A/N. Hello everyone! I didn't want to make a separate post for this authors note, but I did find it worth mentioning. I struggle a lot with longer stories, one shots are more my thing. However, since a couple of people have been voting and saving this story, I want to continue with it for the people who care about it. I forgot that I had this chapter saved to my files, and wanted to post it for you. I will try my best to continue with this, as it is something that I enjoy, but I unfortunately can not guaranty frequent updates. Thank you to everyone who is invested in my work, it means the world to me that even a few people find joy in my creations. Till all are one <3

p.s. I did not proof read this

It all happened so fast.

If it weren't for the crusting energon on his servos, Knockout could almost convince himself that it was an intrusive thought. Nothing more than a passing vision, gone after the blink of an optic. Fleeting stresses of an overworked spark.

Not the dripping remains of an extinguished one.

He couldn't remember arriving at the second medical bay to wash up, but at some point he became aware that his servos were now clean. 

Drones walked on his left and right, boxing him in. They carried emptied energon cubes now full of various supplies and possessions important to him. It was eerie seeing how swiftly they obeyed the Autobots orders, when only days before they would have shot at them without hesitation. Knockout supposed he couldn't judge them for their choice, all factors considered. No one in this hallway was a Decepticon anymore, even the ones who secretly didn't want to betray their cause. Megatron had renounced  them. Orphan soldiers carrying boxes. Boxing him in. Boxes. 

Boxes are interesting, actually, you might think they're boring- and that's fine. You're allowed to think that, but Knockout didn't. Boxes had several uses. You could organize with them. Fill them with all of your possessions, stack them neatly within their metal confines and prepare them for moving day. Knockouts stuff wasn't  stacked neatly, it was thrown around a jumbled together. Boxes. Some bots arrived neatly in their boxes, fresh from the battle field and ready for the ground. Knockouts partner did not. Several boxes, all thrown around and jumbled together.

Knockout had always been in a box, come to think of it. He ran from one box to the next, Velocitron, to space, to Cybertron, to space, to Junkion, to space, to Earth, to space, back to Cybertron, and now- back to Earth.

They had arrived at the space bridge, and Knockout decided he wasn't going to think about boxes anymore.

They stopped at the entrance, staring up at it. 

Bumblebee had finally decided to show up, as had Ratchet. The old mech seemed quite disgruntled, or maybe that was just how his face always looked. Knockout looked up at him, but found that the other doctor wouldn't meet his gaze. Deciding he had won the staring contest he just imagined, Knockout smirked. 

That, now that did get the attention of someone, just not Ratchet.

"What are you smiling at, Knockout?" Bumblebee questioned, probably reaching the conclusion that Knockout was somehow proud of all this.

"Nothing", Knockout grumbled, "just lost in thought." He hadn't noticed it at first, but he could now see the stress around Bumblebees optics. It was almost as if he had been crying. 

"You know I'm not happy about this." Ratchet suddenly spat out, venom lacing his tone.

"It's what Optimus would have wanted," Bumblebee argued, "I'm not, well, I'm not stoked either, but it's not like we can just kill him."

Knockout blew a kiss at Ratchet.

"Are you sure?" Ratchet questioned Bumblebee. When Bumblebee didn't say anything he continued, "why does it have to be me of all bots? Just keep him here on Cybertron and I will handle things back on Earth."

"He needs help, not to mention we can't just leave a dangerous Decepticon in full control of a war ship."

"I don't need help," Knockout seethed, "besides, I can't even drive the fragging thing."

"You mean, fly it?" Arcee questioned.

"Gah, when did you even get here?" Knockout exclaimed. "ship flying aside, I am uncomfortable just standing here while you two bicker like an old married couple. I never hated Earth, so you know what? Fine. Lets get this over with." 

And with that, Knockout pushed past the old medic and the Primes scout. Or just the scout, now, he guessed.

Knockout stormed through the spacebridge, ignoring the way the pressure pulled on his plating and drilled through his audios. He had been to an Earth ocean once, and walked into the water until his helm was completely submerged. The waves that crashed around his frame felt like this, wrapping around him as he pressed forward. Someone had pulled him out back then.

This time, he had to press through the pressure. The roar of the energy sounded familiar, almost shrill. He could see the other end of the spacebridge by now, like an optic, staring, pleading. Screaming.

Knockout pushed the thought to the back of his mind, stepping out of the green vortex and on to the concrete floor.

The air was stale, a far cry from the sterile crispness to Cybertron's new atmosphere. Small particles swirled through the air, fragments of old organic life that Knockout had come to know as dust. It swirled around in his wake before settling on a small yellow couch. The couch sat on a landing which overlooked the bunker, a warehouse large enough to fit some of Cybertrons tallest.

Around the warehouse there were various Cybertronian computers that lined the walls and stretched up to the ceiling. The layout was familiar, because Knockout had seen it before. Photographs acquired by Laserbeak following Soundwave's earlier capture.

The Autobot base.

Bumblebee burst through the portal behind him. "What do you think you're doing?"

"Going to Earth? Like you wanted?"

"You cant just enter the base alone!" Ratchet yelled as a trail of vehicon drones filed out behind him.

"I'm not alone, you are literally standing right in front of me."

Ratchet grumbled something not to be repeated in front of children before giving up and walking away, waving his hand in the air. 

"The drones will set your equipment up in the medical bay," Bumblebee began explaining, "there are various bunkers set up around the military base, I will show you to the one containing your berth-"

"Oh. My. Gosh." A voice called out. "youwerentlying?"

"Unfortunately not." Ratchet grumbled. 

"Wait a second," Knockout slowly turned to face the source of the noise, "you never mentioned the organics would be here!"

"Um, I have a name," it whined, "besides, Doc Knock, we can all be friends now, lets start over!" The human girl ran up to the yellow railing that thankfully caged it in. "Hi, I'm Miko!"

"I don't care." Knockout took several steps backwards, regarding the human as if it was a spider on the wall. "I will have you know that I have a name too, use it."

"Miko, you weren't supposed to be here yet." Bumblebee exclaimed. "Where are the others?"

"School."

"Why aren't you there too?"

"It's boring."

"Why is it here?" Knockout demanded.

"I just said I was bored." 

"Miko." Bumblebee scolded.

 Knockout's optics settled on the exit of the base, "I need some air," Knockout murmured, making his way to the large door.

Bumblebee moved to stop him, but Ratchet put his hand on his shoulder. "Let him go, we can get set up."

-

Bumblebee eventually showed him to his room. The drones brought several boxes to him, but he didn't unpack. He simply stacked them in the corner, sat down on the berth, and stared at the wall.

With time, night fell, and Knockout made his way back inside. With any luck, the organic would be gone by now.

Light footsteps trotted up behind him, Knockout continued staring forward. He never should have come out of his room.

A voice came from the human area to his back. "Um, hello?" It squeaked. 'don't look at it,' he told himself, 'they thrive off of attention.' "Hellooooo?"

Knockout continued to glare off into the distance. "Knockout!" it screamed, and then something hit his back. Something light, but something scratchy.

"What was that?" he seethed, whipping around in a burst of annoyance.

"Uh, a pencil?" The human girl crossed her arms.

"What in the pits do you want?" Knockout practically seethed.

"I need your help."

"Wear less blue, it's not your colour."

"That's not what I- Hey! You don't like my shirt?" Miko whined, she actually sounded genuinely offended. "Anyway," she quickly dropped it, "I have a school project," she said, wiggling a piece of paper with various human lettering scribbled on it.

"Good for you, go away." Knockout shifted, turning to leave.

"Wait!" Miko cried out, "I need to interview someone, please, it will only take five minutes."

"Interview the snappy dresser, he's one of your kind." Knockout was becoming increasingly annoyed with the girl.

"I'm willing to let that slide because you're clearly going through something right now with all your brooding, but!" She got a sly smile on her face, an idea clearly crossing her mind, "If I were to let the bots know what you said, just to relieve some of the stress of having to deal with the trauma of living with the enemy, well.."

"Are you... are you blackmailing me?" Knockout scoffed in disbelief.

"I ask the questions! It's my interview!" Miko's shoulders slumped. "Okay so technically its some random Quora user's questions who happened to have the same assignment as me, but that's really the teachers fault for recycling school work, so it's not like she can get mad at me right? DO you know what Quora is? It's this website that has way too many ads on it but for some reason it's where everyone goes to post their schoolwork answers. Which is like, so annoying by the way, I had to give them my email and now they wont stop spamming me with news articles about avocados!"

When Knockout merely blinked at the assault of information Miko took a deep breath. "Okay," she clicked her pen, "Question number one, do you believe in aliens?"

Knockout simply stared at her. "You didn't read this over first, did you?"

"I, whatever, shut up!" She aggressively scribbled out the question with more force than what was probably necessary, the page ripping slightly through the pen. "Next question! Why do you believe, or not believe in aliens?"

"I met this organic once, she was pretty annoying."

Miko got halfway through copying down his response before stopping and pulling on her pigtails in frustration. "Okay, I see what's going on here, you're not invested in this interview."

"You are absolutely correct."

"Miko," a voice called out from around the corner, "you know what I said about bothering him," Bumblebee said, "he needs his space."

The organics face quickly grew red with anger. "Well maybe I wouldn't need to be bothering him if I had my guardian to help me with my report!" It spat.

Bumblebee rounded the corner and sighed, "Miko, we've been over this, it was Bulkheads choice to remain behind and help rebuild Cybertron. It's not that he doesn't care about you, he just-"

"Has other priorities?" She questioned, shoulders dropping.

"That's not what I," he gave up on the sentence, "you know what I meant."

Miko huffed, "Ugh, who cares what you meant? You still have Raf, you don't get it. My best friend is gone, because he chose to leave. He wanted to leave me! He could have stayed, like you did, but he didn't, because I wasn't worth it!"

Knockout's optics narrowed. "What's the big upset over? It's not like he's dead."

Bumblebee simply blinked at him. Miko on the other hand, wasted no time with a retort. 

"Well he is to me."

The organics eyes were leaking now, liquid streaming down it's face. "He could have stayed." Miko squeaked out, throat heavy with emotion.

Miko turned on her heel and stormed off, clutching her notebook to her chest. She climbed the stairs and disappeared through a human sized door, slamming it with a loud bang.

Silence fell on to the base, until Bumblebee broke it. "What did you say that for?"

"What?" Knockout sounded aghast, "It's true." And it was, Bulkhead could pop through the spacebridge at any moment and return to the human. The human which was now audibly wailing from behind a steel door.

Bumblebee just looked annoyed now. "You did this. You talk to her."

"Me?" Knockout gasped, "she's your pet!"

Bumblebee frowned, "They aren't 'pets', Knockout, they're a part of the team too.  Your team, if you remember correctly."

"This isn't my team," Knockout retorted, "I just got here."

"Well," Bumblebee started, "It's my team, and as leader of said team, I'm saying that you're a part of it."

'as leader of said team, you deal with it,' is what Knockout wanted to say. But his thoughts lingered elsewhere. A part of the team? It sounded like an empty promise. He doubted it would last long. Come to think of it, who was even a part of this team, Ratchet and the bug had accompanied him through the bridge. A handful of vehicons too, but they hardly counted. So that made three, sorry, four, counting the organic. Possibly six if the other two autobot pets were still around. What were they doing here anyway? This planet was claimed by the Autobots, what more was there to do?

"Knockout." Bumblebee pulled him out of his thoughts. "Go talk with Miko."

"Why can't you?" Knockout continued to complain.

"Like she said, I wouldn't understand." There was a touch of sadness to his voice, and Knockout decided that when stuck between two sad people, he would choose the one he could most easily scare into silence if necessary. 

"Fine fine," he grumbled, turning and heading towards the small door. "But I'm not this kind of doctor." Therapy was never his forte, Everyone had problems, he didn't really care to hear about every single one. Plenty of cons would share their woes with him as he patched them up. It became a real drag after a while.

The door was high up on the wall, accessed to the humans by a landing that stretched the length of the bunker. One side ending in a staircase that led to the human area, the other a very tall ladder which ran down to the floor. There were large cracks surrounding the metal frame, as if it had been hit by something large and heavy. The same yellow railings that outlined each landing extended along the catwalk. 

Knockout reached his arm over said railing and tapped lightly on the small door. At least, he intended for it to be light, it sounded more like someone was clanging on the door with a crowbar. 

He stepped back, and for a moment it had seemed like luck had won out and he wouldn't have to talk to the human. Unfortunately for him, after a few moments the door swung open. 

Miko took a step back when she saw him. "Oh," she whispered, "I was expecting someone else."

"Who?" Knockout enquired.

"Anyone but you?" She let out a short laugh, but there was no humor behind it.

"Yes, I suppose it doesn't make a lot of sense for this conversation to happen, I'll be on my way now." Knockout began to turn, but Miko called out.

"Wait! I, uh, we can still talk."

Knockout turned his helm to where Bumblebee was standing, but found he had left. 'frag it', he thought, 'it's not like I have any other company'. He turned his helm back to face Miko, who's eyes he noticed were now red where they used to be white. They were also full of liquid, which continued to drip down the sides of her face.

"Bumblebee sent me." Knockout stated flatly. 

"Yeah," Miko said, "I kinda figured you weren't here because you wanted to be."

They were both silent for a moment, the awkwardness of the situation beginning to set in.

"I don't think you're very happy having to talk to me about Bulkhead, what with you hating him and everything."

Knockout frowned. "I never hated Bulkhead."

"But you were always fighting."

"Well, my partner, mostly. I hardly ever fought him myself. Large mechs do too much damage," he gestured to his perfect physique. "When they're fighting you, that is". He added on.

Miko laughed, this time sounding less empty of emotion than before. "Yeah, Bulk can really bring the destruction!" She paused, the temporary joy quickly fading from her demeaner. Knockout didn't say anything, instead waiting for her to carry the conversation. The silence worked, and she began talking again. "I just, I don't know. I just wish he would have stayed. And I don't know why I'm so upset about this. We said goodbye, and that really sucked, but I thought I accepted it. But now Bumblebee and Ratchet are back and it's like, why did they even say goodbye? Maybe they didn't know they could come back at the time, and I guess I understand that, but it's not fair that Raf gets both of his guardian's back, and me and Jack are left in the dust."

"Speaking of Jack, she rambled, he is taking things way too well. It's so stupid how he can just accept things like they are and I get stuck feeling all emotional over it. I know Bulkhead isn't gone forever, but he could have chosen to stay. He could have stopped me from feeling like this, but he didn't." Knockout simply listened. "Have you ever had someone leave you like that? Like they just up and forget you, and you never know when you're going to see them again? If you'll be sixteen or sixty?"

"No." Knockout said quietly. Miko's shoulders slumped lower and she moved to say something, but Knockout cut her off. "But I did have someone leave me, and I didn't get to say goodbye." Knockout looked up at the wall, staring off into nothingness as he spoke. "For a bit of time, I thought that he was coming back, then I lost hope. He did come back, but not exactly, and it was just enough for me to lose hope all over again, but not enough to say goodbye."

"Breakdown." Miko realized. Knockout winced, and he registered that he had not heard his partners name in a while.

"Indeed." Was all that he could muster.

"How did you, um, how did you manage it?" Miko asked. "The pain, I mean."

Knockout furrowed his brow, "If you're looking for advice, fleshy, you wont find it here."

"If you think I'm soft, I'm not. Bulkhead got hurt, like, really hurt, we thought he was going to die." Miko had stopped crying by now, but she clutched her notebook tighter as she retold the story. "Me and Wheeljack, we went on a revenge mission. I killed the freak that almost took Bulkhead from me myself." Miko got louder as she spoke, quicker too, as if she was reliving the event. "It felt good, you know. Killing that con. But then, I just felt sad, and scared. Bulkhead was still dying, and all I had to show him was how I did what he never wanted me to do. Kill." Miko swallowed hard. "That probably isn't a big deal to you, you're a decepticon, you kill all the time."

"I am a medic," Knockout countered, "I don't kill." And then it hit him like a ton of bricks. "No," he spoke frantically "That's not true." For the first time in the conversation his eyes met Miko's. How could he have forgotten about such an event, especially one having happened not a day before? The emotions came racing back as realization finally set in.

 "I killed Starscream."