Red Base
To the Blues standoff on top of Red Base.

Church: I am not O'Malley, I'm telling you, it's Flowers.

Tucker: Liar. Flowers is dead.

Church: Then what happened to the Reds, Tucker? Where did they go? I certainly didn't sneak over here and scare them off in my spare time, when I wasn't dealing with you, Wade and Tex, and that new yellow freak, and that stupid disgusting kid o' yours.

Tucker: Okay, okay. Man, I hope if Flowers is alive, that he doesn't want his armor back. Hey, what's up with the Reds?

Wade: Where are they, anyway?

Church: Who knows. Maybe it's lunch time. Maybe the Red army doesn't pay overtime and they all just went home.

Tex: All their stuff is here. I don't think they evacuated, kind of hoping to see Leo, again.

Tucker: He could still be here somewhere.

Wade: Have you thought of something, Tex?

Tex: I think we may have walked right in to a-

Wyoming appears right behind Tex.

Wyoming: A trap?

Tex: Wyoming.

Church: Okay see? Now, if I was O'Malley, I would've known that was gonna happen.

Caves
To an anonymous cave with the reds stand in a cave pond.

Leo: You doing good, Grif?

Grif: My face still hurts.

Sarge: Hmmm.. should of hit yeah, harder.

Grif: (Sighs) Anyway, shouldn't we rethink this plan?

Sarge: Why?

Grif: Well, now that Simmons has cut us off from Command, we're attacking the enemy base with no support.

Simmons: I didn't cut us off from Command.

Grif: You interrupted the radio transmission!

Simmons: No I didn't. Whoever Sarge was talking with was already down in that cave. I just walked up and started talking to Leo and Sarge in the middle of it.

Grif: What the fuck do you think interrupting means?

Leo: Can you two, just be quiet for a minute!

Andy: Yeah, you're givin' me a headache.

Andy appears behind the reds, laying on a slope, that leads out of the cave.

Simmons: Andy, is that you?

Andy: No, I'm the other talkin' bomb. Francis. Pleased ta meet ya, ya dickhead.

Leo: Weren't you helping the enemies, when I last saw you?

Andy: Nah, they didn't need me any more. Apparently that revived guy learned enough alien language to get by. And then it was "what have you done for me lately?"

Grif: What was the deal with drugging us all?

Donut: Grif, I'm prouda you. Admitting you have a problem is the first step.

Grif: Fuck off, Donut.

Donut: Baby steps, Grif.

Leo: Anyway Andy, what's going on with the alien and the blue guy?

Andy: Well, the new alien is here to find the old one, and he revived the blue guy to help him. But then somethin' happened to him. I don't know what; started actin' all, funky.

Leo: The alien revived him?

Andy: Yeah. They don't treat life and death the same way we do. Fact that little guy that everyone thinks-

Sarge: We don't have time for this. Let's go, men.

The reds head out the cave, leaving Sarge with Andy.

Andy: Wait, take me with you!

Sarge: Andy, we're going into battle unmanned, low on ammo, and with no support. What use could we possibly have for a bomb?

Sarge heads out the cave, to catch up to the rest.

Andy: I could always act as a lookout... or a spy... or a chef? Or you know, you could always, use me as a bomb... Oh, hey Lopez.

To Lopez on a small cliff, near Andy.

Lopez: >Up yours.<

Red Base
Back to the Blues all lined up, with Wyoming pointing a gun at them.

Tex: Wyoming.

Wyoming: Ah yes, hello, Tex. So sorry to sneak up on you when you were busy quarrelling about, well whatever it is exactly you people do here. I'm guessing some kind of ditch digging, or something.

Tucker: Blue Team doesn't even have shovels. Which kinda sucks because our guys are the ones who keep dying.

Wyoming: And it looks like that trend is going to continue.

Wade: Is someone going to tell me, who the heck is this guy?

Tex: He's a British asshole, is who is.

Wyoming: Always, as charming as ever Tex.

Church: Oh what, y-yer here for Tex? Because if you are she's right there. All yours buddy. Go for it.

Tucker: Yeah. Ladies first!

Wade: Shouldn't we protect her, at least?

Wyoming: Not at all. I'm here for your little friend. He's very important to a lot of people.

Church speaks over radio sounds.

Church: (Fakes Cough) Ahuh-huh-huh.. excuse me.

Ship
To Caboose inside the ship.

Caboose: Now that Church is possessed by O'Malley and is evil, do you think we'll have to kick him off the team? Then it would be just me, my partner in crime Wade and my sidekick Tucker. That's not a lot o' people on the team... Also I don't like Tucker. Oh, I know: maybe me and Wade could convince one of the Reds to switch sides! Then we can give them Tucker. That would fix both problems! I'll see if we can ask for Peo!

The phone starts ringing.

Sheila: I don't know, that doesn't seem like it would work.

Caboose: Oh, Church is calling me. Prob'ly to ask me to be his new best friend. Or to infect me with a horrible computer virus. Excuse me for a minute, Sheila. I have to take this.

Sheila: Affirmative.

Caboose clicks on the radio.

Caboose: Yes! Hello, evil Church. What can I do for ya?

Church: (Radio) So Wyoming, you just showed up here and decided to attack us.

Caboose: Uh, my name is Caboooose...

Church: And now you've caught us at gunpoint, and it looks like we're in big trouble.

Caboose: Uh that doesn't sound like something I would do. I think you have the wrong number.

Church: Here at Red Base. Wyoming. You found us and are holding us prisoner. At the Red base. Wyoming.

Caboose: Ah Red Base no, uh, I'm in the ship. The shiiiip. Sheila, I think O'Malley has driven him crazy, uhm, he's talking nonsense.

Church: If only someone nearby, someone with access to a tank, somehow knew what was going on, and could help us. Someone for instance, in blue armor. Who somehow knew about the situation, and figured out what the fuck other people were talking about, and tried to fucking help us, and then we would be saved.

Caboose: Yeah, he's definitely crazy.

Through the window of the ship, Caboose watches as the tank drives off, away from the ship.

Caboose: Hey Sheila, where's the tank part of you going?

Back to Red Base, with Wyoming holding everyone hostage somehow.

Wyoming: Why do you keep explaining things to me? I understand the situation perfectly. I ambushed you, you're quivering in fear.

Tucker: Yeah, what are you, the narrator now or something?

Wade: And whats with the tone of your voice?

Church: I just want everyone to be on the same page about Wyoming, ambushing us, at the Red base.

Tucker: We know.

Church: Wyoming. The bad guy.

Wade: We've already, know that.

Church: And we're here at the Red base. Which isn't the Blue base. Or the caves, or the cliffs, or that weird tree, or the windmill.

Tucker: We get it dude, we're standing right here.

Church: Maybe we should take this from the top. Do you wanna write this down?

Wade/Tucker: No!

Wyoming: I think your friend here has lost his marbles.

Tucker: Oh, you wanna see crazy, wait until you try to take my fucking kid. What do you want with him, anyway? He never did anything to you.

Wyoming: It's not what he did, it's what he's going to do. That child is very special.

Tucker: Yeah, I know. I guess I should have read to him more, or something.

Wyoming: Not that kind of special, you half-wit. I mean he's important.

Church: Red Base. No one is in the State of Wyoming!

Blood Gulch
To the Reds, watching red base from a distance.

Sarge: There's the base.

Leo: (Sees the blues on top) Oh shit, it looks like there in trouble! It looks like that... bounty hunter dude, has them hostage.

Simmons: That guy's a dick.

Sarge: Hah! The Blues have overextended themselves and spread their forces too thin! Classic blunder. Change of plans, men. Instead of hitting Blue Base, we're going to take back our own base!

Leo: And help them too, right?

Sarge: Um... Well see.

The tank rolls by toward Red Base, causing the reds, except Leo to freak out and run.

Grif: Tank!

Simmons: Oh shit!

Sarge: Rechange of plans, men!

Grif: Fuck this!

Sarge: Blue Base it is.

The Reds run towards Blue base, while Leo stays behind, watching the tank head to red base.

Leo: Hmmmm...

Red Base
To the blues and Wyoming.

Wyoming: That little alien of yours has a very important destiny to fulfill. And we're going to make sure he does it.

Wade: Sadly for you, he isn't here.

Tucker: Ha! You're shit outta luck, now!

Wyoming: I'm well aware; my partner's taking care of that little acquisition right now. I'm just here to tidy up a bit.

Tucker: How'd you sneak up on us anyway? Tex, I thought you were s'posed to be good at this stealth stuff.

Tex: I am.

Tex turns invisible.

Tucker: Wow, that's awesome. Good for you.

Wyoming: Oh no, Tex has gone invisible. Whatever shall I do. Fretting, worry.

Church: Dude I wouldn't sound so smug. She kicked your ass last time and you weren't outnumbered like ya are now.

Wade: Hey look, Shelia's here!

The tank rolls up to Red Base.

Church: Haha yeah! Hey it worked! I can't believe Caboose came through! How ya like that, Wyoming? We even have our tank now. Booyah, mother fucker!

Wyoming: Ho ho ho ho ho, your tank? Hu hu hu hu hu...

Gary: Knock knock, Church.

Church: Oh shit. Why is it that something dramatic seems to happen exactly every five minutes? I mean, I can't possibly be the only one out here noticing this trend.

Wade: What happened to Shelia then!?

Gary: Firing main cannon.

The End
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