I leaned back, slung my arm over the back of the couch. With my other hand, I brought the glass of wine to my lips, took a sip. I unbuttoned another button of my grey shirt, showing off a silver chain. I sighed, let the alcohol stream through my blood to my brain.

Please... Please don't use me.

His face when he said that made my heart shatter. He had looked so worried, begging me to be gentle. It was as if I were the starving lion and he was the zebra, and we were trapped together in the same cage. But I had feelings for said zebra, and had to choose whether to eat him or to love him. The zebra, in turn, could only pray I did the choice that spared him.

Having that kind of power over someone usually aroused me, but not now. Not like this. Now, I felt only tenderness. Only a desire to protect. I wished he was with me, at this party, in this luxurious hotel so I could hug him, squeeze him to death.

"Hi."

I jerked back to reality. A girl had sat down next to me on the side where I had my arm on the back of the couch, making it look like I had my arm around her.

I removed said arm.

She looked very displeased.

I knew I looked like I didn't care, which I didn't.

I recognised her; I'd filmed with her once.

"Can I buy you a drink?" she asked.

I admired her boldness.

I stood up and left.

I texted my manager Roland and asked him to cancel tomorrow's party.

He texted me and asked me if I was okay.

We weren't in a hotel room this time, but in the apartment of a friend of Will's.

It was a loft, open and airy and clearly expensive, but some of the sterile feeling of a luxury hotel room was gone. Add the dusk, and it became incredibly cosy, the tilted roof windows letting in the dark purple sky with the corals of a setting sun.

I was late, on purpose, wanting to assert some kind of dominance over Izuna, which I knew was ridiculous because Izuna was a kind of man who would feel dominated if he felt like it, and if he didn't, he would just move on with his day. Even so, I was happy to find him already there, getting his hair curled.

He had turned his head as soon as the door opened, way more confident than me in himself as he didn't need to pretend he didn't see me at first like I would have done. For a bottom, he was certainly enormously cocky. 

His face changed when he saw me. Luckily I had my glasses on so I could see how it went from softness to pure bliss. It was like cracking an egg open and revealing a summer sun inside. I walked over to him until I was far into his personal space, looked down on him, grabbed his chin. I didn't know what he thought about it, but I found the different dynamics we seemed to have depending on the situation fascinating; the way we behaved privately versus the way we behaved on set. The electricity sparking between us now compared to the softness laying down like a soft blanket over us when we met at the library, and afterwards when I kissed him for real for the first time.

I was playing with my tongue piercing like there was no tomorrow. 

"You look fantastic in that eyeshadow", I purred.

He looked down, smiled a little.

"Shut up", he whispered.

And that electricity was gone then, and instead came that soft blanket, wrapping both of us up in a cocoon of safety.

I adapted.

I took one final step to him, put my arms around him and pulled him to me, his head on the same level as my abdomen as he was sitting down. He wrapped his arms around me as well.

"You smell nice", he said, breathing me in.

I kissed the top of his head.

"You smell familiar", I said. "Like I've known you in a life before this."

I had never said anything so romantic in my life, and was rewarded by the little man's arms tightening around me.

"Listen." It was Will, taking a chair next to a desk that was clearly home-painted in a shiny white paint, turned it and sat down with his front to its back. "We're doing something different today."

I felt Izuna's little hand sneak into mine. I braided our fingers. For just the fraction of a second, I saw Will's eyes dart to our hands, and I could swear I saw his eyebrow lift, only a little. I swallowed. I knew what me and Izuna did wasn't ideal.

"What's that?" I asked, because Will was one of those tiring people who wanted you to ask "What's that?" in the appropriate places, and I found I wasted much less time on him if I just went with it.

"Candle wax."

I felt Izuna stiffen next to me. I felt myself stiffen. Izuna's hand clenched mine. I felt something in the pit of my stomach; anger.

"I like your outfit", Will said, looking at me. "I think you should keep it." I was wearing a crisp, white shirt with black trousers and my glasses and looked, I knew, incredibly nerdy. "We can go with your geekiness to add an element of surprise. Just regular making out for the first twenty. Then ask Izuna for consent. Or pretend to." Wow... "I think that would go well with the style we're after rather than you forcing him. Then play with the wax. We will have lit candles next to the bed you can use."

Will was talking as if he was describing the weather. He seemed completely unbothered, completely unknowing of Izuna's trembling little figure right next to him. 

"Are you..." I began. "Out of your Goddamn mind?!" 

Will jerked, looking surprised.

"Excuse me?"

"Are you fucking nuts?! I don't know if you actually have any experience of it, but candle wax is fucking painful! It will leave permanent scars!"

"It's part of your job now", Will said, crossing his arms, and I immediately felt my liking of this man turn to something else.

"I will not leave permanent scars on Izuna's body! It's not like you're the last director who will want him! How about others who will reject him if he has scars? You're fucking with his money! And also, have you lost your wits? It will burn him!" 

"If you don't want to do it, I'll find someone else to do it to him."

I jerked. My blood froze to ice as I realised exactly what he was doing. Will was manipulating me into hurting Izuna as he had noticed I liked him and that I wouldn't want anyone else to do it.

"You Goddamn scum", I whispered. "You cheap, money-hungry whore. You-"

"Tobirama." I turned; Izuna. In my anger I had, weirdly enough, forgotten he was even part of this. It made me feel terribly ashamed. "Tobirama, I want to do it." I frowned. Izuna was looking away, blushing. Then, he took a deep breath and looked straight at me, ignoring Will. "And I want to do it with you."

I looked at him.

I looked at him for a long time, his set face, his lower lip white as he bit it, his upper lip glistening.

I took a deep breath.

"Remember..."

I murmured in a way so that nobody would be able to distinguish my words except for Izuna.

He leaned his head back, sighed at the sensation of my voice in his ear. I put my fingers in his hair, combed it through; it slid like his wet dick in my hands.

"Remember our code word." I kept my voice low, not wanting anyone to hear. I felt a sense of urge; I wanted to finish our conversation before the cameras started rolling. "I know it was for decoration before. But not now." He looked at me. "It's for real, Izuna. Give me the code word and I'll stop." I kissed him on the lips. It felt like when we walked after we met in the library; open, soft. Both his lips and the atmosphere between us. We weren't in it for the film.

To my surprise, he grabbed my hair, switched so he had his lips to my ear instead.

"And you remember", he whispered. I shivered. "I want this. I want your name scarred on my body."

"Izuna..." I murmured. "Izuna, Izuna, Izuna..."

That part was audible, and it was a perfect time to start kissing. The cameras were on now, we knew, but that didn't cause our hunger to drop. On the contrary; the excitement of it, of the fact that we were, in fact, fucking for each other and not the cameras, our little secret, made it that much more exciting.

"Mmm..." he moaned, opening his mouth for me.

We kissed hungrily. For an eternity, we just kissed. I don't want to hurt you, I thought. I want to destroy you, another part of me countered. We were, at this point, not fucking but rather stuck in a deadly dance where we both tried to help the other survive, but also tried to kill the other, the push-and-pull effect between us capturing the strings in our hearts, pulling them together to tie knots, creating bond after bond between us. I kissed him all over his body, apologising for what I was about to do, what I didn't want to do, what I wanted to do with all my heart. Izuna, sometimes with his eyes closed, sometimes with his eyes on me, was wincing with every touch of my lips with his body, with every combing of my fingers through his hair, his body preparing for what was to come just like my soul was, my soul that I had learned was so much more fragile than I ever knew. 

When I finally grabbed one of the candles next to us, it was like the air around us slowed down, like we had been in a hurricane and were suddenly in the eye of it. In slow-motion, I saw him close his eyes, I saw his fingers grab my arms, I heard him sigh. Even the taste of him was slower than usual. I asked him for consent the way the manuscript said. The candle wax moved like glue in its container, and I winced as I saw a droplet of it at the edge of the glass, on its way to burn my lover.

And slowly, very slowly, that drop of red fell through the air, and landed on the skin of Izuna Uchiha.

Everything sped up.

He screamed, arched his back. His skin fizzed and crackled, and his hand started trembling, as did his lips as he tried to endure the pain. It was awful. 

"God, I'm so sorry, I will stop, I didn't want to-"

Suddenly, I felt two hands harshly grabbing my face.

Time slowed down again, and I found myself nose-to-nose with him.

"Again", he whispered. 

I looked at him

"No", I said firmly.

He grabbed my hand, still holding the glass, guided it so the melted wax was at the edge of the glass again.

"Yes", he said.

My hand was trembling as well now, yet I gave him what he wanted, not because I felt like I should for the film but because I believed Izuna genuinely wanted it. I poured, Izuna screamed, and as the wax cooled, I gently broke it off and kissed the area. I left scar after scar in as discrete places as I could like his hip and behind his ear, but also on more visible places such as his small bicep. 

And we were lost in a world of contrast, of ups and downs, representing life but much faster even if the time had slowed around us. I found myself on my knees behind him, not grabbing any part of him forcefully as I didn't want to inflict him any more pain but just being inside of him softly, thrusting lovingly while using the candle wax on his back. He screamed, half in pain from the hot liquid on his surface, half in pleasure of me inside of him. And when I couldn't stand him being in pain alone, so I poured the wax over my hand, let it run down it onto his back, my skin cooling it down before it touched the back of my beautiful lover.

The pain was so unbearable, I wondered why he hadn't died in pain.

I screamed straight out.

Izuna turned.

"Tobirama, no", he said weakly.

But I poured again.

And again.

And again.

Izuna tried to get free, making me stop but I held him in place, fucking him. 

"That's enough", Will said firmly. 

I kept pouring.

I couldn't stop. 

Tears were streaming down Izuna's face trying to get free.

"Red light", Izuna said. "Tobirama, red light!!" 

I was sitting on a chair, leaning forwards, arms resting on my thighs. I sighed, pulled my fingers through my hair, closed my eyes. 

Izuna was in the shower and I needed to recover. 

"Tobirama, a word."

I looked over my shoulder, annoyed someone had bothered me when I needed time alone. If it hadn't been Izuna, of course; he could never bother me. But it wasn't.

 It was Will.

"Tobirama..." Will crossed his arms, and I realised he wanted to say something serious. "I know you're a professional. I also know you have the tendency to toy with your co-stars." His eyes tried to burn me then, but to no avail; I was too strong. "But maybe, don't get into relationships with them. It's getting obvious on camera and we don't want true affection."

Izuna came out of the shower then, a towel around him, his hair wet. He didn't look at me, shy. Affection was poured onto my skin like candle wax. 

I turned to Will. 

"Don't worry", I said. Also, you can go fuck yourself.

But was that true? Was it true that Will didn't have to worry? I looked back at Izuna, and my heart melted when I saw he was putting my crisp, white shirt on, that became oversize on him. God, I wanted to hold him forever just to ensure nothing bad ever happened to him. Including myself.

I saw him struggle with his balance trying to put his sock on. And when I saw that adorable moment in combination with a candle wax scar on his torso, I realised it didn't matter. It didn't matter at all whether Will had to worry or not.

Because the truth was, that wouldn't change anything.

I was irreversibly in love with Izuna.