Somewhere in a fortified area, voices are heard over the radio.

Smith: (radio) Red Team, this is Blue Team. We are in position, how copy? Over.

Simmons' Lieutenant: (radio) Blue Team, this is Red Team. I copy, Blue is in position. Over.

Smith: (radio) Gold Team, this is Blue Team. All units are in position and awaiting further instructions, what is your status? Over.

There is no response.

Smith: (radio) Gold Team 2-3, this is Blue Team 1-2. Radio check, over.

Bitters: (radio) Uh yeah, we're here Blue Team.

Smith: (radio) Gold Team, I repeat, what is your status? Over.

Bitters: (radio) Uhhh...We're pretty good?

Smith: (radio) What?

Bitters: (radio) Actually, uh, we were wondering if we could maybe change our name to, uh, Orange team.

Smith: (radio) What difference does it make?!

At the back entrance of facility, Grif is yelling on the radio.

Grif: You tell them it makes a big difference Bitters, because I am orange! I am not gold! I am not yellow! I am fucking orange!

Simmons: Grif!

Grif turns to look at Simmons and Caboose standing beside a door.

Simmons: Get off the radio. The teams are fine.

Grif: The teams suck.

Simmons: You're gonna blow our cover.

Grif: Uhhh. Alright we'll be Gold.

Grif flips Simmons off and speaks on the radio.

Grif: Go tell the Blue Team  to suck a dick and then get in position.

Bitters: (radio) Whatever you say, Captain.

Grif walks up to where Simmons and Caboose are.

Simmons: We're infiltrating an enemy base and you're bitching about colors?

Grif: It's a misleading title, people could get confused!

Simmons: Oh, shut up!

Simmons faces the security door behind him and crouches.

Caboose: No, he's right, I'm confused.

Simmons: Caboose, you're always confused.

Caboose: Well that sounds confusing.

Simmons uses some sort of hacking tool to hack the passcode lock.

Simmons: Whoo. Okay doors opening in approximately fifteen seconds.

Grif: Yeah, yeah.

Simmons: Oh man, what if this doesn't work?

Grif: Probably won't.

Simmons: What if it's a trap?

Grif: Probably is.

Simmons: What would Sarge say in a time like this?

Grif: Shut it, Simmons.

Simmons: Probably. Yeah.

Passcode beeps in: PASSWORD12

Simmons: Here we go.

The door opens. Caboose sprints inside yelling and unloads a full assault rifle clip into the wall. Caboose had written "CABOSE" in bullet holes on the wall.

Caboose: Did we win?

Simmons: (sighs) No. Apparently we've unlocked one of several security doors.

Grif: Oh, so I talk on the radio and it's jeopardizing the mission, but that happens and everything's fine?

Caboose: (whispering) Shush Grif. They might hear you.

The second door beeps open.

Simmons: Door opening.

Caboose once again rushes forward, yelling and firing. Grif huffs and shakes his head.

Bitters: (radio) Captain Grif, we have visual on the main compound, over.

Grif: What's it look like?

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

Bitters and two other gold team members on a cliff looking down onto the enemy base.

Bitters: Well on a scale from 1 to 10... I'd say we're pretty fucked.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

Smith and another blue team member are hiding behind some crates.

Smith: Stow that kind of talk, Bitters. Our C.O.'s put a lot of effort into this plan, so why don't you show a little faith?

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

Simmons and Grif are now sneaking down a hallway.

Smith: (radio) Right, Captain Caboose?

Simmons and Grif walk past Caboose, who just stands normally.

Caboose: Yes.

Simmons: Alright we're almost there. Is everyone ready?

All of the Lieutenants: Ready.

Caboose randomly appears standing in the same position as before.

Caboose: Ready.

Simmons' Lieutenant: (radio) Captain Simmons, Jensen has something to say to you.

Simmons: Uh.. Yes, Jensen?

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

Jensen and another red team member hiding behind a wall looking at a Warthog with two enemy soldiers near it.

Jensen: I just wanted to say that no matter what happens, it's been an honor working with you, sir.

Simmons: (awkwardly over radio) Uh.. thank... you, lieutenant. That is.. yes. Uh (clears throat) Affirmative.... Over.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

Grif looks at Simmons and shoves his shoulder.

Grif: What the fuck was that?

Simmons: What?

Grif: Did you just stroke out for a second? You sounded like Caboose.

Caboose: Um, if he's me, can I be him?

Grif: Shut up.

Caboose: Look at me, I'm smart. I like slide rules and protractors. Oh, I can't wait to do some protracting.

Simmons: So I still have problems talking to girls. Big deal.

Grif: Yeah. It is! Especially when your squad consists entirely of girls. Now man up!

Simmons: Oh no, this is like junior high all over again...!

Grif: What?

Simmons: Why do I have to play in the women's league?! I wanna be a mathlete, Dad! A mathlete!

Caboose: Yeah, okay, I don't wanna be Simmons anymore.

Grif: Goddamn it! Do I have to do everything around here? (radio) Everybody get ready. We're going on my mark. 3. 2. 1.

Grif, Simmons, and Caboose run around corner and stop. Four Federal Army soldiers are waiting for them.

Grif: ...Every man for himself! AAHHHHH!

Grif, Simmons, and Caboose flee in different directions, shooting randomly.

Grif: Shield me with your bodies! It's important that I live!

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

Bitters: Wait what? Whats going on?

Gold Team Member: Suppressing fire! (starts shooting at a soldier operating a turret)

The soldier on the turret turns and begins to fire on Gold Team, who start to back up and fall backwards off the cliff.

New Republic Soldier: Reinforcements on our way!

Gold Team falls down and lands on top of the reinforcements.

Bitters: Grif...

Caboose runs across the battlefield yelling and shooting.

Smith: Captain Caboose NOOOO! (runs after Caboose)

Jensen and the other Red Team member drive in with a Warthog.

Jensen: Don't worry, we're coming!

The warthog drives out and runs over Smith.

Jensen: Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Why are there so many pedals on this thing?!

Simmons and Grif are running around, yelling indistinctly. Suddenly an alarm buzzes and everyone stops as Kimball walks out.

Kimball: What the hell was that?!

Caboose runs up yelling behind Simmons and Grif and soon stops.

Caboose: Oh, we stopped.

Kimball: What is the point of these training excersises if you people aren't going to work together?

Simmons: But we did! We had team names and everything!

Caboose: Grif was gold!

Grif: Orange!

Kimball: You had a plan you were organized but once again you crumbled under pressure. (sighs) Lieutenants, debrief with your COs, everyone else, round up all training weapons and uniforms. That's enough capture the flag for today.

Grif: Whoa, and what the hell are we supposed to say? "Hey guys, sorry you still suck. Turns out we suck too!" At least we have something in common.

Kimball: Tell them what they need to hear. Tell them that they can do this, and that next time they will be better.

Simmons: So you want us to lie to them?

Kimball: No. I don't.

Kimabll walks off.

Jensen: You... wanted to talk to us, sirs?

Grif: (sighs) I hope Slade and Tucker have it better than this.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

Somewhere at a Federal base, Doomguy is looking through a sniper rifle with Felix, Tucker, and several green soldiers behind them.

Tucker: Hey, Slade? You think I could have a turn with that sniper rifle?

Rho appears.

Rho: What do you think the answer to that is, Aqualad?

Tucker: ...yes?

Rho: No! Now shut up before you give away our position.

Tucker sighs dejectedly.

Palomo: Uh.. sometimes I.. like to take my hands and cup them around my eyes. Like little hand binoculars.

Tucker: Shut the fuck up, Palomo.