Chairman: Dear Director, due to your busy schedule, we have begun interviewing members of your staff. I'm certain you will let us know if this bothers you. However, our debriefings keep coming back to a single subject at Outpost 17-B. Can you explain to us what this Meta is, and what your plans are to deal with it?

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Lieutenant Miller runs down a ramp to Wash, Slade, and Kan.

Miller: Oh no! Hell no! Excuse me, sir, but no goddamn way!

Wash: You must be Lieutenant Miller.

Miller: I got Reds comin' out of my ass here boss, and you wanna take away one of my men for a... what did you say this was for?

Blue: Secret mission, sir.

Miller: Aw, you gotta be-a what?!

Slade: Oi, Lieutenant. Think you've got a blood helluva lot more to worry about. I mean, why the hell are all your vehicles busted?

Slade thumbs to the burning tank and wrecked jeep.

Miller: What do you think I'm talkin' about? This is YOUR fault! You sent us the new guy; he said he was good with vehicles. All he does is talk to 'em. Talk to 'em! What the hell is that all about? And now look at the damn things!

Slade: That's fuckin' Caboose, alright. Back in Blood Gulch, Blue Team had a tank auto-learning tutorial program inside the tank. Caboose must've thought that's how the rest of your vehicles work, mate.

Wash: I don't need to discuss your problems. I have orders, and those orders say I need Private Caboose and I need him now. He has information that could be vital to this-

Miller: Wait a second, Caboose? You're taking Caboose? And I don't have to pay you or anything like that?

Wash: Is that a problem?

Miller: A problem? Hehe, hell no! It must be Christmas morning n' no one told me. You stay right there, I'll get 'im for you. Private Jo-a-nes? Jo-a-nes? Jo-a-nes, where the hell are ya'!?

Jones: (sigh) Sir, for the millionth time, my name is pronounced 'Jones'. Jones.

Blue: Shut up, Jo-a-nes!

Jones: Seriously, lots of people have the name, it's very common. How am I the first person you've met called Jones?

Miller: Jo-a-nes, I need ya to go down to the brig, untie Caboose and get him up here.

Jones: Me... alone?

Miller: Double time, Jo-a-nes.

Jones: Its pronounced... never mind, Christ.

Wash: You keep him in the brig?

Miller: We keep him tied up in the brig. I'm not taking any more chances.

Slade: While I certainly understand your methods, I think the tying up part might've been a bit much.

A gunshot rings out, and Jones cries out in pain. Caboose then runs out.

Caboose: Be careful.

Miller: (to Wash) You'll understand soon enough.

Caboose: You wanted to see me, Principal Miller?

Miller: Where's the guy I sent to get ya?

Caboose: Oh, him, yeah... um, he let me out then somehow shot himself in the back somehow. But we don't think it was anybody's fault. Everybody agrees it was an accident.

Miller: Jesus! Would someone go and check on him?

A blue runs off to check on Jones.

Miller: This here is Special Agent Washington, from Blue Command. And this is Corporal-

Caboose: SLADE!

Caboose then rushes forward and brings him into a huge bear hug. Slade just chuckles and pats his head.

Slade: Hey, Caboose. It's good to see you too, lad.

Miller: As I was saying, Agent Washington has some information from Command he needs to speak to you about.

Caboose: Command? Oh no, they never have good news. Did somebody die? Was it my mom, is she dead? Or my dad, did my dad die again? Oh no.

Wash: What is this? I don't...

Miller: Hehe, you see, he's yours now. Hehe, no take-backs.

Caboose: Is it my brother? Was my brother killed? That's it, isn't it, my brothers dead!

Wash: What... no, nothing like that.

Caboose: Oh, good, because I don't even have a brother. H-how sad would it be to not have a brother and to lose a brother all in the same day.

Wash: No one died!

A blue runs in.

Blue: Jo-a-nes is dead, sir.

Wash: Ok, no one besides him.

Caboose: Once again... nobody's fault. Pst... I think the new guy did it.

Kan: Caboose, no one from your family has passed. We are merely here to acquire you for Washington's mission.

Caboose: Kan! You-You spoke English.... did you learn from a dictionary? Cause, if you did, they don't have a lot of pictures.

Wash: Private Caboose, you were stationed at Blood Gulch, correct?

Caboose: Yeah... that was fun.

Wash: And our records indicate that you were infected by an aggressive artificial intelligence program at one point. The Omega AI, is that correct as well?

Caboose: Yeah... that wasn't as much fun.

Slade: That's why Caboose is a little... slow. If you catch my drift, mate. Omega really did a number on his mental capacity. So just, try to talk in small words if possible.

Wash: Ok, well, Caboose, I need you to come with me. Slade and I are investigating a critical issue and you seem to be the only person with the knowledge and experience necessary to help me.

Caboose just stares at Wash obliviously.

Wash: And I just realised how ridiculous that sounded once I said it out loud. Nonetheless, I need you to come with me.

Miller: Can I have a word with him first, sir?

Wash: Sure, I guess.

Miller and Caboose walk over to the barrier.

Miller: Now Caboose, I know we didn't always get along.

Caboose: I got tied up.

Miller: Right. But all these mistakes... I know it's not your fault. You seem like a good kid, you're just a little... confused.

Caboose: Yeah... he is.

Miller: But I wanna give you a piece of advice. This guy looks like a tough customer, and you're bound to get into some situations that maybe you're not prepared for.

Caboose: Right, like a rodeo.

Miller: Now if that happens, if you find yourself in danger, or if you're in a situation where you think something bad is going to happen, I want you to remember just one thing. Never, EVER come back here.

Caboose: Ok.

Miller: No, I need to know that you understand. I need to hear you say it.

Caboose: Don't ever go backwards.

Miller: (sigh) I guess that's about as close as we're gonna get. (To Wash and Slade) He's all yours!

Wash: Great, let's get going.

Caboose: Okay.

Caboose walks off with the human and Elite trio.

Caboose: Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?!

Slade: Caboose, let's play the quiet game.

Caboose: I am awesome at the quiet game. Wait, I just lost. I lost again.... and again.

Miller: Boys, this is a great day. Things are finally changing for us, I can feel it.

Blue: Should we bury Jo-a-nes now, sir?

Miller: Fellas, let's just enjoy this moment a little longer, hehe. He's not going anywhere.

Wash, Slade, Kan, and Caboose walk off in the distance, watched by a blue figure.

Caboose: (In distance) I'm hungry. I'm thirsty. I need to go to the bathroom again...

The blue figure changes color to white, then turns and walks towards the Blue Base.