Well shit

Rifle's dead, so no more getting charged with war crimes over that. Also, I am not messing with EMPs again, mostly because I forgot about my... breathing issues and my legs.

Hmm, I'm now with out any weapon other than my CFX-44 weapon syts... wait... wait... Scrapper, you rust brained genius! It's not a designated sniper, it's a base.

It's war cri... *looks at audience* I mean, it's engineering time! Hit it!

Music system: It's time to start the music. It's time to light the lights...

Scrapper: Aye yo, nah, we ain't playing that here*switches tape* there we go now hit it!

https://youtu.be/tzTURmlN5_U

Scrapper: Ah good memories... any ways it's show time!

DRONE CAMERA

Scrapper is seen taking apart the CFX-44. Footage then cut out

Footage then cuts back in when Scrapper has the entire weapon disassembled. 

Footage now shows Scrapper digging through his stash of stuff and putting various bits and pieces in a cart.

Scrapper is seen assembling a firing system that accepts the ammunition of the now broken rifle.

Scrapper is now seen testing the rifle function and making final adjustments.

Scrapper is now seen making another system to go on the platform

Scrapper: Hey, stop recording this one

DRONE: All recordings in this session played, montage over.

Scrapper: alright we're done

...

Scrapper: Yes, I learned from last time

...

Scrapper: Yes, I figured out how to not jam once every 15 minutes, it's fine

...

Scrapper: Alright, alright, I'll be careful. See you in a bit

-----<LOADING>-----

I just gave Church a marked grave. Seems like no one else had gotten to that yet. Rest in peace buddy, and I'll see you again when it's my turn to go

o7

-----<LOADING>-----

-----<Knock, knock. Who's there? Pain.>-----

With the Reds:

Grif: And then I thought, you know, we could sneak around the side while they were hiding behind the rock, but uh, well that's when the tank showed up and.. shit just started blowin' up. I don't know. (sighs)

Sarge: (exhales in exasperation) Grif, do you have any godly idea how much this piece of equipment costs?

Grif: I-I don't know, uh, like, uh, what.. ten, ten.. twenty, twenty-five bucks, maybe? Uh, you-you're gonna kill me now, aren't you?

Sarge: Tell you what, Grif, I'm a fair man. I'll give you a ten-second head start here before I let Lopez do anything he wants to ya.

Lopez stops working and stands up to face Grif.

Grif: Guys, I just want you to know, I'm really, really sorry here, and-

Lopez puts down his tool for a gun.

Sarge: Five Mississippi. Six Mississippi.

Grif: (backing away) Okay, uh, I guess I better get going then.

Lopez and Sarge look at each other then turn and start firing at Grif off screen.

Grif: Hey guys, that's not funny! Somebody could get hurt here.

With the Blues:

Tucker: That's basically it, sir. They have five guys over there and a big jeep.

???: And your flag. (reloads)

Tucker: Right, that too.

??? throws a grenade at something.

Tucker: Uh, hey, Tex? I don't know what it's been like at your other bases, but we try not to use other soldiers as target practice here.

Camera pans, showing Tex has been firing "at" Caboose.

Caboose: I'm scared.

Tex starts looking over various weapons. Caboose runs up to Tex and Tucker.

Tucker: So, you've got the Special Forces black armor, I see. Were you in the Special Forces at some point?

Tex: (looks at Tucker while reloading a gun)

Tucker: Yeah, I used to have black armor too. It was black because I got this stuff all over it from th-

Tex runs off.

Tucker: Oh, okay, you gotta go? I'll see you later.

Caboose: (whispering loudly) I don't think he likes you.

Tucker: ...Thanks.

Tucker and Caboose run up to the edge of the base.

Tucker: Where are you going?

Tex: Red Base. Kill everybody. Get the flag back.

Caboose: Oh... Okay! We'll just stay here and guard the trans.. porter...

Caboose: Should we have mentioned Mr. Crapper?

Tucker: Oh shit... Eh, it'll probably be fine.

Back with the Reds:

Grif: So, Sarge thought my strategy had merit, but was poorly executed, probably because SOMEBODY didn't believe in it.

Simmons: Bullshit. He told me he thought you were a retarded monkey, and he's gonna suspend your weapon privileges.

Donut: Hey, since I captured the flag, d'ya think they'll give me my own color armor now?

Simmons: What do you mean "captured"? You thought you were buying it at the store, you idiot.

Donut: Still, you think there's a shot?

Simmons: Maybe they'll give you Grif's armor, since he destroyed the Warthog.

Grif: Hyeah, heh-wait... You don't.. You don't think they'd do that, do you?

Cut to Sarge watching Lopez fix the Warthog. A socket wrench is heard in the background.

Sarge: Try connectin' that hose to that metal thingy there.

Lopez stands up.

Sarge: I think that's what's makin' that rattle.

Lopez turns and faces Sarge.

Sarge: I think I'll let you do it.

Lopez returns to work. Invisible Tex runs behind Sarge.

Sarge: What the...? What was that?

Cut to Grif.

Grif: Simmons, what's going on? What's over there?

Simmons: (looking over the edge of the base) I thought I saw something for a second.

Camera pans down to reveal invisible Tex, then cuts back to Grif.

Grif: Hey rookie, tuck the flag some place safe until we can figure out what's goin' on.

Donut: Good idea. I was sick of carrying this thing anyway. (drops the flag into the middle of the base)

Cut to Tex, then to Grif and Simmons looking off the edge of the base.

Simmons: Did you hear that?

Grif: Yeah.

Donut: (whispering) Hey! What's going on?

Cut to Tex who throws a plasma grenade, then cut to Grif and Simmons from behind. Grif turns around.

Grif: What the fuck?

Cut to Donut who has the plasma grenade stuck to his helmet.

Donut: What?

Simmons: (turns around) What is that thing?

Donut: (concerned) What thing?

Grif: There's somethin' on your head.

Donut: What, is it a spider? Get it off!

Simmons: No, it's not a spider, it's, like a.. blue thing.

Donut: What, like a blue spider? Get it off!

Grif: It's not a spider! Calm down. It's some kinda.. fuzzy, pulsating thing.

Donut: That doesn't sound much better than a spider.

Simmons: Does it hurt?

Donut: No.

Simmons: Maybe we should try to take it off.

Grif: Good idea. Go for it.

Simmons: Me? By "we" I meant "you". Asshole.

Donut: Well somebody needs to get it off. Look, it might be dangerous.

The grenade explodes.

Grif and Simmons: Son of a bitch!

Fade to black with sounds of people being hit.

Grif: Sim- Where'd he go?

More sounds of people being hit.

Grif: Don't kill me, I'm too good looking to die!

With Scrapper:

*Hears explosion*

Scrapper: Alright, who's messin' with my bois?

Scrapper: *loads rifle aggressively* 'Cause they're asking for an ass kicking.

-----<Down, but not Out>-----

Grif: (heard in distance) Sim- Where'd he go? Don't kill me, I'm too good looking to die!

With the Blues:

Caboose: Man... He is really kicking their asses.

Tucker: How come I never get the fucking sniper rifle?

Caboose: (lowers the rifle) I'm really glad Tex is on our team and not theirs.

Tucker: Sure makes things a lot easier on us.

Caboose: Yeah. I think switching Tex for Church was a good trade.

Tucker: It definitely seems like your killing Church is starting to work out for us.

Caboose: Ya know, ya think so? You know, I was gonna say something but, uh, well you know, uh... nuh...

Tucker: Did Tex get in the base?

Caboose: (raises the rifle and watches Tex enter the base) Yeah.

Cut to the flag stand in the Blue Base. The flag reappears.

Male Game Voice: Blue Team, flag returned.

Tucker: What the...? Who said that?

Church: (clears throat) Sorry, that was me. I, uh, I guess I had something stuck in my throat. Your flag is back, by the way.

Caboose: Hey, it's Church!

Church: Yeah, it's me. Hey, Caboose.

Caboose: (peppy) Hey, Church, what're you up to?

Church: Caboose, (laughs) ah-huh-huh, I'm not really here to make small-talk, okay? How'd you guys manage to get your flag back?

Tucker: Wh-What? Oh, th-that flag? We've always had that.

Church: Tucker, who do you think you're trying to fool? Hey, wait a second... Where's Tex?

Tucker: I'm not really sure, he said he was gonna go to the store, something about uh, elbow grease.

Church: Oh great. This is so typical! What was the one thing I told you guys the last time I appeared?

Caboose: (clueless) That Sidewinder is cold..!?

Church: (grunts) What was the OTHER one thing I told you?

Tucker: Not to let him get involved?

Church: Right. And what did you do?

Tucker: ..We let him get involved.

Church: And not just a little involved. How involved?

Caboose: Very, very involved.

With the Reds:

Sarge: (emerging from the left) Freeze.

Lopez emerges from the right, trapping Tex in.

Sarge: Drop your weapon.

Tex: (drops the gun) Hey, buddy.

Sarge: What.

Tex: You really better hope the first one knocks me out.

Scrapper then proceeds to come out of nowhere and bodychecks Tex into the wall and then smacks Tex with the end of the CFX, as a way to get a bit of pay back and to make sure Tex is out.

Scrapper: Next time don't mess with my bois.

Sarge(whispering to Lopez): Make a note about that 

Grif: Ow, what the... My freakin' head. Jesus.

Simmons: (stands up from tending to Donut) He's hurt, Grif. He'll make it, but we need to get him some help fast.

Scrapper: Here, I got somethin' that'll buy him more time *proceeds to pull out a hypodermic needle and inject the contents into Donut's neck*

Grif: Yeah, yeah, hold on one second. What happened here? W- First Donut's head exploded, and then you fainted, and then some black thing showed up and started-

Simmons: Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait. I did not faint, something knocked me out.

Grif: Okay fine, keep lying to yourself. Whatever helps you sleep at night.

Simmons: Man, just go find Sarge, we need to get Donut outta here.

Grif: Yeah, sure. Oh, and uh, I'm fine by the way. Thanks for asking. (runs down the ramp)

Simmons: Whatever, no one likes you anyway.

With the Blues

Caboose: Yep, he's definitely captured... Or dead... Captured or dead. ... (inhales sharply as he has an epiphany) Or captured AND dead!

Church: (sarcastic) Oh, well that's just PERFECT!

Tucker: What!? What is your problem!? Why do you even care if he's captured? I thought you hated that guy anyway for stealing your girlfriend.

Church: I never said I hated Tex. I just said that she was the reason why we never got married.

Caboose: She?

To the Reds and Scrapper

Simmons: Sarge, we need to get Donut air-lifted outta here. 

Sarge: Could you put that in a memo and entitle it "Shit I already know!" Get on the horn with Command! (turns to Tex) Well, look who's up. Rise 'n' shine, buttercup.

Scrapper(to Simmons): Don't worry, I started transmitting a signal directly to a connection I have with my command.

Simmons: Thanks Scrappy.

Tex is standing, sparks flying from the right shoulder, jerking it back. There's a brief sound like a distorted voice.

Tex: (now sounding female) Oh great... You broke my voice filter. You cock biting fucktards!

Grif: Ah-ha! I knew it! Only a chick could give me a headache this big!

Fade to black. There's a moment of silence.

Tex: ...What's the matter? You never seen a girl before? How long have you guys been out here?

-----<Human Peer Bonding>-----

Back to the genre of jazz

Tucker: Let me get this straight... You're telling me that the guy that showed up here, scared the living shit out of us, shot at Caboose, and beat the hell out of the Reds wasn't a guy at all? That he was a chick? And, on top of that, she was your ex-girlfriend?

Church: In a nutshell, yes. That's an excellent summary.

Caboose: I should have known... She didn't like me... Girls never like me.

Tucker: Caboose, I don't think anybody likes you.

Caboose: I like me...

Tucker: I don't think I've seen a girl that mean before. Are you sure she's a chick? And not a guy? Or like, part guy part shark?

Church: I'm pretty sure I'd know if Tex was a guy. And I'm definitely sure I would know if she was part shark.

Caboose: Wait, oh wait, oh wait. If she's a girl, then why is she named Tex?

Church: Uh... because she's from Texas.

Caboose: ...

Church: Trust me, it makes sense. And you can't blame her for being so aggressive. It's not entirely her fault to begin with.

Tucker: Right. You should blame God. First he makes hangovers, and now, half women, half sharks that won't even sleep with me. Thanks for nothing, God!

Church: Will you shut up with that? She got recruited into some kind of weird experimental program back during basic where they infused her armor with this really aggressive A.I. I'm not really sure how it all works, but all I know is it made her meaner and tougher than hell.

Caboose: A.I... What's the A stand for?

Church: Artificial.

Caboose: ...What's the I-

Church: (interrupts) Intelligence.

Caboose: Ooohhhhhhhhh what was the A again?

Church: Let's move on.

Tucker: So, the military put this program in her head, and that program made her a killer, but underneath it all she's really just a sweet, down-home girl?

Church: Oh hell no. She's always been a rotten bitch. It's just now she's a rotten bitch with cybernetic enhancements.

Tucker: Wow. Sounds like you really won the lottery with that one. Good catch there, buddy. She's a keeper.

Church: So how're you doing, Caboose? Are you following any of this whatsoever?

Caboose: I think so... That guy Tex is really a robot, and you're his boyfriend. So that makes you... a gay robot!

Church: Yeah... that's right... I'm a gay robot.

Back to the (#FF0000)s

Grif: So, you're a girl, huh?

Tex: ...

Simmons: Just ignore him, that's what I do.

Grif: Not so tough now that we unloaded your weapon, are ya?

Tex: Hey, punk, I don't need a weapon to kill you.

Grif: Yeah, right. What're you gonna do? Punch me?

Tex leans in at Grif quickly. Grif flinches and steps back.

Grif: Ahh! Not in the face!

Scrapper(to Tex): I suggest you calm the fuck down while I have a gauss rifle ready to put a hole in your skull, you already almost killed one of my buddies today.

Scrapper(on internal coms only): 

Tucker, hey Tucker!

Tucker:

Oh hey Scrappy, what's up?

Scrapper:

Did Blue command send y'all a merc, and if so, what's her name?

Tucker:

Oh, you mean Tex?

Why do you ask?

Scrapper:

Because I'm prepared to blow a hole in her skul...

Wait, did you say Tex?

Shit, I'll call you back.

Tucker:

Wait, what do you mean blow a hole in her skull?

Scrappy?

Fuck.

With the Blues:

Church: Well don't worry because I have a great plan for how we're gonna rescue Tex.

Tucker: A plan? Oh, man, I hate plans. That means we're gonna have to do stuff. Can't we just have a strategy or a ..mission statement?

Church: I just need you guys to run a distraction, while I spring Tex.

Caboose: (nervous) Distraction? Heh. That sounds a lot like "decoy."

Church: The way I see it, the Reds have absolutely no idea how many Freelancers we have out here. So all I need from the two of you is to run around in the middle of the canyon, wearing black armor, while I sneak in the back of the base.

Tucker: Sounds good. But Church, where the hell are we gonna get two suits of black armor?

Church looks at the teleporter, then Tucker looks at it too.

Tucker: (looks back at Church) ...Oh fuckberries...

Scene fades out

Tucker: Is now a bad time to mention that Scrapper is read to put a bullet in her skull?

-----<Roomier Than it Looks>-----

With the Blues:

Tucker comes out of the teleporter with black armor on.

Church: Are you okay, Tucker?

Tucker: Yeah, I'm fine. (runs up to the top of a nearby hill) Come on, Caboose!

Caboose: (on top of the base) Does it hurt?!

Tucker: No, not at all!

Caboose: Okay! Here I come!

Church: Does it hurt for real?

Tucker: Ohh, yeah. Big time.

Church and Tucker turn towards the teleporter.

Caboose: (emerging from the teleporter in black armor) Owwwchie. (turns to Tucker) You lied to me.

With the Reds:

Sarge: Ah, dammit. Lopez, c'mere. Do you see something out there?

Lopez looks through a sniper rifle, then turns to Sarge and lowers his head. Camera pans down to Grif and Simmons inside the base.

Simmons: There's no L in it, it's pronounced both.

Grif: That's what I'm saying. Bolth.

Simmons: Both.

Grif: You sound like such an ass the way you say it.

Sarge: Grif! Quit your yammering and get your keister up here. Need some help. Got more of them Special Ops fellas headed toward the base.

Grif: As in... more than one? Uh, maybe we should bolth go, sir.

Simmons: BOTH.

Grif: Seriously, man, like an ass.

Sarge: Well, well. Another brilliant idea from the think tank. Why don't you both come up? Leave the prisoner alone. We could just put her on the honor system - have her guard herself.

Simmons: What about Scrapper, sir?

Sarge: It'll be fine, they're mad a her anyway.

Grif: Good point, sir.

Sarge: YOU'RE GOD DAMN RIGHT IT IS! Now get your ass up here. We got just enough time for me to spraypaint the bull's-eye on your back... Ah, by bull's-eye I of course mean camouflage. Now move it, cupcake.

Grif: Yeah... (sighs) I'll be right up.

With Scrapper and Tex:

Scrapper: *staring at Tex*

Tex: *staring at Scrapper*

Scrapper: So... long time no see, miss over competitive asshole

Tex: Who are you and wha...t

...

Tex: Wait

...

Tex: Belka? 

Scrapper: Yep, still here and flirting with Death.

Tex: Everyone thought that you were either dead or the law caught up with you.

Scrapper: Dead or caught by the law? That's a funny joke.

Scrapper: Also can you refer to me as Scrapper? I don't exactly feel comfortable being called that right now. I know there are at least a few people after me, and I don't know who's listening.

Tex: I can do that, Death Junkie.

With the Blues:

Church: Hey, Tucker. Come in, man. You there? This is Church. It's working. The orange one is coming out of the base. I repeat, the orange one is coming out of the base.

Cut to Caboose and Tucker hiding behind a rock, listening over the radio.

Tucker: Roger that.

Caboose: Oh, oh oh oh, Tucker, Tucker, Tucker! Is that.. Is that Church?

Church: Okay, now just keep moving around outside of the base, and draw their attention.

Caboose: (speaking over Church, drowning him out) Tell him, that I.. that I said.. for me to say hi..?

Tucker: Whoa, wait, wait, hey. What? I missed that, Caboose was talking to me. Shut up man, I'm on the radio.

Cut to Church.

Church: I said, just keep movin-

Tucker: (over radio) I'm not yelling, I'm just telling you to let me finish talking to Church. ...No, I'll tell him you said "hi" later. No, you can't talk to him. How could you possibly talk to him on my headset?

Church: (severs the connection) Oh my god. I can't believe I actually died for this war.

With the Reds:

Grif: I don't see any- (sees Caboose running across the Gulch) Uh oh. Yep, there's one. (Caboose stops next to a rock and stares at it) ...Why is he just standing there?

Blues:

Tucker: Caboose, get behind the rock. They can still see you.

Caboose: They can't see me. I can't see them!

Tucker: That's because you're facing the rock.

Caboose: (looks at the base) Oh. Right. (ducks behind the rock)

Tucker: Real smooth, dipshit.

Reds:

Sarge: They're definitely Special Ops. I ain't seen troop movements this coordinated since my days on Sidew- (Church enters Sarge's body) Wa-kika-herger!

Grif: Sir, are you okay?

Church as Sarge: Uh, who you talking to, Red? Me?

Grif: (sarcastically) No. I'm talking to Lopez. Because, you know, that's real rewarding.

Lopez takes a swing at Grif who steps back.

Grif: Hey, what'd I tell you about that?

Church: Oh, uh I-I'm fine, that's... I'm just so mad about, these uh, god damn Blues out here. They got me so god damn mad, I could spit! (horks one up and spits on his visor)

Grif: ...Um, sir? Did you just spit inside your own helmet?

Church: Uh, yeah. I guess I did.

Grif: Permission to speak freely, sir?

Church: Go ahead.

Grif: That's really fucking gross.

Blues:

Caboose: Hey, Tucker?

Tucker: What?

Caboose: I'm having a really good time... with... you.

Tucker: (annoyed) That's great, Caboose.

Caboose: Yeah, it's like we're real soldiers.

Tucker: Would you please go hide behind another rock?

With Tex, Scrapper, Simmons, and Sargent Church:

Church: Hey, man. What's up, yo?

Simmons: Uh... hey...? What's going on out there, sir?

Church: What's, uh.. why nothin'. Why would you ask if somethin's wrong?

Simmons: I think that's a perfectly normal question in a time of war.

Church: Yeah, well, I don't know. You're starting to act kinda suspicious there ..other Red guy. So I'ma keep my eye on you.

Simmons: (turning around to face Tex) Sarge, I'm starting to think that-

Church hits Simmons on the back of the head, knocking him down.

Simmons: Ow, geez, the back of my head!

Scrapper: *Rapidly aims at Sarge's head* Alright, I think you've gone far enough. Put your hands up and drop the weapon or I'll put you down.

Tex: What the hell are you doing!?

Church: Tex! It's me, Church! I've come to rescue you.

Tex: You're kind of short to be Church.

Church: What? Oh yeah, right. The armor.

Church leaves Sarge.

Sarge: Hurk! What in Sam Hell? Where the- Who spit on my visor?

Church: Tex, there's not much time to explain, so I'm just gonna give you the summary here, okay? I'm a spirit now, and I'm trapped in the physical world. I possessed this Red guy so that I could sneak in to the base and rescue you while the rest of our guys run around out in the middle of the canyon dressed in black armor that they got from going through the teleporter.

Scrapper: ... You know what, I won't ask.

Tex: ...Okay.

Church: What? That's it? Okay? You're not surprised by any of this?

Tex: No. It pretty much all makes sense.

Church: Not even the whole "Church is a ghost" thing? That didn't do anything for ya?

Tex: I can see right through you, it's pretty obvious...

Church: Okay, well, let me hop back in this guy, and we'll get outta here.

Scrapper: Hey Church, I'll let you use my body if you stop fucking with Sarge

Church: Alright, give.

Scrapper: Cool, just give me a sec.

Sarge: (as Scrapper smack him) Huuurk!

Scrapper: Show more respect for your soldiers dumbass. Alright, time to go.

Blues:

Tucker: What're you doing?

Caboose: One of the Reds has Tex. I'm going to shoot him, and kill him, and free Tex. Then Church will forgive me for killing him, and we will be friends.

Tucker: Oh, come on. You don't actually believe any of that, do you?

Caboose: (taking aim on Scrapper's head) Ohhh, we're gonna be best friends.

Cut to Church, as Scrapper, and Tex, outside the Red Base.

Church: Alright, I'll make one more distraction, then you run up to the teleporter and escape. Ready? One... Two... Thre-!

Caboose shoots Scrapper in the head, and his body falls down.

Church: What the? Where did my body go!? Oh, you've gotta be KIDDING me!

???: Biometric data flatlining, analyzing wound

Caboose: Tucker did it!

-----<How the Other Half Lives>-----

Colors are dulled. Scrapper is sitting on a hill.

Scrapper: Well damn, twice in one day. Hmm... HEY CHURCH, YOU OUT THERE BUDDY!

Church: (with a slight echo) Holy cow, would you stop yelling? I'm here.

Church runs up to Scrapper

Scrapper: Well look who it is. How's undeath going?

Church: Well... uh... pretty good I guess? I kind of expected more panicking.

Scrapper: This? This was scary the first couple of times

Church: First couple of times? Are you saying you've been dead before?

Scrapper: Does that surprise you? Haven't you seen me get back up after breaking my neck all those times? So you an angel now?

Church: (chuckling) Aheh heh heh.. am I an angel. Uh, (clears throat) yeah, actually, I am. I'm an angel. Um, do you wanna go to Heaven? 'Cause it's, like, ten bucks to get in.

Scrapper: Well I don't have any of that. I do have some ghost beer and a stop watch. Here think fast *tosses a ghost beer to Church*

Church: Hey, where the hell did you get this? But still uh.. that's too bad. Pretty crappy reason to be damned to Hell for an eternity.

Scrapper: Please, I've been there on a date with Death once, it's not all that bad.

Church: Huh... wait a date with Death?

Scrapper: Yep, she's nice once you get to know her, it's just that she's got work today. Well damn, guess being shot in the had takes a bit longer to come back from. So, you get killed by the shell or the debris?

Church(thinking): Not fair. 

Church: I got shot by my own tank.

Cut to Sheila aiming at Church.

Sheila: Target locked.

Church: Oh ha ha, very funny Sheila. Shut up. You know I still haven't forgiven you. I didn't say you could talk to me yet. Go there, g-get, go over by the base. Shoo, shoo!

Sheila lowers her turret and drives off.

Cut to Grif, Tex, and Simmons over Scrapper's body in the real world; the picture is distorted, wavy anytime the real world is shown.

Grif: Scrapper! Don't you give up on me soldier, do you hear me? I'm ordering you!

Cut to Scrapper in "Dead World."

Scrapper: Well damn. That's entertaining

Church: Looks like those guys are trying to save you.

Cut to Grif hitting Scrapper in the chest with the butt end of his gun.

Grif: You gotta breathe, man! You gotta pull through! Come on, Scrappy!

Cut to Scrapper in "Dead World."

Scrapper: This is really funny

Church: *just standing there staring at Scrapper in shock while Scrapper is laughing like a mad man*

Cut to Simmons.

Simmons: Grif, this isn't working. We have to try something else.

Cut to Church in "Dead World."

Church: If he gives you mouth to mouth, I'm leaving.

Cut to Simmons.

Simmons: ...Maybe you should give him mouth to mouth.

Cut to Church in "Dead World."

Church: I'm leaving.

Scrapper: I wouldn't worry about it, my helmet can't be forcibly removed for safety reasons.

Church: Why would they do this for you? I mean, my team didn't, you didn't, and they didn't, but why are they doing it for you?

Scrapper: That's not completely fair, I got hit by a shell that was launched with extra propellant because it go jammed the first time.

Church: Ouch.

Scrapper: Well, protocol's starting now, so I guess I'll talk to you like this again next time this happens

Out of the ghost world

Tex: *notices the count down reaching the three minute mark*Here, I got them you guys go back to your base, I can deal with it from here.

Grif and Simmons then leave, due to the intimidatingness of Tex, and then Tex drags Scrapper's body into the shelter of a near by cave and takes shelter behind a rock

Back in the Ghost world

Church: I'm confused, what protocol are you talking, and why is Tex taking shelter from your body while it's in a cave?

Scrapper: Just wait and see Church, just wait and see.

???: PH03N1X PROGRAM ONLINE...

???: Like a phoenix, we pass on in a burst of flame...

???: And like a phoenix, we shall be reborn...

???: So we shall rise up from the ashes Scrapper...

???/Scrapper: And we shall rejoin the galaxy in a burst of flame

In the cave, with Scrapper and Tex:

Scrapper: Thanks for moving my body Tex

Tex: You're welcome asshole

Scrapper: Yeah, well fuck you too, I'm going to go take a nap now.

A/N: We, I am once again writing when I should be doing homework, but hey, this is rated at 16th in the rvb tag, also, this was written over the course of a couple day, so take that as you will. I hope you enjoyed, and, as per usual, have an abso-fucking-lutely wonderful rest of your day.

Peace ✌️,

Inva1idus3r

2/4/23