Chapter 26

Colt simply existed as one week without Jessie turned into two. Every day was the same routine. He would wake up, grab some coffee, get to work, and then work on finishing the house for the rest of the day. When he returned home, there was no one waiting up for him. Gone was the smell of hot coffee on the stove, or the heat from a fire blazing in the fireplace. He felt completely alone. He hadn’t even gathered the courage to move back into his own room yet. He knew that he had to move on soon, but something inside of him wanted to hang on to the hurt for a little while longer.

What was he expecting from her, anyway? She was an engaged woman. It was improper enough for her to run up and hug him like that before they left, but if she had actually wanted to stay? Neither of them could live with a good conscience after that.

One day, he was working on putting the finishing touches on the house they had built, nailing on white shutters against the yellow wall of the house. It hit him suddenly; the memory of what Jessie had told him. Her dream was to have a house with yellow trim and white shutters, with a white picket fence and a wraparound porch. He took a step back. The house that was meant to be Bliss’ had yellow walls, white shutters and trim, and though it wasn’t a wraparound porch, it was big enough to house a small family of Mexicans. He shook his head. How had he managed to put himself in this situation? Sherman didn’t even know what Jessie wanted, and yet this house was nearly an exact replica of the one she had described.

Only now she would never see it.

She would never even know it existed.

She would never even see how the curtains she made looked in the windows.

Colt glanced over at the cowboy beside him. “Can you take over for a little while, Carpenter?”

The man nodded. “Sure I can. Something come up?”

Colt nodded. “Yeah, I need to be gone for a little while. I’ll be back before quitting time.”

Carpenter nodded again.

Colt put his hammer down and walked back toward where he had left Hidalgo. He had gotten the animal back just today, yet another reminder that Jessie was gone. He mounted up, turned the horse toward the west, and spurred him into a run. He kept riding, and riding, until lather began to layer Hidalgo’s neck. Only then did he stop.

The freedom that a run usually brought him had no effect on him or his nerves. He dismounted and kicked at the dirt. All he wanted was to be rid of this mess, be rid of his feelings.

He shouldn’t even be feeling anything!

His own heart was so infuriating that his hands balled into fists.

He looked up at the sky. “I wanna know why. Why did she come into my life only to be yanked back out again? I don’t understand your reasoning at all, Lord. I’m failing to see how this can possibly be for my good. It hasn’t done my anything but bad this whole time. I can’t name one good thing that’s come of it!”

His voice echoed as he spoke, carrying on the breeze and through the grass. “All I want it peace,” he prayed. “Just some sign that everything will be back to normal. Is that too much to ask?”

He waited and waited for an answer. None came. He took a deep breath to try to calm his raging heart, and only then did a small whisper come through to him.

“Trust me,” it seemed to say. “Have faith in me.”

Colt huffed and shoved the toe of his boot into the ground. That wasn’t what he wanted to hear. He’d rather take his confusion out on an unsuspecting patch of dirt than leave the situation completely up to someone else.

He wanted to feel like it was his right to be this hurt.

*****

Jessie collapsed onto her bed and sighed. It felt so good to be home and to lie on the pale pink and tan quilt again. She stared up at the familiar ceiling and smiled.

Although, in the back of her mind, she still wished for a cozy fireplace in a small cabin back in a desert. Shoving the thought from her mind and pushing up off the bed, she grabbed her bag and unpacked the few dresses that Carby had been so kind to give to her. Jessie was glad to have some plainer dresses, though she couldn’t wait to get back into one of her finer ones.

Opening her wardrobe, she sifted through her dresses and picked a beige and green gown with lace at the wrists. She smiled as she examined the dress, her heart thanking the Lord for small things in life that made her feel pretty.

Slipping into the dress, she sat down at her dresser and looked in the mirror. She looked horribly pale, even with the healthy tan that her time in Arizona had given her. Trying to ignore that, she applied some rouge and brushed out her hair, preparing for the expected round of visitors once word got around town that she had returned. No matter how she did her hair, she wasn’t pleased with it. She didn’t even feel that her face would matter. This time yesterday she would have minded plenty, but for some reason she didn’t really care what people in time saw her. It didn’t seem worth it.

This was not her normal attitude. Usually she insisted that she look her best for every occasion, but now she didn’t even mind. Maybe it was because of the absence of a few people in her life that she actually cared how they saw her. Maybe she didn’t feel the need to be pretty as long as that one person wasn’t there.

That thought frightened her, and she stared at herself in the mirror, chastising herself inwardly.

Of all the improper thoughts! After all the reassuring that I had to give Adam after that scene before we left the Kidds. It’s enough that you touched the man in such a close way, but now you’re having these thoughts about him! Adam is your man. He is your fiancé. He loves you more than anyone else ever will, and you love him. So quit this silliness!

She ran her brush through her hair once more and put her reddish locks into a loose chignon at the base of her neck, allowing a few strands to hang freely around her face.

A knock sounded at her door.
“Come in,” she called.

The door opened, and her fiancé entered. Embarrassed by the thoughts she had just chastised herself for, she turned her head from him and focused back on the mirror and took up a necklace to put around her neck.

“You okay?” Adam asked.

She nodded. “Of course I am. I’m back in my own house, in my own room, with my own family.”

The worlds sounded hollow to her ears, but she hoped they were sufficient for Adam.

She stared at her reflection for a moment, seeing the rather noticeable scar on her forehead. She touched it with her finger and her stomach churned. It was ugly.

And yet it was a constant reminder of what she had learned and what she had gone through. A reminder that Adam’s love and drove him to never stop until he found her.

“There’s a few people downstairs who came to see you,” Adam told her.

Jessie nodded. “Thank you. I’ll be down in a moment.”

“Are you sure you don’t need to rest? They might bombard you with questions.”

Jessie turned toward him. “I can answer questions if they want to know the answers.”

Adam sighed. “Well, don’t feel like you have to.”

“I feel fine,” Jessie smiled at him. “You don’t have to worry about me.”

Adam walked back toward the door. “If you say so. Are you sure you’re glad to be home?”

Jessie narrowed her eyes. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

Adam shrugged and put his head down. “Just wondering if you’re thinking of… someone else.”

Jessie groaned inwardly. “You still think I have feelings for Colt Kidd? Adam, you’re a silly man, you know that? Jealousy is not an attractive fault.”

Adam’s eyes lit up. “You’re saying I don’t have a right to be jealous? You spent nearly four weeks with that man alone. What else am I supposed to do?”

“Did you meet his grandmother? If anything went on that was improper, she would have skinned us both,” Jessie fought to keep her voice down, her temper rising.

“How do I know that for sure? What you don’t understand is that it’s naturally in a man to be protective. I didn’t trust that man from the moment I laid eyes on him. Can’t you see that I just want to protect you?”

Jessie looked away from him. A thousand replies popped into her mind, but she restrained them. She didn’t want to argue with him.

“Let’s not argue, Adam,” she said in her normal soft voice.

Adam opened the door and left the room. Jessie slouched in her chair and heaved a sigh. She looked up at the ceiling as if she could see into the heavens from where she sat.

“What am I to do with him, Lord? He’s so jumpy about me.”

*****

Colt entered the cabin after work and shut the door. He hadn’t done much work, and yet he was completely drained.

He looked up, straight into the eyes of Bliss Slade.

“How are you doin’, Colt?” she asked.

“What are you doing here?” Colt asked, narrowing his eyes.

“Carpenter told me that you left work earlier. He was worried because that’s so unlike you,” Bliss explained.

Colt’s stomach clenched. Did she know about the house turned line shack?

“To answer that look on your face, I know about the line shack. I just don’t know why it’s a big deal to keep it from me. But, we’re talking about you, remember?” Bliss sat down at the table beside Granny.

“I’m fine. I just needed a few minutes away from all the commotion, is all,” Colt told her, hanging his hat on a peg.

“Colt Kidd, I know you too well to believe that. You deal with commotion and chaos better than anyone I know. You’re also a horrible liar, just so you know.”

Colt sighed. “What do you want me to say? That I’m miserable? That I don’t understand a single thing about the past month? Fine, I admit it.”

Bliss pretended to examine her nails, waiting for him to go on. When he didn’t say anything else, she looked up.

“So, why aren’t you going after her?” she asked.

Colt gave her a look that spoke of his sentiments toward that questions. Something along the lines of the stupidest question ever uttered.

“Hmm, maybe because she’s engaged? Fancy that?” Colt hung up his coat.

“Then why are you so upset?” Bliss pressed.

Now she was getting on his nerves.

“I’m not upset,” he persuaded.

“You’re always a smart-aleck when you get upset,” Bliss responded calmly.

Colt sat at the table and stared at her. “Then what do you want me to do? Run halfway across the country for a practically married woman?”

“I’m not saying it’s a bad idea,” Bliss smiled.

“No,” Colt stated emphatically.

“Well, then at least find out who Adam really is. The man is kinda off his mental reservation, if you know what I mean,” Bliss told him.

Colt nodded in agreement. There was definitely something about Adam that he didn’t like, didn’t trust. He wasn’t kind enough to Jessie for Colt’s liking.

But what business was it of his? Jessie was a smart woman, and she could fend for herself. If she couldn’t, she had a perfectly healthy Daddy and brother to stand up for her.

No, she was better off without him.

“In all honesty, all I want to do is forget about this whole debacle as soon as possible,” Colt said.

*****

Later on that night, Colt walked slowly to the room he had once called his own. The door creaked open and let a patch of light from the fireplace into the darkness. He lit a lamp and sent light throughout the whole room.

Exhaling deeply, his eyes wandered over the patchwork quilt on the bed, the dresser, the tiny wardrobe, and the worn rug on the floor. The room was so dull now. Maybe because there was no bright and cheery face living in it now.

He set the lamp down on the dresser and wandered over to the wardrobe to hang up his work shirts. He opened the door and began hanging them up one by one. Suddenly, something caught his eye in the bottom of the wardrobe. Some dark fabric lay crumpled up in the floor off to the corner. He picked it up and held it to the light.

The fabric unfolded into the shape of a dress.

A dark blue dress.

It must have fallen and escaped Jessie’s notice while she was packing.

The thing even smelled like her after weeks without being worn.

Slowly, a thought formed in his head and a smile on his lips. She would surely be missing the dress, wouldn’t she?

He might even feel the need to return it to her.