F.I.L.S.S: (through speakers) Alarm, security breach, level Alpha. All personnel report for duty. This is not a drill.

The Reds sprint out a hallway from Tex, and Caboose is in a control room overlooking it, with South leaning against the wall.

Simmons: Run!

Grif: Oh, crap! Where is she?

Simmons: I don't wanna die!

Caboose: (frightened) Sheila, we have to help them!

F.I.L.S.S: Help who?

As Caboose and F.I.L.S.S. converse, Kan is then seen through the window, flying past as if he'd been thrown by something.

Caboose: The Reds and Slade! Tex is attacking them, we have to stop her!

F.I.L.S.S: Stop Agent Texas? Oh no, absolutely not. We should never interfere with an ongoing battlefield simulation test. Our job is to observe and document.

Caboose: (desperately) But she'll kill them!

South then sees Slade and Tex strangling each other as they fly out of the hall and crash into the storage area of the facility.

F.I.L.S.S.: (cheerfully) Oh, that would be wonderful! What a successful test!

South: F.I.L.S.S., I always knew you were useless....

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

Slade and Tex smack through several crates and immediately get back on their feet. Tex rushes at Slade and punches him in the chest put he remains unfazed and merely looks down at her. Tex looks back up surprised before Slade grabs her wrist and throws her across the deck.

Tex stands back up and grabs a crate with her insane strength and throws it at Slade, making him slide underneath and tackle her to the ground. Tex wrestles in his grip before spinning their bodies and starts throwing punches at his face and making him cross his arms to block her attacks.

Kan then jumps in and grabs Tex by the back of her helmet and throws her away from him. The Elite offers his hand to Slade and helps him up. They then look around to see Tex is gone.

Slade: Where'd she go?

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

Elsewhere, the Reds are panting and catching their breaths.

Sarge: We need to keep moving, men. Come on, double-time. Hell, I'd settle for single-time!

Simmons: (nervously) Maybe we should just fight. I'm afraid she's gonna start picking us off one by-

Suddenly Tex punches right through the wall and grabs him by his throat.

Simmons: -one!

Tex then pulls him forward, slamming his face into the wall, then steps back and kicks it away, sandwiching Simmons between the wall and a pile of crates.

Quickly, Sarge raises his shotgun and points it at Tex, but she darts forward, lifts the gun up just before he fires, then punches him in the stomach and flings him towards Grif. Sarge stumbles forward as he is thrown and his helmet rams right into Grif's crotch, causing him to scream in pain. Suddenly, Tex barrels straight into them, crashing through a crate before flinging them into a pile of barrels, sending them scattering across the floor.

Simmons emerges from the sandwich and runs for heavy armaments.

Simmons: Oh man, forget this. I need to get a bigger weapon.

Simmons runs up to the control room and sees South and Caboose.

Simmons: Caboose, South, help us!

Caboose: (angrily) How? The computer won't let me. She's mean! This place is filled with mean ladies!

Simmons: (desperately) Push some buttons, I don't know!

Caboose: (joyously) Buttons!? Oh man, I love buttons!

Theta: (appears) Caboose, I don't that's a good ide-

Caboose: (starts messing with the console) Beep bop boop boop beep bop boop boop!

A crate of rocket launchers tips over and drops them next to Simmons.

Simmons: (surprised) Wow. (picks up a launcher) That...actually worked perfectly. Thanks!

Caboose: Great! How the heck did I do that?

Tucker runs into the storage area and finds Simmons.

Tucker: Hey Simmons, what the hell is going on in there?

Simmons: You gotta help us! Do you know how to use that thing?

Tucker: My sword? Fuck yeah I know how to use it. What's to understand about swish-swish-stab? It's a fuckin' sword dude, it's not a fighter jet.

Slade and Kan then run up to them.

Slade: I'm guessing she's in there?

Simmons: No shit!

Slade: Okay, Kan, you still have your fuel-rod cannon, right?

Kan: Yes, why?

In the storeroom, as Sarge and Grif stagger to their feet, Tex kicks a barrel towards them. Grif quickly ducks down and lets the barrel hit Sarge before getting up and firing his battle rifle, but Tex rolls forward to avoid the bullets. She then grabs Grif and Sarge by their throats and smashes their heads together before knocking Sarge away with some punches and kicks.

Grif opens fire again but Tex knocks his rifle away and begins pounding on him with some powerful punches before knocking him to the floor, holding onto his right leg with one hand then raising her other in a fist.

Grif: Wait wait wait-!

Tex strikes Grif really, really hard in the groin, then kicks him across the room, right into a crate. As he struggles to get up, a teleporter falls on him and he flies out the other end just as Tex knocks Sarge aside.

Grif: O-ho o-ho...

Tucker: Hey, Sweet Cheeks!

Tex dodges a plasma grenade that zooms past her. She then sees Slade and Tucker, who pulls out their swords.

Tucker: Remember us? Step away from the idiot!

Tex slowly approaches Tucker and Slade and the three stand off. Simmons and Kan are mounting themselves atop a crate from afar.

Simmons: Oh God, please don't let her see us...

Kan: Be quiet!

A huge crate falls between Tex, Slade and Tucker.

Caboose: (cheerfully) Yes! I saved Slade and Tucker! (beat, now depressed) Oh wait... I saved Tucker...but I did save Slade!

Tucker: (angrily) Caboose, what're you doing? You're messing up our plan with Kan and Simmons! We were supposed to distract her for him!

Tex spins around and sees the Elite and Sim Trooper load their weapons.

Simmons: (panicking) YOU RATTED US OUT, YOU SONS OF A BITCHES!

Kan: SHUT UP AND FIRE!

Kan and Simmons each fire a rocket and plasma blast out, but Tex jumps aside, grabs a teleporter and flings it towards them.

Simmons: Oh shit!

Simmons fires another rocket but it simply goes through the teleporter and out the exit that is right next to the pile he and Kan are standing on.

Simmons: (slow motion) Oh shiiiiit!

Simmons and Kan are thrown into the air by the explosion, right into the flying teleporter and out of the other end – straight into Tex who grabs Simmons out of the air, flips him over her head and kicks him into Tucker, and does the same to Kan by throwing him at Slade and sending them sprawling to the ground.

Tucker: That was awesom- (gets hit by Simmons) ow!

Slade pushes Kan off him.

Slade: This is getting ridiculous.

Caboose: Um, can we use turrets on her or, some explodey fiery things?

F.I.L.S.S.: That would be outside the bounds of my standard safety protocols. I cannot do that.

Sarge, Grif, Simmons, Slade, Kan, and Tucker get back up.

Grif: What do we do, Sarge?

Sarge: (concerned) I don't know...I've never hit a girl in my life!

Simmons: (terrified) Yeah, I noticed. Try harder!

Slade: Will you arseholes get your shit together and focus?!

Grif: (grabs a cone) Hah!

Tex charges forward, snatches Sarge's shotgun out of his grip, punches Tucker aside and kicks Simmons into another teleporter. She leg-sweeps Slade and hits Kan away with Sarge's shotgun.

Simmons: WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUUU- (flies through a few teleporters) -UUUUUCK?!

As she turns towards Grif, Simmons flies out the exit from the previous teleporter and into another teleporter. He exits the teleporter and knocks right into Grif, knocking him straight into another kick in the groin. Tex slams Grif onto the floor with her foot and points the shotgun right at his head.

Grif: Ha-how!

Simmons: (terrified) Oh no, Grif!

Grif: (flinches) Yikes!

Tex tries to shoot Grif in the face with Sarge's shotgun, but it clicks, being out of ammo.

Sarge: (irritated) Private Grif, you should be ashamed of yourself. We've run out of ammo again! That's your responsibility!

Grif: (relieved) Huh. I guess this is the first time my laziness has ever saved my-

Tex steps on Grif's chest.

Grif: (high pitched) -life! Protect me, cone!

Grif holds the construction cone over his face, and Tex golf swings the shotgun into his crotch, knocking him quite a distance into Simmons.

Simmons: Watch it!

Grif: You watch it!

Sarge: You idiots! Let me show you how it's done!

Tex charges in, punches Sarge in the face and knocks him all the way to Simmons and Grif.

Grif: (sarcastically) Nice demonstration, Sarge.

Sarge: Ah, shut up.

Tex turns at the last second and avoids a swipe from Kan with his energy sword. Kan then continuously slashes at her and manages to leave scratch on her hip, making her hiss in pain. Tex then jumps over Kan and back-kicks him into one of the teleporters at the last second before she hits the ground.

Kan stumbles out of another teleported atop of several crates and the second her rolls off Tex knees him midair and sends him across the storeroom. Slade then rams Tex through several walls of crates before body slamming her to the ground and holding her over his head. Before he could do anything else Tex elbows his visor and sits upright his shoulders and using all her strength, grabs both sides of his head with her thighs and yanks him backwards, slamming him onto his stomach.

Simmons then notices something above her and Tucker.

Simmons: Hey guys, look up there.

Tucker finally gets up, and sees a giant crate looming over himself and Tex.

Tucker: Uhh, what? ...Hey Caboose! Remember when I said not to help me? Forget that! I need you to help me! Right now!

Caboose: What holds up that crate?

F.I.L.S.S.: Mechanical controls are on the left side of the console.

The crate drops and Tucker dives out of the way, Tex is seen catching the crate, with the ground visibly cracking under her feet.

Tucker: I can't believe that worked!

He looks up, and sees Tex is lifting the crate over her head.

Tucker: ...Aw fuck, that didn't work!

F.I.L.S.S.: (dismissively) I knew that would not work. Agent Tex is a bit of a badass.

Tex flings the crate at the Reds and Tucker.

Grif: We gotta get outta here!

Simmons: We'll be crushed!

Tucker: Don't worry guys, I got this. (takes out his sword and swings) SWISH!

Tucker splits the crate with his sword, and the two halves go to either side of the Reds, covering them in medpacks.

Grif: Ow! We were crushed!

Tucker: (sheepishly) Aw, fuckberries. Tex, can you- oh!

Tex walks over and kicks Tucker in the chest. She then keeps walking after the stumbling Tucker.

Tucker: (irritated) Alright, you know what, that's it! Come here!

Meanwhile, Simmons moves out of one of the giant crate halves.

Simmons: Oh thank God, thought I was a goner. Sarge, where are you?

Sarge pops up out of a pile of medpacks.

Sarge: Rrr, what happened? I feel defeated, yet inexplicably rejuvenated!

Kan comes over and grabs one.

Kan: At least these will be able to keep us going.

Tucker swings his sword out towards Tex, making swishing noises as he does but Tex dodges each swing and strikes Tucker's exposed parts. As Tucker thrusts his sword out, Tex grabs his arm, twists it behind his back, and then kicks him across the room, disarming his sword in the process.

Tucker: Swish-fuck! Swoosh-fah! Ah, stab- God dammit! Gah! Oh come on. O-aow, bullshit!

Tucker skids across the ground, hits his head on a teleporter, flips over and then tumbles straight through it.

Grif: (stunned) Whoa, did you see that?!

Simmons: (annoyed) How could I have missed that?

Tucker emerges from a teleporter into Tex's grip. Tex grabs the sword in one hand and his neck in the other, and the sword goes out, making her look at it in confusion.

Tucker: What's the matter Tex, you having trouble keeping it up? Don't worry, it happens to everybody. Well, not me, but...

Sarge: That rocket launcher's one of the older models, right?

Tucker: (being beaten up by Tex) Ow! Ow! Ahow!

Simmons: Yeah.

Sarge: That means it's got heat seeking. Now lock on and let her rip!

Simmons: Oh right, I forgot about that.

Tucker: (still being beaten) Ow, holy crap, you just don't know how to use it-

Tucker flies through a teleporter, emerging completely black again.

Tucker: -biiiiiiitch! (looks down and growls in frustration) Damn it, I hate this black stuff, what the hell is it?!

Grif: (points at Tucker) There she is!

Tucker: (looks up) Huh?

Sarge: Get her!

Simmons: Wait, guys...

Kan: I don't believe that's-

Sarge and Grif start beating up Tucker, but Grif quickly loses steam.

Tucker: (now being beaten by the Reds) Ow, come on! I'm not Tex, I'm a Blue! I'm not the one you're fighting! Leave me the fuck alone!

Grif: (tired) Kicking's hard.

Sarge gets Tucker in a headlock and punches the top of his head a bunch.

Tucker: (muffled) Why are you hitting me, I'm not Tex!

Simmons: Sarge, hold on, hold on!

Sarge: Hm?

Simmons: I think that's Tucker, not Tex.

Tucker: See I told you!

Sarge punches Tucker once more, and releases him.

Tucker: Ow, you fucker! Why'd you do that?

Sarge: Meh, force o' habit.

Tucker: Man you guys are n-ah-!

Tucker slips on a medpack and into Grif.

Grif: Hey, watch it- whoa-

Tucker: Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa-!

Grif: Don't fall in the-

They end up leaning against each other on either end of a teleporter on the ground. Tex looks at it from the adjoining teleporter.

Grif: Hold still, hold still, I can see her. She's right over there by the other-

Tex pokes her head through the teleporter and emerges beneath Tucker and Grif.

Grif: Uh oh.

Tucker: Grif, I see her.

Tex punches Grif in the crotch. Again.

Grif: (miserably) What is your problem with my balls?!

He falls into the teleporter, leaving Tucker off-balance.

Tucker: Whoa, who-whoa, hawhoa! Aw crap.

Tucker falls through the teleporter and backs into Tex, who flips him and slams him backwards into the ground, ending up on her back too. She quickly recovers, goes for the mount and starts punching him. Tucker immediately tries to block her punches by putting his arms over his face.

Tucker: O-ho, wow, right into the mount, huh? O-hoa, not even gonna buy dinner? Come on, I like your style!

Simmons tries to position himself to fire at Tex as Tucker is still being punched.

Kan: Simmons! FIRE!

Simmons: (frightened) They look the same! Which one do I shoot?!

Tucker: (from afar) Ow! Shoot the one who's winning, dumbass!

Grif: Ow!

Grif cradles his balls, staggering into the line of fire.

Simmons: Grif! Watch it!

Tex kicks Tucker forward, knocking him into Grif before grabbing his leg, pulling him back and punching him to the ground so hard that the black ash flies off his armor as he bounces back towards Sarge, Simmons, and Kan.

Sarge: Wow, she knocked the black right off ya!

Tucker: (groaning in pain and getting up) That's racist!

Sarge: You're all clear Simmons, now shoot her!

Simmons: Fire in the hole!

Simmons fires at Tex, who takes off and leaps into a teleporter, flipping out the other side and then running straight towards Tucker, Kan, and the Reds with the missile still on her tail.

Tucker: (in disbelief) Are you fucking kidding me? Run!

Tucker bumps into Sarge and Simmons. Then Tex runs up and knocks all three of them down with a single punch, jumps off Kan and rolls to the ground before sliding right under Grif's legs. Grif looks up and spots the missile moving right towards him.

Grif: Oh God, not my ba-

The missile passes through his legs.

Grif: (relieved) Oh thank God. I thought I was-

Grif turns around, just as Tex leaps into a second teleporter on the floor and the missile flies past her and towards a pile of propane tanks.

Grif: (in slow motion) FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKED!

Everyone tries to run. Grif crashes into Simmons in his haste to get away.

Simmons: (in slow motion) GRRRIIIIIIFFFFF!

As the missile hits, the tanks ignite and jet towards Kan, Tucker, and the Reds like mini-rockets. Grif is sent flying by a tank that hits him square in the groin while the others are knocked into the air by the tanks' explosions.

Meanwhile Tex rolls out the other side of the teleporter and watches as Tucker, Sarge, Simmons, and Kan come crashing down to the ground. Tex then approaches a cement barricade and carefully pushes it forward until she can't anymore. Then she takes a step forward to turn it a few more inches. She then waits as Grif finally comes crashing down on top of it... crotch-first.

Grif: Ooaaah!

Tex walks away.

Grif: (strained) Why won't you just kill me?!

As Grif slides off the barrier to the floor, Tex turns and starts towards the others...

Epsilon: Hey Tex!

A monitor bounces off the side of her head and she turns in its direction... to see a cobalt-blue soldier standing in the doorway, holding a sniper rifle in his hands standing next Slade with fists ready.

Epsilon: (smugly) How 'bout you pick on somebody your own size?

Slade let's out a yell as he and Tex charge at each with their fists reeled back.