Boring same day, every day repeats
Adults and parents tell us the same dream
Future job number one, public officials?
It's not a forced dream, a relief pitcher  

- No More Dreams

Jimin's POV~

2 years ago

Think of the place in your mind that stores your worries as like a coffee cup. Everything that makes you anxious is more coffee in that cup. Should it get too full, then any bump is enough to make it overflow. It's scary, right? I always felt this fear in my heart, my brain kept asking me what if I break down? What if I couldn't take any more? Since childhood, I had just one dream. To dance, dancing was the most beautiful feeling I could ever feel. It was freedom, to dance was to become an opening flower or a bird aloft. To feel the movement was a new breath for my body and nourishment for a soul so tired. When I swing my hands in the air all my worries vanished into the thin air. I could dance until my heart stops beating.

I just had this small dream but my father never supported me with it. He just used to see me with disgust when I told him that I want to pursue dancing as my career. He said that it won't take me anywhere, it won't give me food to survive and he doesn't want to be called as a father of a pathetic dancer. No one supported me except my mom. When I told people I was a dancer they would always react in one of two ways, either they'd wrinkle their nose and ruffle their eyebrows in disgust thinking that I really meant some type of stripper. I knew that's all they ever saw. They couldn't see what dancing meant to me. They couldn't see my heart wrenching everytime my father ignored me in wide light. They couldn't feel how I felt like in paradise when my foots matched with the music without any efforts. They couldn't.

"You don't understand how I feel about dancing. It's my life dad," tears filled my eyes as the last sentence came out of my mouth as my father broke into my dancing classes. My father had no idea that I was attending dancing classes all along behind his back. I never told him, mom told me not to. She knew he would never let me do it. My mom didn't know the 'D' of dancing but she never stopped me to do it. She didn't like paying my dancing fees and lying to my father that she used the money on her own self. She never wanted to betray my father behind his back but she did just for my happiness. Every time I heard her lying to my father my heart suppressed with more guilt.

"How dare you coming here behind my back!" father spat on my face as all of my fellow students saw me with pity and denial in their eyes.

"Please dad, everyone is watching," I tried to calm down my father as I felt embarrassed getting humiliated in front of everyone. I felt worse because I didn't want anyone to see my father like this. I didn't want anyone to talk shit about my father behind my back. My dad is a sweet person and now he was just disappointed in me. But the people won't understand that they don't want to either.

"Let them watch. Let them see what kind of son I have raised! A disrespectful son who go against my wishes behind my back."

"It isn't like this dad! Please understand me." I pleaded.

"Enough, let's go from here," my father grabbed my hand tightly and started to pull me towards the exit without any mercy. He was angry, very.

"Dad no, please. It's hurting." I cried as I held my body on the floor, refusing to leave.

"Are you coming or," he pulled me with more force. My foot was sliding on the floor as I cried to let me live my dream. But he didn't listen, he pulled me out and threw me inside the back seat of the car and started driving me to home. My eyes burst out of tear when he took a turn and I saw the last view of my dance classes.

"Please dad, don't do this," I spoke between my sobs.

"Please," I said with a loud voice this time. It wasn't a soft plead but now it had all of my frustration and anger.

We reached home after ten minutes drive and my tears were still continuously falling down my eyes. My dad opened the car window with a quick force and grabbed my hand to pull me out. I reluctantly came out of the car and then flinched my hand and pushed him behind in anger. I never acted this way before but then I never felt such pain and anger either. I always had this hope that it all will work out but today that hope was trembling. I knew my father won't let me out of the house after all this. My dad stumbled back as I quickly ran towards the driving seat and closed the door.

It didn't take much time for my father to balance his feet and then he ran towards me. He banged the car window and screamed to open it but I ignored him this time. I twisted the key inside the ignition, pulled the clutch and the car blew a thick black smoke behind as I started it with full speed. I drove as the speed needle continued to move right, the car was on its full speed and in few minutes it hit the edge of a big moving truck and flipped up in the air. It had flipped so many times that I was disorientated before I even sustained the concussion that had me drifting in and out of consciousness. In that time I just closed my eyes as tears fall down the edge of my eyes thinking maybe I was not meant to live my dream in this life.

I was still, not even trying to move my body. A sudden pang of pain ran through my body and I realized I was still alive, taking soft breaths. My eyes were still closed, I was fleetingly aware of the bloody taste in my mouth and buzzing noise, filling my ears. I felt like I was there lying inside the wrecked car, fading and waking and fading and waking. My agony was the only thing keeping me alive. The pain that ran through my heart and body was the only thing I could feel anymore and then I went numb.

_____

I hoisted my plaster cast onto a footstool, clicking the remote control to scan through the channels. Every muscle felt tight, sprung for action and I was dying to get back on my feet again. My body screamed to dance as music filled into my ears. It has been three months since my accident. My wounds were all healed but my leg was still lying still. I tried to die when I heard that I broke my leg, but I was lucky to hear that I could walk again. Not now, not in four months but one day I would walk again. I felt sadness and despair around me but I had that hope which kept me going. My father didn't speak to me much, he just kept checking on me now then and I didn't have any courage to speak to him either.

My mom never left my side. She stayed awake just to make sure that I slept well. I made my parents go through an extremely difficult time and that shattered my heart. I never wanted this, one wrong move now kept me from even moving. There were times when I screamed in agony and anger for doing this all. I sobbed in the middle of the nights and I always found my mom beside me, helping me to calm down.

When I felt angry she always used to hug me tightly and say this, "Count from one to ten," at first I felt it was useless but then I tried. I took a long breath and counted one then another long breath and counted two and till counting ten my anger used to vanish into thin air. It all converted into tears and I just used to cry and end up sleeping in my mom's lap.

_____

It has been five months and it was finally the day when I will be free from the plaster bounding my leg. I went to the hospital with my mom and my dad was again not with me. If someone asked me for the definition of happiness I would have told them 'getting your plasters off.' I felt happy from bottom of my heart, even the smallest thing made me smile. I jumped on my mom as I hugged her with happiness and she hugged me back even tighter.

I decided to walk home as I didn't want to rest my legs again. It was like I got the world. I was jumping and twirling in my whole way back to home and my mom just chuckled admiring my happiness. The smile left my face when I reached home and saw my father standing in the middle of the hall with a straight face. I was scared if he will lock me in a room as I could walk again now. I stood quietly with my head down and eyes watching the floor.

"So you got your plasters off!" father said as he studied my legs.

"Yes, dad," I said softly, still looking down.

"Hmm, so I think it's the right time now."

"Please don't ground me, dad," a soft plead came out of my mouth as the fear started to surround my body. Suddenly a tear fell down on the floor as I didn't get a reply from him. After a few seconds, he showed me some papers and I blinked thrice to see through my blurry eyes to make out what it was. A sudden rush of anxiousness ran inside my body as my brain understood what it was but my heart was denying to accept it. It couldn't be.

"Dad," I gasped as I looked at my father's face in surprise.

"Your academy joining letter and a ticket to Seoul," he said while looking up in the air. He never knew how to express his feelings.

"What?" this was the only word which came out of my mouth in a loud gasp. I looked at my mom as she gave me a huge smile and then I just looked at my dad.

"You are so bad," I said in a husky voice and started crying. I tried hard not to but I cried like a baby hugging my father. He was planning this all along with my mom. She sent my dance videos and filled the application for Shine High and my dad arranged all the money. He agreed to give me a chance, a chance to prove myself to him and after all the pain now was the time to chase my dreams. To live my dreams.

***

A/N: Hi guys, today I just wanted to tell about Jimin's past to build his character in the story. He has an important part in it so it's necessary you feel more connected to him. Please, give your all love to Chimchim.