we just stick to that? I understand your whole concerning point, pero hindi ako ang kumo-kontrol ng lahat. Even how much I despise that person, if my bosses doesn't want him dead, he should not!"

Boe sat in a high chair. He's aged already. I couldn't help but pitty him. Nakulong na siya sa buhay na ito at sa utos ng mga mas mataas sa amin. I believe in Boe. I believe in his principles and his desire for fair justice. He may not be the nicest person on Earth, but he deserves a spot up there.

Boe have done terrible things under the table, but just like the rest of us, he's just doing his job. Gustuhin 'man niyang mag desisyon ng mas maganda, hindi naman maaari.

"I lead this operation, this team-but you do forget that I am not the boss here." Boe, shaking his head, disappointed from us.

"So, paano na tayo?" Nik asked,

Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin. I warned him about this, but this man never listened. I knew this would compromise the plan. I should have just stop him, but this fucking greed of mine just didn't cooperated with me. I agreed with every Nik's plan, because my conscience thought it was the right thing to do.

It really was, but, I forgot that this doesn't revolve in our hands, it was in somebody's hands, at wala kaming karapatan makialam.

"We've been disbanded. Even I were asked to take a break. The Feds will contact you any hour from now, you will be going back to ADMAX."

Wala na akong masabi. Napaupo ako muli, nanghihina. Bumaling ako kay Nik, maging siya ay natulala sa kawalan.

I sighed. Hindi ko rin magawang manisi dahil ginusto ko rin ang nangyari. Kung sana hindi ako nagpadalos-dalos sa emosyon, pero ano pa nga ba?

Nagising ako ng makaramdam ng pag tampal sa pisnge ko. Nasilaw ako sa liwanag at saglit na sumakit ang mata ko sa pagka bigla nito. I was greeted by the uniformed feds taking me back to the ADMAX. Hindi naman ako natatakot bumalik doon dahil kahit mahirap, nagkaroon ako ng maliit na proteksyon sa loob kaya hindi nagiging impyerno ang buhay ko. I knew this was gonna happen, I just didn't expect it would end sooner than what I assumed.

The back door made of 5 inches metal thick opened abrutly and let us walk in. Hindi ko alam kung nasaan si Nik, baka mas nauna pa siyang makapasok sa akin. Dadalhin nila ako sa underground cell kung saan nila tinago si Aranea Adamovich noon. Mukhang may idea na ako kung bakit ako roon dadalhin.

Tingin ko, noong mga buwan na wala ako ay pinalabas nila na roon ako sa ilalim kinulong, dahilan bakit hindi ako nakikita ng ibang inmates. I wonder kung matutuloy pa ba ang death sentence ko? For sure, ang tanong nga pala diyan ay kung kaylan.

Pinasok nila ako sa isang confined room na wala akong ibang makikita na kulay kung hindi puti lamang. The walls and floor are covered with white pentagon tiles. Umupo ako sa nagiisang kama na may kutson at yari sa bakal na higaan. I materialized the stainless equipments and layout of the whole room and it seem impenetrable. Hindi katulad sa normal cell sa taas where it was monitored and controlled by the system, this one hits different.

This room is specially made to cover all its weaknesses. Mahirap tumakas rito.

Why am I thinking of escaping? Akala ko ba, tanggap mo ang lahat, Autumn? May nagbago na ba? Dahil sa natikman na saglit na kalayaan.

Bumaling ako sa camera na naka tutok sa akin. Whoever's watching me- go to hell with me. I rolled my eyes on them at nagpasya na humiga na. Hindi naman ako pagod, I was asleep during transport at nagising na lang ako ay nasa Amerika na ulit ako.

Tumunog ang buzzer sa itaas. What? Kadarating ko lang, may bisita ako agad? Bumukas ang secured door at pumasok ang mga prison guard. Nag buntong hininga ako. Tumayo ako, nagtaas ng kamay at humarap sa pader. Lumapit ang isang prison guard at kinuha ang dalawang kamay ko palikod at tsaka sinuotan ng posas.

Two more prison guard secured my left and right at maingat akong dinala palabas. Maraming gate at liko kaming dinaanan until we reached the elevator. The guard pressed the up button indicating that we're going up. I guess, ibabalik nila ako sa old cell ko.

When we arrived at the Administer I, bumungad sa akin ang mga inmates na pagala gala at ginagawa ang mga routines nila. Napansin ko ang pagka-gulat sa mata ng iba na nakaka-kilala sa akin. What? They thought I'm dead?

Tumango ako sa lider ng italian mob ganon din sa lider ng mexican cartel na nasa kabila. I'm friends with them both, in exchange of placing me in between. No gang related, alone, and unbothered. It's the respect they gave me when I won their challenge. As long as I stay out of them, hindi magagambahala ang katahimikan ko.

They said prison is the most dangerous place on earth. I don't think so. It's dangerous to some because they make enemies but if you befriend everyone, even how risky it is to think actually, you will have peace.

Tinanggal ng prison guard ang posas ko at tsaka ako iniwan. Lumakad ako patungo sa bench kung saan lang ako palagi pumu-pwesto at umupo. Gusto ko sana ulit matulog pero required gawin ito. Makakabalik lang kami sa loob kapag tapos na ang siesta hour.

"I thought you're dead." the bald one asked.

Madalas ko na rin siyang makausap noon, katulad ko wala rin grupo ang isang ito.

"My execution was delayed. I don't know when I will be called again,"

"You're down there the whole time?"

I nodded, "Yep! I thought they wouldn't bring me back here."

"Well, good luck man!" the bald guy,

I nodded at him, "You too! Take care when you get out." I smiled, ilang buwan na lang din at lalabas na itong isang ito. He's been charged with Homicide and has been serving his years for 6 years. He maintained a good image kaya pinagkalooban siya ng judge ng parole.

Sumindi ang ilaw at malakas na tumunog ang bell hudyat na dapat ay magsibalikan na kami sa loob.

I lazily stood up at sumama na sa mga naunang pumila para maka balik sa loob. Sanay na sanay na ako sa routine na 'to, sana makaisip naman sila ng bagong pagkakaabalahan. Ayoko naman sumali sa mga nagta-trabaho sa kabilang building. Para lang 'yon sa mga taong may pagasa pa na makalabas o may binubuhay sa labas.

Pag pasok ko sa dati kong cell, halos wala naman nagbago bukod sa malinis na ulit ito. Nag hubad ako ng damit sa itaas at ang tanging tinira ko lang ay ang suspender ko. I did 50 rounds of different exercise to maintain my built.

Palagi ko itong ginagawa para makapag palipas ng oras, hanggang sa abutan ako ng hapunan at doon lamang ako titigil para kumain, at tsaka matutulog. Minsan kung hindi ako maka tulog sa madaling araw, ginagawa ko ulit ito o magbasa ng libro.

It was already 10 p.m., everybody is sleeping when my buzzer rang. Napatayo ako at napatingin sa camera na nasa taas. Ano na naman ba 'to? Ilang saglit lang ay bumukas ang pinto at pumasok ang mga pamilyar na Feds na naghatid sa akin kanina. Pinatalikod nila ako at pinataas ang kamay. Lumapit ang isa at sinuotan ako ng posas.

"Where are you taking me?" of course nobody will answer. They aren't allowed to communicate with inmates like us.

Sumulyap muna ako sa camera bago nila ako tuluyan nilabas sa silid. Hahatulan na ba ako? Grabe naman! Gabing gabi na. At tsaka, hindi na ba ako mauulit 'yung last super?

I felt a pang of pain on my neck. I knew what it was. Nakita ko pa ang dulo ng syringe bago ako tuluyang nawalan ng malay.

I remember my team back in the Company. They've become my family, I wonder nasaan na sila ngayon? Sana, sa maayos na kulungan sila dinala. I missed them, but this friendship like ours are bound to destroy specialy kapag wala ka talagang inaamo.

Pumasok sa isip ko si Nik. Nasaan na kaya ang taong 'yon?

Sumasakit ang ulo ko, nahihilo ako. I remember what happened. We got into an accident. Nagmamaneho si papa ng tahimik ng biglang huminto 'yung itim na sasakyan sa harap namin kaya nabungo namin ito. Wala naman masiyadong pinsala si mama at papa pero umusok ang unahan ng sasakyan.

I heard men laughing from the outside. Naguusap sila gamit ang espanyol na salita. I saw their faces, they're wearing bonett and all of them were covered of tattoos. Papa and mama started shouting, asking for help but to our dismay, there was no one. We were in a small street, looking so abandon because people were hiding, scared of these bad men.

Papa and mama gave their cellphones and wallets. Mama was crying, papa remained calm. I saw the bad man's look when he realized we're asians. He's holding a gun, hindi ko alam kung saan ito naka tutok but I saw it... I saw how he pulled the trigger countles of times. Masiydong maingay, sinubukan kong buksan ang pinto. I was crying. I was calling mama and papa, but she let me go. Tatakbo ako, hihingi ng tulong, maliligtas kayo, ma, pa.

I didn't hesitate. I ran and asked for help. I came back, but they're now dead.

The streets are filled with policemen and citizens gawking at the scene. Iyong kanina na walang tao para tumulong, ngayon punong puno na kung kaylan tapos na ang lahat. I was crying, sitting in the pavement when a couple of uniformed police came to me.

Something is off with them. The other one is holding on his shaff, while the other is trying to calm me. I didn't trust their looks. Before they could even touch me, I ran again as fast as I can until no one sees me. I found an old orphanage filled with children and nannies. I was crying while looking at them. Pumasok ako sa loob at umiyak sa harap nila. That was when I decided I was going to live here.