Sadie

A bittersweet smile formed on Sadie's face as she watched Markus and Abbie strolling off hand in hand, a relationship she feared was doomed to fail. She liked Abbie well enough, but her father was a different story. Sadie worried he would never tolerate his daughter to continue seeing Markus and would make everyone miserable until Abbie returned home to Ohio. It pained her to see two innocent kids forced to deal with the tired old prejudices of another generation. They deserved better; they deserved a society free of the senseless and pointless divisiveness that had been plaguing it for centuries. Sweet Lord, ain't there been enough blood spilled already to pay for a better way? Ain't enough lives been lost that people oughta see the light? She knew in her heart, or at least feared, the altar of equality would require more blood and more lives to be shed before things improved. While it was true Dr. King was making a difference and new laws were being passed, the reality of the streets still maintained its tenacious grip on the hatreds and bigotry of the past.

Turning her back on the window, she went to her bedroom and opened her closet to examine its contents. She owned three dresses, none of them newer than three years old and the best of the lot already fraying at the sleeves. Maybe I can hem those a little bit. 'Course, a person can only do that so many times before you got no sleeves left. She bit her lip for a moment, deciding whether to tackle that chore now or merely trim the loose threads for the time being. She reached for the scissors, her mind resolved to trim now and hem it before Sunday. It wouldn't do to go worship in a shabby dress.

She slipped into the dress, collected the blueberry pie baked earlier in the day and headed out the door to the car. Sweat instantly began to form on her brow but it had been so hot for so long she scarcely noticed. She slid into the driver's seat only to have the dark vinyl sear the back of her legs and the steering wheel duplicate the favor on her hands. Jesus, please let this old car start just one more time, if you will. She said her prayer out of habit while secretly railing at the never ending fatigue and disgust that seemed inescapable. The engine turned over--not noticing her near blasphemy--spewing its load of noxious fumes out the tailpipe as it coughed to life .

Normally the drive to church filled her with anticipation, so anxious was she to visit with friends and hear Brother Gibbs preaching hellfire and damnation. Normally, a trip to church preceded a time of renewal and joy, thereby making the trip itself worthwhile. Today was a different story. She felt defeated and all dried up, like a bar of soap used until nothing but a tiny chip remained, unable to do much good. She needed a change, a vacation maybe. There had to be a way to get out of Gary, even for just a while. She recalled the television commercials showing smiling, happy people enjoying a vacation somewhere where the sun was shining and the water refreshing, and the food abundant. Wiping a bead of sweat from her eyes, it occurred to her she at least had the shining sun, although hers seemed more like a heat lamp. The notion of relaxing on a beach with someone serving her every need made her smile; no one had ever waited on her before and the abandoned and shuttered buildings surrounding her squelched the vision of pristine beaches and drinks with tiny umbrellas.

This was her life. This was her reality.

Pulling into the parking lot, she was pleased to see Brother Gibb's car. It meant he was in his office, studying for Sunday's sermon. She hated to be a bother and to interrupt his studies, but the urge to talk to someone was overwhelming. Besides, his office was in the basement and significantly cooler than anywhere else.

"Brother Gibbs? You down there?" she called out, not wanting to intrude.

"Here. I'm here," came an answer. "Come on in."

Sadie descended the stairs into the comforting coolness of the church's lower level. The thick block walls and below grade elevation managed to keep the heat at bay during the summer months. Brother Gibb's office was nothing fancy or elaborate, just a simple room dominated by a huge oak desk and walls lined with shelves sagging under the weight of dozens of books.

"Why, if it ain't Sister Sadie. Get on in here and have a seat," said Brother Gibbs with obvious pleasure in his voice. "Tell me what's goin' on to drag you out on such a hot day as this. And what on earth you doin' bringin' me a pie? I don't believe my belt can get any bigger."

Sadie settled into the chair in front of his desk and opened her mouth to speak. Then she paused. The words wouldn't come and the corners of her mouth turned down and began to quiver.

"Let it out Sister. Tell Jesus all about it." He shut the book on the desk before him and slid it to the side. "You know Sister, when you in the arms of your Shepherd, ain't nothin' can touch you, so just let it all out."

A single tear managed to squeeze its way out and trickle down her cheek but it remained alone. "I'm tired, Brother Gibbs. I can't take no more."

Gibbs leaned forward, elbows on his desk and concern on his face. "Tell me what's goin' on. What's draggin' you down?"

Again, her mouth turned down and she fought to maintain control. "Oh, you name it, it's wearin' on me. You heard about Markus losin' his scholarship. Now he's got into it with our white neighbor and gettin' a real dose of prejudice. They fightin' and clawin' at each other like a couple'a old tomcats. And they ain't a thing I can do for him. I got no money, I can't barely keep up with all them bills, my car is hangin' together by a thread. And I gotta be the one strong for everybody else. I tell you Brother, it's just wearin' me down to a nub."

Brother Gibbs reached into his pocket and pulled out a ring of keys. "Sister Sadie, I don't know if you will ever realize the impact you have in this church and in our community. Some people are like a rock, a strong foundation on which everything else is built. And let me tell you, you're my rock and I don't know what we'd do without you." He pulled one key apart from the ring and handed it over to her. "My car ain't much, but it's newer than yours and I got another one anyway. I want you to have it and that'll take at least one burden off your shoulders."

At that, Sadie finally did lose control. Tears flowed and while they did, some of the grief and sorrow washed away. It was a relief to quit fighting and let loose the reins on her emotions so things she had been keeping bottled up inside could come pouring out. She sobbed and sniffled for several minutes while Brother Gibbs looked on and passed tissues as needed.

"Brother Gibbs, I can't be takin' your car."

"Bah! I don't see why not. I been blessed with two cars and now I know why. Jesus done provided it to us so that you could have it when you was ready. You see how all that worked out for someone who loves the Lord? Ain't none of this happening by chance, you know that Sister? Our God is sittin' on the throne and Hallelujah, He's gonna take care of you."

A few more sniffles followed. "Well, that may all be, but they ain't no way I can be takin' your car. I didn't just roll into town on the last train, I know why you got that second car. Don't be tellin' me that your wife ain't gotta drive down to Indianapolis and take care of her mother. You got two cars 'cause you need 'em. And I got one car 'cause that's exactly what I'm supposed to have. I just gotta pray a lil' harder's all."

"Oh, Sister. I just know Jesus has got somethin' special in store for you. He done put you here on earth for some grand purpose, I know." He laced his fingers before him and continued. "I do believe He filled this world with all kinda people: some are like gravel, some like dirt and mud, and every once in a while, He threw a gem into the mix, a diamond, like you. And when we common folk run across one of those diamonds, it helps us see and appreciate all the more how beautiful they really is."

"I don't feel like no diamond, Brother Gibbs."

"A course not. A diamond can't see itself, you be shinin' for others to see and to make our lives a little better for knowin' you."

Sadie sat quiet for several minutes mulling over his words. She harbored no illusions of herself as a diamond, but his soothing words and manner managed to be a balm to her battered soul.

"I do appreciate your kind words, and they do make me feel a bit better. But I still am worried sick about Markus and what to do about Mr. Morris."

"Ahh, I heard about the man. They be sayin' he's the Devil and The Grand Wizard all rolled up into one."

Sadie had to laugh. "That ain't too far from the truth, I 'spect."

She relayed all that had happened and how she had responded, even including her hidden feelings about the man. It wouldn't do to try and hide these things from a man of God anyway.

"Don't you worry 'bout that. You ain't feelin' nothin' that ain't normal. Even Jesus got angry, you remember. But is sounds to me like you doin' the right things. Don't our own Dr. King preach time and again how to respond to hate and those who hate us? You already doin' what it takes, you already know the price to be paid, and you already know that Jesus is gonna look out for you. So you stay on the same road that you on and don't let nothin' turn you aside. Now you wait just a minute right there." He rolled in his chair away from her and scanned the shelves of books. "There we go," he said, pulling one from its place. With his back still turned from her, he busied himself for several seconds, then spun on his chair and handed her the book.

"I want you to have this. You look at it when you get home and read it when you get feelin' low. Let me tell you, it's helped this poor sinner out many a time."

"But you understand, Brother Gibbs, this man just ain't respondin' to anything I do other than showin' even more hate."

"That's alright. It don't matter if he spends his whole life wrapped up in hate. You still gotta do the right thing and never let him change your path. You stay the course and be strong. You be strong for Markus and for all of us. In the meantime, you tell that Markus, we don't see enough of the boy around here. He could be a real inspiration to some of these youngsters."

Sadie thought about his words as she drove home. He had said nothing she didn't already know, nothing she hadn't been preaching for years to Markus and anyone who would listen. But she felt revived. It was good to have someone who understood listen to her, someone who knew exactly how she felt.

Later, she came across the book and glanced at the title, "Strength to Love" by Martin Luther King, Jr. When am I ever gonna find time to sit down and read a book? She placed it on the kitchen table and went about the business of preparing dinner. It was two days until payday and the pantry was getting sparse which meant a beggar's meal of beans and baloney. It pained her to have nothing better to feed Markus, but she remained thankful for what was available.

The book caught her attention once again. She shook her head full well knowing it would take weeks for her to plow through a book. Not only did she not have the time, she wasn't the fastest reader in the world. Brother Gibbs knows that. Now why would he give me a book?

Picking it up once again, she leafed through it. It turned out to be a collection of sermons by Dr. King. Then she noticed a note tucked into the last chapter, wrapped with a rubber band around a tiny stack of cash. Unfolding the note, she read: Even God's own Diamond needs some help to pay the bills every once in a while. Slowly, Sadie counted; each bill added with increasing disbelief until she reached a total: one hundred and seventy five dollars.

Sadie stacked the money on the table in a neat little pile in front of her and stared at it.

A very faint smile washed across her face while a single tear ran down her cheek.