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Sometimes, love’s final test is letting go with grace and dignity.
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Taehyung

The coffee shop we’re at is a quaint one with a warm and homely interior, and every seat offers a great view of the road outside. We have occupied a seat beside the door, along one of the large glass windows that overlooks the road. I order my usual winter drink, which is a caramel latte, and Jang-Mi orders a roasted hazelnut flavored hot chocolate.

It does feel a little different to be here with the woman with whom I shared my life for almost a decade. The truth is that this is the first time in many years that we are alone with each other, without anything weighing us down. We are just like strangers to one another; just two people who were once married and now evolved into strangers with time, harboring no hate or revenge for one another.

Or at least that’s what I hope we are.

Our life was definitely not the cake walk that either of us thought it would be when we fell so hard and fast in love, and the devastation wasn’t at all because of just one person’s fault or one particular incident.

Over the years, even though we moved on and traveled different ways, I have spent a lot of time by myself contemplating deeply about everything that caused the downfall of our marriage. We have learnt our lessons the hard way. We could have learnt them earlier, we could have done a better job, we could have tried harder, we could have talked it all out, we could have supported each other and we could have still been a married couple. The ‘could have’ list is a never-ending one, but I know it makes no sense to even think about any of it now.

I have a family to love and take care of now, and she has her own priorities as well. This is how our lives are at present, and checking all those ‘could haves’ from my list of life lessons is what I’ve been doing in the life that I am living. I wasn’t and still am not the best and perfect man there could be, but I’m a much better person than who I was years ago, and this improvement is what I aim to achieve continually.

I have always wished and prayed for Jang-Mi to find someone for herself, and it has never been just to feel a sense of equality. She did not do that all these years, and I do not know her reasons for it. But if my inner instincts are right, the man that made an appearance today is surely someone special to her. I can feel it.

“How have you been, Taehyung?” Jang-Mi asks me first, after an extended period of brooding silence where we have almost finished half of our cups of beverages.

“I’m doing okay. It’s the usual grind at work and at home. But I’m okay,” I nod as I raise my head to look at her. “How have you been? How’s it going with the daycare center?” I ask her, taking another sip of my coffee and pressing my lips together into a thin line.

“I’m okay, too. I’m doing great actually,” she chuckles lightly, tucking some hair behind her ears. “The daycare center is closed due to staff shortage. I think I needed a break as well. Now I’m working as an assistant at a bakery in Gangnam,” her smile doesn’t fade, and there’s an evident blush on her cheeks as her eyes avoid mine and stay on her cup of hot chocolate.

Happiness does really suit her, and it warms my heart to see her being this genuinely happy after all these years. Nostalgia sucks, I know, but I will never forget the same smile on that beautiful young woman I fell in love with many years ago. Even though we’re not the same people anymore, some things about her haven’t changed much. Her smile reflects on my face in anticipation of knowing the reason for her happiness, which I’m pretty sure concerns the man from this morning.

“At a bakery? That’s nice. I’m glad you’re having time to do what you’re passionate about,” I nod appreciatively, not forgetting how she had always been interested in baking and cooking in general.

“Yeah, and there’s something I wanted to tell you,” she finally looks up at me with a wide smile. “I’m- I don’t know it feels weird to put it this way,” she chuckles nervously, her fingers twitching as she clutches the large ceramic mug for support. “I’m dating someone,” Jang-Mi adds with her unfading shy smile.

“I’m sorry for assuming, but is he the one you introduced to me earlier today?” I ask, trying to maintain my neutral expressions despite feeling weird within.

“Yeah,” she answers with a soft smile, nodding her head slowly. “Min Yoongi. He owns the ‘Sweet Tooth’ bakery at Gangnam, and we’ve been seeing each other for a couple of months now.” Her words are overflowing with pure happiness.

“That’s- I’m happy for you, Jang-Mi,” I say with a smile, licking my lips thereafter. “It does feel a little weird to say this, too, but I’ve always wished you found someone. I’m really happy you did now,” my heart feels so much lighter when I let those words out.

“Thank you, Taehyung. It took me a lot of time to get here, but I’m glad I finally did.” Jang-Mi notes with another soft smile, and, at this moment, I feel the uneasiness of that invisible rock in my chest dissolving a little.

I’m genuinely happy for her, and I hope this smile stays on her for a very long time. There is no point feeling guilty or regretting anything from the past now because I have learnt my lessons. However, if there’s one thing that I can do which will truly matter, then it is expressing my heartfelt happiness for where she is now. And I just did that. It is a truly satisfying and liberating feeling to be able to cross the mental barricades and communicate sincerely.

“Does Areum know yet?” I ask her as I adjust my glasses.

“She does. I told her only very recently. They even met once.” Her answer comes out with another shy smile.

I nod lightly, wondering what our daughter thinks about him.

Would she like him better than she likes me? Would she compare us?

My coffee that no longer feels hot flows slowly down my throat as I empty my cup and silently ponder over these questions of insecurity and anxiety that are suddenly swarming my mind. I slowly move my gaze to Jang-Mi. She isn’t looking at me, but it hurts badly now to think that she must have certainly faced such a mental crisis within her mind when she knew Maya would be a part of Areum’s life.

Right now, I’m imagining way too many possible scenarios involving Yoongi and Areum in the future, and it pricks to know that I would no longer be the only father figure in her life.

Does she already look up to him as a father figure?

“Areum actually wanted Yoongi to be here for her graduation today, but he couldn’t make it because of another unavoidable reason.” Jang-Mi explains softly, answering the question within my mind.

She does.

“Oh, that’s sad.” I want to say more, but it hurts a little and my insecurities are at an all-time high now, so I choose to embrace them in silence. “Maya wanted to be there for Areum’s graduation, too,” I say, trying to push away my intrusive thoughts, “but Ye-Jun is sick, and she couldn’t make it here today.”

“It’s the same with him.” Jang-Mi says, nodding understandingly. “His son isn’t keeping well, and he had to stay back with him.” She continues, her tone now laced with sadness.

“He has a son?” I ask, my voice having an unintentionally curious edge to it.

“Yeah, he does.” She stops at that, and I know I should maintain my decency by not prying too much, but I’m unable to hold back my curiosity.

“I’d love to know how you met him.” My consciously uttered words express my genuine interest and cause her eyes to flicker up to meet my gaze, and she gives me another shy smile.

My mind comes up with a list of many possible ways they could have met, but the one that tops my list is her day care center. Maybe his son used to go to her day care, and maybe they met and befriended each other that way.

“We met at therapy.” Jang-Mi informs me solemnly.

“Therapy?” My eyebrows fly skyward in shock because I definitely did not expect that she’d be attending therapy sessions.

A wave of guilt washes over me, making me feel small and miserable. Therapy wasn’t even on the list that I came up with. Even though we’re not a significant part of each other’s lives anymore, at a moment like this, I cannot help but feel guilty for the abrasive past we shared. Over the years, I’ve trained my mind not to dwell on what is now beyond my control, and I intentionally avoid thinking about the rough and hard days.

But if my gut instincts are right, it hasn’t been the same with her all these years. Jang-Mi, as I’ve known her, is an overthinker, and she most definitely had a hard time battling her emotions by herself over the years. She’s evidently a lot happier and settled now with a kind of inner clarity reflecting itself off her visage.

Yet, the mention of therapy surely indicates that she has been struggling for a long time.

“Yeah,” she confirms, “not the traditional kind of therapy. I was working with a healer, and it was during a very unconventional healing therapy session that I happened to meet Yoongi.” Jang-Mi gives me just the vague storyline and smiles at me, but it piques my curiosity and I’m having a hard time holding myself back from asking more and sounding nosy.

“I’m sorry you had to attend therapy.” I surprised myself with this apology that came unhinged, and it definitely takes her by surprise, too.

“Come on, don’t be sorry, Taehyung. We can’t change what happened in the past, but I’m thankful I attended the session that particular day and met him. I almost decided against it.” Jang-Mi’s chuckles, her voice echoing the way she feels, and it sends my mind way back to the time when I chose to attend the school reunion years ago.

That was when I met Maya, and it would be ridiculous to say that it was simply a life-changing moment for me. It was way more than that, rocking my boat and transforming me and all our lives completely. Maybe such moments and major turning points happen in our lives at the most unexpected times because life is full of surprises afterall.

“Do you still go to therapy?” I ask, internally wishing my stupid mind could just shut up and move on from that topic and talk about something else.

“I don’t.” Her answer makes me relax a little. “My therapy ended a week ago with one session that completely changed me as a person. I’m thankful for it because otherwise I wouldn’t be here discussing this with you.” Jang-Mi recounts, making me feel a weird sort of way I haven’t felt before.

It’s probably a hint that she considered me unworthy of sharing this positive progress in her life, and I don’t blame her for it because there aren’t any threads tying us together. And even if she moved on without ever letting me know, I hold no right to be upset over it because I did the same to her when we were still a married couple. It was an unwise way to move on, but again, the past is beyond our control and merely thinking about it now isn’t going to help anyone in any way. She doesn’t owe me anything, and it’s purely her choice to let me into these details.

But what I gather from all these tidbits of information is that Jang-Mi has resolved her internal conflict of over ten years and she has finally moved on fully. With the help of therapy, may I add because that information has affected me to an extent where I know it is going to haunt me for the rest of my life. She has most definitely forgiven me and herself and crossed the sourness that she had certainly been holding on to all these years.

The feeling of liberation is palpable.

“Jang-Mi, thank you for talking to me about it.” I smile at her warmly. “I’m genuinely happy for you, and I’m happy that Areum likes him, too.” I say, wishing I could pull together some nicer words at this moment.

“Thank you, Taehyung. I’m glad I opened up to you. It feels nice… I feel much lighter.” Jang-Mi smiles at me as she moves her empty mug to the side, and I smile back at her.

Shortly after, we leave the coffee shop and walk back to the school, shrouded in contemplative silence that somehow feels natural and comfortable. The crowd around the school building has thinned out to nothing, and there’s just my car that’s parked under a barren tree.

The skies are gray, and the clouds appear low and heavy, indicating that there’s soon going to be precipitation of some sort.

“Shall I drop you home?” I offer, reaching out for my car keys from deep inside my coat pocket.

“Thank you, Taehyung, but Yoongi is on his way. He’ll be here soon.” She says, smiling as she moves away some strands of hair from her face.

The moment has come where I have to bid her goodbye, and I feel that I should leave before he arrives. Even though my heart wants me to stay beside her and not leave her alone until Yoongi reaches, my mind feels it would be best to leave right away. I’m unable to pinpoint why I’m feeling this way, but I soon decide to follow my mind.

A chill breeze wafts past us, making Jang-Mi wrap her arms around herself as she turns around to look at me. Brushing away the hair strands that have fallen over my forehead, I smile at her, taking a step closer to her.

“I’m afraid I must leave now. Will you be okay on your own?” I don’t offer her much choice, and I feel a little bad about being a petty person.

“Yeah, I’ll be okay.” She smiles again, more gently this time.

I nervously push my glasses up, and there’s so much hesitation within me, unsure if what I’m about to do is even the right thing. But all the hesitation disappears when I close the space between us and wrap my arms around her in an embrace.

It takes a few moments for Jang-Mi to reciprocate, after which she slowly slides her arms around me, bringing us closer. The side of her face rests against my chest, and a strange sensation of pain combined with happiness surges within me, melting out through my eyes in the form of a lone drop of tear.

I squeeze my eyes tight to stop any more of my tears from falling.

This was a long overdue gesture, a physical closure for all the happiness we shared in life, a simple and meaningful expression that would have broken us when we separated years ago. Yet, it feels right now. There were times when we crossed paths in these ten years when Areum moved back and forth, and there were moments when the tension between us was so thick and palpable.

I do not know if Jang-Mi ever felt the same way, but there were times when I just wanted to leave without turning back and there were other times where I just wanted to give her a hug. Somehow it never felt like the right thing to do, and I always brushed aside that thought. But now it feels right. Now it feels like we’ve finally made peace with our past, shed our bitter feelings and fully prepared with a sense of renewed clarity to take on and grow in the journey of life on our own separate paths—the paths that we had already embarked on.

When we step back from each other, it feels like an invisible weight that was residing on my shoulders has finally lifted itself off me. I hope it will be the same with her. I don’t feel that rock twisting within me anymore, and I’m sure I wouldn’t feel its existence anymore.

“Take care.” I say, my eyes staying on hers that are calm as a lake.

“You too.” She smiles at me.

With a small smile, I unlock my car and climb into it, feeling my muscles relax within the comparatively warmer surroundings. My heart feels so much lighter and happier, and I thank myself internally for finding the courage to give us both this long overdue closure that we deserved so much. I sincerely wish the best for Jang-Mi, hoping she has a happy life ahead.

As I drive away, my eyes move from Jang-Mi’s shrinking figure in the rear view mirror to the miniature family picture of the five of us that I’ve placed on the dashboard. They are my happy place, my home, and I love them all beyond what mere words can describe. I feel like a new person, filled with joy and love; a better person who isn’t perfect by any means, who still has many areas of improvement, but someone who has learned to forgive and accept himself and those around him.

Today was cathartic to say the least, but I’m thankful for every second of it, and I’ll be going to bed tonight as a happy man.

I can’t believe these 2 chapters were written in 2022 as soon as I finished publishing Decoupled!! I thought I could put them out as bonus chapters.

And can someone tell me where 2024 went? WTF? Did it not start yesterday?
😭

Published on : 12/31/2024